Preparing your son for college or MiLB

What life are you referring to ?

Good question spinedoc. I don't think we did a real good job on this issue. I will read with great interest.

Any money for personal expenses should be distributed on a cash basis, and I mean folding paper, or coinage, as the case may be. Debit cards with overdraft privilage will incur overdraft charges.

If an allowance for "living" expenses is budgeted, then distribute funds over time periods short enough to discourage deficit spending. If that means every day, that what it means.

Dad 04. I agree with you. Think this is the hardest thing for my son was budgeting his money. If I had it to do over again, in high school I would give money say weekly and when it is gone it is gone. The debit card is working great for him, however, by the end of the month the balance is pretty low. In my sons case, I don't think he realized how those $20 bills I gave him added up.

KCbaseball posted earlier in the ladies forum regarding preparing you child while they're in HS by having them set their alarm clocks and take responsibility for waking up and being places themselves. It makes for a big transition to have to go from mom or dad yelling at them to wake up and having to respond to an alarm.

Very good question spinedoc. This can be a very frustrating time. I suggest a hobby to divert your thoughts. Maybe you could work with the homeless or serve soup at the local Union Mission. Maybe a yoga class under the stars might help you find that inner peace all college parents lack. I struggled with this for a year or so and then I reverted to that simple but effective solution --- I laughed at it. I’ll admit I made some stupid mistakes on the front end like only getting 100 txt messages on my son’s phone. First month had $50 overage. I thought it made more sense to talk to someone instead of passing them a note. I also struggled with trying to understand how his radio in his dash became water damaged while his windows were rolled up. I just laughed, shook my head, and replaced the radio. One $90.00 tow bill made me furious until I found out one parent had to sell the daughter’s car for $3,000.00 just to pay the outstanding parking tickets. Don’t worry about how they are going to handle it ---- worry about how you’re going to handle it.
Fungo

I don't have a son that's moved off but I have a daughter that's in her second year of college 350 miles away. I thought that my wife and I were not giving her enough responsibility during her junior and senior year and I was afraid she wouldn't be able to handle her first year away from home. She did have a job during that time, obviously didn't play baseball though. She studied and studied hard to earn her way into the Honors College of her chosen university. After all this I am convinced that children learn as much by watching as they do when we set out to teach a lesson. But don't underestimate what they see. Don't underestimate how all the small things they do add up to taking responsibility later in life. Laundry will get done if they want clean clothes.

The time issue was always a problem. She tended to sleep long in the morning. That was solved one day during her second semester. She claimsthat her new kitten fell onto the clock's power cord in the middle of the night causing her alarm to not go off in the morning. She missed a test in her Calculus III class. Her professor would not let her make it up. She had to drop the class. Dear old Dad made her pay me back for the cost of the class. She retook it last semester and made an A. No issues with oversleeping any longer.

The second thing she did that convinced me was that she was well on her way to adulthood happened this week. She asked for a garage door opener for Christmas! I bought her one. She called yesterday after she had arranged for the instillation. Seems small but it's one more instance where she took the responsibility to get something done. This wouldn't have happened when she was 16 - 18. All in all, It takes time on their own to learn what we've spent 18 years teaching them.

Fungo - Your post hit the nail on the head on EVERY SINGLE point.

Been there, done all of that (or its equivalent) and more.

You guys are alot nicer than I am. You actually give your kids spending money??? No way, not here. He wants money he can go get a part time job over break or save his birthday and Christmas money. I'm not funding his partying. He gets money put into his campus cash account so he can spend it at school.

As far as extra responsibilities go like doing his own laundry, etc. Both my son's have been doing that since 9th grade. They've also had to do the dishes AND keep the house picked up.

I don't know if all that made my wife and I forward thinkers, good parents, or just plain mean.

Money matters were/are the most difficult.
agree with Dad04. Excellent advise!

It's funny now, but I can sooooo relate to the parking ticket & overdraft thing!! I told my daughter we weren't buying a new parking garage for the University! So, she had to use her earning from her hs job...Now she saves, instead of spends.
Son hasn't had a job yet, but, hopefully gets it that frivolity has it's costs.
Kids can get by on alot less...it's just that we parents tend to spoil them.

Fungo, I hear ya on the text messages!

quote:

I don't know if all that made my wife and I forward thinkers, good parents, or just plain mean.

pfbear13, I like your comment.

I think my husband and I were too easy on our boys growing up, didn't expect enough from them in terms of chores or earning their own money. We really didn't do much to consciously prepare them to be "on their own", but they have survived - and so have we, for the most part.

I think the suggestions about having them start to cook or do their own laundry make sense. But don't worry too much about whether you are doing a good enough job of this. When they are adults and leave home, they will just have to figure out some of it as they go along, and they DO figure it out, with a few mistakes along the way.

Julie

P.S. Fungo mentioned "just worry about how you are going to handle it" - I agree. Be prepared for them to make mistakes. You can't anticipate everything that might go wrong, and you can't prevent every little thing that might go wrong. They will make mistakes, and they will learn from them.

quote:

Originally posted by LHPitcher:
Dad 04. I agree with you. Think this is the hardest thing for my son was budgeting his money. If I had it to do over again, in high school I would give money say weekly and when it is gone it is gone. The debit card is working great for him, however, by the end of the month the balance is pretty low. In my sons case, I don't think he realized how those $20 bills I gave him added up.

Bank of America commercial with college co-ed and her dad checking the bank balance on line at the same time:

Dad: "Oh no!! She's down to $20!

Co-Ed: "WOOOHOOO I got $20!! Lets Go Shopping!!"

Baseball players don't have part time jobs. Baseball is the part time job.

Good tips so far...Don't forget that each college has a website with helpful hints on what to bring to college.

Most problems have to do with adjusting to the freedoms of college, the failure of colleges to take attendance, the days when there are no classes, and the inability to balance the responsibilities to the team to the reading requirements of most courses.

Our daughter had adjusted to her USC card, on which a parent can load a certain amount of money to budget for that month, including the cost of textbooks and meals. Now if we could only control the cellphone bill!

Folks


The boy needs pocket money for the road trips---I funded my guys on the road trips---had nothing to do with partying--had to do with him eating properly

Fungo

When it comes to cash out of mom/dad's pocket, much depends on what kind of setting they're in as well. Are you paying for meals included in college room and board or are they on their own for meals. Do you not expect your child and does he expect to go to a movie or bowling, etc. with his teammates on a night off.

My son's JUCO last year, the housing for the baseball players was a few miles from the school and a few miles from the indoor facility. He had to have quite a bit of change just for gas money. Then the cafeteria was only open during the day... had to have grocery/eatin' money.

Then as Fungo's fun post puts it... there's always unexpected expenditures. Each of us have to decide if we can/want to cover those. It's an individual family thing.

Spinedoc,
I appreciate you allowing me some good natured ribbing at your expense but we parents all are faced with much the same things as you. We all ask the same questions, maybe not out loud but at least we ask ourselves. Will they get up? Will they go to bed? Will they study? Will they drink alcohol? Who will be there if they need help? It’s funny in a way because we parents must come to the realization that those things are out of our hands. Once we realize that, and our children realize that, then they immediately become accountable (to themselves). For instance, my wife was very concerned that our son would not get up in the morning because she always made two or three trips to his bedroom door to get him up. In her mind and in his mind it was her “responsibility” to get him up. Once she was not available, that responsibility immediately shifted to him and he does it without any problem.
I think many young people “allow” their parent to shoulder as many of their responsibilities if the parents will do it. If the parents refuse, or cannot take the responsibility, then the child does it for himself without hesitation. That is just growing up.
I think the two greatest challenges student athletes face are time management and financial responsibility. In college there are unknowns that the parent and the student have to establish protocol as it happens. Finances being at the top of the list. Like most parents I had no clue how much my son would spend just in “living” expenses. He also didn’t know. We didn’t want him to run short but I also didn’t want him to squander my money. With time being short and his time management skills undeveloped, it was difficult for him to prepare meals or live within a budget. So its off to Golden Corral or Western Sizzlin’ on a VERY regular basis. Breakfast was $6.00 stop at McDonalds. I think many student use the ATM as if it they have no limit and the long distance control is almost impossible. I wish I knew the answer to that one. MILB? He's on his own!
Fungo the financier

quote:

Originally posted by Fungo:

We all ask the same questions, maybe not out loud but at least we ask ourselves. Will they get up? Will they go to bed? Will they study? Will they drink alcohol? Who will be there if they need help?

Fungo,

Those are precisely the questions my wife asks herself - when she thinks about me.

LOL

TRhit,

The team gives them $$ for meals on the road and they usually all go out to eat together. My wife or I are usually at every away game anyway, so we pay for his meals and he gets to keep his meal allowance.

PF

He was on the West Coast and I on the East Coast---makes it a bit difficult to be there---