senior and coach at odds

Thanks for all the replies.  I have received some good information.  While I do think I was a little harsh and made it seem as though my son is mostly at fault for the bad relationship, I do recognize that he needs to make some adjustments as to how he handles himself in situations that he may believe are not favorable to him. I am not certain that any talk my son has will make the coach see him differently but I am going to encourage him to do it.  If this is not successful, do you think moving him would be best?  He could live with his father and attend the school in his area.  I am just not sure what happens if someone calls your new hs coach and he has not been around you since you are a transfer. Any ideas about how this might be perceived?

Dont assume that moving will solve the problem.
He needs to go speak to the coach and own up to his poor attitude.

BBmom25,

Many on this board will tell you to have your son settle things with the coach and adjust his attitude. The only one who can make this call is your family. Nobody on this board knows your son or his coach. Most are assuming your son is wrong (he may be?) but we don't know for sure.

A very good player came to my sons high school team last year because he could not along with his old coach. Our team did very, very well and the so called "trouble maker" has since committed to a D1 program in So Cal. He was a good kid and teammate according to my son. You just never know.

 

Good luck, a new school/head coach  may be just what he needs.

So your son plays on one of the top travel teams in the country....and yet you're worried about him being recruited from a "not so good" HS team as a senior next spring???   Sorry to be blunt, but something is very wrong with this picture.  If he's on one of the top travel teams in the country and is going to be recruited...he would be getting recruited now....next spring on a bad HS team will get him absolutely no recruiting of any kind.  Seems to me like maybe if he does have the attitude you're saying he does that maybe college coaches are also seeing it...and have stayed away....as prime time for rising seniors was this summer...not next spring.  I'm thinking you're in a tough spot...both with the HS coach...and with your son's recruiting timetable. 

Buckeye, you make  good point about the player's senior year of HS ball not being relevant, but the OP did say that he had D2 and Juco offers already.

 As I said previously, I think I have been too harsh on my son.  My son has never had any issues with his travel ball coaches and is considered very coachable.  I would find it hard to believe that any scout has seen a negative attitude from him.    He is generally a happy kid who really enjoys the game.  However, he is still maturing and thus has done things off the field at school that his hs coach probably views as signs of immaturity and the coach's response to these instances has not been to talk to him but rather issue stiff punishments on the field (sit him games, look at him with disgust and be very short with him in a no nonsense manner.  I do not think the two of them have had a smile or positive exchange accept maybe a couple of times.  As for scholarship offers, my son is getting looks and has been to some camps at some big schools and shown very well and drawn interest.  He is still getting interest and by fall he is hoping to have solidified one of his top schools.  The issue is that even after he is recruited he still needs to play his senior year right?  This is the idea behind the move to a new school.  As parents, we are trying to make the best decision for his senior year overall while recognizing the importance of baseball in his future plans.

Once again, have your son go speak with the coach.

 

First your son did something, then he did nothing, now he did something.

 

Stop enabling your son.  Transferring him won't teach your son to face the issue head on.

 

He should put his big boy pants on and talk to the coach.

 

baseballmom25- I'm usually pretty sympathetic to difficult situations with HS baseball coaches. My HS baseball experience was miserable. The head coach was a manipulative egomaniac who made life miserable the majority of the time. I despised him and couldn't wait to graduate and move on to college, where the coaching staff would hopefully be different (they were). I haven't said a word to my HS coach since the last game of my senior year and don't plan on changing that ever.

 

With that being said, acknowledging that your son has made mistakes and continuing to defend him by pointing blame at the coach for troubles is not only enabling, but is taking away your son's responsibility to reap rewards and suffer consequences for his actions. As several posters have said already, the only way to properly resolve such issues is to have your son approach the coach in a respectful, professional, mature manner and have a discussion about their differences. Everyone knows that teenagers can be immature and do dumb things. What's more important than recognizing those immature and dumb things is addressing them and understanding how to move forward past them.

 

I'm not saying that your son's coach is 100% innocent in this situation. He very well might not be. But to imply that your son is, well, that's to live with blinders on. Especially given your acknowledgement of his transgressions off the field, however minor they may seem to you.

 

In the words of TPM…JMO.

 

He's a kid and he will do dumb stuff on and off the field.  It happens and the vast majority of us have been through this.  What matters the most is how you handle it once it happens.  I have no idea what his attitude is or what off the field things he has done but those are your words.  Right now based on what I'm reading, and I could be wrong because I truly have no idea what the whole story is, your son needs to have his first "man up" session and talk to the coach.  The coach may be the biggest jacka$$ on the face of the earth but he's still the coach and he still makes the line up out.  When you have an issue with someone the worst thing you can do is ignore it or run away from it - you face it.  Have your son have a private sit down with the coach and see what's going on.  Your son needs to be humble enough that if it's truly his fault to be wise enough to see this and work to resolve it.  If it's not his fault then you will see that the coach is a jacka$$ and there's no resolving the situation.  The good thing about this is you know now what's going on and can move forward.

 

The worst thing you can do is move because you're teaching your son to run from issues.  You and his father are not letting him experience things to where he can learn, grow and mature into someone who can handle their own issues.  You and the father can help your son do this by helping him prepare for the conversation.  Go over things to ask / discuss, how to phrase things without having attitude and things like that.

 

Another issue with transferring him to another school is research the heck out of it.  I'm assuming you and the father are not married and that you have primary custody of your son.  Most states (if not all - not sure) will want the father to take over primary custody of the son before he's able to enroll or be eligible to play sports.  As an AD myself these are things I have to look into when a new kid transfers into our school.  Usually it's taken care of by our counseling department because our county does not allow students to enroll unless custody has changed hands.  I have no clue what your situation is but it is something to think about.

I'm a bit reluctant to offer parenting advice but you specifically asked, so...

 

There are so many things (beyond baseball) to consider before moving a kid to a different school, particularly his senior year and particularly with sports as a major factor in the decision.  Please think them through thoroughly.  Only the parents and son will have enough info and insight to make a properly measured decision.  That said, I think it is good to ask here.  Some can offer up specific scenarios to consider, such as what Coach2709 provided.  Is it legal?  Would he forfeit athletic eligibility?  Does the son want to move?  What logistics issues will this cause?  Where is the stronger friend network?  Other activities?  Other adjustments?  Other kids?  Academic comparisons... the list goes on.  You can also search the forums here for more discussions on the topic.

 

 I think you are seeing enough signs to know that playing HS ball his senior year is not necessarily critical to playing at the college level.  I also think JH said it best about using this as a learning opportunity for your son to take responsibility for his actions (ironically, JH is one of the only posters on this thread who is not a parent).  This may be one of the last chances for you as parents to send the right message and teach him in that regard.  I think, even as important as baseball may seem right now, this is far more important.

 

If your son tries to do the right thing (take the high road and make amends with the coach and make a sincere effort to adjust his behavior), I believe it will eventually work out for the best.  Even if the coach does not respond to his efforts, there are other ways to get the necessary work in to continue to hone his baseball skills.

 

As a HS coach, I get some kids with stellar character, several with typical teen maturity challenges, some with issues beyond the norm, etc.  I think the most rewarding interactions I have are when the kids with the typical maturity challenges show efforts to break through and become respectable young men (and teammates).  I certainly would welcome hearing from a player who wishes to do so, regardless of any past issues.

 

...he is still maturing and thus has done things off the field at school that his hs coach probably views as signs of immaturity and the coach's response to these instances has not been to talk to him but rather issue stiff punishments on the field (sit him games, look at him with disgust and be very short with him in a no nonsense manner.

Sounds to me like the Coach is doing some parenting by disciplining an "arrogant teen with attitude". Sounds like Coach had/has higher expectations of your sons behavior. Sounds to me like Coach is silently inviting son to humble himself & straighten out the attitude. Sounds to me like Coach is telling this boy who is the boss on his TEAM. 

As a senior in HS, your son is representing your family values, his HS, his ball team, his Coach, etc, etc.  He's old enough to be choosing how he wants to be viewed (judged) by those who have the power/influence to help or hinder or...show apathy. He's in control of his own reputation & hopefully will STAND for what the Coach is wanting from him...as teammate, as a young adult, as a soon to be man.

 

While my kids were growing up, part of my job, as a parent was to teach "choice".. If son got into some situation at school or with friend/foe, think before you act/speak/react. If/when he committed a "wrong", address it immediately, & accept the consequences or do what was necessary to right the wrong. 

Moral: You win or lose by the way you choose.

 

 

B Mom 25 this is a tough issue. I hope it works out, and that your son and the coach can resolve or at least put their issues behind them.

FWIW, my son garnered his interest and offer from the Travel coach who had the contact with the Head Coach where my son is headed this fall. He not the HS Coach assisted with his recruitment as he does with the boys in his program. Even then , the Coach called his HS Coach and exchanged emails with the  HS Asst Coach\ Pitching Coach,  they do their due diligence and hoping they won't make contact will not work.

Only 1 solution , son has to eat some humble pie, lead by example and get through the year. If he really wants to play at the next level he will do it.

 Good luck and keep us posted on how it works out. 

OP, I know you are probably sick of hearing everyone here telling you your son needs to man up and talk to the HS Coach and try to fix things with him, but its true.  I know HS baseball is a minor point in the recruitment process but many college coaches will call the HS coach to verify the kids character.

 

I ran track in college (i know its not baseball but..) and I can tell you once you are in college the coaches take absolutely no BS.  If they fell like the athletes character is not up to par they will deal with it. Some may talk to the athlete first others may react as your HS coach has and just eliminate them from the team.  It does not matter if its an attitude on the field or an off the field incident.  When you show up to your team organization meeting before the season starts the team rules will be explained to the athletes.  Most schools will require the athlete to sign an agreement recognizing the rules.  If you break one of these rules it will be dealt with.  How its dealt with is up to the coach.  He may go soft on one kid and boot another.  Its totally up to him and the athlete has no say.  It may not be fair but thats the way it is.  Its better for your son to learn to deal with these issues now instead of trying to navigate through it later in his career.  

Agree with joes87 here.  My son is going into his junior year at a top D2 university.  In two years, I have seen 3 players get cut primarily for attitude problems.  In one case, the player felt he should be a two way guy and coach wanted him as a PO.  He was a good pitcher and probably would have been a starter sophomore year.  Kid debated with the coach during his exit interview and coach just told him to pack his stuff and go somewhere else.  Another kid was a pretty good relief pitcher, but also felt he should be two way.  He got cut at the end of the year because coach didn't think he was a good teammate because of his attitude towards not playing in the field.  Third kid was a top weekend starter as a freshman and sophomore.  Got in some off field trouble, did not have a good attitude and work ethic.  Final straw was being late to a practice and coach cut him.  Went to an NAIA the next two years and wound up drafted.  Even the good players will not be tolerated if they do not have a good attitude.

 

As others have said, I don't know enough about all the details here, but your son should learn to deal with this situation without running away.  It could crop up again in college and it will not be dealt with kindly.

To answer your question about moving, bad, bad idea. Senior year is about more than baseball.  Besides, the new coach won't be able to help him because he doesn't know him, and then there's the question "why did you transfer your senior year?"

 

It is completely irrelevant whose "fault" it is. There has been a perception created, and your son is the only one in a position to possibly change it. However, I assume by now your son has played for many coaches, and all but the HS coach would give him a great recommendation, right?

 

As in all aspects of life, you build a reputation. Your son has a reputation which extends beyond his high school coach's opinion. If that reputation is sterling, the coach's opinion will be balanced against that.

 

There are lots of players in college who did not get along with their high school coaches.

 

 

While I don't know everyone story here I do know this.If ever there was a situation to have a bad situation its ours.As much of a a@#$ or good guy I could be I would never allow my son to have let things get to this point.It does not even matter if spring ball will be played or not for this coach.This situation must be fixed even if it comes down to the kid thinking hes getting screwed.My guy has had the same coach for 4 years he has 2 more years to go.The coach has no doughbt there have been times I felt like strangling him.Deservedly.There is no way I would ever allow 2016 to feel the same.I was at a tourney this summer 60 miles from home and when the gate guy saw my hat he asked if thats where I am from.When I said yes his next question was about the coach.People know if this is the coach.But that doesn't mean your guy has to play the game.I don't mean this literaly but if it takes cleaning his gutters and washing his car get it done and over with.Over my years I have met 3-4 people I could not STAND but I sucked it up for what ever reason and they are still some of my best friends we laugh about it now.2016 just recieved his first offer from probably the top program in midwest.They had/have no clue about head coach.have;nt talked to him.I am sure they will at some point but offer has already been made.I really think your son(maybe not you thats ok) will really feel better in the long run if he gets this situation buttoned up before school gets back.If he is as good as you say some travel team will put him on even if its late where you are...........