Embarrassment...?

JH, Thanks for being honest in your post. Parents play a very important role in your life. Not only do they keep your life in balance but they also throw your life out of balance (from your perspective) attempting to teach you something. This is one of these "out of balance" times. Your messy room is your environment and YOU and you alone determine your environment --- but it is the goal of your parents to make your life as rewarding as they can and they know your environment plays a big role in that. Wash your face, clean your room, don't ride your bike on that street, go do your homework, practice your long toss, eat these vegetables, the list goes on and on. Your dad is telling you to clean your room because he wants YOU to WANT a clean room and appreciate a clean room, not because HE wants a clean room.
I had a talk with my 25 year old son this week. We talked about the advice I had given him over the years and WHY I offered that advice. Like your father I gave advice and instructions as I saw fit --- today I give advice when he ASKS for it. He has earned that right of passage by taking responsibility for his life.

As far as posting on the HSBBW it appears as if you're not playing fair. You think it's OK for you to come here and critique your dad but you want to exempt him from doing so. Take it like a man. If you're going to dish it out you'd better be prepared to take it. Hopefully you can keep your testosterone in check and take advice from your father .... someday your life will reflect your ability to listen and learn.
Fungo

Nice post Fungo. JH my oldest sons room was a train wreck. I hated to even walk by it. I used to turn my head just so I woulnt see it. I had many talks to him about the importance of taking pride in the way your room looked. To me it was a sign of taking pride in your home , your space , a way of showing you could take responsibility in what was yours. I saw it as a lack of him taking responsibility. And when I asked him to clean it or keep it clean and he didnt. I saw this as him showing a lack of respect for what I wanted him to do.

I remember many times I would say "Jake I am going to come back up here in one hour and this room better be clean." I would come back upstairs and it would appear to be clean. Then I would look under his bed and the dirty clothes would be stuffed under the bed. The gator aid bottles would be in his closet. Etc etc. When he needed a shirt or a certain pair of pants for school they would not be washed because they were stuffed under his bed or thrown in a pile in the closet. Or sometimes even stuffed behind the seat of his pick up truck. He would simply go to his brothers room and take one of his shirts or a pair of his pants. Then we would have a whole different issue "fight" on our hands. Seeing a 6'0 250 lb 18 year old and a 6'1 220 lb 15 year old go at it over a pair of levis really Peed me off. Now I laugh about thinking about it.

JH try to put yourself in your dads shoes when dealing with this. He wants you to show responsibility. He wants to know that you can take responsibility for your responsibilities. He wants you to show him respect for doing what he wants you to do. You may feel its ridiculous and no big deal. Its my room and I should be able to keep it anyway I want to. He looks at it as its my house and I my son should respect my wishes. Why dont you show him that you are man enough to respect his wishes? Show him you can take responsibilty for your room and you can respect what he wants you to do.

Maybe by doing this he will begin to believe you can also take on other responsibilites and it will open up some other benefits for you. I was not really concerned with the room being clean. What I was concerned about was my son showing that he could take responsibilty for what was his. Good luck on this one and understand as a son I would be way more concerned if my dad didnt care.

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J H...if your father needs any help in posting pictures tell him to get in touch with me.

Fungo and Coach...great advice! As soon as I get off of here I'm going to go straighten up my room!




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Good posts and a very funny one by GW.

JH, hope that you take advice from the wise dads that post here, they hit the nail on the head when they mention responsibility. And respect.

You have come here recently asking for advice and opinions about pitching lessons, and seem like a very mature and responsible young man. I realize that in this case you are not asking for that, but my advice as a parent would be to get going and clean up your room.

Someday you will have children of your own, work hard for the things you give them, and most likely forget about all of the posts you have posted here, you will always remember this one (when you are telling your kids to clean up their room), you will realize it is not about parental power, or threats, but rather trying to make your kids understand how important it is to take pride in what you own and what others have worked hard for to give you.

We as parents don't always explain why we want things done, but that is because most of us feel we shouldn't have to give explanations for everything we say or do to our children, even when they become adults.

JH, many of us old timers can no longer talk to our dads, buit sure wish we could so enjoy every moment possible, and I hope he calls your bluff.

My dad used to fuss about me getting a B, instead of an A, but once when I whined about that to my sister, she said "So is that why he was bragging about your grades yesterday?"

They may fuss and nag, but it's all born from love.

Gotwood..I swear you make me laugh sometimes when I least expect it. I read that and chuckled.

To all-

Excellent pieces of advice and I appreciate it all. I have a lot of respect for both my parents and love them both very much. They have taught me very well over the years how to present myself, keep myself in line and, as Coach May said, taught me how to take responsibility for myself.

The above post was just a little poking fun, and Fungo- I know that if he wishes to post and share the experience of this website with me, I'll be with open arms and welcome everything he has to say.

JH, wait until you go to college and live with two other slobs. Pretty soon you'll be cleaning your apartment like my son does because even Pop us has standards.

I feel derelict. It's now Dec. 28 and I haven't cleaned up MY OWN mess yet.

As for the kids' rooms, I just close their doors. I lost that battle a long time ago.

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I saved my kids the trouble of ever being pestered by me to check their rooms. I had some custom made doors installed on each of their rooms.

Here is a picture of me many years back getting my last good look into our older boy's room...



We had to beef up the bearing walls a bit and buy WD-40© by the drum, but other than that we haven't had many problems. The cats don't like it when their tails' get caught.




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J.H.
Your twin brother lives upstairs in our house. Since His sister moved out and got married, he now has all three rooms to himself and his "stuff" has spread into each room.
As your father has told you to pick up, I have done many times, but, one day when he was at school, I packed up everything that was lying on the floor, desk and bathroom and put them in 7 garbage bags in the garage. He came home and saw all his stuff missing and asked me what happened. I told him anything that he wanted out of the bags need to be put away or hung up because the rest was going in the garbage the next morning. He put it all away over the next hour.
It's about time to do it again.

Tooldforthis- You and my father would get along just fine. He's done the throwing everything in the closet thing on my sister, and throwing everything on the bed thing on me.

FYI to all: I'm cleaning the room right now. Believe it or not, some messes get unbearable even for us. And if it makes Dad happy, that's a plus too

I always told my kids keeping their rooms reasonably clean is showing discipline in caring for themselves and their property. The last problem we had was when I threw everything on the floor out their windows.