Could use ideas.

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God bless you CoachO for being there and receptive to this young woman's plea for help. Some of us are not well suited to take on the responsibility of truly helping another person in a meaningful way. It is evident that you have good intentions and are properly motivated to help others in this community.

The first thought that jumped out at me with this young woman is that she is seeking help from a good source...God. If she believes God can help her then she is hopeful and shielded from despair. I wish I could say the same about the adult family members in her life, but I can't. Despair has the reins in their sad lives apparently and as such they can not provide hope, guidance, or strength. She found you. And you want to help. That's why God blesses you. It's a big, yet rewarding responsibility. Imagine her path if no one were to step up and guide her.

You are going to assist her, but essentially the ball is in her court. She must want to step up and take control of her own life. It seems she is willing to do this. She should set some realistic and achievable goals for herself.

This may be a possible solution for her and you may be in a position to make this happen CoachO. This young woman needs to provide for herself. Her mother is unlikely to change her habits. This young woman should seek employment and she should also seek a few like minded roommates. Spreading the costs of an apartment among a few may work. I would encourage her to look for one or two of the roommates to be a little older and more mature. If they all share similar backgrounds and similar goals they will all serve as a support group for each other. This approach would not be easy and may not be successful, but the possible positive outcome for a few young women is worth the effort in my opinion. With small victories comes steady confidence. From this they can grow and flourish.

Keep us posted CoachO. I'll pray for you and the young woman who needs your help.




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Contact her counselor. She probably has one that is connected to the school and/or the GED program. Even though she is 18 she still may qualify for "child services" since she is technically still in school. Where I am there is an organization called "Children & Youth" which investigates claims of abuse/neglect. Any counselor at your school would know all about this organization or those like it. Hopefully you don't keep this to yourself. As a teacher and coach, I fall under the "mandatory reporter" category where if I suspect abuse/neglect in any way and don't pass that info on to an administrator or counselor, I'm in big trouble. What you are doing is very commendable. Bring in administrators/counselors though. Unfortunately, they deal with this stuff all the time and are trained to do so as well. Good luck.

quote:

Originally posted by meachrm:
Contact her counselor. She probably has one that is connected to the school and/or the GED program. Even though she is 18 she still may qualify for "child services" since she is technically still in school.

I totally agree. The girl may not want you to do this, fearing her mother will be angry with her for exposing her, but you must ignore that and get her some help. She needs to get away from her mother ASAP. You might think that if she doesn't ask for more help she doesn't want it, but she does. She just doesn't know how to ask and is probably scared of the consequences. As a young girl you only know things from your family perspective and while she might be afraid she'll lose her family, she doesn't realize she is losing herself. Trust me. I know because I was that girl at 17. Someone listened to me though and against my wishes, reported my mother and step-father and found a way for me to move in with another family for the rest of my senior year. A very loving family that encouraged me to go to college and made it possible (not financially but helped with the paperwork, etc.). They were my lifeline. This girl needs a lifeline...throw her one. With enough adults putting their heads together, a solution has to arise. She needs to get out and the sooner the better.

Beyond helping her individually, as for a community solution, a well advertised support service could make a big difference. Teens need to know that there are services out there to help them break the cycle. Kind of like a suicide help line except for family problems. I believe what is needed is out there, but teens don't know it exists and don't know where to turn.

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Thanks for sharing your story with us Lefty.

It's heartening to hear your success story!




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lefty, I agree with your advice and respect your story. I have a similar background and when I graduated from high school at less than 17 1/2, I was out on my own. I had a job, started college (stopped because I truly had no interest in it), and began a healthy life for myself distancing myself from some dysfunctional behaviors. I eventually returned to school and obtain my degree in nursing. I think one of the most powerful messages you can send a young person is that they are in control of who they are... they can create their own destiny. I believe strongly in the fact that even at a young age, you can pick yourself up by your bootstraps and forge your way... it just may take you a bit longer than those with family/financial support.

thanks gotwood.

Lafmom, congratulations on breaking the cycle. You are survivor! And don't you look back now and think how much stronger you were than you knew at that time? I don't begrudge my childhood because it made me who I am today. I'm not great(by any means) but I LOVE my life and find happiness in so many of the simple things that many take for granted. Yes, I would have liked to live in a family without the drugs and abuse and would never wish that on anyone, but it's what you make of the hand you are dealt that matters. It made me stronger and more driven. I would not be where I am today if I hadn't lived that life.

This girl has already shown that she has inner strength. She was offered drugs by a family member that would have kept her close to them, validating themselves and her place in that family but she turned them down. She knows something better is out there for her and has already started to break free. She just needs one person to help foster that inner drive. One person to help her see how it is all possible.

I agree with Lefty too. Another option if it's not clear who to reach out to might be a local church. Our church, and I don't think we're unique this way, has contacts and budgets to temporarily help situations like this in our community.

There are plenty of issues here that need a careful approach and professional attention that a forum of this kind can not truly provide, in my opinion.

When you receive advice from resources whose background and training have not been researched or confirmed, you open yourself to ideas or suggestions that are possibly ineffective or worse harmful. This is a struggling human life you are dealing with so seek advice from a professional in your community that you can see face to face and that you can develop a level of trust in. One who will keep you accountable for any intervention you might take. There are plenty of private churches or public social services available to provide this guidance. I'm not slighting anyone's good intentions on this forum. And so I offer this without even knowing you or your situation that well......

You should admit your limitations, for example you said,

quote:

I live in a white collar town and commute to work in a town that is well below the poverty level.

We make a statement by where we reside that at its core has to do with our availability and people with which we identify. If this were not true, why do you commute? This limits our ability to help the poor. You drive from your white collar town and do what you can do but there is no way you can expect to know what the real needs of this "street smart" person is. You will have to constantly explain that even though you have a nice family, a great wife, wonderful children in college and live in a nice comfortable home with a comparatively secure job.....you still understand her problems and identify with her. This applies not only to her specific situation but also the community in general.

Also realize that any actions you take on behalf of her or beyond your job description will necessarily have to be discussed with or explained to your family and they might have to be so involved as to rejoice with you when you succeed or suffer with you if there is any failure. You mention drugs and family financial turmoil involving gambling. This is potential dynamite to your tranquil organized life. Drug dealers and gamblers are not the sort of people who like outside intervention.

Tread lightly, you are contemplating immersing yourself in her poverty. There may be others better trained, more socially able to provide her assistance and you should guide her in their direction.

I appreciate all of the responses so far. I have by no means kept this under wraps and have contacted those that are required by law.
We have begun the process of finding her a place of her own and initiated the paper work to achieve this objective.
I am approaching her Church's pastor to raise his awareness of her situation and maybe find additional resources for her through them.

I love reading the success stories here also, especially from a woman's perspective. Personally, I grew up being involved with a local gang and had to literally fight my way out when I made the choice to change my life in the ninth grade. My fear of where I was headed was probably my strength to overcome my challenge.
I literally had to fight and beat six members of that group in consecutive fights to be allowed to walk away. It is my understanding that things are a lot worse now than they were then.

I am determined to provide additional preventative measures in this community and sincerely appreciate all of the suggestions so far.
Again, thanks for all the input.

PA Dino, thanks for your response. I take your concerns to heart and am only looking to provide alternatives for the local kids to have a chance at a different life.
As an example, I just received an email from the Oklahoma State University Writing Project director about methods of using writing as a tool of intervention with their assistance.This is a good start but I think that there are certainly other methods that can also be incorporated.

Thanks

quote:

Originally posted by PA Dino:
There are plenty of private churches or public social services available to provide this guidance.

Thank you for pointing out what I failed to verbalize. I by no means meant to suggest Coach take this girl in. A lifeline is simply something that helps you pull yourself to safety. I still think by far the most helpful thing would be to somehow let kids like this know that there IS help out there and HOW to tap into that help. Most kids at some time or other think they are alone in their struggles. Sometimes they just need to know that it is more common than they think and that there is a way out. I had NO IDEA how to do that and appreciated the person that gave me the numbers to call or made the phone calls for me.

CoachO,
First, I would like to acknowledge you for your courage and compassion in taking a stand in this young woman's life, and then for seeking input on ways to support her and make changes in her and your community.
Second, I want to acknowledge and thank those who have reached out with their support.
And to lafmom who reached out with her spirit and love of life to show what can be created when we leave the past where it belongs. Boy, what courage! What an inspiration!!!
Reading your post and the stand you want to take is uplifting, more than you will know.
Hopefully someplace in my rambling will be some ideas to help:

First, lets start with these from John Wooden:

"Don't let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do."

"Things turn out best for the people who make the best of the way things turn out."

These might be of help for the teen you have befriended and for you as you look at every day of trying to make changes. What each of you can do is far more powerful than whatever might be blocked.
Second, I would have the teen and yourself read "Breaking Nights" by Liz Murray.
She will find similarities. Hopefully, like I was, you will be inspired.
Liz Murray was homeless in NYC at around age 13, having lived with drug addicted parents to that age. At about age 18, she entered school to get her GED. That GED is critical for your student/friend.
That GED created a new life and future for Liz Murray and allowed her to leave her past and not have her past control and limit her future. That GED created the opportunity for Liz Murray to be admitted and to graduate from Harvard!
If I can help with providing the book for you, your friend, or friend's friends, please PM.
I will get them to you by Amazon.
Finally, there seem to be possibilities that can be created through your community in the fitness center and local business community. By reaching out, I expect you will be amazed to find others to support you...you don't need to work alone.
If you do the weekly functions at/near the center for those who are struggling, why not seek to enroll and register the fitness center members and local business to take a stand with you.
Look at the possibility of creating a mentoring program through your community to reach out to the community of those teens you have identified to be in need. At a minimum, look to enroll and register friends and members to provide food, support and resources. By doing so, you may well find they want to do more.
I love your idea of having them journal.
Helping them express and helping/supporting them in seeing the future is not controlled by their past unless they "choose" to allow that is so important.
I love your view of empowering them to see they can "choose" a future and create a future, and to not allow the past to control.
If you make a difference in that life, the hope is she will make a difference in 2 more, and they might each make a difference in 2 more...get my drift?
Here is a story to hopefully inspire you:
My wife is a Masters Swimmer. The head coach wants the organization to be more than about swimming. Through his Swim team, he allied with a local group called Building Futures Now. Through that alliance, Masters Swimmers can volunteer to mentor in BFN, which has a goal of taking in 15 underprivileged children each year, beginning in 3rd grade, and supporting and mentoring them...through college.
BFN now has 60 members and most all of them are mentored by members of the Masters program. We are now completing our 3rd year with Jacob who just turned 12.
Two weeks ago his mother shared with us what a different person he is from the one who, at age 8 faced a broken home and a father who left them.
CoachO, this isn't about me. This is about you. If we can do this for Jacob and the Swim Team can rally almost 60 members to mentor 60 children, the possibility exists in your community and you surely have the courage, compassion and inspiration to make a difference.
You have my deepest thanks and admiration for taking this stand. Please PM about the book or any assistance which I might offer.

Keep this young lady around people who love God......Study the Bible with her....Show her that every question she needs answered is in the Bible....

Set her up with enough independence to deny her mother from taking her money.....Then, encourage and help this young lady to be able to help her mother change her life by including her in the Bible study.....

Infielddad, thanks for some great suggestions added to the mix. I am working on the mentoring aspect.In the recent past I colaborated with the Dad of one our former players to try and steer him towards furthering his education. The parents were divorced due to alcohol problems but Dad has been sober for a few years now and will be able to see his youngest son graduate with a B.A. from a school in New Mexico this summer. He is among a handful of young men that have so far made it out.I hope to utilize some of these people in a mentoring role in the near future.

The young lady is my first encounter and by my own fault I am NOT adequately prepared to fully assist her in her time of need. What each of you have offered here will help me plot a course to get her and hopefully many others all the help they may need.

Blue Dog, our theories about the game of baseball may differ substantially at times but I sure am glad that we do have some common grounds.I appreciate your offering. Thanks.

Moms (both of you),GW4S, meachrm, Tx-Husker and PA Dino thanks to each of you for your own unique perspectives and God Bless.

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You're OK CoachO!



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whydid she select your shoulder to cry on ?

TRhit, I do not have any idea truthfully. I hope it might be because I always treated her with respect as a person, but that is just speculation on my part.

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Good answer!



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CoachO, alot of times it helps if someone in her situation is encouraged to help someone else, while being helped, herself, at the same time......My hope is that she will help her mother....

Thank you for helping her.....Pray and teach all how to pray.....The Holy Spirit will guide all of you....

quote:

Galatians 6:2

Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ.