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I have been amazed about the number of posts lately regarding parents posting about their players being (for whatever reason) unhappy. I am sometimes not sure whether it is the player or the parent themselves. Expectations have to be realistic.

Being through HS and college, I myself as well as son have found many times that things weren't always the way he or we liked them. The bottom line is that no matter how wonderful things appear, how good our players are, or we think they are, baseball is not an easy road. Whatever road you take, however far you go, there are always obstacles that one has to face and many times you find yourself questioning your decision. That's normal just like life you have to take each day, each game, each inning, each at bat, each year as it is your first and could be your last and do whatever you can to improve YOUR game, being a good team member and not worry about how the coach is screwing you, someone is better, you made a wrong choice, etc.

Some things I have found along the way that son dealt with on his own, with or without advice.

Will you always get the playing time you want?

Most likely no, in HS and in college. Every coach runs his team differently, in college it is big business. The coach makes decisions and sometimes they don't always seem fair, he has his reasons and that's it, just like your boss at work does what he wants and you have little or no say in the situation. The more you dwell on his decisions or develop and attitude, the less success you will have wherever you are. As we have stated over and over, coaches don't always play the best players, sometimes it's about loyalty, sometimes about experience, sometimes about winning, sometimes because you need to develop your game (even though you think you are the best at that position), sometimes you are not fully in his plan for another year or two. Sometimes you get lucky, a player gets hurt, gets drafted and as a freshman you get an early shot, it does happen often. Make sure that you have summer plans to improve and play as much as you can to improve and get noticed in HS and college. Don't rely solely on your HS coach or even your college coach or scouts at every game.

The coach lied to me.
Did the coach really make you false promises or is this your opinion. Where you so excited to get signed, you didn't realize there were more in front of you, you had to work harder to prove yourself, maybe you were just a backup guy for that program where in another you could have been a starter. Into half a season, how can you complain you haven't had enough playing time? Do that after seasons end. Things change rapidly the farther the season goes, starting pitchers are tired, position starters get banged up. You are now into 20+ games in a 56+ game season. Be patient. Even if you have done well a few at bats, a few innings, doesn't mean you are ready that moment. If a coach tells you that you will be a starter when he signs you as a senior in hS, remember things change, often. The only thing he should promise you as a scholarship player is a roster spot. The rest is up to you.

Did you make your decision on where to go to school on basebal only?

Bad choice, IMO.

Will you get drafted in college.

The truth is most likely not. Even if you are the best pitcher or best batter on your team, a very succesful college player doesn't always equate into a successful pro player or getting drafted. Lots of this depends on you as an individual player, where you play, who you play under, type of program, competition you face and whether a scout thinks you have pro potential. I always think it's better to concentrate on your degree than becoming a pro player, because in reality, that's what is most important. Everything else is icing on the cake, IMO. Remember, things change, a pro prospect in college can become a marginal player, and a marginal player can become a prospect. So much depends on your future potential, your growth and maturity. Because you are a college senior playing your best ever, does not mean you have a future in baseball. In fact, the older you are in college, the less likely you may be desired. You have to have GREAT stuff at 22,23,24 as you are "old" already.

Do I ask my parents to ever get involved.

Never, unless there are issues regarding overuse, and most likely that can only be while in HS. A situation that I know a parent pulled a college coach over to the side and complained about playing time and how unhappy his son was and how much better he was. The truth was the player was not unhappy and the player was not better than anyone else. When given his chance, he didn't perform and lost it to others, even younger than him. Do not speak to anyone else about your situation but your coach.

How will I know that this is the perfect "fit" for my choice as to where to go to school and playball.

Hardest question of all to answer. What appears to be the best choice may not be when you get there. Every program is run differently and you don't know that until you become a part of the team. What may have been a good year before, may not be the year you enter, and that causes lots of tension that may not have been there before you came. You have to learn to adjust to coaches and their demands, possible changes, their attitudes and their goals. If you can't do that, don't play college sports. You'll never be happy, no one is 100% happy, I can tell you that. Trying to get out of a situation because you find it not to your liking, may or may not mean the next place is better for YOU. Don't assume teh grass is greener. Yes, sometimes you have to get out, a good reason the coach is evil, period. Go with the flow, the more you do this the less likely you will be unhappy. Remember, coaches during recruiting are courting you, you don't find out who they are until you are with them 90% of your time and most likely you won't be happy 100% of the time. Are you all happy with your boss all of the time?

My post may have some familiarity, as I have taken some questions or situations posted here for my opinions.

Also, one may argue each situation is different, I don't agree with that. The situation your player is facing most likely has been faced by many before you. This is the norm, not the exception, usually.
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Wow,..TPM, you beat me to it. I too was just making a post about what seems to be a wave of dicontented parents lately at the highschool level.

I had been wondering if it was just human nature or something else?
You have probably hit the nail on the head about the reason fitting under an umbrella of parental expectations.

What I have also observed is that the players themselves dont seem to be complaining, so that continues to restore my faith as to what is happening in the baseball worlds/communities across America.

Many recent parental complaints are of this nature:

- At tryouts, my son did not make the level that " I think " he should have.
- My player does not get enough playing time.
- Other players on the team aren't very good.
- Why is the coach playing player X over player Z?
- " I " contacted the coach and now he's giving my son an attitude.
- My son has been black listed.
......and the list goes on.


I watched a kid recently week, who hasn't got a hit in the last three years, go up to bat 4th in the line up. ( my inner head/voice said, " huh ? " )
This kid hit one,.... ( and it was a beauty I must say! ) over the CF fence with runners on base! Cha ching!!

( Me and my stupid-stupid, " Huh? " head! ) More proof, I know NOTHING. Why did I second guess the coach's decison??

There are lots of things we parents don't always understand or agree with, especially when it comes to certain decisions that the coach(s) makes. But the truth be told, bottom line, it is hands down, the Coach's team.
He makes the decisions. We as observers have to learn to live with them.
The players seem to already understand this.


I also watched a parent yell from centerfield to his son sitting on the bench. " Tell your coaches to get some brains and put you in. You're the best *&%@$! player/pitcher on the team!! ".
Player continued to sit.
7th inning,...same player gets off the bench & takes right field. His dad is standing at the fence livid. The player calmly looks over to his dad and says, " Dad, I came to the game late. You cant be late. I'm in the game now. That's what counts. "

I know that father didn't enjoy that game.
He stood steaming with his ears on fire about his son not playing.
Doubt he took much note of his son's team mate who hit one over the fence for the first time in his life that night, or the sophomore who's quick thinking turned a double play and ended a crucial inning for us.
The value of these kinds of awesome moments unfortunately gets lost on the parent who is so consumed with the idea that his/her own child is being " wronged ".

I hope this father asked his son after the game, " Why were you late to your game ? " and then talked to him about the importance of being on time, etc. I also hope he noticed that the team still won inspite of his son sitting the bench.
( Remember that kid who hit one over the fence? Well he was actually filling in for this father's son's usual batting spot. )
Hopefully that event alone triggered the idea to both father and son, that no one player is more important over another.
I truely hope he didnt spend the rest of the evening telling his son how stupid his coaches were for not playing him for most of the game,...... but I have a feeling that's probably what happened.
I also have a feeling the coach probably got a livid phone call/email from this parent.
I'd also be willing to bet the coach wasnt going to meet this parent with a giant happy grin on his face either,...but, that just my best hunch. Wink

Parents,...please enjoy these four years of ball. The good, the bad, and the ugly. Consider it your challenge to find a way to overcome adversity. Take the high road, teach your sons that good things dont always come easy and that this too is just a tiny blip on the map of their life.
How these players and how we as parents handle these situations will help mold our children into what they will be in the future.
Its sooo important.

Enjoy the game,...if your son isn't playing,.....watch, observe, and cheer on the team, just like he is.
Don't miss out on special team moments.
Enjoy the team, not just your own player,....but the team as a whole.

There is a whole lot of satifaction that comes from watching the new, green-still-wet-behind-the-ears-catcher make an amazing throw down to 2nd, or the pitcher who finds his zone after a few harsh innings, or the left fielder who slides through the wet grass on his belly with his glove up and the ball sitting pretty inside of it.

Your son is watching. He's learning. He's overcoming. Join him.

We as parents can learn alot from our kids.
Last edited by shortstopmom
Once in high school or college player needs to develope rapport with coaches and address any issues he / she has.Parents need to let "little birdy" fly out of the nest.Without this chance to succeed or fail the parent becomes an enabler of parental dependancy.Give the kids a chance and most times they'll figure it out.Life is not always fair and sometimes knocks you down,The true test is what you do after that.

Good posts folks...
Here are a couple of more anecedotes that happened to us just this week.
1. Starter forgot pants... had to sit out. I wasn't going to ask another kid to give up his pants.
2. DH has shin splints bad.... mom e-mails my assistant coach, "can he play somewhere else where he wouldn't have to run much?" ... I mean folks, in the words of Larry the Cable Guy, that's funny I don't care who you are.
Sometimes I wonder if the kids would be unhappy if this generation of parents didn't tell them they're supposed to be unhappy. I think it's the parent's ego getting bruised their kid isn't the star or a starter.

I never remember my father commenting on anything negative regarding teammates and coaches. I remember one year of college summer ball the coach promised twelve position players starting positions. When I complained to my dad he asked what I was going to do about it. He meant on the field, not complaining to the coach.
Last edited by RJM
quote:
Parents,...please enjoy these four years of ball. The good, the bad, and the ugly. Consider it your challenge to find a way to overcome adversity. Take the high road, teach your sons that good things dont always come easy and that this too is just a tiny blip on the map of their life.
How these players and how we as parents handle these situations will help mold our children into what they will be in the future.
Its sooo important.

Enjoy the game,...if your son isn't playing,.....watch, observe, and cheer on the team, just like he is.
Don't miss out on special team moments.
Enjoy the team, not just your own player,....but the team as a whole.

There is a whole lot of satifaction that comes from watching the new, green-still-wet-behind-the-ears-catcher make an amazing throw down to 2nd, or the pitcher who finds his zone after a few harsh innings, or the left fielder who slides through the wet grass on his belly with his glove up and the ball sitting pretty inside of it.

Your son is watching. He's learning. He's overcoming. Join him.

We as parents can learn alot from our kids.

shortstopmom - these are very powerful words and stirred some emotions in me. If I am reading what you are saying correctly, I believe you are saying that there is tremendous honor in being on the team. I can even think in my own experiences, where you get caught up in what position someone is playing or where they may be hitting in the order or whether or not they are even playing for that matter. If that is the only focus, many of these team blessings for which you speak can be missed and I regret I missed some of them - moreso when I was a boy than in my son's experiences.

This also reminded me of a story and it demonstates how children can change or affect the lives of adults...

During my son's pre-hs years, I was always glad just to be the scorekeeper as it was something I enjoyed. For our 14 year old pony travel team however, I was asked to be an assistant coach. I agreed to coach first base and I would keep score at the same time Smile

On the day we held tryouts for this team, it was snowing on and off all day. Only 16 kids showed up for tryouts and we were going to keep 12 kids. One kid named Drew made the team by default. Another kid actually played better than Drew but he gave the vibe he was a trouble-maker so we kept Drew. We considered him to be the 12th man on our bench and didn't expect him to play that much. Were we ever mistaken about that!

As is the case with any baseball team at any level, not all 9 guys you play are going to perform well. With the slim pickings we had that year, that was almost assuredly the case. As time went on, Drew started to grow on us. He was a first-one-there and the last-one-to-leave types. Always had a smile on his face. Would give the shirt off his back type of player. I have never to this day met anyone as unselfish as him. In short, everyone loved that kid.

We started finding resaons to put him in the lineup. He started in the 9 hole and he played mostly first base. As time went on, he willed himself to become better and he did. We kept moving him up in the order and he started to pitch for us. At the end of the year, he clearly was one of our best players. Never forget him and it shows the power that a player actually possesses. Think about all the fun you can have looking out for the other guy and being on the team. I assure you someone will notice and they just might not ever forget.
Last edited by ClevelandDad
I have one son in his final year of college ball, one in his second.

The posts on here are truly dead-on, 100% correct. You can like 'em or dislike 'em, but print them off and save them, then come back to read them when your sons have been in college a couple years,and you'll see they were gospel correct.

One added bit of advice: if your spouse doesn't use the computer, and can't look up your college guys' stats on the internet, don't make the mistake of teaching them how. Roll Eyes
From truthorfiction.com ...

Bill Gates' High School Speech on The Eleven Rules of Life-Fiction!

Summary of the eRumor

Bill Gates spoke before a group of high school students and gave them his eleven rules of life.

The Truth

This is not from Bill Gates. It's an excerpt from the book "Dumbing Down our Kids" by educator Charles Sykes. It is a list of eleven things you did not learn in school and directed at high school and college grads.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Anyway, thanks for the information. Either way I've never seen it before.
Stagedad,

How about the parents of kids who have watched them go from star of youth baseball - to toilet bowl - and then back again.

Do you think they might know a thing or two?


TPM - I thought that was really great insight - and I agree with what RJM posted about this generation of parents.

I think if you keep things as simple as you can - if you work really hard and play really hard whenever you get the chance - if you fight through the ups and downs with your head held up high - if you ignore the hype and the naysayers - and if you truly enjoy playing the game - you will have a good experience - regardless of the ultimate level you obtain or how others measure success.

I also think it helps alot if you can tactfully tell your parents to keep their mouths shut and act like adults and not like spoiled brats - if necessary.
Excellent advice from all the experienced parents. I'm going to print it up and give it to my son. Most importantly, I will memorize the advice for his upcoming college years(for me). I too have noticed alot of complaining parents on the site recently. Hopefully they will read TPM's advice and take it to heart.
Very good posts.

I think most of the time the parent is a lot more upset about the amount of playing time, or the batting order, or the stats, or whatever, than the player is. Often the player understands better WHY he is not playing, or is playing where he is. And the parent's first job should be to shut up and not make themselves and their son miserable. Second job is to watch the game, enjoy it, and applaud their son's team and teammates. Heck, go ahead and applaud a special play by the other team, too!

Just let your player play. It's the best game in the world.

Julie
Last edited by MN-Mom
I think (hope) that sometimes the complaints are contained to this board. Maybe some parents use this as a way to vent and voice frustrations, but they leave it here. In a way, this becomes a "therapy board" doesn't it?! For every upset parent on board, there are several who answer and say "I know what you are going through..." I think people just want to be heard and validated, even if they know they have to be quiet in real life and let the game play out.

A recent story from our family file:

We arrive at a game. Our sophomore son is usually the starting catcher (over a senior) but on this occasion senior is behind the plate and son is in left. This was also true of a previous game. My hubby's jaw gets a bit tight, and he mumbles to me "When did son lose the starting position?" (He'd never say this to son or coach, by the way.) I point out that son IS starting. Also that he understand the coach's dilemma: the last two teams are big hitters/slow runners, we have a young pitcher at the plate who will probably give up some deep hits to left, and the team's best option for left field control is our son. The senior behind the plate might give up a few more passed balls/bases, but a hole in left has cost us too many runs in previous games. Hubby immediately relaxes and says, "Oh! OK..." and sits down. Son comes in behind the plate after 4 innings (senior doesn't have endurance) in which we're holding at 1 run behind, and we fall back by 6 because of uncaught balls in left. <sigh> I actually wish son could have stayed in OF a little longer.

Sometimes the coach just has to figure out how to make the best of things.

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