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In a couple of weeks I am taking my son to visit some schools that have expressed interest in him as a baseball player.  All are D3 HAs, so there are no sports scholarships at issue.

I have done the college application slog before with my older kid, but without the athletics piece.  Admissions office info sessions and campus tours are familiar territory.

At each school, my son also has scheduled a meeting with a baseball coach or coaches.  My plan is to help the boy find the correct building and then go get a cup of coffee while he talks with them.  Here's the question:  Is the coach likely to want to meet me at some point?  Should I hang around the lobby of the building so my son can text me to come join him at some point if the coach wants to eyeball me?  What's the usual protocol?

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I was in the room at all of the visits my son went on. When a coach gave a campus tour I let him go without me. 

One piece of advice, think of some questions the coach might ask your son and have him practice his answers. On the way to his first visit I asked him if he thought about what the coaches might ask. He said no, so I asked a few questions about major, expectation about playing time. He stumbled with his answers, some he said he didn't know. I told him he needs to have an answer and be able to state it clearly. Coach asked him some of the questions we practiced.

 

 

Chico, on situations as you're describing, unofficial visits when coach has been in contact, I've found with my older son (2017) that coaches absolutely wanted parents along.  Twice I was going to wait, just like you, but the coach wanted told me to tag along as well.  At the point you're at, they want to see what the parents are like as much as the kid.  I think it gives them a better read on the character of the prospect.  From what I experienced, they will read you as much as they read him.  Others will have different takes I'm sure and not all coaches are the same.  This was our experience.  Let him do the talking and guide the visit, but (on unofficial visits) coaches wanted to meet parents as well.   

Official visits or when visiting on the invitation of the coach, it was different.  At that point, the coaches had the information they wanted and were only interested in the kid.  At that point, we stayed in the lobby.  But I think you'll find on most unofficial visits, the ones you initiate, the coaches will want to meet the whole family.  In fact, several coaches wanted to meet sons younger brothers as well.  Good luck!

Hey Chico, your son is a year behind mine and we were in a similar situation this time last  year, in the months following, and on into this year. Various visits to top- and next-tier HA D3s and it was a mixed bag when it came to dealing with coaches. We were very much up-front with questions along these lines so there would be no confusion as to when the parents were expected vs. our son alone. In a couple of cases, the coaches actually did the campus tour and, in most, there came a time when we would turn our son loose to go with them to hang around during practice, work-outs, scrimmage, indoor hitting, etc. (this time of year you probably won't have this option). Many also included lunch with the team, where parents were invited but hung out at a different table, with the exception of two schools where everyone was together. Heck in one lunch case we had the head of the department in our son's desired field of study, AND the coaches, AND some team members, and our son got to basically grill them all. It was very cool and I'm guessing part of the beauty of the small school experience. One visit last fall the baseball coaches provided tickets to a weekend football game and that was fun to see what a home game experience is like at a small D3. Definitely different than going to an SEC event but there was a lot of support at this particular school and it was a good time. In all cases, the "coach behind the desk" meeting included all of us but that was just our experience. Had I not been 100% sure we were invited, I would have sent him in alone. Many of these visits were a LONG way from home for us, and at expensive institutions, so I didn't really feel like I couldn't be a part of whatever I wanted but I was very careful to ask questions that only pertained to our (the parents) parts of the process. Best of luck and keep us posted!

Great advice and stories! 

It's sort of a go with the flow situation and highly coach dependent. Getting your son to prep for a job interview pays dividends. But, stumbles occur - and lessons will be learned.

(A close relative was doing his college tours and was interviewing with the football coach at Tufts. Dad was present. Early in interview, kid told coach he had wanted for a long time to play Ivy League football. Oh well! Didn't make a dent in his arc of life.)

At the end of each school, debrief son. You'll learn what he sees (and doesn't), what impacts him (may be totally different from you), and watch as his views evolve. He'll get better as it goes (just like we did in our first interviews). 

 

I would go....we did.  They know you are coming and have shown interest....it's not like you're just showing up knocking on their door.  Go with him....but let him lead the conversation....and provide the answers to questions.  It's awfully tough for a HS kid to get a feel for what a coach is thinking...especially when he's nervous about meeting the coach.  You can sit back and take it in....so that once you leave, you'll have 2 people who can remember the conversation instead of just one

Echo of above as for all HA D3 visits my 2017 and 2014 did (also had HA D1 for both, different sport for 2014) - every single one where son said he was coming on campus and met with coaches, the coaches all asked for me to be there too.  When invited back for "official" visits like overnights in the fall, son could sometimes go completely alone to all events especially if he already had support through admission/offers, or if he did not have an offer and they were going to give him one they asked for me to be there or if it was a big weekend (ie homecoming) there were events for the parents too.  

 

Thanks all.  I'm surprised so many answers suggest I should join the meetings (but I'm very glad to hear about others' experiences).  The visits struck me as sort of like an admissions interview--and a parent would never go along for that.

I may introduce myself when my son meets the coach, then excuse myself to exit.  If the coach wants me to hang around, he can tell me so; otherwise he can let me leave...  

I had no idea what to do with  my 2018 for HA D3 visits.  I opted to let him go alone after extensive "preflight" talk, then told him text me when the Coach would like me to go in, "I'll be 5 minutes away..".  This worked out really well, the HC liked son's confidence and appreciated being willing to talk with him alone and show him around.  I got the text to go in after 30m; HC repeated a few things for my benefit, and I covered a few things in case they weren't brought up.  Good experience.

(edit:  HC's had requested he visit and the trips had been planned for a few weeks)

Last edited by Gov

Our unofficial visits were a mix - we were always on campus for them, but in situations in which our son had previous contact with the coach, he did most things on his own. If you go along, let your son lead the conversation and make sure he comes prepared (good advice above) and does his research. In our experience, coaches were definitely assessing the interactions between kid and parent(s)... :-)

We had a mix. My 2018 is a very smart, mature kid, so after the initial introductions I suggested leaving the coach/RC and he alone while I waited somewhere. IN a couple of cases that's what happened. In a couple of others, the coach insisted I come along. I really tried to let those two carry the conversation, though.

 An important part of the visits is when/if there is a meeting with the rest of the team. Parents are definitely not welcome then...if it gets to that point, then the Coach is usually quite interested in your son. 

  At most schools, parents aren't seen as the enemy, and if they are, you'd have to ask yourself why. 

   

Not your question, but I would also be prepared to discretely take very detailed notes. Commit important quotes to memory whenever possible, and write them down later word for word. Particularly important since you'll be visiting more than one school. You don't want to be wondering later... did Coach A say 32 ACT, or was that Coach B?

Inevitably, when reviewing visit details with my son and/or wife, we would sometimes have heard different things. I think this was mostly related to what we each wanted to hear.

I always let my guys go in alone and asked them to text me if the coaches wanted to meet with me as well.  Most of the time I ended up getting a text that said come on up.  When I didn't get a text to join them, turned out the coach wasn't interested in recruiting them.  They let us make the effort to meet with them, though, which surprised me.  Maybe they didn't like my kids' haircuts? 

Posting again with a related question:  Leaving very soon for the college visits that prompted this thread.  One school in particular is driving me nuts as the person who has to deal with arranging airfare, rental car, etc. 

School responded immediately and enthusiastically to my son's email asking to meet with the coaches while he was on campus on a particular date.  We know the school saw his videos and looked at his info online before they responded.  So after school says "yes, we'd like to meet -- and we want to be sure both HC and RC see you," son sends back a short message the next day that says (I'm paraphrasing) "Can we meet at [time]?  If not, I can change my schedule to accommodate yours--just let me know what alternative works for you."  A week goes by with no response.  Son emails again "just in case you didn't receive my prior message, I wanted to confirm that [time] on [date] is good to meet, or I can plan a different time."  Crickets from the school...

I know coaches are busy, but...  And I know it's impossible to tell anything for sure about this episode, but...  Is this sort of thing normal, or is son getting a signal that the school really isn't interested after all?  I have no reason to think they got a negative report (or any report) from his coaches or anyone else in the meantime. 

Last edited by Chico Escuela

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