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A bald man with a wooden leg gets invited to a Halloween party. He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and leg so he writes to a costume company explaining his problem.

A few days later he received a parcel with the following note:

Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and, with your wooden leg, you will be just right as a pirate.
Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.

The man thinks this is terrible because they have made light of his prosthetic. So he writes another letter, this one of complaint. A week goes by and he receives another parcel with a note which says:

Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a monk's costume. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and, with your bald head, you will really look the part.
Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.

Now the man is really upset since they have gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head. So he writes the company yet another letter of complaint, this one a bit more nasty. The next day he gets a small parcel and a note, which reads:

Dear Sir,
We have tried our very best and all we have received is your ire. This will be our last attempt to please you. It's called the Caramel Apple.
Enclosed you will find a bottle of molasses and a bag of crushed nuts. Please pour the molasses over your shiny bald head, pat on firmly the crushed nuts, and stick your wooden leg up your arse.

Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.
"There are two kinds of people in this game: those who are humble and those who are about to be." Clint Hurdle
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