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Welcome to the realities of HS baseball…. My son went through the same thing. In the end he needs to develop a style that works for him and learn to communicate with both coaches and take the best ideas from both that fits his style. Most HS coaches are not going to try to remake a delivery and will work with what each player brings. He may have to tell the HS coach that his pitching coach has suggested he do “fill in the blanks” and be able give him the reasons. Long term this will help your son learn to communicate with adults and grow as a player and person in the process and probably help him understand his mechanics a little better.
This can be an extremely difficult situation for all concerned.I agree with BOF that most HS coaches are not going to try and completely remake a HS players mechanics, especially the upper classmen. I also agree that it is important for your son to learn how to communicate with both his HS coach and his instructor so that somehow, despite differences in some philosophy, they can find common ground in helping him develop.
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I hate teaching everyone to do the same thing the same way. It's the coaches job to know enough about everything he can help a D and D guy plus work with a T and F to help them.
I think Coach2709 kinda hit that nail on the head in that you can't,or should not, take a rubber stamp approach in teaching, either as a HS coach or an instructor. It's important to try an evaluate each individual athlete based on what they are or are not doing and what kind of results they are getting, ie:
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Which method produces the most movement on his pitches?
Movement, velocity, ability to locate, past results(success?) I would also add to the list your son's own individual level confidence in using either D & D or T & F. If he's not comfortable, it's really difficult to have any confidence in what your doing and as a result movement,velocity, ability to locate, results and consistancy, will suffer.
I think your son, somehow, needs to be able to communicate to both his HS coach and instructor that there is a difference in philosophy being taught and he is confused by it. I know this is not an easy task for a young man to handle but he may find by doing it a whole lot more peace of mind, and in the long run find out that he can learn something, even one small thing, from just about everyone. Major league pitchers are not cut from one single mold. It just does not work that way. We have been given individual gifts and talents that should be used in an individual way. Instruction and information we receive to develop those gifts are for that purpose. I think individual philosphies sometimes have a way of getting in the way of that.
Have your son try to soak up as much instruction and information that he can, communicate with all concerned, and then use common sense in determining what works for him. I wish you the best.