The Other Parents

Older son was an outfielder.  I sat where there was shade.

Younger son is a catcher. I sit directly behind the plate to yell ball location if something gets loose.

I am very much the introvert, so, no matter where I sit, there is not a lot of talking.  Moving behind the plate did turn me into the "rules guy."  When everybody is confused about a call, they ask me.

A few years back there was a post with a diagram of where all the HS parents sit around the ball park. Wish my search-fu was up to the task.

https://community.hsbaseballwe...ts-where-do-you-sit?

We generally stay to ourselves mainly so I can focus on the game. Baseball is a difficult game to play and parents can be brutal if a boy commits an error or has a poor AB. I watch every player but try and stay focused on my boys and how they do their job. I really don't want to  hear the negativity from the bleachers. It's just annoying and distracting. On occasion, we will sit beside parents that understand the game and are more supportive of the players. Overall though, I generally implement an avoidance strategy when it comes to other parents.

Our area is a weird little (big) baseball community.  Lots of historical baseball tradition where a lot of old school guys (people who grew up in the area) mix with the newcomers (me, lol).  it can be kind of cliquish, sorted  by how long your family has been in the area (not in a bad way, but guys who went to hs together 30 years ago vs families from newer communities in the district, etc).

I tend to float around.  our hs field has bleachers on both sides with a equipment shed behind the plate.  mysson wants me to video his AB's so i tend to hang out near the shed, coming out to take video and then slinking back into the shadows. 

also, Smoke...your school is the ultimate clique breeding ground.  your recounting of the parents doesnt surprise me a bit

I’ll roll with the most recent experience we had while at Clemson. We had seats every home game and away game together. We sat in those seats son’s freshman year but moved to the Cheap Seats bleachers in RF the next two seasons and occasionally milled around with the folks in the Cajun Cafe. My wife and I enjoyed meeting the Clemson fans, alum and making new friends. We pretty much never went back to the parent section again at home games but sat with parents at away games. We didn’t make most of the away games as son was reliever and there were plenty of times he never got the ball or the distance / timing didn’t alllow the trip.

Regardless, we met lifelong friends (including some of the parents) and are always welcomed back to the cheap seats and Cajun cafe which are pretty cool places to hang out at a Clemson baseball game.

Pretty hard from youth through HS to disguise who our kid was...most of the time he was the only kid that matched us on the team. LOL From 7-14 the team was like family and everyone was very positive and easy to sit with. HS teams we found our people (just 2 or 3 families at his first HS...much broader group at his second HS). Travel in HS was interesting. Mostly kept to ourselves except for the team going into his senior year. That one was fun (I think it's because everyone was committed so individual pressure to perform was off of most kids). We also started running into a lot of the same families at some of the larger showcase events and made connections/friends across teams.

At HS- My spot is two rows up in the bleachers directly behind home plate situated so that my nose is centered between the edge of the plate and the line of the left handed batter's box. Heaven help the fool who tries to sit there. Catcher's mom usually sits in the same vicinity, our spouses usually sit with us when they can get away from work (and don't want to get away from us).  Any any and all welcome but you better follow the rules:

• Talking is for "commercial breaks".  
• Umpires often suck, but we don't yell at them.
• Children make mistakes, but we don't yell at them either.

Everyone who doesn't follow the rules find they like it a little better down the wing towards the dugout

For travel we sit wherever there's shade!

Why do parents who have their spots in HS get so relaxed in travel?  Travel is a lot more important to the process than HS in most cases.  I was a lot more relaxed in HS than I ever was in travel because I knew HS was just for fun and travel was for real.

@PitchingFan posted:

Why do parents who have their spots in HS get so relaxed in travel?  Travel is a lot more important to the process than HS in most cases.  I was a lot more relaxed in HS than I ever was in travel because I knew HS was just for fun and travel was for real.

In travel I was around more informed parents. In high school I didn’t want to listen to the uninformed BS.

So I'd have said it just exactly the other way.  HS was not for fun, it was for winning.  There were fans who cared because it was our school, they had played, or their kids had played.  If a pitcher gave up runs, or someone didn't hit, we all cared because the games mattered.

Early on, travel was just for fun.  Even after it became about recruiting, it didn't matter so much if our team won or lost, as how each kid played.  People only cared about their kid, not about the whole team.

@anotherparent posted:

So I'd have said it just exactly the other way.  HS was not for fun, it was for winning.  There were fans who cared because it was our school, they had played, or their kids had played.  If a pitcher gave up runs, or someone didn't hit, we all cared because the games mattered.

Early on, travel was just for fun.  Even after it became about recruiting, it didn't matter so much if our team won or lost, as how each kid played.  People only cared about their kid, not about the whole team.

My son played Legion after senior year. He said the quality of competition was levels below travel. But he enjoyed to post season “ win or go home.” High school was also “win or go home” starting with districts.

The talent level was fairly even across the roster on the 17u team. They played to win. It really didn’t matter who started. Everyone was supportive of each other’s kids. They were all there for the same thing.

Well, I meant the opposite to what PitchingFan said.

@PitchingFan posted:

Why do parents who have their spots in HS get so relaxed in travel?  Travel is a lot more important to the process than HS in most cases.  I was a lot more relaxed in HS than I ever was in travel because I knew HS was just for fun and travel was for real.

For me it was because I didn't want to get chased off by the know-nothing moms who cheered zealously when Timmy caught a routine pop fly and gossiped the rest of the time, or by the know-even-less Little League dads who thought it was their duty to yell at Blue for every missed call like it was the World Series. You want to complain about the coach not recognizing little Timmy's talent? You're gonna do it 6 feet away from the dugout, not next to me.  

Maybe it's the team but the parents for our TB team were much more chill.  Maybe because they understood the process a little more?  Or at least understood there was no way to control any of it, so sit back and stay away from the scouts? And never ever do something that would make a scout cross your kid of their list?

We're somewhere in the middle.  My wife and I enjoy connecting with other parents, but we generally like to sit together and talk to each other while the game is going on.  Sometimes parents do annoying things, but it doesn't bother us too much.  Over the years, we've formed a few lasting relationships with other like-minded parents, but most of our social lives are not linked to our son's baseball team.  

I’m with @anotherparent on this one, with the caveat that I found both HS and travel a blast. However, HS meant something to the school, students and community and from my perspective travel ball had no real significance beyond the participating families.

The cool thing about travel, HS, juco and college ball is there’s a team to connect with, there’s something beyond your kid to be a fan of, and it’s about winning. That part completely goes away if they are lucky enough get to the minors. It becomes very clear it’s only about the progression or lack of progression of the player and it’s significantly more stressful - especially for the parent. The minors are like a multi year job interview with additional qualified competing applicants rolling in a couple times a year, where the test results are public, the pay is low and it’s very much about being significantly better than their peer group or they fall into obscurity - and become someone to help someone else improve.

It’s an honor to have a kid that reaches his dream and he’s blessed for the opportunity, but as a parent, travel, HS and college ball are way more fun. If pro ball is your kid’s job (a really cool job) you stress about them until they’re capable of earning a sustainable living (like any other job). That’s not near as fun as watching them be successful in a game that has no financial or adult life implications. Enjoy every moment at whatever level your kid is at, it goes by so much faster then you can currently imagine.  Oh yeah, be kind and say something nice to those “other crazy baseball parents” even if you think they don’t know the game, gossip too much, or think their kid is better than yours, when clearly they’re not - we’re all on this ride together.

from the Cleveland paper after his debut, I wonder who he’s talking about?

“It was an awesome moment,” Stephan said of his scoreless inning. “I kind of got out there and just soaked it in and got to work... I know for a fact that he was more nervous than I was. It was cool.”

@JucoDad, what a great post!  IMO you perfectly described the difference between amateur and pro ball. I have always believed that the joy was in the journey for 99.9% of us that get to play the game. The focus is best spent, at least equally, on finding situations and experiences that are enjoyable instead of solely on advancing up the ladder. I always tried to use that perspective when making decisions about who I aligned my sons and myself with.

HS = pressbox at home games. Away games, behind home if comfy and not annoying, otherwise wherever is comfy. Some fields have the best seats up on a hill in the shade well away from the rest of the guests, and that's peachy keen with me. No matter our seating,  I am extremely good at ignoring BS, and the HS staff knows that we don't feed into it.

Travel = Truly field dependent. I don't feel the need to be behind home, thanks to my own maturity and GoPro. So at this point we're down to comfort and a good view.

The most important thing to me is that I ensure that I root like mad for everyone on our team, and applaud good plays from any team. These are 15-18YO people, and I want them to feel love.

Edit: "Maturity" = relative to myself when son was a 13u or so, not compared to other people.

@Francis7 posted:

Some people love bonding with the other parents on a team. Other people excel at distancing themselves from the other parents on a team.  Both camps have their reasons for their approach on the matter - whether it's youth travel, high school or college.

What's your thoughts and experience on it?

Typically I'm a ghost but it comes and goes with my mood. Also depends very much on which parents are in attendance :-)

I don't mind grinder parents as they're useful examples of what not to do. I only avoid parents who talk politics, regardless of their bearings. A youth baseball tournament just isn't the place (and I've worked both in and around politics for 25+ years). Increasingly hard to avoid.