Breaking Up

Sorry fot the intrusion ladies, but.

quote:

He told me last night he doesn't think he'll ever meet another girl like her.

And he's right..... but there is great chance that he'll meet someone better, than her. Nothing against her, but things happen for a reason.

It's like baseball, we can't get a hit every time we get to the plate.

Just remind him, there's no shortage of girlfriends for baseball players.... must have something to do with the pants.... at least that's what I've been told!

I've been in your shoes, and you're right... it hurts! #1's high school girlfriend of three years decided to break up a few days before they headed off to separate colleges, with no warning, and for no apparent reason. (The reason became clear very soon, in the form of son's best friend, but that's another story!) We were seriously afraid to let him go to school - he was so down in the dumps.

That was the first time of many that I was glad he was on the baseball team and had a coach who cared about his players on and off the field. We made a discrete phone call to fill him in on the situation and asked him to keep an eye on the boy - he did and it did our heart's a world of good. I have still to this day never told #1 that we did that - he might get a laugh out of it now!

It feels good to know that others have been there and survived...

Mythreesons, I would probably do exactly what you did if my son were in college. I'm hoping he ends up at a program where the coaches truly care like your son's coach did.

Boy, going through this stuff is tough -- not only for him, but for his entire family. Even his 14-year-old sister and her best friend were crying the night of the break-up. Normally, my son is off doing his own thing and doesn't give his sister the time of day, but I can tell that her response sure warmed his heart.

Infield08,

I just went through the same with my 16 year old son a couple of months ago. His first true love broke up with him by telling him she wanted to be single. I really believe I hurt more for him than he was hurting (if that makes any sense). For three weeks no one could talk or even look at him without my son biting a head off. We had to have a serious talk about taking out his hurt on his family. At the time he was playing baseball and working out for football, I am glad he had athletics to keep himself busy. He lost his appetite for a few weeks, so maybe your son is going through the same with the stomach hurting. I really hope your son does well on his showcase and has a speedy recovery from his broken heart.

Well, my 17 year old has dated the same girl for 18 months. They broke up this week - more his idea than hers and I am just heart broken. I mean reality is there is only a slim chance they would stay together, but I just loved her - she is a fine person - and I tear up everytime I talk about it. My 8 year-old girl loves her too and keeps bringing it up. Son says he feels sure they will get back together. I'm wondering if I need to get a life - lol - or if its normal to be so sad.

My son and his girlfriend broke up a week before he left for school. He was miserable, REALLY miserable and it hurt us to see his heart broken. When he got up to school, his coach knew he was miserable and told him that he won't get where he wants to go with a girlfriend.

When he got to school by that year most of his friends hooked up with girlfriends and a few have changed them a few times. He concentrated on his schoolwork and baseball. He found most of the girls were interested because he was a ballplayer. He found one girl he liked very much, he went to the cape and came back to find out his teammate was dating her. That was a problem for sure! He has a lot of girlfriends who would love to go out with him but they are just very good friends. He is 22 and has not had a serious relationship since HS, but that's ok, he has better things to do right now.

HitaHomer, I'm so sorry. It DOES hurt, and you shouldn't think it's strange to be sad. We were for days....

I'm the one who started this post and I'll give a little update on how my son's doing 5 weeks later. A week after the break-up, his stomach was still hurting pretty much 24/7 and I took him to the doctor. She asked a number of questions about the type and location of pain he was experiencing and then, with son's permission, I told her what had happened. She said he was probably getting an ulcer and prescribed Zantac. One day later, he was feeling great physically. He continued taking the Zantac for a couple of weeks and has not needed it since.

Thankfully, he is healing. It's still a bit awkward talking to his former girlfriend (he's best friends with her brother and is over at their house a couple of times a week), but the upcoming hunting season and baseball have been a great distraction. Right after he went to the doctor, he began a 4-day tournament showcase and played outstanding offense and defense, attracting the interest of two schools.

In retrospect, I'm glad it happened before he headed to college so he can focus on academics and baseball, just like TPM's son. I'll bet that in a month, you and your family will be feeling much better. In the meantime, I'll be adding you to my prayers.

Infield08,

I missed this thread the first time around, but I'm glad to hear that your son is doing better!

I can relate to all the emotions other moms posted. Here's another mom's story: When my younger son was about 16, he dated a girl who he had adored since 3rd grade. After about 6 months she broke up with him, and he was devastated. Looked sad all the time, so sad that I cried at least once a day for a couple of weeks (when no one could see me). She was a really lovely girl from a very nice family, and I had thought they would stay together thru HS or beyond. After that breakup, he eventually dated a few other girls in HS, but nothing serious. He was (is) in a rock band with the brother of original heartbreak girl, so they stayed friends for the next couple of years, and finally he ended up taking her to senior prom. They looked so happy and cute during the picture-taking that parents attend, and he came home pretty late, about 4 am. He seemed sad the next day though, and a couple of days later he told me that after they had a wonderful time with each other and all of their friends, she spent about 2 hours at the end of their date explaining to him why she would never be interested in him as more than a friend. OUCH, what a way to end senior prom!

Happy next chapter of the story, the first weekend of freshman year of college he met a very nice girl who he talked for hours and hours with. They eventually started dating, and a year later are still going steady. He said his relationship with her can't be compared to any girl he dated in HS - they know each other so much better and it's a much more "real" relationship. They are only 19, so of course I'm not making any assumptions on how long it will last, but he seems very happy, which makes momma happy!

Julie

Great story, Julie! So glad he's doing well now!

To all the dear moms who hurt for their boys ...

These break-ups are traumatic for everyone involved. And I think it is wonderful that you all care enough for the girls that you miss them after the break-up ... that tells me that your sons have good wisdom with those important aspects of his life.

We were fortunate to only have to deal with our son and his now wife 'breaking up' once between their sophomore year and senior year in high school. It lasted all of 12 hours and he cried so much that night that I told him that I thought it was a pretty good indication that they should not be apart ... he asked me in the morning (after I gave him permission to stay home from school) if I thought he should go see her before school and make up ... and of course I told him to give it a try. He picked a beautiful rose from our garden and went to her house before school ... and the rest is history (been married almost 3 years now).

I think the biggest drawback for athletes and having girlfriends ... especially it seems with baseball ... is the lack of interest by the girls in the sport. If a girl doesn't like the game, and/or if she resents the time away with the game, either the relationship will suffer or the boy's game will suffer. It sounds like several of the girlfriends didn't have a clue about their boyfriends' love of the game ... our son was fortunate that he found a girl who loved the game. Even today we see pro players girlfriends and wives who take no interest in the game. Too bad, too, because those girls are missing out on a lot in life.

Catcher #1 has had the same girlfriend for 2 1/2 years now. She is very nice most of the time. But, she just moved away to college (only an hour away)and in the last few weeks/months before she left, she decided that he should give up wanting to play college baseball and instead go to the same college that she is going to. He told her no, of course.

She also wanted him to skip the first two days of two-a-day practices for football to go on a 'just the two of them' camping/float trip, which he didn't want to go to but let me be the 'heavy' and say no. I am not that big of a football fan, but I am a big fan of not letting my son go camping alone with a slightly desperate girl!!!

And, then a week later, she got mad when he wouldn't skip practice to help her move into college.

All of this is enough for me, she is too self centered if she is wanting him to give up his dreams/desires. I am trying to keep my mouth shut (which is VERY difficult sometimes!) and let nature take its course here, but I am very ready for him to find someone else.

quote:

All of this is enough for me, she is too self centered if she is wanting him to give up his dreams/desires. I am trying to keep my mouth shut (which is VERY difficult sometimes!) and let nature take its course here, but I am very ready for him to find someone else.

momof2 ...

Something tells me that your son knows what his priorities are and that this 'relationship' ... as one sided as it seems to be because of a very needy girl ... is not long for this world. She is obviously (in my humble opinion) pushing him to pick her or the game. I think I know what his decision will be in the not too distant future.

I have a weider story. My oldest and his girlfriend have dated for four years (He's a sophomore in college and she goies all the waty across the country. I love this girl as if she is one of my own. Both understand each other because both play college sports at a pretty high level. Well I called my son lasr Friday (ok I don't know what I was thinking) and he said Mom I'll call you back I'm on a date. I told my husband about it and he said why not he's a free guy. Yep, I have no idea where I was when the break-up happened. Asked my son and he said Mom sometimes you realize that you have turned into really good friends.