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Here's a question for all you moms - not baseball related EXACTLY, but these are baseball friends, so it's all good!

Anyway, my son has several friends who have become heavily involved in poker playing. When it first started several years ago, my son played once in a while - for those who know poker, they played tournament style, with one buy in. In other words, you paid $5 or $10 to get in the tournament, and when you were out you were finished for the night. So for an evening of fun you may be out a few bucks - and spend time laughing, snacking and hanging out with good buddies.

Now, however, the situation has gotten somewhat out of hand. I noticed over the summer that son was no longer interested in playing cards with the group, but figured he was just tired of losing money... which isn't a bad thing. However, he was home this weekend from school and mentioned that he's concerned about some of his friends - that the friendly $5 games are suddenly $50 games with unlimited buy ins... if you lose you can pay another $50 and play again. Kids are winning - and losing - big money. The game rotates from house to house and he doesn't think most of the parents are aware that the game has changed. There are also side bets going on over all kinds of things, from who will be out of the tournament first to who will beat who at ping pong once they're out of the tournament. Suddenly it's all about money - kids won't even give each other rides home without being paid! And the amount of money involved has led to cheating and borrowing and all the other activities that go along with gambling. My son also mentioned that several of the boys have started playing poker online, which can get very bad, very fast.

So my question for all you moms is this - as I mentioned, we are friends with the parents of several of these kids. Not best friends, but close enough that we've gone out to dinner together, invite each other to parties, etc. Would you say something to the parents, and if so, how would you broach the subject?

I'll get it out of the way and I'll say up front that I definitely know this constitutes illegal activity on the part of the kids, and maybe even the parents for hosting the party. That, however, doesn't make it any easier to talk about, especially since I suspect the reaction won't be a grateful one... no one wants to hear that their child may be engaging in less than desireable behavior. However, I've always said I'm going to find out sooner or later, and in most cases sooner is better than later!

I'm curious to hear what you all think - and is this poker phenomenon occurring where you live?
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my3sons - I think only you can gage these folks and how you think they will react to this info. Are you sure they're not aware already? I mean, where are these kids getting all this money?

I do know poker is a big thing some of the kids do in my area, but it has been for several years. My son never participated a great deal because 1) he's not a very good poker player and 2) he never had a lot of money to gamble with and didn't want to loose what he did have.

I've always said that if my kids are doing something that friends of mine know I wouldn't want them doing, that I hoped my friends would tell me. I say that though, and I know many times I've kept silent on certain behaviors I was aware of. It's a difficult call.
I've noticed that there hasn't been alot of responses to this, and I didnt want to keep Mythreesons hangin' out there on a limb,..so decided to throw my two cents in, for what it's worth.

I live across the river from some very successful casinos. The other part of this story is that I am in banking. So ya put those two scenarios together and whatta ya got?
Unfortunately, you get the opportunity to see many ( too many IMO ) full grown adults, and even some public pillars of the community, who have gotten waaaay in over their heads financially with this poker and gambling thing.
Too many desperate people needing to take out loans to cover these debts,... I've seen too many people drown.

The intriguing lure of getting that one big WIN becomes intoxicating and strangles any instinctual common sense to stop, for some people.
Quick fix + easy money = momentary addictive high. NOT always a gooooooooooood thing!

I have to admit,..when some of my customers come in bouncing and giddy and hand over their $8,000 dollar multi-confetti-colored-speckeled WIN check for deposite,...its makes ya think,
" Wow!! Thats pretty easy $ ".
Hmmm,..how many hours do I stand on my feet in this office to make that?
( my brain starts calculating and crunching the numbers,..ouch!)

But if you cant keep it under control,...the tide can become vicious & gobble you up quite quickly!

I'd be worried about the youth engaging in such activities, especially if they are betting on more than popcorn or chore duties. It can so easily get out of control, especially when some might not yet have the true mature perspective on the value of a buck. Easy come, easy go when you're in the heat of the moment!

quote:
Would you say something to the parents, and if so, how would you broach the subject?


Yes,..if I had first hand knowledge of the activity happening,..I'd say something.
Their reaction may not be greatful up front,..upfront they may be embarrased and seem indignified,..but when they are headed back home in their car from the evening, I bet the topic comes up and they start discussing it. If not,...if they truely dont seem to care,..then you certainly cant make them care, but you have said your peace.
I for one, would rather have friends who I can trust, then friends who are afraid of being honest with me.
What's good for the goose, is good for the gander. I would hope they would treat me and my family the same way,...even if it isn't always pleasant to hear just exactly what my sons have been up to on a Saturday night,..ha! ( whatta ya mean they toilet papered the highschool and the Principals new Volvo???????)
Not sure I always want to know these things,..but I need to know.

If you help one kid by speaking up,..and no one else pays attention,..then I'd say at least you have done your job and no one can dock you for not trying.

Cautions and warning aren't bad things in my book. Thats why we have yellow traffic lights!! Sometimes they are annoying and we have to
gun-it to get through the intersection,..other times we slow down and come to a complete stop. Either way, its there to keep us from having a serious accident.

I wish you success and relief from this delima!!
Remember, real friends don't let friends drive drunk.
I say, if you can avoid a disaster, do what ya gotta do!

Let us know how things went!

quote:
it's all good!

Ditto! Wink
Last edited by shortstopmom
You should be concerned with what your son is doing. I understand that you feel the need to say something, but then this will jeopardize his friendship with them. Discuss it with your son first.

Is this HS or college? If college, and on scholarships, they seriously could jeopardize losing everything if they play sports.

Parents are so quick to hand out the $$$ without asking where it is going, if it were mine, then I would cut off the ATM faster than you could bat your eye!
Last edited by TPM
Thanks to all who replied... I'm happy to see that no one said "well, that's an EASY one!" It seems like many of us share the same feeling about when it's time to cross that invisible line with our fellow parents and talk about the hard stuff.

I really don't know what I'll do - I've thought about talking to a few of the moms about it, as if I'm not aware that their sons are participating... kind of like "gosh, I've heard some of the boys are playing some pretty high stakes poker. What do you think about that?"

Son is perfectly OK with me broaching the subject. He's known me long enough to know that I'm going to try to do something if I think someone might be on the verge of trouble. He said "Mom, why do you think I told you?" He's really worried about a couple of the boys that he's good friends with. Son, by the way, is a college freshmen, the other boys are high school seniors. He says poker is not so much of a thing on his collge campus... nobody has any money!

I'll let you know what happens and if I still have any friends left afterwards!

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