Roller Coaster Ride

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So why is it then that I let how my son is doing in baseball play such a consuming role in my thoughts?

*Because you love him*

luvbb,

You can't get off of the ride, because you are along for the ride. It is a helpless feeling and unfortunately there is nothing you can do about it. OldSlugger said it right....because you love him. When he is doing great and "HAPPY", you are happy, when he is down and out, you are down and out. Certainly does not make it easy, I know I have been there (very similar situation), and you have to find ways to keep your mind off of it so it does not consume you. How folks cope with this type of situation varies but if you find your "OWN" way to take your mind off the situation even for a little bit........it WILL help.

Your son, is not where he wants to be now as far as his skill level. He also MUST put things into persepective. When you miss a full year of this sport (as my son did for different reasons), it is ALL uphill. He has to continue to work and work hard and get back to where he was before the injury.....then get beyond that to the point where he is improving his skills.

If he loves this game and I believe he does, then he will be just fine. What he has to accomplish takes TIME. He will get there, and you will be right there with him.

O42

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Have to admit, roller coasters are NOT my most favorite amusement park ride. I WILL go on them, but usually it is the end result of peer pressure and being called a "wimp" by my kids one too many times!

I'll start with the obvious side of this metaphor first and declare, you couldn't have stated my views on riding roller coasters any more clearly. In fact, I rarely succumb to peer pressure any more.

From the baseball perspective, it describes our circumstances well. Things looked so promising last fall. The first day of fall intrasquad practice was pro scout day as it is on many D1 campuses. My son showed up that day and lit it up hitting, running, throwing, and in the field. We were both on cloud nine. All in all, he had what I believe was a productive fall and it ended with an interview with the coach. He was told we have good and bad news for you. The good news is no one beat you out but the bad news is you did not beat anyone else out. I thought that odd and looking back is probably not a good thing for a freshman to hear. It seems to me that freshman need to overwhelm their competition not just play equal to them because they are always going to lose out in the experience department to older kids.

This spring comes and he started out hitting well and then got into a ground ball hitting funk he never quite got himself out of. As many of you know, we thought he had made the team since his number was posted yet in fact he had been redshirted. Having to post that was in fact from the bottom of the hill.

We quickly adjusted to that and out of the blue, a teammate of his decides he wants to redshirt and that opens a spot for my son. We start to climb the hill again. A day or two later which was a couple of weeks ago, he appears in his first game. Wow...talk about progress...now it appears he will likely not see much action this season. Do I believe in emotional roller coasters? You bet. Has my attitude changed on things? You bet.

I have found that the peaks and valleys can be controlled somewhat by how you react to the situation. When he was redshirting, I did not let him feel sorry for himself and challenged him everyday to improve. Now that he is on the team yet sitting on the bench, I have focused on all the virtues of his current development and situation. He is now seeing live college pitching during the week and getting his regular turns in practice and before games - which he was not getting while redshirting. He just needs to climb the next hurdle and get into the games.

I remember clearly the advice that was given here about getting overly excited about fall practice. It was still in my mind that maybe my son would be an exception and given a shot as a freshman. It was not to be however, and the only way to deal with it (the roller coaster) is to focus on those things you can control and not dwell on those things you can't.

luvbb
My roller coaster ride is going on right now too! And I DON'T DO ROLLER COASTERS, of course I have no choice right now either. On top of all this I'm a control freak and Matt's knee injury is completely out of my control and it's in God's. I'm like one of those spoiled children that ask mom or dad to fix something and while their working on it I'll grab it back and try and do it myself.

Matt and I just had a talk this morning about this very topic and "he said he hopes he understands someday why this happen." so trying to offer comfort... I told him he just has to believe that there is a reason and purpose and sometimes we don't like the way things are or understand.

I'm ready to get off the roller coaster and sit on cloud nine for awhile!!!

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He will get there, and you will be right there with him.

Well THAT is a given!

Actually, my intent wasn't for my post to be just about OUR situation. Altho, I do thank both of you for your input. My intent was more about HOW people deal with this sort of roller coaster ride. I do know that not everything is perfect all the time for all of us....if that was the case, we would all be batting 1.00! Actually, I personally think baseball might be a little MORE of a roller coaster ride than some other sports and endeavors. Yes...I love my son (as Oldslugger so correctly predicted! )....but he has also had difficult periods in OTHER endeavors of his that have not resulted in the same roller coaster ride that we have experienced with baseball. And...we have always found a way to not let those other endeavors take over our lives as baseball seems to. So...what is it about Baseball that makes it more of a roller coaster? Is it the mentality that it is a game of more failures than successes?

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So...what is it about Baseball that makes it more of a roller coaster? Is it the mentality that it is a game of more failures than successes?

Excellent question. Let me answer it by using another metaphor. Back in my college days, if my grades had slipped, or if I just wanted to get good grades, I could control things by merely outworking my problem - just study so much that I had no choice but to get a good grade.

With baseball, when things are not going well you can sometimes work 10 times harder and subsequently get 1/10th the result. It is the hardest and most humbling sport imho. Thus, the real success may be in how one handles failure. More of a mental challenge than a physical one - especially as you move up to the higher levels of the game.

I think we all have roller coaster rides in our lives on a daily basis. Some days work is more enjoyable than others, our kids do better on a test in science one week than the next time, etc.

Baseball just pulls on our heartstrings so much because it's our son's passion and ours as well. We all know how much it means to our kids and I think in our minds, fear them not being able to pursue their dream any further. We all know that sooner or later, it will end - and that's not anything that any of us want to think about or deal with. It will be the end of that rollercoaster ride!

So, for the time being, I think most of us will choose to hang on for a bit longer! Antacids can help! LOL

Roller Coasters are an acquired taste. The more you ride them the easier it gets.
What me ride one ? NEVER.

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the only way to deal with it (the roller coaster) is to focus on those things you can control and not dwell on those things you can't.

Now THAT is easier said than done, isn't it??? Especially if your share that "TypeA" personality that 03parent and myself seem to possess! Does this all boil down to personality type? I don't think so because my normally laid back "whatever happens, happens" huband is on the roller coaster ride WITH me this time!

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Thus, the real success may be in how one handles failure. More of a mental challenge than a physical one - especially as you move up to the higher levels of the game.

CD...now THAT is a great way to look at it. And I can honestly say....I'm NOT a success right now! I also would like to add...my son is MUCH better at dealing with the baseball ups and downs than his MOM is!

luvbb,

Sorry, I got caught up in one of my moments. Now to answer your question...How do you deal with it?

Folks that are in these situations and for those of you who do not know me, I have been through this with mine and then some.

You MUST find a way at least in your mind to feel like you are controlling the situation, when in fact you are not. It will ease the pain and help you to cope. The mind is a funny thing and it is a powerful thing. It can make us believe we are sick when we are not; it can make us feel better when we are not. I know it is easier said than done, but folks in general in these situations will WORRY themselves SICK. To the point where the game is just not fun anymore.

Find ways that help you cope; I do not know what they are; for myself, I made up my mind when the wheels came off the cart that I would step back and let someone else put them on. It worked for me and it did help ease the anxiety that I was experiencing.

Hope this was a little better.

O42

Good advice O42!

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You MUST find a way at least in your mind to feel like you are controlling the situation, when in fact you are not. It will ease the pain and help you to cope. The mind is a funny thing and it is a powerful thing. It can make us believe we are sick when we are not; it can make us feel better when we are not.

orioles42 - that was a classic post!!! In my two previous long-winded posts, that is the philosophy I was trying to convey

Thanks CD......I have not been around much lately...doing a lot of traveling.

O42

So I have to let them, put the wheels back on this cart.....ok
A friend told me "let go and let God"

I think I needed all this..... thanks guys

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but folks in general in these situations will WORRY themselves SICK. To the point where the game is just not fun anymore.

Very good point Orioles! I might add that it is a tremendous "weight loss" plan too!

Did not mean to make you feel your prior post was "not important" in anyway! Actually, I know of a "few" people who are going thru difficult times "baseball-wise" right now...there is some comfort in knowing you aren't alone in dealing with frustration. That bad things DO happen to good people unfortunately. Sometimes, we only feel comfortable posting when GOOD things are happening for our sons....it is much more difficult to acknowledge publicly the "not so good" times. I have come to the same conclusion pretty much that you espoused....stepping back and realizing you have no control and letting someone (or something) else lead the way. I have found over the past year that a certain mantra keeps popping up in my brain "What is meant to happen, will happen." It doesn't necessarily make it any "easier" to deal with the difficult times.....but it does help in the "letting go" that grips many of us parents. BUT....I am STILL known to change my seat, leg position, take off sunglasses, put on sunglasses, etc. to ensure a timely hit when things are slumping! I can't relinquish control COMPLETELY!

What also helps????? Perhaps a couple servings of that Green Wine that Pamom is brewing tonight????

ummmm green wine would definately work!!!

So CD....after today's game....let me venture a guess that you are enjoying the roller coaster ride today???? Congrats!

luv---

First of all, and this is weird---I just looked down on the keyboard to start typing this post and, lo and behold, what is crawling on it but a ladybug. I think we should take this as a sign (I'm trying really hard not to squish our "sign"---she's VERY mobile!)!

Am I the only roller coaster fanatic in the crowd? I'll go on ANY one at ANY time (I'm the one who shames you into wimpdom)---as long as it runs on tracks and isn't related to baseball and my son. Didn't enjoy THAT one at all, as you well know.

Green wine helps at times, but there is a fine line between just enough to ease the pain, and a bit too much that tends to magnify it. I like your "step back" theory better. Get off the coaster, take a breather, and let it whoosh around without you for awhile. The time will come again soon when you're ready (or when you get pushed back into the car by the forces that be) to deal with another ride...and this time, you'll be fully aware of the ups and downs along the way.

And of COURSE there is a reason. But we might not know what it is until the park closes. One thing I DO know, however, is that you will survive!