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Son Commits (again)

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coachldcoachld1,000+ posts

Great story and congrats to both you and your son! You have done a great job in guiding and educating him on how to handle adversity. Too many people, in a similar situation, would have pointed the finger. My 2018 has had a difficult time as well, although under different circumstances. Hoping to share his story soon. Again, congrats! And as you already know, your son will be a better young man having dealt with this adversity!

L LBmom20211,000+ posts
#1 Assistant Coach posted:

No idea where or how to begin this post, or even why?  I really don't want to relive the past six-months as it as been excruciatingly painful at times to watch my 2018 go through it.  But he has endured, and overcome.  He went through, over, and around the walls that adversity put before him.  And after being compelled to decommit from the school that offered him last year, has now committed once again to a different baseball program and university.  

 

I feel the need to temper my remarks here given the current state of many families hit hard by natural disasters.  I am grateful that my family, today, is blessed with a roof over our heads, walls in tact to support that roof, a working refrigerator with food inside, our health, and our lives.  But life goes on, and God willing so will baseball and the pursuit of playing it at one's highest level.  So share I must.  

 

Son was forced to decommit, he had no other choice.  As I have read on this site, that is often how it works.  Coaches back the player into a corner, limiting his options to one, all the while appearing as if it is not what they want, but that circumstances dictate that decommiting is the only option for player.  In son's case there was no, "we'll stand by you," or "we made a commitment to you, we've got your back," etc.  Just a cold shrug of the shoulders that communicated son needed to move on, when technically he could have stayed with the program.  The whole thing completely blindsided all of us.  But such is life. 

 

I will stand on my son's character, his academic record, and his baseball skillset.   He never deviated outside of the academic parameters he had firmly established in high school, and upon which the offer was based.  As a matter of fact his GPA at time of decommitment  was higher than when offer was made, strangely.  No discipline issues.  And any questions about possible lack of baseball development are specious as the decommitment option was first uttered by program in early spring, when 2018 had yet to even set foot on a baseball field free of snow. 

 

When he committed we thought his recruitment journey was over.  We celebrated.  We sported the gear.  We shared the good news when someone asked how son was doing.  Watching son go through the decommitment process was devastating as a parent.  For him, it was divorce at 18.   After a brief period of disillusionment, self doubt, shame, and anger, he picked himself up off the floor and took action.  Fortunately, upon his initial commitment he duly notified all coaches who were recruiting him to tell them personally, that he had chosen another school, but he wanted to tell them himself before they heard about it elsewhere.  He burned no bridges.  Thanked everyone.  "You just never know," I told him.  

 

When he officially reopened his recruitment, like a new house coming on the market, he immediately got a lot of interest from coaches.  We were optimistic initially but then after a week or so it all died down.  We then realized that most of those coaches who made initial contact were just fishing for intel as to "what happened?"  Sort of voyeuristic inquisitors picking through the carnage of a plane crash, hoping to get some dirt on a competitor's ethics, or recruiting MOs.  Son bit his tongue and always took the high road saying nothing that cast a bad light on the program from which he'd just decommitted.  "Never know," I told him, "you can't afford to alienate anyone right now.  Not the time or place to grind an axe." 

 

But one coach, who had been in contact with him before his commitment to first school, came back in the picture.  No surprise, after all when son notified him of his commitment to other school, he gave the old, "Well if it doesn't work out, let me know."  This coach asked no questions about the decommitment, didn't care.  Just wanted to pick up where they'd left off, checking in with son on his continued development, his own recruiting needs, and hoping son might fit into them.  They stayed in touch for next four months.  

 

Long summer.  Not a whole lot of interest.  He'd hear from the aforementioned coach once in a while.  They did not cross paths after an event in May.  Son began looking at other options.  D3s came into picture now.  We removed the #1, #2, #3s from the school's name.  We were looking for "fit" now, as we approached August of rising Sr. year.  As the doldrums of summer wore on son began dragging his feet to go to tournaments, showcases, he was giving up on himself, was drifting dangerously close to quitting, was struggling with his social life, breaking up with his GF, transition to new school, etc.  Who says "boys are easy?????"  Was a brutal summer for just about everything but certainly for his baseball recruitment.  He tried not to, but at low points he'd catch himself thinking, "I was committed................I was done with all this BS.................what happened?"  He dragged his rear end to so many events; PBR, PG, Headfirst, Showball, Dynamic, etc.  I told him, "Just keep showing up, something will break in your favor.  Keep......showing........up."   He showed up to the gym everyday, the ballpark, the showcases, the tournaments, the camps, the laptop to email updates, etc.  He just kept "showing up."  

 

He hit 90mph in early August at a showcase and the gears began to move.  Remember, they'd been idle since..............well, for over a year at that point really.  Did a couple of other events where he pitched in front of the right people, who were nice enough to pick up the phone and make some calls for him.  Bottom line is he never quit, although he wanted to every day, but still kept "showing up."  Forced himself on bad days to at least go through the motions in the hopes of grinding through an 80% workout, better than 0%, yet a far cry from the always desired 110% workout.

 

Three Fridays ago his phone rang.  AC from a Power-5 conference.  The very one he'd been in email contact for over a year now  (by this point I should say, son had been to the campus at this school for camps, had spoken with this coach at length in person at a camp a year ago, we'd been invited for a UV and football game, just hadn't been able to do it).  They talked for about 15-mins.  At end of conversation the AC offered son a spot.  Son was speechless.  Son asked if he could take the weekend to think about it.  Coach said sure, "Let's talk Monday."  Monday came and son called AC to tell him he wanted the spot.  Committed................again.  

 

I've always told my players that one can learn a lifetime of lessons in one 9-inning baseball game.  "Baseball is life sped up," I say.  A game that I stopped playing in 8th grade has given me more as a dad, than I ever dreamed when I first started volunteering to coach LL.  And for my son?  It's given him, and taken from him, everything.  Yet he still keeps showing up and by doing so keeps "extending the game" he loves so dearly.  He amazes me and I am so, so proud of him.

 

Thank you HSBBWeb.  None of this; the first commitment, surviving the desert of decommitment, and now the second commitment, is ever happening without the great and giving people on this site.  To those of you who via PM kept me sane, and who did not desert me or my son in this struggle, I say thank you.  You know who you are.  I owe you, and can only try to be the shepherd you were to me, to some other lost sheep down the road.  What better way to pay you back, I know not.  

 

#1 AC

Congratulations to your son and your family! This is a great post and a true story of grit, resilience, and perseverance. These will serve him so well in life. Best of luck with the rest of the process. 

B Bball341,000+ posts

Wow, that is one heck of a read with one hell of an ending. I can only imagine what that year was like for your son and family. You conveyed it all so well but a few paragraphs probably can never capture the whole crazy ride. Thank you very much for sharing as I would think many parents will be sharing your perspective with their sons and people they know who are in similar situations. Best of luck and tip of the hat to how you all handled each step of the process. 

#1 Assistant Coach#1 Assistant Coach10,000+ posts
Bball34 posted:

Wow, that is one heck of a read with one hell of an ending. I can only imagine what that year was like for your son and family. You conveyed it all so well but a few paragraphs probably can never capture the whole crazy ride. Thank you very much for sharing as I would think many parents will be sharing your perspective with their sons and people they know who are in similar situations. Best of luck and tip of the hat to how you all handled each step of the process. 

Thank you Bball34, and to everyone else who has chimed in with generous and positive remarks.    I reluctantly share this story, only because I feel it is the right thing to do.  People on this site need info on EVERY aspect in this process, so that is why I offer son's story.  It did not exactly flow from my fingertips as I typed.  Not fun to relive.   

Midwest MomMidwest Mom1,000+ posts

#1 thank you for sharing such a difficult and personal experience (for your son and family) with us. Your son must surely be very talented and I hope great things happen for him in this next phase. He certainly has the mental toughness needed for it and it sounds like a great dad to keep encouraging him. Congratulations to your son and best of luck. 

E Elijah1,000+ posts
#1 Assistant Coach posted:
Bball34 posted:

Wow, that is one heck of a read with one hell of an ending. I can only imagine what that year was like for your son and family. You conveyed it all so well but a few paragraphs probably can never capture the whole crazy ride. Thank you very much for sharing as I would think many parents will be sharing your perspective with their sons and people they know who are in similar situations. Best of luck and tip of the hat to how you all handled each step of the process. 

Thank you Bball34, and to everyone else who has chimed in with generous and positive remarks.    I reluctantly share this story, only because I feel it is the right thing to do.  People on this site need info on EVERY aspect in this process, so that is why I offer son's story.  It did not exactly flow from my fingertips as I typed.  Not fun to relive.   

You're right about us needing these stories. Thanks for sharing how your son behaved during the process. Good for him! Sounds like he has the makeup to handle college ball. 

Ripken FanRipken Fan10,000+ posts

Your story shows the highs and lows of recruiting. Your son has good sense to leave coaches with a good impression of him and he didn't burn bridges. So happy your son persevered and landed on his feet. He really took things into his own hands and didn't sit back. Great maturity of him in many ways.  Thanks again for sharing. Many can benefit from your post.  

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