What does "go where loved" look like in your experience?

For my middle son, the one he went to was the first one and the most attentive.  They were there every time he pitched.  They were the first one to make an offer.

It was similar with the youngest son.  He desired SEC and where he went was the first SEC to offer with a good offer.  The HC was at almost every game he pitched for all summer.  They did not rush it and was very willing to let him take his time. 

I think you know when you are loved by the way they respond.  I always say it is like a dating relationship.  You know when you are loved by how they respond. 

@wildcat posted:

We're new at this. Son has some good D1 offers and keeps hearing the advice to go where you are loved most, and that's exactly what he wants to do in addition to needing the school to fit his academic interests. The prestige of the team or conference doesn't matter as much. What demonstrates being loved by a program during the recruiting process? Any stories to share for examples? It's hard for us to know what is typical in the process and what is above and beyond. He's a pitcher, if that matters.

Not my experience but relayed to me from a friend. His son is a pitcher. Had several offers. But one school assigned a coach just to him. He said, literally, this coach talked to his son regularly, had his schedule (etc.) and he was there for every game his son pitched - regardless of the time and location. 

If that's not showing love, what is?

@Francis7 posted:

Not my experience but relayed to me from a friend. His son is a pitcher. Had several offers. But one school assigned a coach just to him. He said, literally, this coach talked to his son regularly, had his schedule (etc.) and he was there for every game his son pitched - regardless of the time and location. 

If that's not showing love, what is?

 

The rapport and attention from the recruiting coach is good.

But love is expressed in the amount of the scholarship. That is how schools value a player.

@Go44dad posted:

The rapport and attention from the recruiting coach is good.

But love is expressed in the amount of the scholarship. That is how schools value a player.

True dat.

Thanks. Son is feeling lots of love but I don't know if it's standard in the recruiting process. How involved is the head coach typically? 

@Francis7 posted:

Not my experience but relayed to me from a friend. His son is a pitcher. Had several offers. But one school assigned a coach just to him. He said, literally, this coach talked to his son regularly, had his schedule (etc.) and he was there for every game his son pitched - regardless of the time and location. 

If that's not showing love, what is?

 

I am not sure what assigned means,if you are a pitcher the pitching coach should be the one developing the relationship, same goes for position players.

Some players may not get athletic money because some instate programs are very affordable and the athletic money goes to the out of state players.

Every situation is different.  Some players don't care, it's the school that attracted them not the coaches.

@wildcat posted:

We're new at this. Son has some good D1 offers and keeps hearing the advice to go where you are loved most, and that's exactly what he wants to do in addition to needing the school to fit his academic interests. The prestige of the team or conference doesn't matter as much. What demonstrates being loved by a program during the recruiting process? Any stories to share for examples? It's hard for us to know what is typical in the process and what is above and beyond. He's a pitcher, if that matters.

My son has committed to a D3 school so his experience of being "loved" is going to be different than your son's if for no other reason than there is no scholarship offer.  But, my son did pick the school that seemed to "love" him the most.  They were one of the first schools to call and it was the head coach doing the calling, not one of his assistants.  The coach made it plain whenever they talked that he liked what he saw in my son.  And, it didn't feel sleazy, like a come-on, or cheap, like he said it to every kid, but genuine.  We could tell when the coach talked about how my son would fit into his program, that he really meant it.  He talked a lot with my son about how he approached playing baseball and explained how my son's skills fit with that approach.  The coach also made clear that the offer included essentially guaranteed admission, so we knew he was using one of his "slots" on our son.  But, we really knew when my son called to accept, and the coach was basically over the moon.

Too often we think with our desires as opposed to logically looking at reality.

School # 1 the recruiting coordinator calls a kid, they have a good talk.  After that, the RC responds to texts but doesn’t initiate them himself.  Doesn’t call back for 3 months.  Then another good conversation happens and ends with him saying, I’ll text you next week to schedule a time to get you on campus for a visit.  The next week comes and goes.  Crickets.  The kid then texts the following week and says “Coach I’d still love to visit campus if you are still interested”.  Coach texts him back 5 minutes later and they schedule a visit.

School # 2.  Great conversation with the RC.  The Head Coach personally calls the kid the next day telling him “you are exactly the type of student athlete we want in our program” and then proceeds to go into details as to how the kid fits into their future plans, what type of majors would fit with the kid, sells the kid on the investments they are making in their indoor facility and how great the academics and Baseball at the school are.  The conversation ends with “let’s get you on campus as soon as possible, and I’ll call you back in 3 weeks, I really hope you choose our program”.

Only somebody who just blindly has their heart set on School #1 would even dare to think of them as a better option.

I agree with above...if youre chasing them down, they dont love you

Gimme money, that’s what I want! 

TPM ... Could you explain how the tuition free system in Florida works. I know there are other southern states who also have it or similar programs. I believe it’s funded through the lottery. Doesn’t it have something to do with getting a 3.0 or 3.5 gpa for levels of money? 

One of my son’s teammates was going to play at Notre Dame or not play. Everyone in his family went to ND. He turned down money elsewhere to walk on at ND. That’s loving the school! He became a starter. 

@RJM posted:

TPM ... Could you explain how the tuition free system in Florida works. I know there are other southern states who also have it or similar programs. I believe it’s funded through the lottery. Doesn’t it have something to do with getting a 3.0 or 3.5 gpa for levels of money?  

It's not tuition free it's reduced according to GPA, as you mentioned  and funded by the lottery called Bright Futures in Florida.   Different rules for state or private schools. I am pretty sure these are the rules, but may have changed.

Many parents enroll their children in FL prepay in a tax advantage 529 plan which is available in many states.  But you have to be able to fund the program and many parents cannot do that.  That is where the athletic money would be rewarded. 

So if a student gets Bright Futures and his parents enrolled at birth there probably is enough for cash back to live off campus after first year. FL state schools tuition is very affordable.

My friends son went to play football at a D3,  was able to transfer back to UCF, no football, and it's not costing them a penny.  

This is a good question, but also incredibly difficult to answer.  At least in ways that pertain to everyone or most.  Many won't like this answer, but you will truly know it when it's there.  You'll feel it.  It'll be obvious or very close to it. 

With my 2021's experience, he had 2 instances where we knew he was loved.  He then had a few that liked him or liked him a lot.  He's going the JUCO route and his offer was very generous.  It very much matched all the "love" we were seeing and hearing.  To describe it in one word, it was AUTHENTIC.  Like most things in life, you know when it's the real thing.

My son got his share of "we really like you, what's your upcoming schedule" and such.  Lots of texts and calls over a period of months.  But we didn't feel the love.  

Then School Number 1 came along - They followed son for a long time and saw him play probably 20 times.  They talked regularly.  When we met on campus he said "We really like the way you play, leadership...blah blah blah... we think you can contribute right away... blah blah blah... here's what we're offering" - it was an extremely generous offer, beyond my expectations by far, for 4 years.  He said take all the time we need, there's no deadline.  Wow.  I had one question for the coach - how many players graduate in 4 years.  His response - "very few to be honest.  If he's still with us after 4 years and hasn't graduated I'll pay for the 5th".  That's what I call love.

School Number 2 - similar discussion as school 1 but more and thicker.  He followed my son from Georgia to AZ all summer.  They talked after each tournament.  When we met on campus he said my son was his first offer and wanted to build the class around him.  He couldn't offer money (Ivy) but guaranteed to get him accepted, which was all we wanted.  This time my wife had one question - "It's not easy to get to the airport from here, how is he going to come home for Thanksgiving?"  His response - "If he needs a ride I'll drive hime".  That was some good love right there.

He decides to go to School Number 3.

@Smitty28 posted:

My son got his share of "we really like you, what's your upcoming schedule" and such.  Lots of texts and calls over a period of months.  But we didn't feel the love.  

Then School Number 1 came along - They followed son for a long time and saw him play probably 20 times.  They talked regularly.  When we met on campus he said "We really like the way you play, leadership...blah blah blah... we think you can contribute right away... blah blah blah... here's what we're offering" - it was an extremely generous offer, beyond my expectations by far, for 4 years.  He said take all the time we need, there's no deadline.  Wow.  I had one question for the coach - how many players graduate in 4 years.  His response - "very few to be honest.  If he's still with us after 4 years and hasn't graduated I'll pay for the 5th".  That's what I call love.

School Number 2 - similar discussion as school 1 but more and thicker.  He followed my son from Georgia to AZ all summer.  They talked after each tournament.  When we met on campus he said my son was his first offer and wanted to build the class around him.  He couldn't offer money (Ivy) but guaranteed to get him accepted, which was all we wanted.  This time my wife had one question - "It's not easy to get to the airport from here, how is he going to come home for Thanksgiving?"  His response - "If he needs a ride I'll drive hime".  That was some good love right there.

He decides to go to School Number 3.

No!  Really?!  I suppose you DO have to love them back.  How has it worked out at #3?

@LuckyCat posted:

No!  Really?!  I suppose you DO have to love them back.  How has it worked out at #3?

He really liked them both.  Either would have been great.  He wanted something bigger, and wants to be an officer in the Marines and fly, so he picked Navy.  He loves it, couldn't be a better fit for him.

My 2021’s experience with love from the school he will be attending is short and sweet.  The recruiting coordinator/hitting coach saw a video of son hitting in the cage.  Contacted my son..son asked if they were going to have any showcases so the coaches could see him in person.  The RC told him that wasn’t necessary because he was ready to offer right then.  Actually two weeks later he sent over an offer...which was the highest % scholarship that they give position players.  In my mind that shows a lot of love by the coaches to a guy they saw on a simple video.  We will be forever grateful to them.

@Tim Turner posted:

My 2021’s experience with love from the school he will be attending is short and sweet.  The recruiting coordinator/hitting coach saw a video of son hitting in the cage.  Contacted my son..son asked if they were going to have any showcases so the coaches could see him in person.  The RC told him that wasn’t necessary because he was ready to offer right then.  Actually two weeks later he sent over an offer...which was the highest % scholarship that they give position players.  In my mind that shows a lot of love by the coaches to a guy they saw on a simple video.  We will be forever grateful to them.

Wait until he’s in the lineup before getting too grateful. Verballing is just the first gate. But it sounds like he will get a solid opportunity.

@RJM posted:

Wait until he’s in the lineup before getting too grateful. Verballing is just the first gate. But it sounds like he will get a solid opportunity.

That’s all he can ask for.....a chance.  A lot of guys don’t even get that.  Thanks for the reminder RJM.

@RJM posted:

Gimme money, that’s what I want! 

Okay Flying Lizard!!!

https://youtu.be/W25_jgiY51I

It never got better than the original.

https://youtu.be/t5KU34DrrPI

Ok I'll play along with the musical sidebar. When I saw the Topic Title of this thread, this song came to mind.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r3Pr1_v7hsw

@Ripken Fan posted:

Ok I'll play along with the musical sidebar. When I saw the Topic Title of this thread, this song came to mind.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r3Pr1_v7hsw

 

Best post of the topic! JMO

TPM and Ripken fan:

"OUTSTANDING" musical video. the story of LIFE today and yesterday.

Bob

What does it mean to be loved?

https://youtu.be/6Rrlm01OIZ4

@Consultant posted:

TPM and Ripken fan:

"OUTSTANDING" musical video. the story of LIFE today and yesterday.

Bob

Thanks Bob, but all the credit goes to RF! 

LOL Love the videos (it's playing in the background while I type). For PTWoodson it was several factors. 1) The coaches liked him for who he was (he had several schools recruiting him as a two-way and where he committed was excited about him as an OF);  2) When he went to their camp, he felt like he could be himself; 3) We watched several games and the way they played (and even the field itself) plays to his strengths; 5) Even though it was his top choice of school, the offer was incredibly generous; and 6) The conversations he had with the coaches made it really clear that they were super excited to get him on campus...they were trying to sell the school and program to him instead of the other way around.  

D1 Head Coach knew my son's decision was weighted heavily by the engineering school.  Head Coach set up a meeting for my son with the Dean of Engineering.  

It went extremely well. That is understanding the situation and "showing the love" that mattered to my son.  He selected that school.

My son was "loved" by 7 DI programs that made very good offers. Didn't pick the one that "loved" him the most but pick one that "loved" him a lot. Went as a two way but made it clear he was a PP first. Upon arriving on campus two things happened. Four, I think, if not more, pitchers went down with TJ, and the kid pitched lights out. Now he had said in an interview that he'd do whatever they needed him to do for the team. So the coach comes to him and says "PO". When he saw the look on the kid's face he threw the interview in his face and was like, "you said whatever we need". Here's where things went south. So the PC takes this kid, whom the HC had made the comment about "he can throw strikes in his sleep" and tries to change his pitching motion, takes the wind-up away, and forbids the CB, which is an excellent pitch for the kid. When my son questioned the other players they said "that's just his way". Well it may have been his way, and it may have worked for other kids, but it didn't work for mine. Loss of control and velocity. And then, all that said, put him in for his first college action against Nick Madrigal and Oregon St. Nick was the first college player he pitched to and promptly hit a HR.  So the PC pushed, I guess feeling some pressure from the injuries really pushed. Anyone who knows my son would know what was going to happen next, he pushed back. He didn't tell me at the time, kept it to himself, but I guess it wasn't good. So sophomore year no more pitching but now he's lost a year of hitting and fielding. He hurts his quad right before the season, can't practice. Comes back just in time to face the Oregon St pitching staff. Doesn't go particularly well. After that they used him but never really gave him a chance. After the season the coach retired. The new coach knew the PC and after fall ball the kid was told PO or to look for somewhere else to play, halfway through his junior year.

So go where you are "loved". Just remember, there's the saying "the greater the love the stronger the hate" when things go bad. In college baseball terms that means that the bigger the scholarship they give you when they "loved" you the more they will want it back when they don't. I'm not trying to discourage anyone. Just pointing out that the bigger scholarship you get the less tolerance there will be. Your fault or not.

@SomeBaseballDad posted:

My son was "loved" by 7 DI programs that made very good offers. Didn't pick the one that "loved" him the most but pick one that "loved" him a lot. Went as a two way but made it clear he was a PP first. Upon arriving on campus two things happened. Four, I think, if not more, pitchers went down with TJ, and the kid pitched lights out. Now he had said in an interview that he'd do whatever they needed him to do for the team. So the coach comes to him and says "PO". When he saw the look on the kid's face he threw the interview in his face and was like, "you said whatever we need". Here's where things went south. So the PC takes this kid, whom the HC had made the comment about "he can throw strikes in his sleep" and tries to change his pitching motion, takes the wind-up away, and forbids the CB, which is an excellent pitch for the kid. When my son questioned the other players they said "that's just his way". Well it may have been his way, and it may have worked for other kids, but it didn't work for mine. Loss of control and velocity. And then, all that said, put him in for his first college action against Nick Madrigal and Oregon St. Nick was the first college player he pitched to and promptly hit a HR.  So the PC pushed, I guess feeling some pressure from the injuries really pushed. Anyone who knows my son would know what was going to happen next, he pushed back. He didn't tell me at the time, kept it to himself, but I guess it wasn't good. So sophomore year no more pitching but now he's lost a year of hitting and fielding. He hurts his quad right before the season, can't practice. Comes back just in time to face the Oregon St pitching staff. Doesn't go particularly well. After that they used him but never really gave him a chance. After the season the coach retired. The new coach knew the PC and after fall ball the kid was told PO or to look for somewhere else to play, halfway through his junior year.

So go where you are "loved". Just remember, there's the saying "the greater the love the stronger the hate" when things go bad. In college baseball terms that means that the bigger the scholarship they give you when they "loved" you the more they will want it back when they don't. I'm not trying to discourage anyone. Just pointing out that the bigger scholarship you get the less tolerance there will be. Your fault or not.

Wow.  Thank you for sharing your son's story.   Eye opening for sure.  7 D1s came knocking!?  What if he had gone elsewhere right?  

@Dadbelly2023 posted:

  7 D1s came knocking!?  What if he had gone elsewhere right?  

He is now playing for one of them. So I guess we shall see.

@SomeBaseballDad posted:

He is now playing for one of them. So I guess we shall see.

Rooting for your son!

Thanks, but the kid will be fine. Shit happens and you deal with it. That said there's an "undercurrent" that runs through this forum amongst certain posters that it's always the parents/players' fault. Kind of reared its head in the "DI trap" thread. It's about to happen again in Francis7's latest clickbait post. Yes, those parents are out there but they're not hiding under every rock and behind every tree as some here would have you believe. Sometimes things just don't work out. There were 30+ kids at the son's last college that didn't have the same experience as him. As I said, the more you're "loved" the bigger target you have on your back if things don't work out, no matter who's at fault. There were kids who were beneath him on the depth chart who weren't told to look elsewhere. But they didn't have the scholarship he did.

Oh, to add. I don't believe anyone who knew the kid would tell you he overreached picking a college. Not even the high ranking scout who sat down with the wife and kid over lunch and went over offers.

Well, I'd say that Francis7's recent threads are all about trying to find some certainly about the future in a choice that is made by players and their families, and what most people are saying is, you just can't know how it's going to play out.  If you could see the future, you might make a different choice, or you might not.  That's what SomeBaseballDad is saying, too, and I also wish his son the best.  There's no way of knowing anything.  Who would have predicted a pandemic that shattered a year+ of college, for heaven's sake?  People sometimes make the analogy that choosing a college baseball program is like choosing a spouse, but (a) few people choose spouses based on as little to go on as you have with a baseball coach, and (b) that doesn't always go so well, either.  All you can do is to make a choice you are happy about, go into it clear-eyed about how to go about it,  trust in your values to carry you through the problems, and seek help if you need it. 

When words and actions aligned. Many of the coaches recruiting my son talked the talk, but when we started playing the roster game, it became clear who's love was genuine.

@LuvMyKids posted:

When words and actions aligned. Many of the coaches recruiting my son talked the talk, but when we started playing the roster game, it became clear who's love was genuine.

Can you expound on the roster game?  

I think it is really hard to tell when you are in it.  I would have bet my bottom dollar that my son would be at a certain SEC campus right now.  They asked him to call every week, invited him to come up and visit and have dinner (didn't even know if that was allowed).  Told him they wanted him to know how much they liked him.  It went on for 8-9 months.  Always asking who else was talking to him.  Called his travel coaches often and said they really liked him. He talked to a lot of schools, but they were the most consistent.  When it finally came down to him saying, I'm going to take another offer, they didn't make an offer.  There were other schools that offered big after seeing him once. Does that mean they really loved him?  Who knows.  In the end, I think its a blessing that the first school didn't offer, but it was hard to swallow at the time. He ended up at a school where they called him only few times prior, but at a showcase, they called while he was on the field to say they were offering and asked him to call as soon as he was done.  We are just at the beginning of that journey and I hope it turns out well, but you just have to go with your gut and hope you make the right choice.  It was his choice and he felt at peace with it and that's all we can ask.

I would suspect it has to with contact and commitment to the relationship prior to the kid committing. Calls, texts...finding reasons to check in and just overall attaboys when son has a good game. You know it when you see it and you know when they fake it. My son was a late prospect ( if you would cal him that, meaning he came on the recruiting radar later than normal) and had a whale of a game playing up vs 18U kids and almost struck everybody out (kidding but had alot of Ks) and there were tons of RCs there. He got everything from "Tell your parents they won't have to pay a dime", to "Come take a visit and you won't want to leave". In the end, most had barriers related to how much they could offer and the winning coach who landed son just flat out impressed him and communicated his desire to have him in his program (For TPM, this was #7). 

Hope this helps.