What's your method to relax while watching Junior play?

here's me and this probably proves I am weird. Football and baseball I am very relaxed while my boys play. During wrestling or basketball I am a twisted bundle of nerves... totally uptight and just want to bust. The other night after a wrestling match I had a muscle spasm in my neck something terrible... well it was because I was sitting there all tense during my boys matches.
During football or baseball I just chill with some seeds or popcorn and the world goes by just fine... but those indoor sports somehow tie me into knots.

quote:

Originally posted by trojan-skipper:
here's me and this probably proves I am weird. Football and baseball I am very relaxed while my boys play. During wrestling or basketball I am a twisted bundle of nerves... totally uptight and just want to bust. The other night after a wrestling match I had a muscle spasm in my neck something terrible... well it was because I was sitting there all tense during my boys matches.
During football or baseball I just chill with some seeds or popcorn and the world goes by just fine... but those indoor sports somehow tie me into knots.

It's the bleachers. They are murder on the back and it moves to the neck. I think they were invented by a chiropractor.

Believe it or not I don't get tense watching my kids play. I attribute it to a few things. What works for me may not work for others. 1) I played sports and had my successes. I'm not living through my kids. 2) In non school sports I was often the coach. I was too occupied with the big picture to focus on my kids. 3) By high school both my two kids were playing key positions in five sports. I decided I had the choice of enjoying the experience or getting an ulcer.

I believe the day I knew I had this thing licked was a LL all-star semi final. The team was the favorite to win the district. They were down three, no one on, two outs in the last inning. A mother asked why I didn't look tense. I told her it's the boy's game, not mine. They scored four and won with two outs.

The only time I've been tense about my kid's sports was when my son experienced two major injuries. He missed the entire recruiting season after junior year. I was upset thinking his dream was being derailed. I got upset over nothing. My son assured me it would all work out.

More than anything I feel blessed my kids have been able to pursue their sports journies as far as they have. It's worth celebrating as opposed to getting an ulcer. Among all the kids who started sports in kiddie ball my kids are/were still standing in college. Better yet, they're the biggest stars in my life with bigger things than sports to accomplish before their lives are over.

Note: I tend to watch quietly an analyze the game like a coach a opposed to make noise like a fan. I always stayed away from the complainers which isn't the problem in college sports as it was in high school.

My methods to beat anxiety are the same as yours with similar results.

I scored and taught the wife but she liked it so much (kept her from having to listen and confer with gossiping moms) she took it over. I then resorted to pacing and watching the game from various vantage points settling on the one where he gets the best results.

My anxiety hasn't lessened much at the College level. Am considering heavy drinking before I go in hopes that my senses will dull in the stupor. But then, I'd miss the good stuff.

I do feel I've adapted my behavior to what I've seen from the more seasoned, veteran parents and actually look at the game much less seriously than I used too which has been a very good thing!

I take pictures. I got the camera 6 years ago (canon rebel) and it still looks "fancy" so folks don't come by to talk as they think you are doing something wonderfully creative. Plus you have an easy excuse to to walk away or simply not talk if they try to talk.

Son has always done well, but I still get nervous. Husband doesn't .... probably due to reasons similar to rjm's. He likes to talk and sometimes he and his buds start cackling like hens. Then I'm asked "what's so funny?", and since I'm 20 feet away, I don't know! lol

well anyway.... camera and tums....

When I was anxious watching my kids play years ago - I kept reminding myself that my anxiety had no impact on the their performance or the outcome of the game. It helped a little.

I have been known to do crossword puzzles during the game - it does not prevent me from watching - just acts like a commercial distraction between innings.

I was seldom anxious when my boys were playing their best positions - but when they were playing elsewhere I had a little more axiety.

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RJM said......Note: I tend to watch quietly an analyze the game like a coach a opposed to make noise like a fan. I always stayed away from the complainers which isn't the problem in college sports as it was in high school.

Analyzing the game is my secret. I look to see who is doing what to whom & when to be successful.

The other day in the choke thread I mentioned giving up walk off homers in both ends of a doubleheader in college. When my kids are competing, as Hammer said, "Can't touch this!" I've had the experience of "Stuff happens." "Stuff" has happened to my kids before. It will happen again.

I don't get nervous or anxious, at all. It's not me out there.

To relax... I eat a lot of sunflower seeds.
When my boys come up to bat...I close my eyes,visualize,take a deep breath and wait
for the best sound a parent could hear, the ping or crack of the bat! (Its true,I never really "see" my boy's at bats)

quote:

Originally posted by AntzDad:
I don't get nervous or anxious, at all. It's not me out there.

That's what makes it so tough. I didn't get nervous at all when I played. I think it's a lot easier to relax when you're in control or at least in between the lines. I think it's why I'm totally relaxed driving a car, but a basket case when my 16 year old daughter drives and I'm in the passenger seat!...perhaps that nervousness is well founded

quote:

I take pictures. I got the camera 6 years ago (canon rebel) and it still looks "fancy" so folks don't come by to talk as they think you are doing something wonderfully creative

Taking pictures is also a nice way to get up closer or view from the visitors dugout side because no one will say anything to you .....unless you try to to complain/cheer outloud at the sametime.

A camera is also good for a parent that talks to much as they will be forced to be silent or risk being asked to leave the good shooting locations on a field (usually near a dugout or the backstop)!

fyi the point and shoots aren't very good for taking consistently useable pictures at a game, a low end Nikon or Cannon digital SLR that's about the same price as a higher end point and shoot is a much better choice.

A little Knob Creek in a RED SOLO CUP!

****...now I have that tune in my head the rest of the day.

quote:

Originally posted by cball:
A little Knob Creek in a RED SOLO CUP!

****...now I have that tune in my head the rest of the day.

Yes!

quote:

Originally posted by RJM:
Believe it or not I don't get tense watching my kids play. I attribute it to a few things. What works for me may not work for others. 1) I played sports and had my successes. I'm not living through my kids. 2) In non school sports I was often the coach. I was too occupied with the big picture to focus on my kids. 3) By high school both my two kids were playing key positions in five sports. I decided I had the choice of enjoying the experience or getting an ulcer.

I believe the day I knew I had this thing licked was a LL all-star semi final. The team was the favorite to win the district. They were down three, no one on, two outs in the last inning. A mother asked why I didn't look tense. I told her it's the boy's game, not mine. They scored four and won with two outs.

The only time I've been tense about my kid's sports was when my son experienced two major injuries. He missed the entire recruiting season after junior year. I was upset thinking his dream was being derailed. I got upset over nothing. My son assured me it would all work out.

More than anything I feel blessed my kids have been able to pursue their sports journies as far as they have. It's worth celebrating as opposed to getting an ulcer. Among all the kids who started sports in kiddie ball my kids are/were still standing in college. Better yet, they're the biggest stars in my life with bigger things than sports to accomplish before their lives are over.

Note: I tend to watch quietly an analyze the game like a coach a opposed to make noise like a fan. I always stayed away from the complainers which isn't the problem in college sports as it was in high school.

I can see your point in a way, but I disagree. Just because you get nervous doenst mean you are living through your child. That would be equivalent to me saying "I must love my son because I get nervous for him and you dont" Neither make any sense whatsoever.
I always coached also and couldnt spend time worrying about my son either, so it seems now I am making up for lost time.

I would hope that any success my kids have on the athletic field will pale in comparison to everything else in life. I am sure I will have quite a few sleepless nights after they graduate from college and start job hunting, the day after they buy their first house, when they are expecting children. I will always worry over my kids.

quote:

Originally posted by Prime9:

I then resorted to pacing and watching the game from various vantage points settling on the one where he gets the best results.

I can attest to Prime's stealth movements firsthand. He's like a fruit fly. One moment he's to the right of you, blink, and then he's to the left. Never stands still!

YGD

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I can see your point in a way, but I disagree. Just because you get nervous doenst mean you are living through your child. That would be equivalent to me saying "I must love my son because I get nervous for him and you dont" Neither make any sense whatsoever.

I was not trying to make a point all parents who get nervous are living through their kid. However there are some. I know people who thrive on their kid's success because being the parent of (player) is their identity.

My wife turns away and then asks me what happens. Odds are I have walked away, as I am a wanderer during games. I need to burn off nervous energy. I only get to see about 10 games a year including summer and fall due to my work schedule. IF I saw more games I would probably weigh 20 pounds less.

Trojan...sounds to me like outdoor sports are more relaxing to you and indoors you can't escape feeling nervous. I prefer being outside in all aspects of life.

Baseball has always been relaxing to me. Perhaps because the pace is slow and you can see the action unfold. Unlike a sport like s****r where the whole game could change on one stupid goal! It may be the only one in a game. At least a baseball game unfolds slowly.

If scorekeeping worked, and I do keep score, try using an Ipad and GameChanger. It's fun to learn a new way and the stats it produces are amazing at the click of a finger. You can track literally everything you can imagine or just what you choose. You can see how many first pitch stike fast balls junior doesn't swing at! It's really fun to get good at something again and I am not "techie".

Being at the ballpark and watching my son enjoying life on the field is relaxing to me. Nothing more relaxing than to watch your children enjoying life. It is like when they were very young with out a care in life playing in the sandbox.

I am always good when he's hitting or in the OF. When he pitches I am a mess on the inside but I don't wear it on my sleeve. The red solo cup and a bag full of ranch sunflower seeds help

Doubleday,
Your question really made me think.
I think I felt the same feelings watching my kids play sports as I did when I played sports.

Before any game - I wouldn't describe the feeling as tense - but rather - like a brief upset stomach that gradually feels better as the game starts.
Any sport - any game. Me or my kids. Right up to today. Same feeling all the time.

I dealt/deal with those feelings as a viewer (and Dad) by relying on a few things.

If I have friends at the game - I try to spend time with them. That helps alot.

If I dont have any friends around - I eat sunflower seeds - and sneak out into the parking lot (or wherever I can) and smoke a cigarette.

That helps alot too.

And that is just about it. It is simple but it works for me.

quote:

Originally posted by HunterMac95:
I am always good when he's hitting or in the OF. When he pitches I am a mess on the inside but I don't wear it on my sleeve.

I am the same way when he is in the field and at bat. It is a lot of stress when he pitches because I know how important the position I sit in is key to him pitching well. I have discovered he is at his best when I place my left ankle over my right knee with two fingers stuck in the heel of my shoe. No matter how uncomfortable I am, I cannot move and disrupt his pitching...

Two ways, principally:
(1) Stood as far down the baseline as I could; "far, far from the madding crowd" and usually accompanied by friends.
(2) Reminded myself frequently that, regardless of the game's situation, my son was standing in the the one place on Earth that he most wanted to be. Any parent who can say that about his child should be thankful; not nervous.

"standing in the one place on earth that he most wanted to be". ..very Well said.

I bring a big bag of peanuts, taking the shells off keeps me occupied. On days when it's going well for the team I like to perch myself behind the backstop to watch the different pitch locations. On days when the team is struggling, I park myself down the right field fence. I have to get away from the negative comments that can be heard in the stands. Our bull pen is out there and I enjoy listening to the guys dialouge.

quote:

Originally posted by HunterMac95:
I am always good when he's hitting or in the OF. When he pitches I am a mess on the inside but I don't wear it on my sleeve.

A friend and I refer to that as the "private agony of the pitcher's dad."

Another friend, who sometimes posts here, says he's subject to "sudden onset Tourette's Syndrome," so he flees the scene, exiling himself far down a foul line lest he profanely blurt out what every pitcher's dad thinks and feels when the incompetence and knavery of others ruins his son's pitching performance. (I wish I'd thought of that term, and I'll give him credit for it if he wants it.)

I don't know about all these well adjusted folks posting here, but I don't relax until the lad is done for the day, and then only if it was a successful outing.

As long as he's in the game, I live and die with every pitch. Every called ball is a moral outrage. Every error made behind him is a crime against humanity. Every ting and crack of the bat pierces the soul. Yet social convention demands a gracious equanimity, so I comply though it saps every ounce of self control I possess or can borrow. The dissonance between the turmoil within and the fraudulently calm outward demeanor is mentally and physically debilitating.

Relax? At a game he's pitching? Are you nuts?

quote:

Another friend, who sometimes posts here, says he's subject to "sudden onset Tourette's Syndrome," so he flees the scene, exiling himself far down a foul line lest he profanely blurt out what every pitcher's dad thinks and feels when the incompetence and knavery of others ruins his son's pitching performance. (I wish I'd thought of that term, and I'll give him credit for it if he wants it.)

As the parent of a two way player I SOOO appreciate those parents who know they are prone to such comments putting some real estate between themselves and the rest of the game. On a team where son pitched regularly and with some success - son was playing 3B behind pitcher (regular 3B). Son makes less than perfect play at 3b and current pitcher's dad calls him out - by name - during the game - saying that his son is working hard and my son just messed up the game. At that point I had to put some real estate between myself and the rest of the game!

Have more kids. I'm much more relaxed with my second son.

quote:

Originally posted by cball:
A little Knob Creek in a RED SOLO CUP!

****...now I have that tune in my head the rest of the day.

Oh great, me too. Thanks a lot!

Swamp, loved that post.

Last night, V basketball game, on two occasions late in a close game, one of our dads (two different ones) got up and walked out of the gym in raging anger. Neither came back. Wives were left behind. For each wife, it was business as usual. They continued their conversations without missing a beat.

I’m surprised how nervous and tense I get watching my kid play baseball. For a period of time I tried denial, “I’m not tense. I’m fine. You’re tense. Stop living through your kid.”

In the end, the best remedy I’ve found is embracing the community. I love being at the field. I love watching baseball. I love eating peanuts in the stands. I love watching a team play well. I love seeing my son succeed. I assume all the other parents in the stands feel the same way. So now my wife and I make an effort to meet everybody in the stands. In a sport where you’re always joining new teams, it’s been a pleasure to continually meet engaged and thoughtful parents. It doesn’t take very much, extend a handshake, let someone else explain the Infield Fly rule, and take interest in another parent’s story (here’s biggest challenge: hearing their story and don’t compare to yours!). Genuinely cheer for the whole team.

I’m still a work in progress, prone to cutting off a conversation mid sentence when my son walks up to the plate. But without question, the teams where we’ve made the deepest connections to the other parents have been our favorite seasons.

Where do-able I drag out a comfortable chair. Where not I sit up against a fence. Then I take out my iPad and score the game which streams live to parents not there. It forces me to concentrate on the game and not screw it up. Add to that a bag of seeds, a stop watch, and a camera and you can see I have little time to get uptight. Even with all that, being at a ball field is about the most relaxing place I can be.

As a high school parent I rarely had any anxiety – except senior year state championship games. I appeared low key at those games but was churning on the inside. I remember the state final – I don’t think I moved out of my seat until the game was over. All the while I was hoping and praying on the inside.

As a freshman in college parent – I was bright eyed and energetic to meet all the other parents during the games so I moved around a lot, which helped. I found the best medicine was asking about their boys and how they were doing, what they did in the past, how they liked the school. I found that to be very helpful to both acclimate myself to the school and also build solid friendships with those parents – even to this day now that their boys have gone on to the next level or to the work force, when the parents come back out to watch our games we have a close bond. And I still ask how their boys are doing…

As a sophomore in college parent – less anxiety with how the playing time would work as we had been through a season by then. As one fellow parent stated “it’s not who is playing at the beginning of the season that matters, it’s whose playing at the end.” I found this truth to be self-evident sophomore season. I was also calmed a little bit by the 4-5 freshman parents who joined the team. We had a natural closeness as our son was one of two returning sophomores – I found them asking a lot about the trials and tribulations of the freshman season.

Now as a junior in college parent – the boy hasn’t played the first few games due to injury, but I think this year will be great. I think I will be much more relaxed inside and out. This season our team has high expectations for themselves, so there will be a lot of coach and team pressure throughout the season. But I find myself at peace with how this whole college experience for son is going. He is getting a great education and playing baseball, what more could I ask for?

Now the wife is an entirely different story...

Does anyone remember six and a half years ago at the LLWS, Tony Gwynn singled our a mother by saying, "If you're this stressed out maybe you shouldn't attend?" From observing this woman from our kids competing with and against each other since ten years old, nothing that was on tv approaches her greatest hits. Back then the kid was absolutely dominant. This year he's a non scholarship player at a major conference D1. Now the pressure is really on. The mother may be worth the price of admission. I've seen her break at least 1K worth of sunglasses. Her husband is a calm, nice guy.

I've gone to keeping the game on GameChanger, so I have to be into the game and not my son's performance.

Isn't Game Changer fun? I really like it and you are right, you really must follow the game, pitch by pitch. It doesn't allow for any distractions, people included!

I keep a detaied scorebook! Otherwise don't thinknthe other parents would be able to stand my pacing.

Sons play both basketball/s****r and baseball. I have a harder time controlling myself at basketball/s****r games. The officiating is more subjective and son actually gets physically pounded on during games. That doesn't happen (much) at baseball games.

One suggestion I heard was to keep a large lollipop in your mouth - then you need to take it out to be able to yell something - and hopefully that split-second will be enough to remind yourself to keep quiet.