Focus

Bill - good question. If your son were 18 or 19, my answer might be different. IMHO, focus comes from passion and desire for the game. At 13 years old, there are likely many things the young man is passionate about with baseball being but one of them. I think the most important thing a parent can do is encourage their kids and foster their love of the game. I would not worry about the results so much but looking for opportunities to encourage them while making it much more about having fun and to a lessor extent trying to learn how to win.

Looking back, I believe I was too intense with my kids and I regret that. I think I might have been better advised to be more supportive rather than critical. I grew out of that phase thankfully but looking back, I think the most important ingredient for a kid is whether or not they love the game. If that ingredient is there, the focus will take care of itself and you will not even have to worry about it.

Good one CleveDad.

When we go to a movie we like (or it at least has a starlet we like) we don't have to be told to focus.

Focus follows desire and fun.

More important than all the specific techniques taught by sport psych coaches is the emotional context created by the coach, and the league design, and parents.

Focus on creating a fun and safe (emotionally safe, like "i'll be ok even if I screw up) context and focus will follow (as much as possible).

Dr. Tom - let me tell you, you have made my day

Seriously, welcome to the hsbbweb!!! We are thrilled that you are posting here!

In the back of my mind, I wouldn't mind being a psychologist. I am pretty sure I could do a better job than Dr. Phil

Your movie analogy makes perfect sense to me. I don't have a formal training in psychology other than a few undergrad courses here or there. Most of my opinions come from observing things and relating it to my own experiences. It was a nice surprise to see that my shoot-from-the-hip analysis was at least in the ball park with yours.

Again, welcome to the hsbbweb

PS - it is easy to become addicted (in a nice way not a clinical way) to the site. We have some of the best writers and thinkers in the world here from all walks of life.

Yes, welcome to the HSBBWeb! Great to have an expert like Tom Hanson onboard. I have to say.... having folks like you posting on here is one of the reasons that this website is one of the most informative places on the internet. What a terrific resource.

Again, welcome!

Great advice.

He loves the game but sometimes I guess he loves it more

Thanks!

Can I take this to the other extreme?
Son is now a red shirt senior, having had surgery to clean up his throwing elbow in 2009, shutdown since Jan.
He has not had this much time away from the Game, since he was 5 years old.
And if you asked me it was a good thing.
I think he's gained back an Important part of what baseball is all about.
That it's a Game, You don't have to treat it like a Business.
It's meant to be played to have Fun.
And I hope that he takes that Attitude into the regular season.
It does not mean he will not be Focused, It means he will play the Game and be Loose and Driven to Perform without the pressure??

JMHO

EH

I think the prescription for any 13 year old in any sport is to have fun, once it becomes a business and your job, for many, the "fun" part becomes tougher, though I believe in having fun on the job, the stakes become higher.
My son loses focus when things aren't working, and as we know often times for pitchers, things don't always work everyday. Through working with a sports psychologist, instead of trying to figure out what he's doing wrong, in a matter of seconds to regain focus, breathing excercises have greatly helped in finding the right stuff he needs right away.
I agree, when we have interest, it's easy to not loose focus, when things get tough or boring one looses interest, and sometimes too much thinking takes place (for hitters and for pitchers). My son has essentially thrown out the analyzing and concentrated on over all well being. It has helped.

Now if we can just get the nagging ache in the shoulder squared away, he might get it all right.

The fun is in the hunt --- in competing, and in doing your very best.

When you want it, you want it. We all have our ups and downs, and 13-14 is a time when a lot of the boys will separate between those who want it most and those whose interests lie elsewhere.

Let him play and let him know that he has a choice. The choice is made not by what he says but by what he does. Anyone can talk a good game. If he wants it, he'll push himself. If he doesn't push, obviously he didn't want it all that bad. If that happens, let him go to where ever his passion lies.

quote:

Let him play and let him know that he has a choice. The choice is made not by what he says but by what he does. Anyone can talk a good game. If he wants it, he'll push himself. If he doesn't push, obviously he didn't want it all that bad. If that happens, let him go to where ever his passion lies.

That is great advice and the absolute truth.

The most important trait or whatever you want to call it a player can have is a true love of the game and desire to compete. Some players are born with it. Some players develop it over time but not from mom or dad. CD I think alot of us pops are and were just like you. And then after they are gone we realize some things. But we did what we did out of love and a true desire to help them achieve. I dont think we hurt them too much!

This is a great topic and a critical one for success in any endeavor. What we have seen at 3P Sports is this is a problem for little leaguers right up to the pros. We are working with several pro pitchers and we often discuss the need to focus on things like "one pitch at a time". Too often they drift mentally and think about the hitter on deck or the bad call an umpire just made, etc. The universal guidance we give is to use the proper self talk... Like saying to themselves... "one pitch at a time...I am going to execute this pitch down and away".

Teens will struggle with focus...because they are teens! Encouraging them to execute positive self talk will help. Positive self talk keeps their attention on the task at hand.

IMO an important thing to teach young players is to separate what they do on the field from who they are. Meaning playing baseball is what you do, but it should not define you are. They can fail on the field but that does not mean that they are a failure. I see so many young players let their winning and losing affect other areas of their life, as well as carry from game to game. Helping they to learn how to "let it go" once the game is done will help them tremendously.

wow; i snoozed for a day or two and you guys hit it hard.

It's time for bed, but I'll just add a plug for context.

Yes some players are born with desire. And context plays a huge huge roll in the cultivation of desire.

The book "Outliers" really hits that, as something like 9 of the richest 25 people ever were born with in a few years of each other.

Something in the environment (industrial revolution) made that possible. Great stories also there of Bill Gates and the Beatles.

So our job as coaches and parents is to pay big time attention to the context (especially the emotional context) we create.

(Arm injury guy: I often find players benefit in the long run from sitting out. They can see how foolish their teammates are for their approach to the game and their responses to adversity) (and remind me to comment on how to help him speed his recovery -- esp. the emotional aspects of it.)

Wow, what a great thread. Thanks everyone for such interesting and useful thoughts.

ClevelandDad, I have to question you on this one:

"Looking back, I believe I was too intense with my kids and I regret that. I think I might have been better advised to be more supportive rather than critical. I grew out of that phase thankfully but looking back..."

I know you about as well as I know any of the parents on this forum, and I feel like I know your son, though I haven't met him yet.

So how do you think he got where he is today? I suspect that some of your intensity in those early years helped him to learn to focus and internalize that intensity. Yes, some of it is inborn, and the love of the game can burn brightly inside from an early age (as I think it did for my husband and my oldest son, both beginning about age 3).

But some of that focus, passion, and intensity surely must be passed down from parent to child, or from coach to player. I know I have seen that happen!

Most of you know ClevelandDad's son Tyler, but for those who don't... he was drafted in June, played his first season of MiLB this summer, and made his league's All-Star game. I follow the kid pretty closely, read a lot of articles about him, and I would love to watch him play every day. Talent, passion, hard work, drive. Never quit, never give in. He seems to have it all.

I can't help suspecting that some of that was learned from the old man!

Julie

MN-Mom - thanks for your kind words but... I have another son who I rarely talk about around here on these threads. He was also a talented player but a different psyche altogether. I often wonder if a different, more supportive (rather than critical) approach might not have been better for him.

I was broken of my critical ways when the son you mentioned asked/told me after a game (when he was 13 or 14) he did not appreciate it any more. The embarassment from the request shocked me to my senses.

I still believe focus comes from love of the game and that has to come from the player. Parents can facilitate things but the desire has to come from the player imho.

quote:

I still believe focus comes from love of the game and that has to come from the player. Parents can facilitate things but the desire has to come from the player imho.

CD, thats how I see it also.
The player has to do it him or her self after a certain age.
Nothing that we do as parents can change that fact.
I do feel that a little proding early in life is OK.
As long as it's constructive in there development.
But after a certain age it has to come from the player.

EH