Advice for Son

Over the years I would print out words of wisdom I found on this site and leave the papers on his bed, with his books, or just hand it to him directly. There are times when advice from others seems to have more weight. I would go to recruiting timeline and print it out. Also, find some old threads about process and let him read them.

Baseball Dad19 you have a PM. To find it hit the "GO" button, the Personal Zone and then Private Messaging.

If you are more itnerested than he is, then doesn;t that tell you something? It is sometimes hard for Seniors to think about the future, as they have to start all over again. However, many schools fill their rosters right up until August, so it is not too late. Sounds like you need input from a coach he respects. Eventually he will come to the realization you are a wise old bird.

Its not late. Many kids that go D3 D2 are signed during the actual senior season. I had two players go to D3 schools that we contacted at the beginning of the hs season. Most of these schools wait for the smoke to clear and then see who is still standing. They do not want to waste resources on players they can not get or do not really want to play in college. Have your son sit down with you and then map out a game plan. Send those schools an email. Give the list to his hs coach and ask him to contact those schools. If he has the ability to play at the next level and he wants to play at the next level there is a place for him. But you have to let people know who you are , where you are , what you want to do and then go get it.

I appreciate all of the responses. I just joined HSBBWEB today, but have been coming to the site for 6 months or so to read all of the great advice from those that have been through the recruiting process before. Although I love baseball and watching my son play, it is his dream to play in college, not mine or my wifes. It is frustrating for me to see him seem so uninterested planning for his future and thinking that I don't know what I'm talking about when I give him advice. I sent him the link to HSBBWeb, but I don't think he has visited yet.

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He thought he was set to go to a local D III school, but we recently learned that may not happen.

What is the reason for this? Could this reason impact other options he may or may not have?


Have you tried getting his HS coach to talk to him?

Welcome to HSBBW, well I guess it does not matter what coast you are on, you can compare notes with Pop Up Hitter dad who has the same problem with son's who are not motivated to help control their future.

You can only help him where he wants help. If going to a four year school does not work out, there is always the JUCO route, which also will give him time to get stronger and maybe focus on baseball only vs football when not in season.

Short of that, if you can motivate him to work with you, it is not too late for four year schools if your son has the skills they are looking for and you happen to find those who have the need.

I'm not sure of the exact reason. Maybe it was my son's lack of communication with the coach led him to believe my son was not interested and the coach went with someone else. It should have no impact in any other options my son has as long as he becomes proactive. He plays football and is taking honors classes in high school and says he doesn't have time to respond to e-mails he gets.

If he won't respond to e-mails I am not sure their is much you can/should do for him at this point. Their are plenty of kids in his situation that will take 5 minutes to respond to an e-mail from a coach. I imgaine whoever's e-mails he's ignoring won't forget about it so quickly.

Perhaps you get his one of his HS coaches (football or baseball) to chew on him for not responding to contacts thereby making his program/school look bad. Doesn't always work, but its another avenue.

"Son, we're going Thursday afternoon to local juco to meet the coach and watch their practice."

Sometimes you have to prime the pump.

"I don't have time" might mean, "I'm a little overwhelmed."

Step up to the plate dad.

Baseballdad19, I heard my name being mentioned, the minute I saw your post, I almost thought I wrote it! Lets compare sons, my doesn't take honors classes, does not play football. He lays around or hangs with buddies when he is not working out building up "chick" muscles. He does absolutely no home work, has only two required classes the rest are TA, basket weaving. Now if you son isn't this profile, he may well be a bit overwhelmed. Does he have a part time job too? Not my boy. My son is most likely going with the first and only offer of out of state JC. I was hoping for something more local, but have been told the JCs in the Northwest are sub par when it comes to moving their players up. I suspect my son is avoiding reality of "what am I going to do after high school" and isn't facing up to the fact the gravy train is leaving the station. Good luck.

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He thought he was set

Senior year can be very overwhelming not only physically for kids, but especially emotionally as well.
You said your son is playing football and taking AP classes.
That's a big chunck.

Because your son thought he was set, he may feel like the he's had the rug pulled out from under him.
Gotta help dust him off dad and lend him a hand getting him back up again.
Help him shift gears and work towards balance. Taking a hold of his future is part of that balance.
He may get wind of this sooner than later & his ears may perk up because some of his baseball buddies may be signing today.
Football is probably getting close to an end, if it hasnt ended already. He's going to find a large part of his day open with that sport finished.

From a recruiting stand point he does still have time. My advice to him
would be to use this winter break to get on the bullhorn and call coaches. See what he can get set up. Perhaps a work out with a team, attend a camp, send out his Spring schedule along with his bio again. Have him renew his introductions and information.

Sometimes I would tape the fliers and information son received on the frig or on his bedroom door with a big fat happy face drawn on them or a sticky note that said: " Your future needs your attention. " Cookies left by these notes also never hurt! Amazing how they can find time to eat,..and perhaps read along while doing so!

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"Son, we're going Thursday afternoon to local juco to meet the coach and watch their practice."

Sometimes you have to prime the pump.

"I don't have time" might mean, "I'm a little overwhelmed."

Step up to the plate dad.

Great suggestions.

How about "You don't get your cell phone or car keys back until you email or call these coaches. And I want to read your email drafts before you send them."

We all have tasks that we hate doing -- taking out the trash, mowing the yard, doing the dishes, balancing the checkbook. Your son may do great in the baseball department and simply lack motivation to do administrative work. Give him a deadline and some consequences and hopefully it'll light a fire under him.

Some good suggestions. My son is really a good kid who may indeed be overwhelmed. He does have a part time job and is active in his church in addition to school and sports. My biggest frustration is that he will not accept help from Mom or Dad. Taking the cell phone is not a bad idea as he is constantly on it texting his girlfriend.

baseballdad


if you wish give me a call and lets see if we can help you and your son

Tom Rizzi
College Select Baseball
800-782-3672

Personally I took a different approach. If your son is doing well at school and doesn't have time to do the recruiting game, I did it with and for him.
My son played BKTB, BBhad a part time job and was an honors student. He was doing his job so I did all the marketing and talking to the coaches. He is a college SR and is still an honors student, has 2 part time jobs and plays BB plus takes guitar lessons and has a girl friend.He will graduate in May so I think it has worked out very well.

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Originally posted by Baseball Dad19:
he is constantly on it texting his girlfriend.

How about involving his GF to motivate him. Talk to her maybe she knows what's up??

The kid has to want it. Even if you push him and he goes to college to play, will he survive the fall practices if he doesn't have the drive? Coach May is correct, D3's will look at him in the spring. You may go for a visit or go to one of the fall or winter recruiting days they put on. Face it, if you can't influence him while he lives with you, you will have very little influence once he is at college with other friends. I would suggest a part time job so he sees what the working world is really like.

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Originally posted by Infield08:

How about "You don't get your cell phone or car keys back until you email or call these coaches. And I want to read your email drafts before you send them."

See, that and FO's post are spot on. I've wavered back and forth on this and been reluctant to post because sometimes my methodology can seem extreme.

You're talking about a guy who went through several up and down report card cycles with my youngin, using X-Box as the carrot. Each time the report card would come up, he'd get his X-Box back, when it went down, I'd take it away. I wound up asking him to follow me after one of his down cycles, and have him watch me rip the X-Box away from the cables, walk through the garage, grab he sledgehammer toss the X-box in the driveway and smash it to smithereens. No more problem. He realized the seriousness of my concerns and continues to be a better student with each passing quarter (4 years now and he got a new X-Box last year and made honor roll this quarter).

Dad, you need to show some interest (pro-actively) and he needs to understand the gravity of the situation...IMHO...

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Originally posted by CPLZ:

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Originally posted by Infield08:

How about "You don't get your cell phone or car keys back until you email or call these coaches. And I want to read your email drafts before you send them."

See, that and FO's post are spot on. I've wavered back and forth on this and been reluctant to post because sometimes my methodology can seem extreme.

You're talking about a guy who went through several up and down report card cycles with my youngin, using X-Box as the carrot. Each time the report card would come up, he'd get his X-Box back, when it went down, I'd take it away. I wound up asking him to follow me after one of his down cycles, and have him watch me rip the X-Box away from the cables, walk through the garage, grab he sledgehammer toss the X-box in the driveway and smash it to smithereens. No more problem. He realized the seriousness of my concerns and continues to be a better student with each passing quarter (4 years now and he got a new X-Box last year and made honor roll this quarter).

Dad, you need to show some interest (pro-actively) and he needs to understand the gravity of the situation...IMHO...

Ouch!

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He does have a part time job and is active in his church in addition to school and sports.

He already HAS a part time job.

...and is playing multiple sports,..and taking AP classes,...and active in his church, and has a girlfriend.

I dont think this kid lacks motivation and it sounds to me like he already has a bunch of fires under his fanny. I think what he needs is persistant support, praise, and guidence.

BaseballDad19,...sounds like you have a great kid on your hands and it sounds like your son is lucky to have you for his dad too.
Not accepting help from mom and dad is a sign of maturity in my mind and not uncommon for some young men who want to start taking charge of their own life. I respect him for wanting to " handle things ". ( I have one like that, too. )
Chances are he will take care of business. Continue to let him know that you are standing in the wings and willing to help/support him should he need it. There is a fine line between nagging, mandating, and reminding. Take a little percentage of each, use it, and see what happens. I have a feeling ,based on all of your sons other accomplishments ( which isn't easy ) that he's going to do well.

The very best of luck and let us know how things are going.

Best of luck!

It's a smart individual that seeks help when it is warranted. Not a sign of immaturity. Bill Gates will tell you that himself as all other self made millionairs will. The word self made is a oxy moron. Should be expert assisted.

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Although I love baseball and watching my son play, it is his dream to play in college, not mine or my wifes. It is frustrating for me to see him seem so uninterested planning for his future and thinking that I don't know what I'm talking about when I give him advice.

This has been a fascinating thread. One that I find myself oddly at "odds" with some of the advice that has been given.

First, welcome to the hsbbweb BaseballDad19!

Secondly, I can certainly empathise with the frustrations.

I don't see this as a discipline problem based on your description of the young man. He seems well-motivated and seems to be a fine young man doing normal high school things and staying out of trouble.

One question is what actually motivates him? He appears to like baseball but does not seem motivated to take it beyond something he likes to do. Warning bells are sounding for me based on your description. He appears motivated by lots of things along with baseball (e.g., football, girls, job). I believe a good recruiter would be senstive to this conflict.

Here is what I know for a fact. Getting recruited is the EASY part. PLAYING is the really HARD part. Every position is a competition among three or four players who were stars in high school. At the collegiate level, he will be competing against elite competitors. If he cannot muster the motivation to help in his own recruiting, I would predict it will be near impossible to see the playing field in college imho. This is what I would tell him and see how he reacts to that. If it is ho-hum then it might be more profitable focusing on academics like all the other non-athletes going to college out there.

Perhaps you do want it worse than he does? Perhaps he is only telling you it is his dream for your sake? Actions speak louder than words. Obviously, only you can know this by knowing him.

So you are gonna take away the cell phone and other things because he's not going to do what you feel he should be doing for recruting?

I don't get that.

I do get what CD is saying and I do agree. Recruiting IS the easy part, you can help him with that, you can't help him with the other stuff.

Do what's logical, sit down and have a serious discussion with your son regarding what HE really wants to do, not what you or others think that he should do. It might just be that he doesn't really want to play baseball beyond HS, he is going through some motions to make you feel happy. He may be invloved in other things and doesn't have time, but he should have time to sit down and discuss his future.
We all seem to make time for things we really want to do, if he really wants to play baseball after HS, the effort has to initiate with him, you of course can help and guide him, but only if you know what direction he wants to go in.

The real reality is going to college after HS, that should be the primary discussion, baseball can be factored in only if he wants it.

I have discussed this with him and I assured him numerous times that the decision to play baseball in college is his alone. I will support him no matter what he decides. He has told me that it is his goal to play baseball in college. My frustration is his unwillingness to let me or my wife help him achieve his goal.

Things may be looking up in regards to the D III school he thought he was set to go to. The coach called him last night and said he would still like him on his team next year. A pitcher being recruited signed a NLI with another school.

This sounds a little like my experience with my son last year. He is now a freshman with a spot on a baseball team. So, for whatever reason, what I did worked. He is basically a good guy who was getting straight A's (or close to it) with good SAT scores. He was playing on a travel and house ice hockey team, playing in a competitive marching band, and active at church and with friends. So, he was plenty busy. However, he has always had trouble with long-term tasks that require planning and is easily distracted by the opportunity immediately at hand.

I sat down with him to try to discern if he really wanted to play baseball in school. He insisted that he did. So, first I grounded him until he could tell me a major he intended to pursue. It didn't take him long to figure that out. Then I told him to find some schools he liked with that major. It didn't happen, so I grounded him till he could give me a list of ten schools (I think that was the number). He worked on that and got a list, but delayed on making contacts.

Finally, he was offered the opportunity to go to Europe with his church youth group in the middle of June (during summer ball) the following year, but needed to sign up by December/January timeframe. I told him he couldn't sign up for the trip till he had a better plan with contacts for college. He contacted his favorite school in early November. The coach was interested. We visited the school and everything went well. He signed a letter of intent (it is an NAIA school) in December. So, basically I set some simple priorities for him by holding back some things he wanted. He had the complete control over getting those things when he wanted them if he just completed the next step in the process.

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Originally posted by Baseball Dad19:
Things may be looking up in regards to the D III school he thought he was set to go to. The coach called him last night and said he would still like him on his team next year. A pitcher being recruited signed a NLI with another school.

Why did I have a feeling this might be why the coach didn't fully pursue your son.

Do you think perhaps that things went quiet originally because he didn't answer the coach or because he was not the coach's first choice for that position?

I do beleive that if coaches really want a player they will pursue them until the player finally says, no thank you.

If this is where he wants to play and go to school, that's fine, but make sure it is the right "fit" before he does anything. Sometimes players settle because they are just too busy (as your son says he is) to consider all options, settling does not always work.

JMO.

I'm curious, where is the GF going to school? My son and GF have this long distance thing goin on this fall (5 Hr flights each way) where they have had 3 weekends together and a 4th planned in two weeks! YIKES!!! Theres still 4 seasons of skool ball left

You mean the 1hr flight and 4hrs in the airport. ?

Now that is a thought.
Does the GF have anything to do with his lack of interest? Will she be attending that school or close by?

It sounds to me like BaseballDad19's son has probably been beating his brains out with football, combined with everything else.

If football is over, this boy will now have a chance to breath again and those extra breaths I'm betting, will be used towards solidifying his college & baseball future.

Its only mid Novemeber,....there is still plenty of time.

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Things may be looking up in regards to the D III school he thought he was set to go to. The coach called him last night and said he would still like him on his team next year.

One player signs somewhere else and a new player jumps in! Happens all the time!
What matters is that they are talking to your son NOW about a spot. That's great news!!
How does your son feel?

Things are looking up indeed!
Keep the recruiting ball rollin'!