Parental Involvement

As I have posted before:

I used to have to drag my kid to the baseball field to attend practice. Then, it never failed, I had to drag him off to go home.

Another great post from "Da Man".
Fungo,
I know what you mean.
You Can't take credit, Even though you are So involved??
It's still there journey.
EH

quote:

The painting you found for a steal at a garage sale for $50.00 is taken down and replaced with a framed baseball jersey that was a better deal --- yet the actual cost of that $40.00 jersey exceeds $1,000.00.

Just like the commercial says, "priceless" Even if you take the money out of the equation the real gift you provide your kids by supporting their sporting endeavors is time.

Wonderful post Fungo! Baseball has certainly become "life" to us over the years. About the only things we haven't done directly related to baseball was my daughter's other activities. Fortunately, she was always a supportive younger sister to my son as well and loves the game of baseball. I have absolutely no regrets or guilt over the amount of time, money, or efforts we spent with baseball. It brought far more to all of our lives than it cost in any way. I'm sure without your support, your son wouldn't have achieved all that he has and neither would have most of our young men. Parental support and love is needed for them to succeed on many levels IMO.

quote:

.... I know it does take parental support (and some prodding) to provide the opportunity for the young player to develop and grow.

Good points Fungo. I often wonder about this exact same thing. On the one hand I feel a kid should be motivated enough to do the things needed to succeed without being constantly pushed. On the other hand kids sometimes loose sight of what's required to achieve their goals.

In my case I get so frustrated with my 13 year old because it seems like he believes he can go to college on a video game scholarship. Lately I've had talks with him to give him the option of not playing ball if he doesn't want to (and I stress that I'll expect him to commit to doing hitting, throwing, and catching work at home in addition to practices). Given that he has the option of not playing if he doesn't want to, and he understands up front what will be expected, I don't hesitate to drag him outside on a regular basis to long-toss etc. (I'd just as soon save the $$$ rather than push a kid into playing if he doesn't want to.)

Pushing and prodding? Those are tough words I think. Involvement - I like that word much better and think it is important. I like the word facillitate which means to help or aid and I think that is what is meant here.

In my son's case, baseball has always been his favorite thing to do so I was a facillitator in that pursuit. He prodded me to support him and it was not the other way around. It sure helped the old man happened to love sports as well.

I think there are lines with all activities. The extreme cases come to mind like Todd Marinovich in football and possibly the Williams sisters in tennis. How about the Jackson Five? Was Joe Jackson merely prodding his kids onto stardom. How about Judy Garland? What about the parent that produces a prodigy on the piano by making them practice for hours a day for years and years while other kids are out doing other things? I think if there is a passion for something, a loving parent will help further that passion. Substituting baseball for video games seems like a good thing to me. Pushing, prodding, or driving kids to live up to a parent's vision or dream for that kid I am not sure of.

quote:

In my case I get so frustrated with my 13 year old

This is the age were it has to start to come from the player.
The commitment?
Now it may take a couple of year's to get to that point.
But it your player's choice??
Just keep playing.
EH

TR

Your post is right on the mark. You don't have to take credit because all baseball people give it to you. We Know. I smiled at the fishing remark because when my boys were younger, one of them made the comment about playiing baseball for me.

I told them that the batting cage could be taken down, the travel ball could stop, no more top of the line bats, gloves, shoes, underarmour etc. They could play in the local city leagues only like the rest of their friends that were riding motorcyles and snowboarding all the time.

I was going to buy me a Ranger Bass boat and go fishing every weekend. As a matter of fact, we could move back to WV cause they didn't need to be in So CA if they didn't want to play all this baseball.

That was the last time I heard that comment. Both of our sons have thanked my wife and I for all the things you mentioned. That's the best credit you can get.

I think part of what made/makes baseball so very special for us is that it is what my son has chosen to do.... it's what he loves to do. I would have never forced or pushed him to do it. I would have forced him to do SOMETHING instead of sitting on the couch playing videos if it ever came to that, but it didn't. If he had a passion for tennis, swimming or any other sport, I would have fully supported him... may not have enjoyed it as much myself, but I would have been there in every way.

I think for our kids, our involvement was necessary to help them reach goals, but their passion was much more necessary. Their passion is what brings them personal fulfillment and enjoyment in their endeavors and achievements.... that is priceless in my mind.

Yes...
..I have been criticized at times for being too involved. However...
..has ANYONE every been criticized for being too involved or pushing a child at SCHOOL (in their academic pursuits)?? Those who criticze just need to BUTT OUT of our business. I think the parents that foster a lack of competetiveness in their children do them a great disservice in preparting their children for the real world. My son takes his competetive zeal from the ballfield into the classroom, and has helped him succeed and push himself to get good grades.

Sometimes you have to nudge them a little to keep them going. Things are not alway smooth and easy. If it is really their passion, they will stick with it.

The people who asked me if it was right to place so much emphasis on school and baseball 5 years ago are wondering what their kids are going to do now that they are graduating(ed)

9 times out of 10 the criticism is merely good old fashioned player hating. Duck off a waters back.

Our sons were talking about this very topic over Christmas and both expressed thanks to their Dad for NEVER pushing them into any extra curricular activity...especially baseball. They talked at length about teammates who were under tons of parental pressure to perform on the the field and both declared they would never do that to their kids. It was interesting to hear their perspective.

There's a definate line between expecting responsible behavior, strong work ethic, committment, etc. and pushing your kids towards a goal. IMHO the whole idea of extra curricular activities is to allow kids to discover their passions, gifts, and interests. If a parent is the driving force behind the participation, the child really isn't free to discover.

quote:

Pushing, prodding, or driving kids to live up to a parent's vision or dream for that kid I am not sure of.

I took the video game console and sold it along with all the games on Ebay.

I do believe you can, and whether you should is a personal choice, push your son/daughter for more reasons that just a parents vision or dream.

I believe that it is far too easy to be distracted from the goals a child sets for himself, not the one the parents set, and therefore pushing and prodding towards said child's stated goals can be beneficial.

When my son's stated goal was to play college baseball and hopefully pro baseball, I told him that if that's what he really wanted to do, I was going to make him accountable. There were a great many days when we went to lift weights or run or forced him to call a friend to play long toss, that were the culmination of a not so nice conversation about the guys that were going to get scholarships weren't watching MTV and playing XBOX. If at any time he would have thrown his mitt down and said baseball sucks, I would have ended it there, but he never did.

At 17 years old, the summer between junior and senior year, a Pirates scout told me my son had a lot of ability, enough to get drafted, but in watching him around the ballfield, felt that he wasn't mentally mature enough to handle the rigors of professional baseball. When I shared this converstation with my son, he picked up the gauntlet on his own made the statement that he was going to be in the best possible shape he could be in come next season. For the most part, he is very good about working daily. Once in awhile though, I have to push or prod, and at times, not any to subtly, and make him accountable to his own goals.

It's not about the glory or being a braggard dad, it's about teaching the young person accountability and how to stay the path towards self proclaimed goals. It wouldn't matter if it was baseball, or band, or debate. The net result is not going to be whether he becomes a #1 at a big time college program or makes it to pro baseball. The net result is that from this endeavor, he will learn the benefits of hard work, goal setting, and the self satisfaction from truly trying his best that I don't believe most of todays world ever experiences in any endeavor.

If you're not outworking your neighbor, you're probably falling behind. That's why I push. JMHO

I don’t see anything wrong with supporting children at whatever they take an interest in. Provided it’s legal and can have a positive effect on them. If a young boy or girl shows some talent and interest at something, why not help them!

That said, I can honestly say I not once ever pushed my kids into anything. It was hard for them to ignore baseball because it was such a big part of our life. They simply gravitated towards baseball completely on their own. That made it much easier for me to do some “pushing” (helping) along the way. I would have been happy if they were interested in being musicians or anything else, but I wouldn’t have been much help at other things. Support … Yes… Push… No!

A story from the past, maybe others can relate to this…

I was at the Ball Park one day about 27 years ago and was told I had an important phone call. It was our babysitter crying on the phone telling me that our 3 year old son Ben was missing. Then I panicked and asked have you called the police… she did! I drove home as fast as I could worried to death. When I arrived home, there was a police car parked at our house. I ran inside and there was Ben with a couple smiling police officers. They told me that they found him crossing a busy intersection and when they asked him what he was doing, he told them he was going to the Ball Park to play ball with his dad! The Ball Park was 12 miles from our house and he was at least headed in the right direction.

I never once had to push him towards Base Ball! In fact, I had to slow him down at times.

TXmom

I don't think any of us are the "driving force" behind our kids. It's their dream. Sometimes you have to remind them of what it takes to live their dream. A lot of kids that really love baseball (and other sports) fall by the wayside from the lack of a coach or parent to help them along the way.

I think the word "push" has turned into a 4 letter word and taken out of context

Our son lives and breathes baseball. But even he can be complacent at times. If it's hunting season, he's chomping at the bit to go get that buck and long toss or BP can get pushed to the side. That's where parental involvement has proved to be very helpful. A gentle reminder from Dad and an offer to take him and work out ofentimes are just what is needed to get him back on track.

A couple of years ago, my husband and I wondered if son truly had the fire in his belly that would get him to the college level. My husband is a former athlete who made the Olympic Trials in his chosen sport and he remembers the fierce drive and dedication it took to get to that point. But we've found that part of the problem with our son was that he was simply immature and short-sighted. As he's grown, his drive, self-discipline, and long-term vision have developed significantly. That said, little nudges along the way from Mom and Dad have helped in that regard.

There are many interesting perspectives here and I have enjoyed reading them.

The thing I guess I take from this is that there is probably no "right" way or answer to this...every kid is a little different.

I have two boys. My older boy has thick skin and can handle adversity fairly well. I have been blunt with him regarding work ethic and what it takes to be successful because I know he will let it roll off. I prod and challenge him to work harder and do more than anyone else because he will get his back up and make himself better. He loves the game today at 16 as much as ever.

My younger boy would not respond well to the prodding because of his personality. He would get frustrated and quit baseball eveentually if I push him too hard. So instead, I invite his friends to go with us to the batting cages ot I offer other enticements to get him on the ballfield. He seems more responsive to those approaches, although he may not develop as quickly as my older boy did. At least he will remain playing the game, I hope.

Ultimately, most kids will give subtle hints when you are pushing the wrong buttons and you just need to listen and respond appropriately.

I never had to push my son in anything he did. I never asked if his homework was done. I used not letting him go to a game as punishment but never actually carried it out.
I tried to get him to play tennis and hockey but he had no interest. I only did that to give him the opportunity. He just wanted to play BB ,basketball and for a while volley ball. I actually encouraged him to play video games as I saw a great benefit in the motor skills and mental concentration. He loves video games and even takes a portable on the road.
My view was to support him in what ever he did rather than force him to do what I wanted. My love for BB grew through watching him and his teammates. I was more of a FB guy growing up.