Coming out of the closet

Been there. I bet he made all those all-star teams because his daddy was the coach, or maybe the sponsor. Perhaps it was your political influence that made him special. Couldn't have anything to do with his work ethic, skill or attitude. Sometimes it makes you want to quit all the volunteer stuff, let someone else drag all that gear around, keep book, schedule, etc. I know how you feel, just ignore those people; you're not doing it for them - you're doing it for their children, and yes, your child too. I think its worth it, I'm beginning to see a light at the end of the tunnell!

I thought I was alone.

I coach my son's AAU team. He catches. Does that make me (or him) bad?

Lest one forget there would be no youth league without volunteerr moms and dads---they key is for the league commissioner to make sure he places the right coaches in the right places and that he has total control over what goes on before, during and after the season. I used to have the heads of other divisions sit in on the drafts they were not involved with so they could tell me what went on and it kept the coaches in line.

We also made all the coaches take a course that certified them and also lowered our insurance costs.

I for one stand and salute all the youth league volunteer parents.

This is no shame in coaching your son at the lower levels of youth baseball--it is the process that works--no volunteers means no league

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Originally posted by AParent:
Okay, I admit it. It's time to come out of the closet.

My son was a an all-star little league player. There I said it!!! (only here it was CABA)

Yep, his daddy helped coach. You guessed it, he played shortstop and he pitched sometimes too.

And oh yeah, he made the all-star team about every year too.

So, I guess that proves it - he must not have a lick of talent.

I simply could not keep that secret any longer. I hope you can forgive me and allow me to continue posting anyhow.

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My son was the better shortstop, but because you coached, your son played his position. That is why there are problems in little league.

...I'm stayin' in the closet.

Finally I can say it, I was also an LL all-star coach. And to top that off I let my son take care and tote the bat bags, call kids for practices, start warmups if I was busy taking care of parents, tally the scorebook, and be used as an example when mistakes were made. None of the other kids got to be special like that.

We have seen both sides of this issue. Some of the very best coaches have had their son on the team. However some of the very worst have also had their son on the team.

We have seen fathers become coaches despite never before being interested in or involved in the game. Oddly enough, some of these fathers believe they've become baseball "experts" almost over night.

Good coaches should be appreciated and respected, be they have a son on the team or not.

Mine, too, rz. He also got to "own" the position that nobody else could fill. (The rest of the team got placed based on skills and limitations....then he filled in the most critical hole.) Usually had to battle his way out of jams himself on the mound, too, as we had some hard-done-by parents who would say "her son walked those guys/allowed those hits and now MY son has all the pressure of getting him out of it!"

I'd lay the politics of our old LL up against anyone's, right down to the lawsuits. But I saw as many coaches be hardest on their own as I saw use it as a showcase for them.

I liked one parent's take on LL: There are 8 positions on the field for my son to compete for. Coach's kid gets one, and that's the payment for all the time and work.

Well, it's time for me to face something as well. I was taken advantage of.

When my son was entering "Farm League" at age 8 he was one of the better players in the league. I was "asked" to be an assistant coach since the coach and assistant could bring their kids on the team without being subject to the league draft. I had no obvious coaching ability. I was "used" in order to procure the services of my shortstop playing son.

There, I feel better now.

I enjoyed watching my son play All-Stars...

Some of the games were very intense and the talent for their age level was excellent.

The way they used my son he was always in the mix of the outcome. It was nerve-racking...still is.

...and I had no problem with the coach's sons getting all the credit whether they deserved it or not...small return for the father who spent all his time helping other kids and the programs.

This is something that just happens. somebody has to coach the team. yes there are times when politics and favoritism occur but that is the way it is. If your son gets the short end of the stick it is understandable to be upset. Let me offer those who feel that way a piece of advice. as a high school coach for close to 30 years if a kid can play he can play. When he came to our school I could care less where they played what all star team they were on or were not on who their father was or was not. He tried out for the team if he was good enough he made it. yes there were times when I would get the phone call from the parent how a kid we cut was an all star here or there. I did not care. It is what they can do at 15 16 or 17. so for those parents who might be annoyed at what they perceive as favoritism or as some call "daddy ball" Be patient. As they say the cream riseds to the top.

I think we've all experienced the good and the bad of parent-coached recreational sports ... whether it's LL, AYSO, NJB, etc. Like anything else, there's good and bad people in every walk of life. I try to embrace the good people I encounter and avoid the bad.

But on the more positive end of the spectrum: The greatest LL coach I ever met was a dad who suffered from osteo-arthritis. He had played college ball, semi-pro in Europe, and missed out on a pro career due to a major shoulder injury (pitcher). Knew the game inside-out. He's coached LL for several years even though his son had already moved on. He would save up his pain medication to take on days he had practices and games then go home afterwards and pretty much collapse. He refused to admit or display how much pain he was in while he hit infield or threw BP ... but you could tell each year the hobble in his gait grew worse. He eventually turned over the BP task to assist. coaches because he simply couldn't throw a ball anymore.

He's one of the most patient, fair, and caring people I've ever met ... and he taught these boys the game of baseball and set a very high standard for their behavior on and off the field. He gave of himself at a level few people could endure for his love of the game and for the kids.

Now, after 2 carpul tunnel, 1 neck, hip replacement, and 2 knee replacement surgeries, he's moving a bit faster around the baseball field. I consider my son fortunate to have played for him ... not just for the baseball skills, but for the life lesson of commitment, sacrifice, and love for the game.

And yeah, I've coached both my sons at one point or another in multiple sports ... mainly to have some control on steering them away from the 'bad' situations and simply spend some quality time together ... most of their 'real' baseball knowledge came from other coaches far better than me. Coaching had absolutely nothing to do with playing time or positions ... they would earn that like everyone else ... just a great way to spend time with the kids.

Me too, except he started out as a catcher because he wasn't as good of a fielder as some of our better players. He didn't make the all-star team at 8yo and played right field (and sat) on the all star team as a 9yo because there were better catchers. At 10yo he was the starting right fielder on the all-star team. At 11yo he didn't make the first all-star team. At 12yo he was, you guessed it pitcher and ss during the regular season. In all-stars he turned out to be the #1 pitcher and played right field and a bit of first base. I guess if I was smart I would have had him play ss.

I'm sure he played those positions and his teams won because he was the coach's son and not because of the camps, the instruction, the tournaments and the many hours a week of practice that he put in outside of team practices.

Oh yeah, and I forced the league to give me one of the best players, whose Dad is still one of my coaches when they were 8yo because all the other managers had a coach with a strong player for a son.

Well for my first post on this website I think its best that I too come out of the closet.
I started to coach my youngest at age 6 in rec ball and maybe it was because we were spending so much time on the field after practice and before practice he just seemed to get better than the other kids on his team. But I do agree there is a bit of politics involved in every program and that is expected I think.
When I started coaching him, I told him ( doubt he understood at the time ) he would have to work harder than any other kid out there because they are going to think you got to play more because your dad is the coach. You will have to prove to yourself and others you have earned the right to be there. He then gave me the deer in the headlights look after that speech.
We didn't do All-Stars until this past season and I was asked to head coach, but opted for assistant instead and let the head coach choose the spot my son would play.

I coached my son as well....until his skills and comprehension of the game overcame mine.

(OK, I'll admit it.....it was after t-ball)

But, I did find him the right Teams and Coaches so he could advance his skills. No, I did not sponser the team and No, I did not advise the Coach what to do. Lastly, Yes, he did stay on the same travel team until college ball.

Bullwinkle Jr is now 18, plays college ball and controls his own baseball life. I'm still in the stands, stomach is knots but pretending to be "Baseball Dad"

What about the situations like...

Bob Boone coaching Aaron Boone on the Reds???

Sometimes Dads ARE baseball guys believe it or not.

When I started the Trombly Baseball Academy 2 years ago my goal was to have NO DADS IN THE DUGOUTS. We have 15U, 16U, and 18U teams so I thought that this was a realistic and do-able task. WRONG!!! Without the help form these volunteers then there is no way that we could have as good of a program as we have now.

One of our 18U coaches happens to have a son on the team. However, he played baseball at the University of Arizona.

One of our 16U coaches has a son on e team. This "DAD" played at Cal State Fullerton.

Another one of our 16U coaches, who also has a son on the team, was a Division 3 head coach.

The fact is some of these "Dads" know a thing or two about the game of baseball. Without "Dads" coaching at any level the game of baseball would be a in big trouble.

Keep up the great work all you DADS out there. We appreciate your hard work.

PS..I'm goig to be a DAD myself in a couple months!!! My wife and I are having twins (a boy and a girl). You can bet at some point I will be one of the Dads out there coaching.

Steve,

I think the important point you've identified is that it's not about Dads or non-Dads being better coaches, but simply quality people being better coaches.

I've seen the best and worst experiences in both categories first hand ... there are coaches in both categories that I cherish to this day, and coaches in both categories that I feel it was unfortunate to play for. As a parent you have to be involved enough to understand what type of experience your child is going to have with a particular individual and if that lines up with your values.

A non-Dad will tend to be more objective ... a Dad will tend to be more invested. This is a generalization ... the trick is to find the mix in one person. Sometimes that's the quality Dad coach, sometimes not.

If I were to do LL all over again with a hypothetical 4th child, the 1st thing I'd ask a coach at the beginning is their philosophy and expectations for the season ... if it was "play a limited rotation, win the city championship and move onto all-stars" I'd find a way for my son to be traded regardless of whether he was an average player or a standout. If it was "have fun, teach the game of baseball, develop all the players to their fullest, teach teamwork, have fun ... and if we win some games, great!" I know it would be a great season ... it's about learning, growing, and having a positive experience.

I'm a lot more interested in the character and values of the coach than whether they are a Dad or non-Dad coach. I don't get wrapped up around playing time, positions, etc. ... my kid will have to go out and earn his game time based on his abilities. Will my son learn, grow, and become a better person and player ... then it's all good.

Don't ask, don't tell!! Parental-phobia!

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Originally posted by TromblyBaseball:
PS..I'm goig to be a DAD myself in a couple months!!! My wife and I are having twins (a boy and a girl). You can bet at some point I will be one of the Dads out there coaching.

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Steve,

Congratulations. A boy AND a girl; a complete package.

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Originally posted by AParent:
Okay, I admit it. It's time to come out of the closet.

My son was a an all-star little league player. There I said it!!! (only here it was CABA)

Yep, his daddy helped coach. You guessed it, he played shortstop and he pitched sometimes too.

And oh yeah, he made the all-star team about every year too.

So, I guess that proves it - he must not have a lick of talent.

I simply could not keep that secret any longer. I hope you can forgive me and allow me to continue posting anyhow.

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AParent,

I could have written that word for word except in our case Dad was the Head Coach and it was Babe Ruth Bambino.

I guess I better come out of the closet too.

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Originally posted by TromblyBaseball:
PS..I'm goig to be a DAD myself in a couple months!!! My wife and I are having twins (a boy and a girl). You can bet at some point I will be one of the Dads out there coaching.

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Congratulations to you and your wife!

Big question...will you be the Dad coaching your son's little league team, or your daughter's softball team? Good thing you're the Energizer...LOL..

As far as the Little League All Stars goes...Oldest son only made All Stars when he was 12, and maybe because his Dad was coaching. But no one worked harder than he did. Younger son made All Stars from the time he was 9-12. And yes Dad coached all of those years except when he was 9. But he deserved to be on the team. My hubby was/is a good coach, he has a lot of baseball knowledge, but I sure was glad when he didn't coach him anymore. Something about fathers and sons that does not always mix well...

Those were the days my friend,I thought they never end.

Ohbaseball ...

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Big question...will you be the Dad coaching your son's little league team, or your daughter's softball team?

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Or better yet ... his twins' little league team !!!

Congratulations, Steve. Didn't think you had time for that kind of stuff anymore with all the baseball activity. Best wishes for healthy and happy babies. I am available to babysit if you need a gramma type who can promote baseball to the babies.

THA Bulldog...

I'm glad you have found an outlet for your thoughts!!

BUT....This mushy father-to-be talk makes me wonder if THA Bulldog is losing his bite?

Children are a blessing that is inconceivable until you hold your own for the first time. My thoughts are with you and your wife in this exciting time.

Your boy...

THA OLDSKOOL

Steve - Congratulations!!! Twins, too. What fun. Hope you enjoy every minute and don't forget (as I did) -- put the ball in your son's LEFT hand

A wee bit of sarcasm dripped all over my keyboard, but not to worry.

First, I will admit there are good coaches and bad coaches (not to mention the mediocre ones). And yes, most players will come across some of each throughout the years.

I also believe that folks who go looking for trouble are apt to find it.

If you are a parent and you happen to come across a coach who plays the favoritism game, good luck. It really is not fun, and it does not help a lot to know most folks have shared your frustration. And while it may be true that you develop grit from hardship, it's never a pleasant lesson.

If on the other hand, you have your own personal little black cloud, and time after time you run into bad coaches, and time after time your son is passed over for political reasons, and you start thinking that most coaches are bad, then perhaps you need to step back and take a close look at your own attitude.

We tend to see what we expect to see. We also bring our attitude with us, and like it or not, somtimes it alters the situation.

But alas, I am one of THEM.