Coaches, do you have your detractors?

A certain percentage of the human species allow themselves to be consumed by jealousy. Success breads this. I have seen it directed at me when I coached. I have seen it directed at my wife at her place of business and I have seen it directed at my son by upperclassman who were riding the pine when he was starting as a freshman.

All you can do is ignore it and keep your actions above the fray and counter what they say and do with: I only wish they were more about (the kids), (the company) or (the team). The reasonable people will get it.

As I have grown older I have come to realize that the best thing to do with these types is to distance yourself from their "toxicity".

I, for one, stay away from the picnic table mafia.

Many of us in all walks of life come across people such as this, I think what you said is well said bothsportsdad.

People who talk positive about the program end up drowning people like this out in the long haul and stupidity is noted, LOL.... Just don't counter it with negative towards them becuase negative seems like it has the advantage in the beginning but people usually flow to the positive side of things.

As one who has been coaching youth teams for more years than I can remember let me say this:

You are always going to have detractors, regardless.

In LL I had parents who wrote notes to the League Head, I was the League Head but totally forgot about all that or just did not know, that they did not want their kid playing for me while at the same time I had those who asked that their son play on my team.

What brings the detractors out of the woodwork? I have no idea. They may not like your personality; they may not like the way you run the team; they may think you are too strict for their Little Johnny.

And it matters not what the sport is and matters not that you have a winning team very season.

It is just the way people are. It is really as simple as that.

Don't let it bother you because you will never change it

I could write a novel based on my first 2 or 3 years when I first became a head coach. I'm with TR in that who really knows what causes people to act like this. They are just sad individuals who just don't get it. No matter what you do in life there will always be that group who thinks they can do whatever it is better than you.

I truly tried to be the better person and walk away but honestly there are some events / situations where looking back I was embarassed. One time after a game I had a parent waiting on me at the bus. He basically refused to let me get on the bus by standing in front of the door. I kept telling him now was not the time nor place to have this discussion and tried to walk past him. He kept cutting me off and yelling at me. I tried to walk away and he would cut me off so I finally lost it and went nuts on him.

This guy and several others would routinely go to the board of education demanding that I be fired but luckily for me my principal backed me. Of course it didn't help that he coached the team two years before they hired me just so they could keep the team. He got ripped by almost the same people demanding they hire someone that knew what they were doing.

No matter what you do people like this will always say you're wrong and their way is right. It's best to ignore them but it is one of the most difficult things in the world to do.

I used to let the parents who said "I'll get you fired because I know so and so" get to me. I would be a mixture of mad and scared that they believed they could do this because there are those stories out there that so and so got this coach fired because they knew someone. I felt this way until I finally had a great realization - if they can get me fired over something like this then they are doing me a favor. Why would I want to be employed by a group that will sell me out when the going gets tough? If they fire me over something like this then I can go find a new job that this place will probably / hopefully be better. The new place would treat me the way I needed to be treated.

My younger days an older coach summed it up to me like this - 1/4 of the people will hate you, 1/4 of the people will support you and 1/2 of the people don't care as long as you treat their son right. He said the 1/4 that hate you will be 10 times louder than the other 3/4 put together.

When they spread lies the people who know you will be smart enough to not believe them. The people who don't know you will eventually get to know you enough to realize they were lies. The people who don't know you but believe the lies were going to give you trouble somehow because they are that loser type of person.

I have been extremely fortunate throughout the duration. I have only had one parent who was a jerk (didn't like son's playing time) and this guy noted in the OP, who doesn't even have a son and so far as I know has never actually coached a single season of anything. But somehow he fashions himself Mr. Baseball, and no one else could possibly know what they're doing. And so he and his beer-league softball buddies (they don't know me, either) apparently sit around trashing me and my team and how they could do it better. Record speaks for itself, my friend.

quote:

I have been extremely fortunate throughout the duration.

If you've been coaching 14 years and this is your first experience with a guy like that, you have indeed been extremely fortunate.

These vermin breed somewhere. I wish we could find the nest.

Midlo, it's a military base community so by and large everyone is respectful of one another by nature, even if folks disagree with each other. This guy must not have received that memo.

Krak,
You have been fortunate up to this point but military base or not you must have been doing an excellent job to go so long before running into this.

you are never going to please everybody and if you try you are in deep trouble. i am out of it. did it for 28 years. I was for the most part fortunate. But as time went on there was an occasion or 2 where there was the complaint and of course the unsigned letter. I had an administrator who told me about such a letter and I said now what. he said the letter is in the trash can. The problem now is that those types are becoming less and less. Word of advice to anybody going into coaching especially at the high school level. You will find who your supporters are not when you are successful but when things get rough. That parent that was with you when their kid was a starter might just turn on you when you make a decision to play somebody else. Stick to your rules. If you are pressured by somebody above to make an exception you probably do not want to work for that person anyway.

Guys, thanks for the insightful posts. I've been a long time reader, but infrequent poster. I've learned an awful lot reading the posts of respected members. Thanks for the mentoring.

As a younger coach, it's really nice to hear the input of those with experience. Coach 2709, really liked the quote about the 1/4, 1/4 and 1/2...very true, and that really helps put thing in perspective regarding coaching or teaching. In my opinion (lacking a great deal of experience, the detractor issue is something that isn't discussed enough...or at least not constructively.

Will...thanks for sharing...the reminder about having admin. support, and not wanting to work for those that don't support you.

All insight is appreciated. Thanks again.

Sounds like libel or slander to me. Depends on intent. If you know a lawyer ask if you have a case.

"When young men seek to be like you, when lazy men resent you, when powerful
men look over their shoulder at you, when cowardly men plot behind your
back, when corrupt men wish you were gone and evil men want you dead . . .

Only then will you have done your share."
— Phil Messina