Proving an old coach wrong!!!

Since 2009?

Thats just crazy.  Taking your story for granted, if this guy developed such a grudge toward a 13 year old and has held onto it all this time, he is probably mentally ill.  

A guy like this I would feel more sorry for than anything.  Let it go man, you won.  

I never really thought of it that way, but yes. Maybe I should tell him that

JK, I'll let it go, if he doesn't talk crap about me (to my teammates or coaches at least, he can say what he wants to his own team but I will not tolerate a repetition of what happened last year).

Proving an old coach wrong is one thing.  Letting it bother you as much as it seems to is another.  You know he has issues.  Why would you let him drag you down to the level where you have issues too?  Be the better man.  Compete to the best of your ability to beat his team on the field (just like you would with any other opponent) and move on. 

If he continues to say things to other people instead of directly to you, that just confirms he has issues.  Let him continue to prove who he is.  Be the better man.  Prove who you are. 

A big plus one!  Let your actions on the field do the talking.  No need to get into a verbal pissing match on or off the field.   It's just not worth it.

Not to get overly spiritual here, but you need to google the word "forgiveness", and read up on the topic.

Frankly, this has become a cancer for YOU, not him.  He is who he is and, if as described, is likely a miserable and unhappy person.  You have an opportunity to be the bigger person and help free YOURSELF of the burden you're carrying due to his treatment of you in the past.

Seriously, google the word and also view a sermon or two from some church streams on the topic.  Not trying to get spiritual here, but there is a lot you can learn on the subject and I don't think you have even scratched the surface on how much burden YOU'RE carrying from your ordeal with this gentleman.

Good luck, pitch well, stay healthy and have a great summer and college career.

Let it go man - move on.  You're right on the edge of making a complete a$$ of yourself if you haven't already.

Putting it in athletic terms - you're on the verge of snatching defeat from the jaws of victory.

The only person you are hurting is yourself. All of this whatever you want to call it you have inside of you towards this man is only going to eat at you. You will never find satisfaction in it. Only when you let it go and move on will you truly be free of it. You could make it to the bigs and throw a no no in the 7th game of the WS and this guy could still be talking smack. And instead of celebrating you would be thinking of how you could shut him up. Let it go and move on. Enjoy the game and the opportunity you have. Forget this type of stuff. If you look hard enough it will always be there. Move on and good luck.

Have to keep it in perspective. Do your thing.

A quick coach story. My son left his first-ever travel team (11u to 12u) because he wanted to play catcher badly. But our 3 LL kids joined a travel team comprising most of the LL All-Star players from a league south of us (same District). Kids got along fine for the most part but "our" boys always batted bottom of order and did not get to compete or play SS, CF, or C. My son got stuck at 1B and did great but always wanted to play catcher. Got some meaningless time behind the plate (where he busted his butt to impress) but it was clear he would not get to play C. So we left the team. When I told the coach he asked why we were leaving and I said because my son really wants to play on a team where he can play catcher. He told me, "your son is a fine player but he's just not a catcher." We part amicably.

Fast-forward to LL AS 10-11, 11-12, and Juniors. My son was the catcher who played great and we beat their AS team except Juniors when my son went 4-4 with 4 RBI. I saw that coach at a local Dick's sporting goods after the last LL AS season. He shook my hand and said my son is a great catcher and he was wrong.

Interesting story.  Let it go.  

You are hanging onto something that has little relevance to your goals today.  It is possible this guy is still bringing you down to his level after all these years and preventing you from reaching your optimal talent level..  One of you needs to be the adult, and I don't think it is going to be him.  Again, let it go and reach your potential.

As always JMO.

Dude

Just smile a big smile in his general direction everytime you see him. Give him a little wave. Don't say a word. Go out and play ball. Good luck. 

I would think as a pitcher you need to get your head into a zen type place....and thinking about this man isn't doing you any good and certainly isn't zen.

You want to truly get back at him...pretend like you don't even recognize him.  He's just another coach, it's just another game, and it has nothing to do with YOUR game.  Showing your a$$ to him in front of his team just proves him right and you wrong...pretending like you barely recall him will get him madder than confronting him.  He means nothing, he is nothing, so treat him like nothing.

Fly: You need to channel this motivation in a positive manner. Don't let this become a distraction. Your story just goes to show what a "small world" we all live in. Though from reading your post it may be hard, you need to keep your emotions in check for these games. Your teammates and coaches are counting on you to perform your best. It is far better for you to have a reputation as a pitcher who can pitch in the clutch, rather than pitcher who clutches onto some past baggage.

Release the anger and let your play speak for itself.  Be the better man.  There is nothing more satisfying then taking the high road, beating the p!ss out of someone and then shaking their hand at the end of the game without stooping to their level.  They will probably be more irritated that they did not get a reaction out of you.

As far as beaning his son.  Don't do it.  Your beef is not with his son but with him.  Plus imagine how you would feel if you hit him in the head or square on in the chest and put him in the hospital or even worse.

Not to pile on Fly, but you've already gotten your "revenge."   You've already proved him wrong time and time again.  Let it go.  Do your thing.  Focus forward.  You will be a much better man for it. Much better.  And you being the better man, makes the coach the smaller man.   Look wanting to prove a coach who underestimated you wrong is a very good thing.  But as you yourself implied, it's best to just let your game speak for itself.  And not just your outward game, but your inward game.  It's by exercising inward control and self-discipline that you will really prove him wrong, not by getting down there in the mud with him.

Let it go.  Focus forward. 

As a ball player and especially a pitcher, you need to grow thick skin and ignore this type of behavior. I was also a pitcher along time ago and faced verbal assaults by teams trying to rattle me. Put the past behind you and move on with what you have accomplished. You should be playing the game for yourself not to show up some old coach of yours. 

I knew this old guy who told me one day how being angry and hateful would eventually be my downfall, and would keep me from ever accomplishing anything good in life.

Then my father picked the old guy up and threw him down this giant shaft.

Very strange day that was.

Maybe you should thank him for motivating you all these years and move on.

Living well and being happy is the best revenge in life...so if you translate that to baseball, playing well will be the best revenge.  In fact, I really think you will get more satisfaction if you rise above this and ignore this man.  When you engage him, you are giving him power where he deserves none.  I say, play your game, ignore this guy and in the end, that will make you the better man.  Is there a better outcome?

Also, it sounds like you are giving an awful lot of energy to this man and its all negative.

Replace it with positive energy...positive by rising above the fray and then beating his team. 

Remember, 

the opposite of love is not hate, hate take very much the same energy, passion, focus and attention that love does.  The opposite of love is indifference.  Like a previous poster stated, don't even acknowledge him.  Focus on what you are doing and go about your business.  

There is also a chance that if you freak out and make an ass out of yourself (regardless of reason) you will really cause the coach at the JC you are headed to to assign a big red flag to your name. 

Fly,

  Right now, you're losing this battle with the old coach. He owns you. No matter what you accomplish, he will continue to own you as long as you let his opinions of you affect how you play this game. You have proved him wrong, but still let him get under your skin. This could ruin your career if you don't get a handle on it. Go out there, do your job and smile in the knowledge that this SOB has no control over you or your emotions. Until you can get to that place, this guy still has a hold on you. Good luck.

I'll tell you this.  I am all for you sticking up for yourself, which you did:

"So after the game I was livid when it came to my attention, that he indeed was running his mouth. After the game, while the umps were walking off the field, I let him have it. I was holding in words I wanted to say to him for a very long time. I did so in front of everyone. I told him finally to go F himself in front of everyone. I told him he was a sh*tty coach back then and he needed to get over himself."

Now it is time to move on.  Life is too short to get caught up in this BS.  Good luck. 

Back when my son was 11, he played on a travel team for the 1st time.  It was just for the fall as kind of a fill in for some kids playing football.  He did very well and the coach begged for him to show up to tryouts for the spring team.  Well, he did go to the tryouts and did not make the team.  My son was devastated.  He cried that night.  We were not real happy with that coach.  He went back and played rec ball that spring.  

Two things happened after that which kind of helped us get our "revenge".  At the end of the spring season, that team needed some help for their end of the year tournament and they called and asked if my son would like to play.  He mulled it over and wound up saying yes.  He pitched, played short, 2nd and some outfield.  Pitched very well, made some spectacular plays in the field and hit well also.  All the parents on the team kept asking why we weren't playing for them and we told them because son was cut for the spring season.  They made a huge deal about it and it made my son feel pretty good.  He declined to play for them the following fall.  The other thing that happened was that his freshman year in HS, he was a starting pitcher on the HS varsity team.  We went to the school of the district where this coach lived to play their team.  That team was ranked #6 in the state in the highest classification at the time.  Well, that coach was at the game.  My son pitched a complete game and lost it 1-0.  The game lasted a total of 1 hour and 10 minutes and he threw 71 pitches in 6 innings.  I think I made a comment to the coach about him cutting my son that year and he admitted that it was a big mistake.  My son loved the fact that he pitched a great game and that coach was there.  Even said hi to him and shook hands after the game.  No animosity, no anger, just a really good feeling that the coach got to see what he had missed out on.

I would not let this anger you have rule your behavior.  As others have said, be the bigger man.  Just go out and do your job on the mound.  If you have the opportunity after the game, shake the coach's hand and tell him - Good game coach - and walk away.  That will have MUCH more impact than cussing him out.

You've gotten a lot of great advice above. My son also had a coach that told him he would never play high school ball - he was too short, too fat, not athletic enough, etc. He said these things to a 12 year old kid. My son made the varsity roster as a freshman. This same guy now says my kid has the body type that recruiters are looking for, he is very talented, etc. My son used this coach's words to motivate himself, but we never let him turn that motivation into a negative. It sounds like this has gotten away from you a little bit. I can definitely see how his treatment was very hurtful and you are still hurting from words and actions. As someone said above, the best revenge is playing your best and making him irrelevant. You've already proven him wrong. Time to stop giving him so much control over your future and make the most of your opportunities with positive motivation.

Good luck!

I'd take things a bit further than what most have said already. If everything you say about this individual is true, then obviously he's a poor excuse for a coach and a man.  Generally, there are two sides to every story.  But even as you've described him and his actions, that still only makes him about on par with a lot of secondary "dad" coaches out there.  Everyone has stories of "that" coach along the way... someone who was overly antagonistic, aggressive, negative, less than knowledgable about the game, etc.  Maybe your experience was more extreme than most... or maybe it's your reaction that has been more extreme... serving to fan the flames through the years.  It takes two to tango.

Ask yourself... Do you really think this coach is nearly so wound up about your joint history as you are... to write 8 or 9 lengthy, emotional paragraphs about it?  To me, regardless of what has transpired between the two of you, your post says something more about you than about the coach. As others have pointed out, you're sort of proving him right via your responses.  So let it go already and move on... Look for some bigger fish to fry.

My nerdy side coming out here.  Here's a book for you to read. 

It's the Enchiridion by the ancient philosopher Epictetus. It's about the importance of self-control and how to attain it.  And how focusing on what's in your control is the secret to true happiness and well being. 

Here's a link to it:

http://classics.mit.edu/Epictetus/epicench.html

I quote from the first chapter:

1. Some things are in our control and others not. Things in our control are opinion, pursuit, desire, aversion, and, in a word, whatever are our own actions. Things not in our control are body, property, reputation, command, and, in one word, whatever are not our own actions. 

The things in our control are by nature free, unrestrained, unhindered; but those not in our control are weak, slavish, restrained, belonging to others. Remember, then, that if you suppose that things which are slavish by nature are also free, and that what belongs to others is your own, then you will be hindered. You will lament, you will be disturbed, and you will find fault both with gods and men. But if you suppose that only to be your own which is your own, and what belongs to others such as it really is, then no one will ever compel you or restrain you. Further, you will find fault with no one or accuse no one. You will do nothing against your will. No one will hurt you, you will have no enemies, and you will not be harmed. 

Each of us has a finite amount of resources to apply to whatever set of thoughts and actions we choose to pursue. The amount we devote to one activity saps available resources from the others. Managing that process well and productively is one of the defining elements of maturity and has a great influence on our future as adults.

Do you really wish to continue devoting valuable resources to the enmity you feel for this former coach; or, would you prefer to channel those resources into other, more productive pursuits?

Put it behind you.

Thats a good story bballman!  I really like how the coach was willing to admit he made a mistake.

One side question - if you (or your son) "proves a coach wrong" - did they really?  Or was the coach possibly "right" at the time he made his decision?  I mean, after all, we all acknowledge that the 'best player' at 10 isn't necessarily the best one at 12...14...HS - right?

So what makes the coach "wrong" if we succeed later down the road in his face?  Maybe the coach is wrong, or maybe he was right...at that time?

Just something to think about - our younger son's HS coach has lots of stories about kids that barely made the team as freshmen but were stars by their senior year - including one who made it to MLB.

Just gotta ask, where is your current head coach while all this is going on?  Isn't he willing to step in and stop this guy?  If I was coaching I wouldn't let anyone attack one of my players.

justbaseball, I think a coach CAN make a "right" decision at the time, only to find out the kid matured in the meantime and it turns out he was wrong in retrospect.  There are plenty of stories of kids that were underachievers at one point only to mature into a completely different player as they get older.  

In the OPs case, and in my case, I don't think that is the situation.  One thing that happened in the OPs situation is that the coach told the player "You will never amount to anything - and I will make sure of that".  That is just plain wrong.  Another thing in this situation is that the coach WANTED him to play on the LL All-star team.  So, he obviously thought the player was good.  When the coach didn't get his way, he went out of his way to try and blackball the player.  This is wrong as well.  I think this particular coach made the "wrong" decision in attempting to "get back at" the player for not doing what he wanted and not that he thought the kid wasn't good enough, he wanted to punish the player emotionally as well by telling him he would never be good enough.  This guy is a jerk and should not be allowed to coach kids.  This player's feelings seem pretty justified, he just needs to get past it in a mature manner.

In my case, the coach begged my son to try out for the team when we weren't sure we were going to.  He then cut him only to have him play for him in the following season - like 4 months later - with my son proving his worth.  Yes, it was about 4 years later with the HS varsity situation, but less than a half year later, my son proved again that he should have made the team based on merit.  Not a lot had changed in those 4 months.

My situation is different than the OP in that the coach we were involved with was a nice guy.  I think the decision he made was a bad one, and I think he agreed.  With the OP, the guy is a jerk.  Both situations could bring about some animosity and a feeling of wanting to hold a grudge.  Both situations require someone being the bigger man and just going out and proving them wrong with action rather than words and animosity.  

I'm proud of how my son dealt with this at a young age.  We still talk and laugh about it from time to time.  I hope the OP will be able to look back on his situation and laugh about it one day instead of feeling angry about it.  Everyone faces obstacles in baseball and in life.  It's a matter of how you overcome those obstacles and come out on the other side that counts.

bballman - we agree with regards to the OP. If the story is accurate, then that coach is a total idiot and even a bad person.   We might agree(?) with regards to your own son but I don't know - you would know better than me.

But I think I've seen my point (posted above) play out many, many times over our sons' baseball journeys.  Coaches measure talent - now!  Not so much on potential except in rare cases.  Neither of our sons were the best player on their team or in their age group at 10, 12...14...HS freshmen, sophomore or juniors.  Neither was asked to play for the area high level travel team until they were sophomore (younger one) or junior (older one) despite being very visible in front of them.  Both went further than any of their teammates - but I would never say their coaches got their assessment wrong.  In fact, at the time they made those assessments, as much as it stung at times...I think they were spot on!!

I don't think they necessarily proved anyone "wrong."  Or at least not many - what they did was get better.

I just think, in general, its a good thought to keep in mind when these situations arise.  Is the coach full of $hit?  Or is he giving you a 'today-and-now' assessment?  A lot has to do with the neutrality of his assessment.

No, and again, proves the point that it is not worth putting any further head space or efforts toward, positive or negative.  Move on and pursue your dreams.

Lots of great advice here. He is trying to get to you and maybe has.  My only comment to you would be that it will take a big man to walk away.  Can you be the bigger man?  Life is too short to hold a grudge. 

Something i've learned from my wife over the years, she calls it "killing them with kindness". These type of people thrive on this stuff, dont give it to him. IF you see him, smile at him, say hi like its the first time you've ever met him, then go play your game. That will eat him alive and at the same time you will be letting it go. You dont need to prove anything.

Thanks guys. Of course I am out of high school now but the effects are still there. This man gave me such a hard time, it was very difficult for me to handle sometimes. The fact that he'd even bring up this HS and little league BS in an outlet outside of the HS system last year, made me very upset. It was summer scout ball for crying out loud! And he still had the nerve to run his mouth that day AS AN UMPIRE WHO IS SUPPOSED TO BEHAVE IN A PROFESSIONAL MANNER! I'm glad I got him suspended from umpiring the rest of that summer, that day. I wasn't planning on saying anything to him that day, until HE STARTED IT. Like, why would he talk sh*t about me to my teammate? Does he not think that my own teammate wouldn't have my back??

Now that he's an opposing coach now, you know I'm pumped for these next few days. I guess I'll just ignore him and let my game do the talking. I want to emphasize that I have no issues with my high school TRUE coaching staff, other than this man, who again, is daddy ball. I have no issues with daddy ball as their children doesn't effect me, but the way this man has treated me throughout the years, that's my problem.

At this point, he may just be trying to get under your skin to help his own team. And, from the above, it sounds like it is working... Basically, If you show emotion or respond to his actions, he wins... 

It is time to move on... and leave him behind.

As for coaches not seeing the talent - well, I often reflect back on my son's 12YO LL allstar team. Very strong team, went further than normal in the playoffs. Yet of the 12 kids on the roster, only 6 played HS ball. And only 3 played Varsity - and none of them were the stars of that LL team. Kids do grow up and change - and the best at 12 aren't always the best at 17. 

I don't think this particular situation had anything to do with talent. This man is just an A**hole that just went out of his way to bring me down and to discourage me from playing. It was never about talent. 

I know there are coaches that cut kids, and then later those kids become studs. I know several kids like that. One of my good friends, his dad is a MAJOR LEAGUE hitting coach, I will not say who it is to protect their identity, but with his dad being a ML coach, his son never made a high school varsity team. He too was told that he'd never be a college player. Now, he is one. I know there are always circumstances like that where a coach may be wrong initially, or maybe they didn't have the talent to play AT THAT PARTICULAR MOMENT IN TIME. But that was not the case for me.