Parents of Pitchers, Redux

Where is Swampboy's wisdom?

ADDED SWAMPBOY'S COMMENTS

This is priceless.

This is why parents of pitchers become good friends. Basically they get to be miserable together as well as euphoric together.

smoke,

Enjoy all of the moments. All of them.

Both of my kids have chosen to be pitchers (or pitching found them), instead of being position players. Half the time I wish they were off the mound so my heart rate could be closer to normal, and the other half of the time I relish getting to watch them do their thing and sit amazed at their mental toughness, surely a skill I did not possess at their age and maybe still don’t.

I am so disappointed in the coaches this year. I totally get the seniors playing so much since they missed last year due to Covid. BUT my son has only pitched 7.3 inning this Hs season for JV. He is moved back and forth from JV to Varsity. A couple of kids who don’t throw as fast or as accurate as my kid is getting pitching time on Varsity! WTH? I don’t understand. I have kept my mouth shut to let my son handle it but the coach won’t even give him the time of day. At what point do I politely ask WTH? Tonight’s game was ultimate disrespect as the coach passed over the bench to bring a JV pitcher in to close the game! 😡😡 I am angry and hurt!

May God have mercy on pitchers parents...

Smoke

Bottom line....your son got the save. Congrats, and welcome to the funhouse!  ;-)  At the end of the day, the roller coaster ride that led to the save is just incidental.  The resulting parental scar tissue is your's forever!

Before senior year, usually only one of us was at each game (2 other sons), so the one who was there would text the game to the other.  So while he pitched, I would be typing into my phone the whole time.  Kept me busy.  Senior year we both went to every game, I realized that I had to keep texting the game even though my husband was right next to me, because it kept me sane.

The other thing I did was work in the concession stand when he pitched.  Concession was behind center field, a great view (except when someone tried to buy something), but I couldn't see my son's eyes, and that was good.

smokeminside...the one who has the best HSBBW handle other than me of course; for I am TimtheEnchanter.

I, of course, am very wise and can offer the following three choices:

1. Leave your family and join the Knights who say Ni.

2. Burn shrubberies.

3. Pack into the game (incognito of course) and drink the magic elixir* of your choice. 

* Not known beyond the peasants of Quegsburgh but I am the one who invented a drink with juniper berries and other botanicals....

@meads posted:

I am so disappointed in the coaches this year. I totally get the seniors playing so much since they missed last year due to Covid. BUT my son has only pitched 7.3 inning this Hs season for JV. He is moved back and forth from JV to Varsity. A couple of kids who don’t throw as fast or as accurate as my kid is getting pitching time on Varsity! WTH? I don’t understand. I have kept my mouth shut to let my son handle it but the coach won’t even give him the time of day. At what point do I politely ask WTH? Tonight’s game was ultimate disrespect as the coach passed over the bench to bring a JV pitcher in to close the game! 😡😡 I am angry and hurt!

When do you speak up? When you decide you want your son to be ignored for the rest of his high school career and never get a chance. That is, if he even makes the team next year. It’s your son’s responsibility to speak up.

Another Parent: “So while he pitched, I would be typing into my phone the whole time.  Kept me busy... I had to keep texting the game even though my husband was right next to me, because it kept me sane.”

Exactly why I do game changer!

No one  ever asks you if you want to be a pitcher's parent. It just happens.

The next time you're feeling anxious when he's on the mound, try reminding yourself that he's standing on the one place on Earth he most wants to be, doing what he most wants to do. What parent wouldn't want their child to be in that place, regardless of the pursuit?

That set of related thoughts got me through a lot of potentially stressful innings...and is still valuable today as I watch the team he coaches.

I go sit by myself and eat ridiculous amounts of sunflower seeds.  It’s tough. And sometimes amazing. Sometimes heartbreaking. Worth it all.

Most stressed person in the entire ballpark is the pitchers parent. From the beginning of the game right up to the very end.  

If your kid is a soccer goalie and a point guard pitcher is just one more “game is on my back” position. Dealing with it was just another day at the office.

RJM we got used to it. He was point guard, quarterback, pitcher. And when not pitching is the ss.

2020 could pitch all day and eat up innings. He never threw hard but the ball moved.   No walks.  Lots of weak contact, towering fly balls, very few strikeouts.  It all depended on the defense.  Complete roller coaster.

2022 throws hard with a hammer curve and a nasty two seam.  Lots of strikeouts.  Much easier to watch but comes in when the game is on the line. High stress.

I pace, and pace, and pace.

2020 graduated last year and lost his senior season. I miss the roller coaster and watching him play.

I am trying to appreciate and enjoy my 2022.

Bottom line- doesn’t matter the level of play, coaches have their favorites and no matter how many mistakes the ones on the field make or how many K’s they have (56% for example) they will continue playing those guys and never give the ones on the bench a chance no matter how hard they work! 🙄😢

@meads posted:

Bottom line- doesn’t matter the level of play, coaches have their favorites and no matter how many mistakes the ones on the field make or how many K’s they have (56% for example) they will continue playing those guys and never give the ones on the bench a chance no matter how hard they work! 🙄😢

Baseball is a metaphor for life and it isn’t always fair. That’s a lesson that everyone has to learn. It’s also true that some kids can work very hard and it doesn’t always translate into becoming a better player. It’s highly possible that your son isn’t as good as the players that you think are getting preferential treatment. But then again, maybe he is. There are a lot of things that play a big factor that are out of everyone’s control - like genetics. This is an opportunity for your son to assume responsibility for his own baseball experience. I suggest that he talk to his coach about it. As long as he is respectful in his approach he should gain respect from the coach for standing up for himself. View it as life training. Maybe it helps the situation and maybe it doesn’t. But it should help build confidence no matter the outcome.  In no event should you do anything. Any action by you will cause the coach AND his teammates to lose respect for your son.

I am getting agita just reading this thread. I am fortunate my kid is not a pitcher.

The times I got really worried was when the game was on the line, our pitcher loaded the bases, and 1 out. PC tells my SS guy to pitch. No warm up. He loves it but it drives me crazy.

The numbers have to catch up to you don't they?

Well was my idea to move from SS to PO!

@Good Knight posted:

RJM we got used to it. He was point guard, quarterback, pitcher. And when not pitching is the ss.

My son was also a shortstop until moved to center. He was told he was a better potential pro prospect in center. Turned out his best pro potential was as a business consultant.

From another post of yours, my son sometimes came from his position mid inning to close. After being asked to close with no warmup one time he asked the coach to tell him when the team is hitting if he needs to warm up. He had a high school coach who tended to wait until pants on fire to change pitchers rather than at the beginning of the inning. The coach eventually realized there could be a lot less heartburn if my son started the inning.

@meads posted:

Bottom line- doesn’t matter the level of play, coaches have their favorites and no matter how many mistakes the ones on the field make or how many K’s they have (56% for example) they will continue playing those guys and never give the ones on the bench a chance no matter how hard they work! 🙄😢

I’m guessing you’re one of those employees who pisses and moans at the water cooler. Instead of teaching your son to be a pisser and moaner you should teach him how to find solutions to his problem.

Every team has parents like you. At games you attract other pissers and moaners. Other parents likely avoid you like the plague.

@adbono posted:

Baseball is a metaphor for life and it isn’t always fair. That’s a lesson that everyone has to learn. It’s also true that some kids can work very hard and it doesn’t always translate into becoming a better player. It’s highly possible that your son isn’t as good as the players that you think are getting preferential treatment. But then again, maybe he is. There are a lot of things that play a big factor that are out of everyone’s control - like genetics. This is an opportunity for your son to assume responsibility for his own baseball experience. I suggest that he talk to his coach about it. As long as he is respectful in his approach he should gain respect from the coach for standing up for himself. View it as life training. Maybe it helps the situation and maybe it doesn’t. But it should help build confidence no matter the outcome.  In no event should you do anything. Any action by you will cause the coach AND his teammates to lose respect for your son.

First off, my kid is and has been a very competitive pitcher. ERA has never been higher than 2.7 but he isn’t the only kid not getting jerked around. There are about 5 other kids. Several parents have asked why my son isn’t pitching. The kids on the field have also mentioned things on the dugout, so at least everyone is on the same page. I will let my son handle handle it but we also can’t wait for summer ball to start because this HS season has been crap for several kids.

@RJM posted:

I’m guessing you’re one of those employees who pisses and moans at the water cooler. Instead of teaching your son to be a pisser and moaner you should teach him how to find solutions to his problem.

Every team has parents like you. At games you attract other pissers and moaners. Other parents likely avoid you like the plague.

You don’t know anything. You are probably one of the money slinging privileged  parents. Go crawl back in your hole! And that’s putting it nicely!

@meads posted:

First off, my kid is and has been a very competitive pitcher. ERA has never been higher than 2.7 but he isn’t the only kid not getting jerked around. There are about 5 other kids. Several parents have asked why my son isn’t pitching. The kids on the field have also mentioned things on the dugout, so at least everyone is on the same page. I will let my son handle handle it but we also can’t wait for summer ball to start because this HS season has been crap for several kids.

It appears that you have missed my point entirely. Lots (and I mean LOTS) of HS baseball programs are crap. Does no good to complain about it. Either move to another school or figure out how to deal with it.

@adbono posted:

It appears that you have missed my point entirely. Lots (and I mean LOTS) of HS baseball programs are crap. Does no good to complain about it. Either move to another school or figure out how to deal with it.

No I hear what you are saying. As I stated above, I will let my son handle it.

There's no call to make this personal.  Many things that high school coaches do are frustrating and hard to understand at the time.  Sometimes the coaches are wrong; sometimes you might understand it once HS is finished and you can look back.  I know that we had things we didn't understand until our son was finished with HS.

Coaches use different players in different situations all the time; you play conference differently than no-conference, try to get jv players into games if possible, play some players against easier teams, etc.  I never understood why our coach played our #3 pitcher every year against the toughest (non-conference) team we faced, until I realized he was saving our #1 and #2 for conference games and sectionals.

Meads, is the team winning?

I was miserable when my son pitched in HS. I was at my doctors for my yearly physical and he asked me how my sons season was going. I told him better than me while I watch him. This led to a couple more questions and then an anti-anxiety recommendation. I declined. Next time son was on the bump, I got physically ill. I went to the doctor next day and said “doc, hook me up”. I wish I had done it sooner. Son is a freshman D3 pitcher now and I enjoy watching so much more now. It’s always been funny to me that you can usually tell who the pitchers parents are during a game. There also seems to be an unwritten rule that you stay away from the pitchers parents when he’s on the bump...........it’s a fraternity.

@anotherparent posted:

There's no call to make this personal.  Many things that high school coaches do are frustrating and hard to understand at the time.  Sometimes the coaches are wrong; sometimes you might understand it once HS is finished and you can look back.  I know that we had things we didn't understand until our son was finished with HS.

Coaches use different players in different situations all the time; you play conference differently than no-conference, try to get jv players into games if possible, play some players against easier teams, etc.  I never understood why our coach played our #3 pitcher every year against the toughest (non-conference) team we faced, until I realized he was saving our #1 and #2 for conference games and sectionals.

Meads, is the team winning?

The team is not winning. They won districts, Regionals and State a few years back. Last year, Rona messed up everything. But it’s the entire team and parents that see and don’t understand that if you want positive results you have to change the things that aren’t working and this coach isn’t making the proper changes. I know in the grand scheme of things HS ball doesn't matter but it plays a huge mental game in kids heads that want to pursue baseball in college.

I only make it personal when idiots like RJM make ridiculous comments.

@meads posted:

You don’t know anything. You are probably one of the money slinging privileged  parents. Go crawl back in your hole! And that’s putting it nicely!

You’ve proved you’re a whiner and complainer with your posts. As for me, you’re just throwing insults. It says even more about your character, or lack of it.

My son didn’t make varsity freshman year. He should have. The team sucked. I told him to never publicly declare he was better than anyone on varsity. Rather than piss and moan and make excuses I asked him what he believed he could do to improve between now and next season.

No one made excuses. No one whined. No one moaned. He killed it on JV. He was the all conference shortstop the next year. No one bought anything. It took hard work and talent. The biggest thing he did was fill out and get stronger in the upper body. He made it a no brainer where he should play soph year.

I age at least a month for every pitch that my son throws. Can i sue him ?

He just finished a Wednesday night league , pitching 1-2 innings per game, and only gave up 1 hit the entire season    (6 games),lots of Ks-You'd think I'd have more confidence in him , but i still bite my nails on every pitch.  I think i need that magic elixir!

May God Bless and have mercy on Pitcher's Parents! We're getting older before our time!

Unfortunately, there are bad coaches. Son’s HS coach was one. He just had a burr up his a$$ about my son and his best friend, both pitchers. He was fired after my son’s Junior year. It didn’t matter how successful or how hard they worked, he or his friend were not getting a shot. They both, never gave up or let the coach define who they were as baseball players. They both are the only two from their class that are playing in college. Both have roles on their college teams and getting innings. Son’s college coach told him in his pre-season meeting that there are players on the team that don’t work as hard as everyone else, but they are going to play because they are just better than everyone else. My son loved this honest and upfront statement. Son told me last week while in COVID jail for 10 days, that he wouldn’t change a thing about the past because it’s made him mentally tougher on the bump than most.

https://community.hsbaseballwe...44#70006915021264044

AB..... There is a novelty pitchers parent t-shirt in there somewhere.

My brothers, both pitcher parents, age 36 and 38.  

My future.

@RJM posted:

You’ve proved you’re a whiner and complainer with your posts. As for me, you’re just throwing insults. It says even more about your character, or lack of it.

My son didn’t make varsity freshman year. He should have. The team sucked. I told him to never publicly declare he was better than anyone on varsity. Rather than piss and moan and make excuses I asked him what he believed he could do to improve between now and next season.

No one made excuses. No one whined. No one moaned. He killed it on JV. He was the all conference shortstop the next year. No one bought anything. It took hard work and talent. The biggest thing he did was fill out and get stronger in the upper body. He made it a no brainer where he should play soph year.

Your character shows through and through. Have a nice day!

@LuvMyKids posted:

Unfortunately, there are bad coaches. Son’s HS coach was one. He just had a burr up his a$$ about my son and his best friend, both pitchers. He was fired after my son’s Junior year. It didn’t matter how successful or how hard they worked, he or his friend were not getting a shot. They both, never gave up or let the coach define who they were as baseball players. They both are the only two from their class that are playing in college. Both have roles on their college teams and getting innings. Son’s college coach told him in his pre-season meeting that there are players on the team that don’t work as hard as everyone else, but they are going to play because they are just better than everyone else. My son loved this honest and upfront statement. Son told me last week while in COVID jail for 10 days, that he wouldn’t change a thing about the past because it’s made him mentally tougher on the bump than most.

Thank you for sharing this! When my son is on the mound, sure I am nervous for him because I want him to do well. But nothing makes me happier seeing him use his God given talent and I giggle whenever he throws his breaking ball to get them on the third strike❤️

There are times when you have to ignore RJM.

But, you have to take a longer view about this.  It's painful when it's happening.  Your son and you don't understand what's going on right now.  But someday, you may understand it.  That will be a learning opportunity for your son.  Maybe he will take away that it would be better to be more transparent with a team of people he is in charge of.  Maybe he will realize that sometimes it's better to be less transparent.

The other thing is for your son to ask what he needs to do to get more playing time.  My son spent a whole season wondering and not asking; we didn't know that it was appropriate to ask.  Finally in the second season, he did ask, and he learned some things.  He never did have a very comfortable relationship with the coach while he was playing, but now he has enormous respect for him.

@meads posted:

I know in the grand scheme of things HS ball doesn't matter

It does matter.  It just doesn't matter for college recruiting.

I think one thing we should all remember is that this is our place as parents to vent. I'm not sure any of us should be (or want to be) judged completely by what we say on this web site. Being the parent of a baseball player — pitcher or position — is rough. We all need a safe space to share our concerns and frustrations and this is it.

Our jobs are rough enough, we need to cut each other a break.

@Iowamom23 posted:

I think one thing we should all remember is that this is our place as parents to vent. I'm not sure any of us should be (or want to be) judged completely by what we say on this web site. Being the parent of a baseball player — pitcher or position — is rough. We all need a safe space to share our concerns and frustrations and this is it.

Our jobs are rough enough, we need to cut each other a break.

This is so true..... my sons four years of playing in HS were very disappointing. I can remember numerous times starting a post here to vent and then deleting it. I’m an x- high school basketball coach and the reason l’m an x-coach....... I despised parents. This should be a place to vent.

I’m providing the perspective of a parent who has been through the journey twice. I’ve also been through the journey as a travel coach of high end teams (though 18u Gold in softball and 16u in baseball) who heard some incredibly off the wall evaluations of their kids by parents.

Another issue is parents aren’t usually around to see what transpires in practice. Kids don’t always give an accurate description of what’s really going on to their parents.

Smoke, did your son go on the bump today?

@Iowamom23 posted:

I think one thing we should all remember is that this is our place as parents to vent. I'm not sure any of us should be (or want to be) judged completely by what we say on this web site. Being the parent of a baseball player — pitcher or position — is rough. We all need a safe space to share our concerns and frustrations and this is it.

Our jobs are rough enough, we need to cut each other a break.

An occasional vent is fine. But that’s not the purpose of this site IMO. And it’s not always helpful to “support” people that vent on a regular basis. Sometimes it’s more helpful for them to hear the truth - even if they don’t like it. Terms like “safe space” make my skin crawl. It’s not that big a deal if someone gets their feelings hurt for a little bit by hearing something they need to hear.

Any thread that flushes out Tim the Enchanter is a winner in my book!

I think we all appreciate Tim the Enchanter's appearances.  They are ever so rare.

To remedy the hunger you might feel due to his many long absences, I offer this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aZJZK6rzjns

While several "Top Ten Wizards" lists rank him #2 (after that teen sensation Albus Dumbledore) Tim will always be #1 in my book.

http://content.time.com/time/s...0419_1910469,00.html

Wildcat, the game is in 4 hours.  I'll be sure to post, assuming I'm still breathing.

Good luck Smoke! I forgot about the time zone difference. Already had my son’s pitching start earlier today, second in 4 days. I had similar concerns as you did and it wasn’t his best but it was good enough and the bats came alive and helped him out. On to the next!

I have been coming here for a few years now to 1) get advice 2) hear your stories and 3) vent.

it’s not like you can vent to other parents much less the coaches. And forget social media- that’s suicide.

im not a softy who can’t handle truth. I’m also not one who thinks my son is the best. I’ve always told him he has to earn his spot to play. What I don’t like is the macho daddy ball coaches who think they know it all and live their fantasies out by coaching kids.

Ok, folks, I had a mellower evening than I was expecting.  We lost 2-1 on a suicide squeeze in the bottom of the sixth.  We only had one hit, and never had the lead, which is when my son would have been put in.  So, I watched the game as an interested fan, not as a crazed parent.  

Thanks for all your support!

@adbono posted:

An occasional vent is fine. But that’s not the purpose of this site IMO. And it’s not always helpful to “support” people that vent on a regular basis. Sometimes it’s more helpful for them to hear the truth - even if they don’t like it. Terms like “safe space” make my skin crawl. It’s not that big a deal if someone gets their feelings hurt for a little bit by hearing something they need to hear.

Where was “ safe space” mentioned?

@LuvMyKids posted:

Where was “ safe space” mentioned?

I said it. "We all need a safe space to share our concerns and frustrations and this is it."

And I stand by it. This is the place on some threads to share concerns and frustrations you can't share with parents of your kids' teammates or on social media. Not everybody has to agree with that.

@Iowamom23 posted:

I said it. "We all need a safe space to share our concerns and frustrations and this is it."

And I stand by it. This is the place on some threads to share concerns and frustrations you can't share with parents of your kids' teammates or on social media. Not everybody has to agree with that.

Thanks Iowamom23 for clarifying. I missed that. I still agree 100% with the spirit of your post. “ Safe space” is a trigger phrase for many and something I’m not fond of either. Thanks again.

@smokeminside posted:

Ok, folks, I had a mellower evening than I was expecting.  We lost 2-1 on a suicide squeeze in the bottom of the sixth.  We only had one hit, and never had the lead, which is when my son would have been put in.  So, I watched the game as an interested fan, not as a crazed parent.  

Thanks for all your support!

So even though your season was only 7 games, sounds like you had all the thrills and chills (or, put another way, a longer season might have killed you).

My son hated it when myself or his mom would sit in the bleachers behind home plate when he was pitching.   I was one of those guys who had to stand....so I was always halfway down one of the lines standing along the fence.  Son's summer after his senior year he was pitching in an 18U summer game.  I was there from the start....his mom was running late.  She shows up in the 5th.  He has a perfect game going.  I stop her as she's walking from the parking lot to tell her and "suggest" that she not sit behind home plate.  Well....you know what is next lol.  She did.  He promptly hits the first kid in the helmet....then walks the next kid on 4 pitches.   He gets out of it with no damage....but as he is walking off the field he looks at her and says with a laugh (sort of) "mom, you can leave now"!   One of the funniest memories of his 20-ish years of baseball

Son pitched his last game nearly 2 years ago. I miss watching him compete in a different manner, but I do not miss the stress about his performance, nor the fear of a comebacker.

Also, a +1 for anxiety meds.

My 2022, 8 months off of a small tear in his UCL and intensive rehab, has reentered the arena. He started on a strict pitch count his first few appearances, as he built up his arm and his confidence, but was given the Ok by his doctor to let it fly tomorrow in his league championship game start. The roller coaster for a pitcher's parent is real, but I can't wait to see him pitch tomorrow regardless of the outcome.

@chazball posted:

My 2022, 8 months off of a small tear in his UCL and intensive rehab, has reentered the arena. He started on a strict pitch count his first few appearances, as he built up his arm and his confidence, but was given the Ok by his doctor to let it fly tomorrow in his league championship game start. The roller coaster for a pitcher's parent is real, but I can't wait to see him pitch tomorrow regardless of the outcome.

Never before have I felt the stress more than when I knew Lefty was tired or a little sore going into the game.  I cannot imagine a post injury start.  Thinking of you today Chazball.

@smokeminside posted:

Another Parent: “So while he pitched, I would be typing into my phone the whole time.  Kept me busy... I had to keep texting the game even though my husband was right next to me, because it kept me sane.”

Exactly why I do game changer!

as an alumnus living out of state, i thank you!!

My son is the kid that never gets fazed.  So he gets to come in late during games with bases loaded in close games.

I on the other hand am a very fiery individual.  I sit in the outfield a lot and have actually learned to meditate as he pitches.  When you start to lose yourself, just look to the sky and trees and remember how small this really is.  

I, like RJM and many others here, are on the back side of this. I can remember being EXTREMELY anxious watching my kid pitch. He was always mostly successful. He has always been a strike thrower for the most part. I think you just want your kid to do well. Pitching is tough as there is no place to hide. You start every play. You are standing in the middle of the field on an elevated piece of dirt. Over the years I have gotten better. I still want him to do well every time he takes the ball. The stakes are much higher now as it’s how he earns a living. But I have come to grips with the fact that he is trying his best. Of this I am 100% confident. I wish I had come to grips with that reality years ago. When / If he doesn’t have his best result, I can guarantee you he beats himself up WAY more than you do. I’ve learned to talk baseball only when he leads the conversation. I’m there for moral support and to enjoy watching him do something that I NEVER had the ability to do. When you take that perspective, you realize that there are thousands of people who would trade places with him, whatever level your kid is at. Baseball is hard. The only sport I know of that has 3x failure than success. To all you parents of HS kids, my best advice is to enjoy the experience as best you can. You cannot control what coaches do. The best advice I can give is to tell your kid to worry about the things he can control. In the end, his talent and work ethic will win out. If the ability is there, the opportunity will present itself. That’s when he has to be ready to grab it with both hands and run. Outwork the competition. If baseball isn’t the future, that attitude will pay multiples in the business world.

Smoke-Luv the picture of your two brothers!!! I feel like them during every game. Of course , if my son plays well, I'm ready to party like a Rock Star!!!!!!