Son not sure about school!

base4, I'm an expert at nothing, but I'll share my thoughts with you.

First, let me share that my son just completed his freshman year of college at a JUCO. I won't go into the history of how he got there, but it was a very rash decision. Come spring, he decides he's not happy and that baseball isn't fun anymore. He doesn't know if he wants to continue playing.

The first thing I did (after picking my heart up off the floor) was explain to him that 1) leaving school in the middle of a semester wasn't an option if he was thinking of that 2) life is full of challenges and I expected him to rise accordingly, 3) I didn't want him to lay blame to anyone for how he was feeling-you always have a choice over how you allow someone to affect your life, 4) playing baseball has always been his choice and continues to be, 5) I would support him in whatever his decision was about baseball and where he went to school.

What I wanted my son to understand was that he had support. I also wanted him to take time to contemplate exactly what he did want in his life. Did he want to play baseball? If so, what kind of coach and program did he want to be a part of? Why was he unhappy where he was? What exactly where his options with baseball and school? To properly consider all of these things obviously takes time.

I think as long as your son understands that you support him whatever he chooses and that the primary goal is to obtain a college degree, I think that takes a load off. Just to understand one has options in life and can choose their paths makes anyone feel lighter about making tough choices.

I would suggest that you schedule some time to discuss options with your son and the ramification of all options-either take a trip to see son or make him lock himself in a room where you can have a nice chunk of time undisturbed. Also, make sure he feels comfortable enough to completely share his heart with you. Time is ticking, but he's got a bit of clock still to fully consider everything.

I'll pray for him too because I know these are tough situations that these young men face.

BTW, my son completed his year making the dean's list, has signed with a four year school where he's communicated more with the coach this summer than he did his JUCO coach all year, is pitching very well this summer, and is once again excited about baseball and the opportunities that lie before him.

Best of luck to your young guy!

I think Lafmom gave you great advice, however, her son is a freshman going from a JUCO to a 4 year school.

You have stated your son is a junior with so much ahead of him. Do you mean baseball? I ask because your son has one year of eligibility left and as far as pro ball, will have very little bargaining power next year if he has interest for the draft, even if he has the best year of his baseball career. I think that is what you were referring to in your post.

By the time our sons are juniors they most likely have reached the age of 21. They are adults and can make their own decisions, with your guidance of course. But somehow I get the feeling you will miss it more than he will. This is the time when many players decide that life is more than baseball. He sounds like he is having a break out summer, but understand it doesn't necesarily translate into future success at another school or later as a career. Too many people think that a successful collge baseball career will get you drafted. I have seen many, many really good college players not get drafted at all.

I would be devastated if son came to us tomorrow and said he didn't want to play anymore, we would tell him how we feel, but in the end it would be his decision. In your case, if son asked me (being a junior) what he should do I would tell him this. The main reason for going to college is for your education, to experience one of the best times of your life before you join the workforce, and making friends for life and getting a chance to play a sport you love beyond HS. If that is something that is very important to you, more important than the game, then stay and stick it out, earn your degree with or without baseball. Transfering is not always the answer.

Best of luck.

I did not mean anything toward the draft. He has 3 years elgibility left. His father is going to visit him this weekend and support him in his decision. Thank you both for your advice. He knows we support him in his decision. We just hate to see him give up on something he loves because of all the political things going on.

base - Hopefully he's just questioning things because he is unhappy and when he takes time to really reflect on what he wants in his life, he'll decide that baseball will continue to be a part of it.

Regardless of his choice, he's blessed to have parents who support him in whatever he chooses.

Best of luck to him and make sure and let us know how things progress for him.

Base,
Your posts are very confusing, you stated your son was a junior in college, but obviously has been redshirted, two years, if he has 3 years of eligibility left.

Thank you! Husband flies out tomorrow!

He redshirted his freshman year, played his soph. year, will be a junior with 3 years left. so he has used one year elgibility. 3 to go.

Base4

Every time I read a post about another kid thinking about hanging it up, I get scared, because it makes me think about what I would do if it happened to my son.


I have read in some of the threads were kids are “ready” to end their baseball playing days and have other things they want to do. Although, this may be hard on the parents and family at least they know he will be able to go on with his life and be happy with his decision.

On the other hand, I can’t help but wonder how my son would handle being told it is time for him to hang it up, I can only image how painful that would be for him. As a mom, I know I will have to be strong and help him through it even if my own heart is breaking.

I really hope things work out for your son. It can’t be easy on your family right now. I agree with lafmom, you need a heart to heart conversation with your son about what he wants to do and why. Good luck.

Lafmom,

I am so glad things are working out for your son. You have always been very kind to other posters and me. People like you are what make this site so special.

Thank you, I am excited his Dad is going to visit with him and have that heart to heart in person. We just want to make sure he is ready to hang it up and hear his plans. We know God has an amazing plan for him.

This is the firs time I've come into the Ladies Forum. And I came because I was looking for something only moms can offer. My son is NOT in college yet. So this thread may not be placed exactly right. But you all have been there if you have college players. My 07 has been making small but significant noise about not wanting to play baseball anymore. My husband thinks the noise is a result of a)being 17 b)having a best friend who is not into baseball at all c)being a drummer in a rock band d)being 17 (again). The most recent noise is surrounding going to a very prestigious high school all star camp. By invite only. Was personally asked by the college coach. In other words, my son is truly in the mix with regard to D1 recruiting..hasn't committed anywhere yet, though. He's worked darn hard to get here. I know it must be hard..I can't even imagine the dedication that it takes..he works 6 days a week at this. Anybody would hit the wall at some point. But I worry that we're not "hearing" something...he says baseball isn't fun, he wants a "life", it's always something on his schedule, he just wants to hang out with friends...anybody gone through this? Is it normal? Thanks..my husband thinks we should just ignore it and make him go to this camp...we're supposed to leave in 2 hours.

im not a lady, but i ran upon this. ok please just dont ask how i got here but let me put my 2 cents in this since i am in the exact same situation. I love baseball, but playing it constantly gets so annoying sometimes. I would never give it up tho. Maybe your son needs some time off, not saying you should skip this event, but maybe tone it down a little after or maybe give him a little more freedom outside of baseball. some days i just feel like doing everything other than baseball. I'm sure that the reason its not "fun" is cause its not a game anymore, its kinda becoming a job..

I think a large part of our responsibility as baseball parents is to insure our kids don't get burnt out. That's why it is wise to pick and choose events and showcases carefully during off season months. I do believe that every player needs some time off to enjoy other things in life, regardless of how much of a baseball rat you have raised.
What your son is going through happens all of the time, it's norml.
However, you only miss something when you don't have it. Try suggesting (or just telling him) some time off, if he has plans for the summer, take the fall off. Or limit what you have planned and let him have his chill time.

Wow..thank you KayMart for responding. I'm very relieved to hear that you've felt the same way too. We are scheduling a few weeks of down time at the end of July. He called us from the camp last night and sounded good. It's going to be a very demanding camp. But he sounded upbeat. Thanks again.

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Anybody would hit the wall at some point.

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But I worry that we're not "hearing" something...he says baseball isn't fun, he wants a "life", it's always something on his schedule, he just wants to hang out with friends...anybody gone through this? Is it normal? Thanks..my husband thinks we should just ignore it and make him go to this camp...we're supposed to leave in 2 hours.

Baseball is a greedy mistress.

I've heard my son's say all the things yours has. I've also been asked, "Dad, am I doing the things Mark McGwire did when he was 13?"

So, it takes awhile for us to get accustomed to acknowledging that our son's have unique talents that require lofty long-term goals with significant risks.

Because of the perceptions of being pushy greedy parents, we find it difficult to "make him go to this camp".

I'm not sure you can make him go. This is where being a talented parent comes in. Take some time to explain and listen. "This is why the camp is important. This is how it fits in. Yes, it is difficult. No your friends are not having to go. Your friends are NOT getting to go. They might enjoy the opportunities that you have."

Then you might feel rotten for "making" him go.

As a parent, it is difficult to encourage your child to attempt the next level, when we know that the odds of success are so low.

I've learned that ballplayers like to find out if they can play at the next level, whatever it is. I have watched my son's learn to enjoy being able to compete successfully at the next level.

After a grueling week of catching and playing in the heat at the October Perfect Game showcases in Jupiter, Florida, my son, groaned as he threw his catcher's bag into the back of the SUV, and I was shocked by his comments as he barely slid into the front seat with me.

After playing with and against maybe 1500 or so of the best baseball players in the country he said, "Dad, that is the most fun I've ever had".

As long as the phone keeps ringing with coaches asking your son to play, I think you have to keep encouraging your son's to seek out their potential.

And, in the future, when others around you might demonstrate envy or jealousy of your son's success, (they will), you know the price that has been paid.

The good news is that after they reach the college level, they begin to take more and more of the resposibility for making the decision's about whether to continue to compete or not. But, I've still heard myself say. "You need to think about giving it another year."

This is why this baseball site is so important to those that strive and struggle into baseball.

I so appreciate your comments, formerobserver! Some of my ambivalence is, of course, from the adult perspective. I was never pushed at this age. Neither was my husband, who was a high school prospect courted by Stanford. He declined the offer because he wanted to quit baseball. Which he did. Huge regrets. He is hoping that our son won't make the same decision. And at least give the next level a good shot as he has the potential. So we take each day one at a time. Last night, we talked to our son and there was yelling and laughter in the background. They were ordering a pizza and hanging out outside the dorms. I think my son's worry is that all these high level players were going to be freaks who aren't "normal" guys who just live and breath baseball only. He's discovered they are just like him. Thanks for all the support. I just don't know how it would be without this website.

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And at least give the next level a good shot as he has the potential. So we take each day one at a time.

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He's discovered they are just like him.

An amazing discovery, ain't it?

FO,
That was a wonderful post! It's post like these that give true meaning to the HSBBW, parents who have been through the process, understanding that all of our players have ups and downs and how we help them to work through them, which in turn helps others to understand.
Living in a state with basebll is played 365 days a year, we tried to watch for signs of fatigue and burn out, knowing he would never give up the game, but telling him that he did not HAVE to play if he thought he needed some time off. We always found that after a short time off, he missed it so much, he was more excited than ever to get back to playing. Sometimes the not wanting to play came just because he was a pitcher, and sitting it out on the bench is tougher than a game play everyday situation. Last year after a very grueling first season at school on and off the field, with grumblings of wanting to come home for the summer, it was decided he would take the summer off. No school, no baseball games, no gym, just time off. After being home for 2 weeks, he was missing his home in South Carolina, where he headed back for the summer to work camp, work with the trainer, and work the kinks out. I even think at one point he was sorry he had turned down summer ball, but in the end the rest did him good.
A few weeks ago we heard the same grumblings, but this time we told him it was important for him, for his future in baseball, to head up to the cape as soon as possible. I do think that this is the first time we told him you HAVE to go, no choice.
We all know our kids better than anyone else, so it's easy for us to give advice, based upon our long relationships with the ones we have raised.
What works for one may not always work for another. Just hoping that a person reading can understand what we all go through and find a balance to help our players when they seem to run up against a wall.

KayMart made a very prolific statement, about the game not being fun at times, like becoming a job, but no reason you can't have fun at yuor job. Eventually some of our players will find a job in baseball, and will look back on the days when getting up to play everyday in summer was an OPTION, it was for FUN. If the fun is taken out of the game early on, it becomes a burden. In HS your son has that option, in college less of an option (time off only in summer) and pro level no option (quit and you are done for good).

Pro baseball gives time off for a reason, same reason we let our younger players have time off as well.



JMO.

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he says baseball isn't fun, he wants a "life", it's always something on his schedule, he just wants to hang out with friends...anybody gone through this? Is it normal?

My son always said that when it wasn't "fun" anymore, he would hang up the cleats. And he did...over three years ago. I'm still in mourning...he's just FINE. Your sons know better than we when "it's time."

base4---

Any decisions after your husband's visit last weekend? I do empathize, but there really IS life after baseball (I tell myself this every day)! Best to your son and to you!

I think a lot of boys ask themselves if there is life outside of baseball at some point. When you look at their schedule, I ask is there anything but baseball. My son has "given up" a lot for baseball and he even moved after freshman year 1000 miles to a warmer climate so he could play more. I ask him all the time if he's sure this is what he wants and I have only seen him hesitate once. He grew up with a set of guys and girls and they were all going to prom back home without him. He misses his friends back home, doesn't have much of a social life, can't get a real job with his schedule, has scars all over his body and goes to bed by 11:00 or earlier most nights because he's tired. I tell him it's his choice to play or not, I've volunteered to move back with him for his senior year, I've cried silently in hopes that we've done the right things for him, I've laid awake many nights wishing for his happiness, I've been there for comfort on his "bad" days and celebrated with him on his "good" days. He still wants to play and I will just be there for him hoping everything works out for the best. I think that's all we as parents can do and they will do the rest. Good luck to all!

My son and husband had a good visit. Son was happy that his father came and ask him "how did you know I needed to talk to you". Father told him he could hear it in his voice. No decison has been made. Son feels that he will make the right decision. He knows that if he gives up baseball he can start building his career and working on his education more. He is praying for Gods help in his decision, and so is his family.

Wow - every comment here is something we've come across in my son's baseball career so far! (thank you!) We have seen the very highest of the highs and very lowest of the lows with him playing and each year it seems to get more difficult emotionally as well as more gratifying to see him improve as a player. He's always played to have fun and lately he's beginning to stress about his ability and where he fits in.
I know that my job as "The Mom" is to pick him up, dust him off and send him back out there each time he falls - but as he's getting older it's getting harder.
It's hard to watch him question his talent and at times, put himself down. But then he works twice as hard to prove himself wrong!
I honestly don't know what he (and us) would do or be without baseball...it's been our life for so long.

turn2 - Welcome to HSBBW! I think it's very normal for kids to question what they want to do in life in general - this certainly includes baseball. Many kids give ball up in or after HS. Others get to college and decide they want to explore more parts of their life.

Base4 - I think you all have done exactly what we need to do as parents. Dad making that trip allowed your son to know y'all are on his side regardless of what he chooses. Eventually ball ends for everyone..... whether a player is in college or many beforehand. Of course, we're all hoping he continues to play ball while obtaining that degree, but regardless, he will be just fine!