Barry Zito increases velocity by 10MPH by long tossing fruitcakes

I want to be the first to swear that I have never used a PEF in my entire carrer and the only supplements I have ever used have been the over the lunch counter variety.

Here in TEXAS we deep fry them fruitcakes. Heck it increased my sons velocity 20 mph. Merry Xmas Happy Holidays.

Are these the same guys that make Jaegermeister? I've tried their supplement ONCE, and the next day I just didn't feel so good about it so I stopped.

Hugh Grant increased his fastball 15 mph by tossing bake beans at some guy trying to take his picture

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Originally posted by The Beast:
Here in TEXAS we deep fry them fruitcakes. Heck it increased my sons velocity 20 mph. Merry Xmas Happy Holidays.

How about chicken fried fruitcake? How is it with gravy?

Its great with gravy and fried taters, red beans, grandmas homemade rolls and chocolate peecan pie.

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He may be faster but Zito won't be able to throw in Toronto...

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Fruitcake the latest banned item on airlines

CTV.ca News Staff

Holiday travellers packing one of the season's traditional fruitcakes had better hope their journey's short. Transport Canada says the festive confections are not welcome on the nation's airplanes.

The ban is not, as one might suspect, the punchline to a joke about old, dried-out fruitcakes making lethal weapons.

That would be in bad taste.

According to the Canadian Air Transport Security Authority, fruitcakes are being banned because they are notoriously difficult to identify on the X-ray scanners used to inspect air travellers' luggage.

And that, according to the agency's Jacques Duchesneau, means the otherwise innocent cake could prompt unnecessary security alerts and subsequent delays.

The fruitcake is just the latest in long list of items banned from travellers luggage in the wake of the September, 2001, terrorist attacks in the United States.


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Barry Zito could win this.... (this is my best gotwood4sale impression, sorry its not funnier)

dee
brought a tear to my eye when i saw the picture. i thought the woodman was back. great effort dee,keep it up.

man, where can I get on this program! hahahaha!

OK got to put this in both threads. Thanks P&Cmom for the inspiration.

John Doyle of Baseball Training Secrets introduces revolutionary work out program utilizing fruitcakes.

12/28/07 Long Island NY. After seeing the dramatic success of Jaeger Sports “Fruitcakes a Flyin” John Doyle is following up with a program directed toward full body conditioning. “After seeing the dramatic improvement in Barry Zito’s fastball utilizing Fruitcakes we figured that they might have some benefits in full body conditioning, and boy were we surprised at the results” “Our controlled studies indicated that when using Fruitcakes properly trained athletes can expect a 10% increase in overall strength and power over non Fruitcake athletes”

“I have been looking for the “Holy Grail” of baseball strength and conditioning training for years and was shocked to find it in my grandmothers kitchen” “For some reason Fruitcakes unlock the hidden “force production” enzymes that build up in muscles during ballistic exercises. Fruitcakes seem to draw out these enzymes and allow the muscle fibers to explode with the additional power” I am simple amazed at the results added John.

John demonstrated his program at the SPARK training facility in Southern California today. “We figured the best place to introduce our program was where we could find the most Fruitcakes, which of course is in California” “SPARK is actually considering adding in our Fruitcake Flinging into their testing regime” said SPARK spokesperson Sparky Anderson “We have found that Fruitcake Flinging is the most direct representation of a baseball athletes potential over any other measurement we have been able to come up with” Added Sparky.

“The results on actual athletes have been amazing. P&Cmoms middle school’s son was recently recruited by Virginia Tech to be their closer for next season. “He’s only 12 but he is just touching 90 now, so we figure by next season he should be hitting mid 90’s” said John. CAdad’s said “ Heck if my son can throw that hard who cares about first pitch strikes” BOFjr said “Heck if I can jump higher than six inches I might actually have a chance in Basketball and might consider switching sports” Always the antagonist TRhit said” I don’t give a **** about Fruitcakes, we all know everyone from New York is a Fruitcake”

John’s revolutionary new program “Pylometrics for Fruitcakes” will be available exclusively at the SPARK training facility in Los Angeles. “We figured the best place to launch our program was the Fruitcake Capital of the world, which of course is LA” said John. It will also be available in February at www.pylometricfruitcakes.com

Thanks for all the chuckles...

I would take up fruit cake tossing but everyone knows all the good fruitcake tossers are from Latin America, or Asia now, so what's the use, why even try.....

Have a good day everyone

Winter Workout

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This is for real...the picture wouldn't take...


The M-63

Back as early as 400 BC catapults were used to hurl the vilest of projectiles: Rocks, arrows, cow manure, diseased horse carcasses, barrels of venomous snakes, wasps nest, the heads of captured prisoners, but perhaps the most notorious missile of all may be...the fruitcake. Designer Dave Myers is the architect of the M-63 Fruitcake remover. It’s an Industrial-grade slingshot style catapult powered by the ample potential energy stored in 36 feet overextended surgical rubber tubing. The Machine has a yoke 10 feet across and two large people are required to **** the spring. The trigger is similar to a sailplane hitch release. Myers built this machine large and strong because it has an important job to do. See fruitcakes are hard to get rid of. The specific density of fruitcake is equivalent to mahogany. It’s the one gift that the US Postal Service has not found a way to destroy in transit. And you simply cannot flush a fruitcake. Hence the M-63. One year the M-63 sent a fruitcake more than 300 feet (short porch).

Related picture...Not the M-63...a more traditional Method of fruitcake disposal...



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"Barry Zito increases velocity by 10 mph by long tossing fruitcakes."

He is playing in San Francisco after all.