Don't, just don't say a doggone thing....

Hahaha... natural parent instinct. 

But still, there are tricks of the trade that we can do to avoid being "THAT PARENT".  Make it a point to follow and root for your son's teammates.  Talk to the other parents and make it a point to focus more on their kids than yours.  Focus on the parents, too.  Find out who they are outside of being a baseball parent.  Eventually, this helps put things in perspective and helps you put less of a microscope on every little thing happening with your son on the field.  You'll also enjoy yourself a lot more during those times when things aren't going well for your son on the field (which happens a lot based on the nature of the game).  Your son will benefit as well, feeling more free to play for himself, play for his own enjoyment and his teammates instead of having any parent concerns swirling around his head.  This may sound a bit strange but, in my observation over the years, it is a sign of a much healthier relationship if the player has to ask mom or dad if they were even paying attention when he got that big hit than if he sees mom or dad pacing and chewing their nails, hanging on every pitch he is involved in.

  Make it a point to show genuine interest in the non-baseball things going on in your son's life.  When he knows that you know that baseball is just one of many things that make up who he is as a person, perspective improves.  When he knows that you recognize that baseball is important to him but you won't tolerate something like a bad sixty time or a bad call or a bad game ruin attitude or enjoyment of the game, perspective improves. 

Your son will have other chances to have his 60 time clocked.  Is this one event on this one day something that is REALLY going to keep him from reaching his baseball aspirations?  Does he really not have other strong attributes in his game that he showed?  Do you really think that those assessing didn't recognize his speed attribute, even if the clock didn't reflect favorably?  Most importantly, what example do you want to set in showing your son how to handle this type of setback where it seems he has been wronged in some way?  Those buggers are taking in our reactions and learning... all the time.

OK, I rambled quite a bit... got a bit off track, probably.  I do get it with an event like that.  Point is, it's still a game.  Good days, bad days.  Don't worry.  Be happy.

Was this event in philly on Monday by chance 

CabbageDad gives very good advice.

My fast kid got a rotten time in the 60 at a showcase sponsored by a "national team".  Son's team was invited to attend free at the last minute to fill empty slots.  So, ok, he goes.   Now his rotten score is posted online for all the world to see.  As a matter of fact, everyone on his team had worse times than usual.  But the sponsoring team players all did great.

It all works out.  Trust me. 

....and congratulations for not being "that parent".  You will have many more times to be tested. 

Sit in the outfield, in a chair, by yourself... with a brown paper bag.

Your son will run the sixty more than one more time. If the poor score is posted publicly he should make contact in the future to have it removed after he proves it's wrong.

Devils advocate: Are there multiple consistent sixty times that conflict with what occurred at this event? If so, were they timed by competent people?

Thank you so much, the responses are great here!

This was not in PA, sorry PABASEBALLDAD.

Yes it was posted online (for all the world to see), that's what drove me so crazy.  From my judging/timing, many players were given iffy scores, that's just how it happens when you are relying on someone's finger. Pop times go the same way sometimes. The guys timing them get distracted.

Thanks for the reminder that he's gonna have chances to prove what his real time is. A few days later he ran it for his high school and it was what his normal time is - but that one's not posted online of course.

Also great advice, sitting in the outfield with a bag! LOL!! Is said bag for barfing or to cover one's head?    Could go either way sometimes.

Where are you in central Fl and has your son committed to play baseball?

Where are you in central Fl and has your son committed to play baseball here in the state?

BaseballParent23 posted:

. My motto this year (and my son is a 2018 so it's probably pretty important for me to remember this), but it's gonna be "Drive, do laundry, and cook, - *and say nice encouraging things. That's all ". 

Thoughts? Tips? All welcome.

You forgot "write checks"....but yes, the rest of it sounds pretty good :- )

Also, keep in mind that sometimes things happen for a reason....the whole master plan concept.  You may not see it now but what if a college coach sees the amazing "jump" he has in his 60 time, the next time he is clocked, and that is what gets him an offer?  Just because you don't SEE the plan, doesn't mean there isn't a plan.

CaCO3Girl posted:

BaseballParent23 posted:

. My motto this year (and my son is a 2018 so it's probably pretty important for me to remember this), but it's gonna be "Drive, do laundry, and cook, - *and say nice encouraging things. That's all ". 

Thoughts? Tips? All welcome.

You forgot "write checks"....but yes, the rest of it sounds pretty good :- )

Also, keep in mind that sometimes things happen for a reason....the whole master plan concept.  You may not see it now but what if a college coach sees the amazing "jump" he has in his 60 time, the next time he is clocked, and that is what gets him an offer?  Just because you don't SEE the plan, doesn't mean there isn't a plan.

?

Excellent advice in this thread.  Anybody can talk a good game.  From quiet persistence and determination, achievement speaks louder than any word.

SanDiegoRealist posted:

CaCO3Girl posted:

BaseballParent23 posted:

. My motto this year (and my son is a 2018 so it's probably pretty important for me to remember this), but it's gonna be "Drive, do laundry, and cook, - *and say nice encouraging things. That's all ". 

Thoughts? Tips? All welcome.

You forgot "write checks"....but yes, the rest of it sounds pretty good :- )

Also, keep in mind that sometimes things happen for a reason....the whole master plan concept.  You may not see it now but what if a college coach sees the amazing "jump" he has in his 60 time, the next time he is clocked, and that is what gets him an offer?  Just because you don't SEE the plan, doesn't mean there isn't a plan.

?

What?  Too existential for this early?

Perhaps

BaseballParent23 posted:

Also great advice, sitting in the outfield with a bag! LOL!! Is said bag for barfing or to cover one's head?    Could go either way sometimes.

 

I've found an empty McDonald's cup of great use many a TB tournament.

As for conduct during a game. I was a really good player and my dad got caught up in it. Embarrassed the hell out of me a couple of times. To the point I couldn't wait for baseball to end. So now I sit at the games (or pace) and don't say a word. My kid has done some pretty outstanding things on the baseball field (along with some not so great) and you would never know he was my son. We talk after the games,  but during them he gets no feedback from me positive or negative. 

About the 60. Was this the first time he was laser timed? The one event we attended where this was employed everyones times were much slower. 

I hope my kids do well in baseball but I have figured out that I cannot:

• Make them run faster
• Make them throw harder
• Make them hit the ball harder
• Make them love the game
• Make them grow taller and stronger
• Influence recruiters or scouts

I can:

• Make their life miserable by trying to control something I cannot
• Look at them as only ballplayers and forget who they really are
• Encourage, be supportive but still provide honest feedback
• Enjoy the ride while it lasts. 
• Remind them hustle and attitude are something they control

My older son is getting the opportunity to play beyond HS but at this point, I'm guessing he has less baseball in front of him than he has behind him.  I'm never going to be happy when he watches a 3rd strike or makes a bonehead play, but I've learned to appreciate just being out at the ballpark more as his time gets shorter.  I've toed the "that parent" line a hundred times, probably even crossed it a time or two but you live and learn.  Honestly, spending time on this site has help mold me as a baseball parent because I've learned from the mistakes of others before I made them myself. 

IMO I think the fact that it was posted so everyone could see it was what got you twisted. I cannot tell you the number of times my son has ran the 60 and I thought that can't be right but never let him knew what I was thinking, but encouraged him to work on getting a better time. Chill and let your son enjoy learning the aspects of this game. Your son will respect you when it's all done. 

About the 60. Was this the first time he was laser timed? The one event we attended where this was employed everyones times were much slower. 

I heard that last year's USA Baseball 17U National Team Championship West 60-times were all "hot." If you go out to their website you can see the times for all the players (sorry, don't have the link). 362 of 993 (36%) players were sub 7.0 seconds...seems incredibly high to me. However, during the 15U tournament a week later only 19 of 1105 were sub 7.0 seconds (1.7%). Something stick out to you here?

The average time for 17U last year at the USA Baseball 17U National Team Championship West was 7.15, median 7.12.

The average time for 15U last year at the USA Baseball 15U National Team Championship West was 7.73, median 7.68.

Equipment set up could be a factor here...and if there is that much speed gained in the years between 15-17 I am relieved that there is hope for my kid!

Catch1721 posted:

I hope my kids do well in baseball but I have figured out that I cannot:

• Make them run faster
• Make them throw harder
• Make them hit the ball harder
• Make them love the game
• Make them grow taller and stronger
• Influence recruiters or scouts 

I actually think you can make them run faster, throw harder, hit harder. I work with my son weekly to improve exactly those facets of his game. I agree you parents certainly can ruin the game for their kids by putting expectations on them. Best thing I ever read about supporting my player came from the book "The Mental Keys of Hitting: a Handbook of Strategies for Performance Enhancement" in which the author stated putting a performance requirement, like "You need to hit .350 or better this year" is a recipe for disaster because they player will subconsciously (or consciously) walk up to the plate putting pressure on themselves, therefore losing focus on what they really need to be doing (seeing the ball and making good contact).

I went to Tony Gwynn's memorial service at Petco shortly after he passed away and his manager spoke about Tony and his approach to hitting. He shared a story in which he saw Tony after a game in which he went 4-4 and Tony was not happy with his hitting performance, yet after going 0-3 one day Tony was stoked because even though he didn't get a base knock he stroked the ball well. Hit the ball well and the rest will fall into place, that is what I tell my son. We can work on hitting the ball well.

cabbagedad posted:

 .... there are tricks of the trade that we can do to avoid being "THAT PARENT".  Make it a point to follow and root for your son's teammates. ..., it is a sign of a much healthier relationship if the player has to ask mom or dad if they were even paying attention when he got that big hit than if he sees mom or dad pacing and chewing their nails...

A lot of wisdom in these words....

TPM, we are near Tampa and no my son isn't committed yet. I think this is his year so that's making the crazies come out. So many things to remember I can't keep up with them all.  Learning all the forms to fill out, registering for this that and the other, send this to them, email that, turning things into guidance, community service hours, all on top of just regular spring baseball season...ugh. I'm already freaked out about my taxes because I have to fill out my first FAFSA this year. That's probably enough for a whole new thread! LOL!

BaseballParent23 posted:

TPM, we are near Tampa and no my son isn't committed yet. I think this is his year so that's making the crazies come out. So many things to remember I can't keep up with them all.  Learning all the forms to fill out, registering for this that and the other, send this to them, email that, turning things into guidance, community service hours, all on top of just regular spring baseball season...ugh. I'm already freaked out about my taxes because I have to fill out my first FAFSA this year. That's probably enough for a whole new thread! LOL!

I know you were probably joking, but I wouldn't mind reading a thread of ALL the stuff you have had to fill out

Baseballparent you have a private message.

SomeBaseballDad posted:

BaseballParent23 posted:

Also great advice, sitting in the outfield with a bag! LOL!! Is said bag for barfing or to cover one's head?    Could go either way sometimes.

 

I've found an empty McDonald's cup of great use many a TB tournament.

As for conduct during a game. I was a really good player and my dad got caught up in it. Embarrassed the hell out of me a couple of times. To the point I couldn't wait for baseball to end. So now I sit at the games (or pace) and don't say a word. My kid has done some pretty outstanding things on the baseball field (along with some not so great) and you would never know he was my son. We talk after the games,  but during them he gets no feedback from me positive or negative. 

About the 60. Was this the first time he was laser timed? The one event we attended where this was employed everyones times were much slower. 

Those 'lasers' can certainly add a few tenths to a kids time, depending on whether or not they are calibrated correctly. Have seen this more than once!

BaseballParent23 posted:

Thank you so much, the responses are great here!

This was not in PA, sorry PABASEBALLDAD.

Yes it was posted online (for all the world to see), that's what drove me so crazy.  From my judging/timing, many players were given iffy scores, that's just how it happens when you are relying on someone's finger. Pop times go the same way sometimes. The guys timing them get distracted.

Thanks for the reminder that he's gonna have chances to prove what his real time is. A few days later he ran it for his high school and it was what his normal time is - but that one's not posted online of course.

Also great advice, sitting in the outfield with a bag! LOL!! Is said bag for barfing or to cover one's head?    Could go either way sometimes.

 

If he gets in a conversation with a college coach he could say ...

i believe my posted sixty time is inaccurate. I've been timed X times by my coach. I'm typically around (time). Next time I'm timed to be posted I'll prove it.

Even though my son was fast and everyone knew it I had him take speed training specializing in optimizing his sixty time. 

A side note, there are no hard feelings against the coaches that did the times. Zero. They're humans, we get that. They are great at baseball, coaching and lots of other neat things, and my son has an immense amount of respect for them and their team and can't wait to play for them. And truly, I know what my son can and can't do. The time being off upset him a tad, and then me in turn with protective parent instinct. The main point of my post was about having self control when that instinct is triggered and wanting to step in and fix things for your kid. Just not always so simple. I passed that test, whew. After all the years of being a ball field parent I guess I should have learned a few things along the way.

All of the input here is great. Thanks so much.

I wouldn't sweat the 60 time.  I can't imagine a college coach or a scout would dismiss a kid based on one 60 time.  My son has been timed many times.  some were very fast, some not so much- but over time we know what range he's in- and so does everyone else.  .  I've seen so many different conditions, that it makes me laugh thinking back on it-  just in the past couple of summers- just some quick examples-    into a 20mph wind, last 15 yards up hill,  in a soggy outfield after a rain, even had one where they ran 50 kids, then someone realized all the times were really slow- they remeasured.  it was 65 yards LOL.    can't make this stuff up.    It's hard not to get worked up over it,   I still do, but keep it in perspective, they'll figure out if he can run or not.  

I have had "that parent " moments also. Same scenario. My super fast son ran sub 4.5 40 times summer after freshman season at a football event for colleges. Later that month we go to a PG baseball event and get timed by them at 7.2 for the 60. I almost lost it. I kept saying the mantra. "No , dont say a thing. It will all work out in the end." He hit really well and was one of the hit leaders for the three games of the showcase. He hit better than all of the sophs and Jrs there. He got on the "Top Prospect" List and got multiple write ups from PG at that showcase.So it all worked out in the end.

But, man , that 60 time still haunted him all last year. He has run it at variuous other showcase events not PG and gotten some pretty good times. But the time posted on his profile page was killing him. He is a 2018 also.

 Other players in our area,  that arent as fast as him, have made statements about his time on the PG profile page. He has spent all last year trying to convince me to go to a PG event and have it done over. It has not been in our schedule yet.  At this point I am no longer bothered by it. Although it still gets him a little bit.  I am so glad I resisted the urge to be ..."That parent".

CaCO3Girl posted:

BaseballParent23 posted:

TPM, we are near Tampa and no my son isn't committed yet. I think this is his year so that's making the crazies come out. So many things to remember I can't keep up with them all.  Learning all the forms to fill out, registering for this that and the other, send this to them, email that, turning things into guidance, community service hours, all on top of just regular spring baseball season...ugh. I'm already freaked out about my taxes because I have to fill out my first FAFSA this year. That's probably enough for a whole new thread! LOL!

I know you were probably joking, but I wouldn't mind reading a thread of ALL the stuff you have had to fill out

Brittany,

You didnt think you just sat back and did nothing! This takes a lot of work, player and parents.

TPM posted:

CaCO3Girl posted:

BaseballParent23 posted:

TPM, we are near Tampa and no my son isn't committed yet. I think this is his year so that's making the crazies come out. So many things to remember I can't keep up with them all.  Learning all the forms to fill out, registering for this that and the other, send this to them, email that, turning things into guidance, community service hours, all on top of just regular spring baseball season...ugh. I'm already freaked out about my taxes because I have to fill out my first FAFSA this year. That's probably enough for a whole new thread! LOL!

I know you were probably joking, but I wouldn't mind reading a thread of ALL the stuff you have had to fill out

Brittany,

You didnt think you just sat back and did nothing! This takes a lot of work, player and parents.

I have spent since 11am completing recruiting questionnaires for my son for every D1 in Pennsylvania because one added him as a follow on NCSA and I don't subscribe to it to see who it is...thank goodness there are only 9 D1 programs to get done!

nxt lvl posted:

I have had "that parent " moments also. Same scenario. My super fast son ran sub 4.5 40 times summer after freshman season at a football event for colleges. Later that month we go to a PG baseball event and get timed by them at 7.2 for the 60. I almost lost it. I kept saying the mantra. "No , dont say a thing. It will all work out in the end." He hit really well and was one of the hit leaders for the three games of the showcase. He hit better than all of the sophs and Jrs there. He got on the "Top Prospect" List and got multiple write ups from PG at that showcase.So it all worked out in the end.

But, man , that 60 time still haunted him all last year. He has run it at variuous other showcase events not PG and gotten some pretty good times. But the time posted on his profile page was killing him. He is a 2018 also.

 Other players in our area,  that arent as fast as him, have made statements about his time on the PG profile page. He has spent all last year trying to convince me to go to a PG event and have it done over. It has not been in our schedule yet.  At this point I am no longer bothered by it. Although it still gets him a little bit.  I am so glad I resisted the urge to be ..."That parent".

Bingo......There-in lies the rub! lol

TPM posted:

CaCO3Girl posted:

BaseballParent23 posted:

TPM, we are near Tampa and no my son isn't committed yet. I think this is his year so that's making the crazies come out. So many things to remember I can't keep up with them all.  Learning all the forms to fill out, registering for this that and the other, send this to them, email that, turning things into guidance, community service hours, all on top of just regular spring baseball season...ugh. I'm already freaked out about my taxes because I have to fill out my first FAFSA this year. That's probably enough for a whole new thread! LOL!

I know you were probably joking, but I wouldn't mind reading a thread of ALL the stuff you have had to fill out

Brittany,

You didnt think you just sat back and did nothing! This takes a lot of work, player and parents.

That was the point of my post, I'd be interested in hearing about all the stuff and deadlines and what not.  i know I'll be filling out a lot of things.  I reminded my son this morning that his elective choices were due today, he said "what's an elective".....yeah...I'm not getting much help from him on paperwork.  Love to watch him on the field but that kids head is SCARY!

nxt lvl posted:

I have had "that parent " moments also. Same scenario. My super fast son ran sub 4.5 40 times summer after freshman season at a football event for colleges. Later that month we go to a PG baseball event and get timed by them at 7.2 for the 60. I almost lost it. I kept saying the mantra. "No , dont say a thing. It will all work out in the end." He hit really well and was one of the hit leaders for the three games of the showcase. He hit better than all of the sophs and Jrs there. He got on the "Top Prospect" List and got multiple write ups from PG at that showcase.So it all worked out in the end.

But, man , that 60 time still haunted him all last year. He has run it at variuous other showcase events not PG and gotten some pretty good times. But the time posted on his profile page was killing him. He is a 2018 also.

 Other players in our area,  that arent as fast as him, have made statements about his time on the PG profile page. He has spent all last year trying to convince me to go to a PG event and have it done over. It has not been in our schedule yet.  At this point I am no longer bothered by it. Although it still gets him a little bit.  I am so glad I resisted the urge to be ..."That parent".

PG has said if you send them an email they will take down any number from a profile or even erase the whole thing.

I reported awhile ago that two very talented players, on one of the best teams nationally attended showcases winter of 9th grade.  One got a 7, the other a 7.5.  They went back this year, winter of 10th grade, and both received grades of 9.  A year can make a huge difference at showcase numbers.

CaCO3Girl posted:

TPM posted:

CaCO3Girl posted:

BaseballParent23 posted:

TPM, we are near Tampa and no my son isn't committed yet. I think this is his year so that's making the crazies come out. So many things to remember I can't keep up with them all.  Learning all the forms to fill out, registering for this that and the other, send this to them, email that, turning things into guidance, community service hours, all on top of just regular spring baseball season...ugh. I'm already freaked out about my taxes because I have to fill out my first FAFSA this year. That's probably enough for a whole new thread! LOL!

I know you were probably joking, but I wouldn't mind reading a thread of ALL the stuff you have had to fill out

Brittany,

You didnt think you just sat back and did nothing! This takes a lot of work, player and parents.

That was the point of my post, I'd be interested in hearing about all the stuff and deadlines and what not.  i know I'll be filling out a lot of things.  I reminded my son this morning that his elective choices were due today, he said "what's an elective".....yeah...I'm not getting much help from him on paperwork.  Love to watch him on the field but that kids head is SCARY!

Follow the recuiting timeline, its too early to worry about that stuff, school should be the priority.

I think this is an important line in this thread....

As for conduct during a game. I was a really good player and my dad got caught up in it. Embarrassed the hell out of me a couple of times. To the point I couldn't wait for baseball to end.

Louise posted:

I think this is an important line in this thread....

As for conduct during a game. I was a really good player and my dad got caught up in it. Embarrassed the hell out of me a couple of times. To the point I couldn't wait for baseball to end.

The thing is my dad was a good decent man. Put his family first, went to church, and most times wouldn't say sh## if he stepped in it. Unfortunately he didn't seem to understand I couldn't strike out every batter I faced and hit a HR every at bat.

Great thread!

I'll just say that I've probably made every mistake in the book as far as being a baseball dad. And yes we are insane. By the time my son was a Junior in HS I had finally figured it out.

The main thing i figured out , was that it is absolutely important for me to keep my mouth shut. Period.

I have absolutely no business talking to a HS baseball coach or travel ball coach about baseball stuff. And there are no exceptions to that rule. Ever.

Fundraising....yes.

Injury/ health issues....Yes.

Baseball.....NEVER.

The same rule also applies to NCAA recruiting coordinators / PG Staff / Current NCAA HC

-Baseball is none of my business. That business is between my son and the coaches

I love the "true confessions of a baseball parent" going on in this topic!

When I played, I hated pretty much all of the baseball advice that my dad gave me during games so I remember that now.  When I was coaching, my son even told me a few times to ask his mom to keep quiet. I think any familiar voice other than the coach's voice is a distraction. At some point we all have to cut the cord - the sooner, the better!