Bob
"You and I were taught the art of "independence" at an early age."
I'll. say. The ARMY drafted me the day I graduated from IOWA. Paid me $43 the first month.
@anotherparent posted:I loved Consultant's article, as usual. But I wonder if you could also write one about kids whose playing dreams were crushed and who collapsed personally as a result? I can certainly think of such cases (or one case because of injury). So the question is, what is it that causes some people to turn failure into success?
Is it, as per this thread, a kid who will take the opportunity to advocate for himself with his coach? Or is it something else?
Advocate? Lets define this so we are all speaking the same language. My definition of advocate is beat out the other kid playing your favored primary position. Have a better and more accurate throwing arm. Hit better. Hit farther. Run faster. Field better. Pitch better. Show better baseball instincts and IQ. Yes, life is not fair. There are players who every parent and kid on the team "think" should be playing the primary position yet the coach does otherwise. Are we to pout about that? Talk behind the coach's back about what a horrible decision-maker and person he is? Coaches are just as fallible as the players they coach. Tough job no matter how skilled. Some of the players and parents will favor the coach and some will disagree.
Regarding the player talking to the coach...
What exactly is the player supposed to say in words (advocate) to change the coach's mind? Coach all the parents and teammates agree that I am the better player and thus I should be starting? I have worked twice as hard as the other kid so now you should let me play the position? I cannot think of a good way to advocate. It forces the coach to explain one player over another if the "advocating" player persists. Maybe the coach knows the kid playing the primary position is decent there but horrible somewhere else. Team considerations can outweigh pure, straight-up talent evaluation at one given position.
I am not trying to be a wise-guy here. For those that see no harm in speaking to the coach, please respond with the types of questions you think might be appropriate.
@Good Knight posted:Gunner who was that?
A friend of mine also commanded 101 and later became Vice Chief of Staff of the ARMY. He flew the Rangers into Iraq ahead of the invasion to destroy radars.
Scott Brower
Well, I agree with that. My son was playing in the field but DHed for freshman year and half of sophomore year, on the varsity. He was frustrated, freshman year he said nothing. Sophomore year he was still frustrated; we, as parents, wondered whether he could talk to the coach. I think that's when I first found HSBBW through google. I read on here that a player could ask the coach how he should improve to get more at-bats. It was probably a thread just like this one, with the same set of opinions. We were terrified that this was the wrong thing to do, finally I asked his hitting instructor whether that was an o.k. thing to do. The guy said "of course" with an implied "why hasn't he done this already?" So my son did, I think actually he talked to the assistant coach. I'm sure he did not phrase it in terms of other players. He was put in the lineup more, hit well at the end of the season. He was also pitching quite a bit.
But what I would have liked from coaches would have been more opennness. If they had said to him, look, you are hitting mostly grounders in practice and in games, and we need to see more line drives, he would have known what was going on, and what he had to do. But, to my knowledge (at least, what he shared with me), they didn't tell him anything like that. So it was all guessing on his part, and probably he was guessing wrong.
It all worked out in the end. I think he knows now what was going on back then, and agrees with it. But that didn't help in the moment, so I understand the people who have these questions.
My kid wasn't playing as much as he wanted on his 15U travel team. We encouraged him to talk to the coach, but to do so in a way that was team-oriented, e.g., "I think I could really help the team if ...", as opposed to "I want to play more". While perhaps a subtle distinction, the coach really appreciated the team-first nature of the communication. He did start playing him more and he's been a regular starter ever since. This approach might not work in all circumstances, but it aligns the coach and player in a team-first conversation, as opposed to a you against me conversation. Anyway, one example of successful advocacy...
Almost everyone that has ever coached talks about the relationships with their players being the thing that endures - and the thing that is ultimately the most important. But relationships are a two way street. A coach can’t always be the one to initiate it. Sometimes a relationship begins when a player shows enough courage to respectfully approach a coach about having a conversation. Sometimes that’s exactly what a coach is wanting to see in a player - the confidence to stand up for himself. There is no absolute right or wrong answer. It depends on the situation and you better have a good read on it before doing anything.
So framing this from a parents perspective. You have a player who has worked hard really pretty much all year. In the off season you discuss as a family what you can afford time and money wise and plan out a training schedule. But you are not super knowledgeable about developing a soon to be High school player so you make some mistakes. Perhaps get lessons with the wrong teachers or aggressively train for a position you don't end up playing.
You are in the dark about how your son is progressing due to inexperience. But he works hard and wants to play in college so you want to do things right.
A short conversation with the coach could end up really helping a player focus on the appropriate training and set a plan for improvement.
@BB328 posted:So framing this from a parents perspective. You have a player who has worked hard really pretty much all year. In the off season you discuss as a family what you can afford time and money wise and plan out a training schedule. But you are not super knowledgeable about developing a soon to be High school player so you make some mistakes. Perhaps get lessons with the wrong teachers or aggressively train for a position you don't end up playing.
You are in the dark about how your son is progressing due to inexperience. But he works hard and wants to play in college so you want to do things right.
A short conversation with the coach could end up really helping a player focus on the appropriate training and set a plan for improvement.
Whether or not your premise is a good one depends entirely on the capability of the HS coach you are dealing with. A conversation like that with a really good HS coach could be very helpful. On the other hand, a conversation with many HS coaches could actually do more harm than good.
What does he want to discuss, more playing time or position change?
At this point neither, he's a starter who plays most innings and has accepted that his position is wherever the coach needs him. Son is just doing what he is told. Just getting the daily practices, becoming more comfortable playing a new position, coach holding them accountable for each other, and bonding with his teammates has made it worthwhile so far.
As a less seasoned parent I just wanted learn what was appropriate so I could advise my son. He was very frustrated at the beginning of the season but hanging back seems to be the right move so far.
I do wish more coaches offered end of the season assessments at a MS and HS level. I could only see it benefitting the program in sense that the players getting better helps the program. In our town they seem to really care about their program, have experienced coaches, take pride in it.
IMO, It's never wrong to ask a coach for input on what's needed or missing in taking the next level step - what are the top 2 or 3 things I can do to improve? That's a low profile way to start a discussion, and let the coach determine the direction. If that creates an issue, then he's not really a coach.
Thank you for the better explanation about your original post. I have a better understanding of what you are asking.
Since your son is playing on a regular basis and accepts that he will play where coach needs him, he is learning a very important lesson, that there is no i in team.
Hang in there, I think he will be fine and more importantly so will you.