When Your Son Decided To Stop Playing

@Francis7

When son decided to walk away from the game, my husband was devastated. I had to remind him that he needed to be supportive of his decision. We encouraged him to go back to finish his degree then decide what would be the next step.

Little did he or we realize that this would be the beginning of a new career in baseball.

You are not the only parent here who has had the same experience. And FWIW, they all survived!

The importance IMO is finishing what your son started, not necessarily playing a sport but earning a degree.

Don't let your son look back later on and regret walking away from a meaningful education.

JMO

Francis,

good question. Uncle Sam made a request for my service. Later the golden Hills of California motivated me West.
My son enjoyed the palm trees of Hawaii and now is SSK Sales Director.
Creativity and imagination can predict the future

Bob

My oldest decided to become a father.  Well, not so much decided.  Best thing that ever happened though. We have a beautiful grandson.  My relationship with my son has become so much closer.  And to be honest, he wasn’t cut out for college academics.  He has a job with the carpenters union.  Couldn’t be prouder!  He filled in on a couple of summer league games with my 2027.  It was so fun to watch the two play together.  

When your son decided to stop playing?

I'm not really sure how to answer except to say it was his time.  He loved baseball, and what it had done for him but it was time to pursue other passions, a professional career, and grad school.  He had a year of eligibility left (injured junior year), but decided before his senior year started that he wanted to pursue an engineering job opportunity with GE after graduation.  It was not a hard decision for him, and my wife and I agreed it was the right decision.

There were no second thoughts or "what ifs" that I'm aware of.  My son maximized his abilities in his 4 year college career.  He was fully aware of his abilities and didn't see anything beyond college baseball.  Our neighbor was a couple years ahead of my son, and shared his professional baseball experiences in MLB and Korean professional baseball.  I think our neighbors experiences solidified my son's decision.

I think my wife and I took his decision very much in stride.  Our oldest son was doing well, and we focused our time on our other two sons.   Baseball is always a topic of discussion in our family.   I feel very fortunate to have picked up golf late in life and spend time with my sons on the golf course when we can.  My oldest son was visiting over the Holidays, and we (all 3 sons + me) got out on the links to play some winter golf.  Of course baseball came up.   Baseball seems to be one of "the glues" between us, as I started them on the baseball path when all of them were in diapers.   Now, they are teaching me to play golf.  It is a true "circle of life"!

Best of luck @Francis7.  Both of you will figure it out.

When my daughter's time came, she had an option to tryout for the Akron Racers.  Her college coach was the HC for them and one of her teammates became a pitcher for them.  People don't understand just how little these players make.  Most often, they live four and five in an apartment and do their best to split the cost of food.  The ones who have bat/glove deals did ok but did not make big money.  A few got coaching jobs to supplement their pro careers.  My daughter opted to coach instead and has been doing so ever since.  I am trying my best to get her to get out of that.  She is still "ate up" with the game.  I worry because legislation now in our state include severe punishment for things that would never have been allowed before.  For example, if you have a player make a claim against you as a coach, even if you are proven innocent of those charges, the information stays on your record for the remainder of your teaching career.  IOWs, if you tried to change schools, they would view this information and it might affect getting another job. 

Per her playing career, she doesn't have any regrets.  She stays in contact with most of her teammates from HS, TB to college. They remain her best friends.  She also stays in contact with her college coach. 

Thanks for the topic, Francis!

After three poor college baseball years, my son had decided to just finish his four years with his teammates. That decision lifted the weight of baseball off his shoulders and, poof, he had an incredible last season, which resulted in being drafted as a senior budget pick.

Our baseball advice - from college on -was really limited to trying help him place baseball into life context. Having taken 10 years (split 2/2 years) myself to finish an undergraduate degree, I told him his time before 30 made no difference to success in life. We also told him that "real life" (i.e., the daily grind of a real job) was not a greener pasture or an easier grind; it was but a different pasture and the grind was tough. By the same token, we wanted him to fully commit to baseball, to leave it all out there, to give it everything, for it to be a crucible in his life (much like military service was a crucible in my life).

We did tell him he needed to reach a point where he would never peer into a mirror and ask to the face looking back "what if" when baseball ended.

He had told us that he had no interest in being a long-term milber and he had a powerful and versatile degree (econ) which paved the way for his future. (He had multiple job offers in his pocket by early senior year.)

When he was released, his phone rang with several organizations' offers, but the fun, joy, and time of baseball had passed for him. He turned all the offers down and never looked back. I think he's picked up a glove only a few times since then. (Golf has taken baseball's place for a while.)

Meanwhile, mom and dad's life expectancy increased at least a decade once he hung up his glove. Make no mistake, mom and dad essentially mourned the passing of a multi-decade shared experience that had run its course. We couldn't watch HS or college games for a few years as we sympathized with the parents of players who were struggling and we both had a weird form of PTSD! That mourning period gradually passed as we watched him spread his wings and fly.

He's 31; has a toddler and there is no doubt he will be involved in baseball as a parent. (He's already talking baseball to his son AND his wife was an incredibly competitive softball player.)

I know - by what adorns their walls, by  his humongous collection of baseball t-shirts, by who he keeps in touch with - that he views baseball as having positively shaped and bent the arc of his life and provided opportunities otherwise not available.

It was not easy watching him trace his path (neither was it easy watching my non-athlete daughter), but for us it worked and all is well.

Now I can't wait for my grandson's first t-ball game. And the circle of life will go on!

My son came out of high school coming off an injury. He knew going in there were two opportunities; 1) Get his degree in three years and sign or 2) Stay five to play four and get a BA and MBA. The latter eventually became the plan.

He played the end of his redshirt junior year with a broken bone in his foot. He had surgery after the season. His foot didn’t heal properly. I was there with him sitting in the doctor’s office again at the beginning of February discussing could he play or need surgery.

The doctor told him he could play and have surgery later. He also told him he could be risking walking and running properly the rest of his life. My son told the doctor he had to give the situation some thought.

I must have had fire shooting out of my eyes leaving the office. I was ready to give him, “Are you out of your effing mind? You have the rest of your life to live!”  

Once out of the office my son muttered, “I’m done.” He didn’t want to say it in the office in case he started crying. I hugged him and told him he had a great run from ten (when travel started) to twenty-two. That I enjoyed it every step of the way.

He could have applied for a medical red shirt. He didn’t see the need. He had two degrees by the end of the year. He had done an internship at Deloitte. They told him to call for an interview after graduation. He worked there five years.

Red shirt senior year my son rarely went to practice. He sat in the dugout keeping score at home games. He said being a normal student wasn’t so bad.

There was one regret for both of us. He wished he knew when he was playing his last game so he could have taken in the moment. I told him the same about watching him play.

The decision was made for my son.

My husband mourned the loss.  I took in in stride because everyone "hangs up the cleats one day".  We just didn't know that would be the day.   Plus, after watching him sustain an injury on TV playing pro-ball, and thinking that was going to be the end to his baseball career, every game after that was a gift.  He also got half a dozen calls to play indy ball, but it just wasn't part of his plan.

I was less shocked when he was released than when he was drafted in a rather high round.  My kid???  But, he had a trajectory career and did not bounce up and down as so many players do.  He ended in AAA ball.   The injury and surgery after probably made him "un-trade-able" and therefore less valuable to the team. 

He had already completed his degree in the off season/Covid year so he is currently gainfully employed and enjoying his 16 month old son.  I got my grandson Little Tykes golf clubs for Christmas so he can try to keep up with his dad, uncle, and granddaddy (I already have a t-ball set in the shed)

Son doesn't want to coach, he said, except maybe little league (t-ball).  His older brother constantly asks him to play in his corporate soft ball league, but keewartson has obligations at home and I think would rather play golf.

"There is life after baseball".                                                                                                                                (Maybe I should have t-shirts made as a takeoff on the "Baseball is Life" theme).

@Francis7  you have a lot of people that have followed you here on this site, so do keep us posted. 

Re: Little Tykes

At eighteen months my son had a Little Tykes tee ball set and a Little Tykes shopping cart filled with whiffle balls and dead tennis balls. He set up in the backyard and “went yard.”

The only thing I did for training was put him on the left side and teach him how to stride. Then I left him alone. I believe trying to drive balls out of the yard over the fence developed his swing. Fortunately the neighbor was a good sport about their yard getting filled with balls on a daily basis.

My (now ex) wife’s perspective on me painting the backyard fence Fenway green with a yellow foul pole is another story. Just like Fenway the neighborhood kids signed their names on the yellow imaginary pole.

I’m guessing the next owners thought it was cute and immediately repainted the fence.

@keewart - thanks.

He's moving forward as if this is it. Basically, he's tired of being broke and wants to move on to the next stage of life, start making money, moving out on his own, etc.

That said, he loves the game and competition. But, he's already had a couple of offers for life after Juco but nothing that's going to make him pause on moving on.

Maybe, if he has some sort of record setting spring and gets some D1 offer that's too good to let go, he would change his mind? But, my guess is that it probably wouldn't lure him. He knows the odds, etc., of playing after college. He's seen too many more talented and hyped try it and were just basically spinning wheels and wasting time, in the end.

He's already got some civil service applications in the works. That's his future (and there's NOTHING wrong with that). I actually think he will be happy and successful doing that for a living.

I also think he's going to be fine walking away. He has a much different relationship with the sport than me.

Francis;

Life is "one door" closes and another door "opens".

Except for the "trap" door. Be careful.

Bob

Mine played his 4 years of college, had opportunities to play independent ball, declined.  Had opportunity to make a lot of money giving lessons and declined that as well... Doesn't even watch much baseball and football on tv...said is burnt out from baseball and football.  Doesn't even want to coach.  I'm glad he didnt choose to go play independent ball because if his heart wasn't 100% all in, would have been a waste of time for everyone.

I have talked about this before so I will try not to be too redundant. I see a few mentions of kids now done playing not having much (or anything) to do with baseball anymore. Maybe that’s the way it will be for them from now on. But maybe not. I think it’s pretty normal for kids to have feelings of sorrow, regret, and even bitterness when it’s over. The end is usually abrupt, finite, and sometimes brutal. And it almost always happens on someone else’s terms. It’s a lot to accept the end of a dream - even if the dream wasn’t very realistic. That was certainly the case for me when my playing days were over. I wanted nothing to do with baseball other than following teammates and friends that made it to MLB. All that changed when I had my own kids (3 boys). When I saw how inept the neighborhood dads were in their efforts to coach I was persuaded to jump in and take over. I had never played for the kind of coach that I admired, and I had a sense for how I thought things should be done, so it kind of came naturally tbh. To my surprise I found that I really enjoyed it and I was able to make kids productive players. So as my kids got older I aged up with them and coached them (in summer travel ball) thru HS. When I was able to help a friend get a JuCo HC job, that opened a door for me to be involved in coaching college baseball. I am now in my eighth year and at my second school. If anyone would have told be when I graduated from Texas A&M that I would be this involved in baseball at the time all my friends are retiring I would have called them crazy. My story is very unusual but here I am. The point of this ramble is this : you don’t choose baseball - baseball chooses you! Give it some time and maybe some of your kids will come back to the game. I certainly hope that happens for some of them.

Mine finished his successful college career and knew that was the end of the road for playing.  He was not pro material.  He was an overachiever as compared to his skills, tools and physical stature so we were always proud of his stubborn persistence and competitive drive.  He had more than his share of the difficult roadblocks that all athletes go through and he just kept overcoming.  So, I think he squeezed every drop he could get out of his playing career.

He then went into college coaching and he was, IMO, very good at it.  As he climbed the ladder, he was derailed in part by covid (two straight years of working full time with no pay due to no camps or lessons).  He was also uncertain as to whether the schedule, pay and lifestyle of a typical college coach was right for him as he thought about his potential future with a family.

His experiences have served him well as far as developing the tools and work ethic to be successful in other ventures and aspects of life.  We're always excited for him for whatever the next chapter brings, as we are with all of our kids.  I'm sure it will be the same for yours, Francis.

As far as any difficulties dealing with "the end", I think it helped both him and us that we always encouraged having multiple interests and keeping things in perspective with what is really important in life.

@Consultant posted:

Francis,

good question. Uncle Sam made a request for my service. Later the golden Hills of California motivated me West.
My son enjoyed the palm trees of Hawaii and now is SSK Sales Director.
Creativity and imagination can predict the future

Bob

Really?  I have talked to your son in the past.   I used to sell sporting goods here in Ohio for a company out of CA....then also on my own as a sideline.  He wasn't with SSK at the time.   Maybe Carrera???  Small world.

Son finished his college career and took a GA position at a local NAIA school.  Started in the fall and then in  March Covid hit.  School shut down and he decided that a career in coaching wasn't for him.  Job market was tough due to Covid.....so he took a job as a marketing/sales guy in an industry he knew absolutely nothing about.   That was 5 years ago and he's now the operations manager of the location he started at....and has some real opportunities in the future within the company.   If not for Covid, I seriously doubt he would have even considered the initial position he took, but it's worked out better than he could ever have expected.

Great thread. I had a few life after baseball conversations with the kid. His semester in Europe opened his eyes to the huge and wonderful world outside of baseball. He is still home this week and have been consistently training, but I noticed the talks about baseball have decreased a lot and replaced with more post grad plans discussions.

As a parent, I think:

//On one hand, it's easy to say "Baseball is the toy department. Unless you're Gerrit Cole or Mookie Betts, there's a time to stop playing games and get on the path towards reality."

But, on the other hand, for those who made it to college as a player, it's basically a lifetime of effort and sacrifice coming to a halt. And, that's a loss.//

But, in a lot of cases, where it's the player's decision, I think they're OK with it, or, handling it better than expected sometimes. In some cases, it might be a relief to get all that off their plate and free themselves up to living life.

My son knew who were better players than he was - at every step on the ladder.

At the youth end of that ladder, hard work, dedication, resources, and the player/parent push/pull demonstrated that that pecking order was not set in stone. As the ladder was ascended - certainly by college - more and more players put in the same hard work, dedication, and resources. And, parental pull/push influence diminished. As such, that pecking order was set in stone.

Apart from the wild card of injuries, my son was able to predict/realize who would go on to the next level; who was simply better than he was on his best day.

Players know the true pecking order; it's parents who don't.

There's a reason a player is a top 5 round draft pick. Sure, there may be misses but an entire industry's employees are brought to bear on not missing often. The scouts/talent evaluators don't last long if they miss.

My point is: with the experience of college and summer leagues under a player's belt; as the player sees more and more players from across the country, a player knows the scoop, knows where he stands, and knows if there is a baseball playing future. This revelation, I think, makes the player ready to end something his identity has been tied too for so long.

While those posting here of life after BB for their sons and themselves are not a random sample, the accounts of successful transitions to the next stage of life - whether in or out of baseball - is very uplifting.

Baseball teaches every soft skill which can't be taught by a professor. Employers love athletes produced by this system which required the player to devote himself for over a decade to an endeavor - with no guarantee (or even good odds) of making it to the pinnacle. That is a kid sought after in the market place; and that is life after baseball!

@Francis7 posted:

As a parent, I think:

//On one hand, it's easy to say "Baseball is the toy department. Unless you're Gerrit Cole or Mookie Betts, there's a time to stop playing games and get on the path towards reality."

But, on the other hand, for those who made it to college as a player, it's basically a lifetime of effort and sacrifice coming to a halt. And, that's a loss.//

But, in a lot of cases, where it's the player's decision, I think they're OK with it, or, handling it better than expected sometimes. In some cases, it might be a relief to get all that off their plate and free themselves up to living life.

I disagree with your perspective. You seem to believe if a player doesn’t go pro there’s failure and emotional pain. I remember sitting in my uniform after having lost a regional final. At that time the next step was the CWS. I was disappointed we didn’t get to the CWS. I knew when I took my uniform off it was the last time. But it  crossed my mind getting dressed for the game either win or it’s over. Several of us went out for beers that night and talked about the game. For me the next Monday was time to start interviewing for jobs. I had chosen not to sign as an insanely late draft pick (draft was sixty rounds then)

I saw my daughter cry once playing. When her high school team was eliminated from states senior year it wasn’t losing that crushed her. It was playing with five teammates since 12u when they were eleven was over as they went their separate ways for college ball.

My son made a decision not to sign after his red shirt soph (academically graduating) year. When informed he was going to be drafted late he didn’t stop playing. He played two more years to play while getting his MBA. He never saw himself as playing college ball to become a pro. He saw the possibility of becoming a pro part of the process of playing college ball. He didn’t play to receive money towards his MBA. I would have paid for it. He played because he loved playing the game.

You haven’t taken into account how many college athletes there are who put in the same effort as baseball players knowing other than Team USA there isn’t a viable athletic option after college. They put in the effort getting to that college sport and continuing to play in college for nothing more than the love of competition and that sport.

D3 players certainly aren’t playing to become professional baseball players. It’s about love of the game. If a player at any level doesn’t love the game they’re not going to become a successful pro player.

Francis:

For the hitters it is the "Trouble with the Curve"! For pitchers it is the "hanging curve"!!

Bob

One of the most beautiful things about baseball is the relationships that are formed along the journey - and those continue long after the playing days are over. Some last for the rest of your life.

@RJM posted:

I disagree with your perspective. You seem to believe if a player doesn’t go pro there’s failure and emotional pain. I remember sitting in my uniform after having lost a regional final. At that time the next step was the CWS. I was disappointed we didn’t get to the CWS. I knew when I took my uniform off it was the last time. But it  crossed my mind getting dressed for the game either win or it’s over. Several of us went out for beers that night and talked about the game. For me the next Monday was time to start interviewing for jobs. I had chosen not to sign as an insanely late draft pick (draft was sixty rounds then)

I saw my daughter cry once playing. When her high school team was eliminated from states senior year it wasn’t losing that crushed her. It was playing with five teammates since 12u when they were eleven was over as they went their separate ways for college ball.

My son made a decision not to sign after his red shirt soph (academically graduating) year. When informed he was going to be drafted late he didn’t stop playing. He played two more years to play while getting his MBA. He never saw himself as playing college ball to become a pro. He saw the possibility of becoming a pro part of the process of playing college ball. He didn’t play to receive money towards his MBA. I would have paid for it. He played because he loved playing the game.

You haven’t taken into account how many college athletes there are who put in the same effort as baseball players knowing other than Team USA there isn’t a viable athletic option after college. They put in the effort getting to that college sport and continuing to play in college for nothing more than the love of competition and that sport.

D3 players certainly aren’t playing to become professional baseball players. It’s about love of the game. If a player at any level doesn’t love the game they’re not going to become a successful pro player.

I concur.  My youngest tore his ACL before his jr. year in HS.  One his instagram the day after surgery he posted "today I lost my best friend, but I'll find them again soon".  He's went on to JC, and now at a D1 and he has told me "it's the friendships" over a similar goal (being the best team (mate)) that you could be that I'll miss the most.

@Consultant posted:

Francis:

For the hitters it is the "Trouble with the Curve"! For pitchers it is the "hanging curve"!!

Bob

Q: What do you call a baseball player who can’t hit a curve?

A: A lacrosse player.

The memories …

Last summer I was backing up a boat. My friend yelled, “Plenty of room.”

I stuck my head out the window and responded, “The last time I heard that I ran full speed into a center field fence.”

We had both played on the same college summer ball team. The right fielder wasn’t good at judging distance to the fence.

Here's a related question: Did anyone ever change their mind after it seemed like it was 100% sure that they wanted to stop? (Probably mostly applies to HS and Juco players? But, I guess it could also apply to a college graduate going pro too.)

@Goosegg posted:

My point is: with the experience of college and summer leagues under a player's belt; as the player sees more and more players from across the country, a player knows the scoop, knows where he stands, and knows if there is a baseball playing future. This revelation, I think, makes the player ready to end something his identity has been tied too for so long.

Dead, solid, perfect and spot on.

I would tack on that their baseball circle increases and includes many who are upper echelon "prospects" who hit rocky roads at the next level and that also brings a realization that the funnel is getting severely tight and the road ahead isn't really an on ramp, but, is an actual exit ramp (for all but a very, very, select few).  And, rather than drive more on a dead end, it's better to take another route where there's an actual attainable destination.

@russinfortworth posted:

I concur.  My youngest tore his ACL before his jr. year in HS.  One his instagram the day after surgery he posted "today I lost my best friend, but I'll find them again soon".  He's went on to JC, and now at a D1 and he has told me "it's the friendships" over a similar goal (being the best team (mate)) that you could be that I'll miss the most.

Just curious, did he keep in touch with his Juco teammates afterwards when he went D1? Or, did those guys mostly disband?

One doesn't have to "play" the game to continue to be involved in baseball.  There is so much out there to be involved with, you wouldn't believe it.

A lot of guys stay involved because they know the game keeps on giving.

I know former players who are agents, scouts, mlb game announcers, trainers, coaches, advisors, own training centers, front office personnel, I could go on an on.

Then there is Pitching Ninja, Rob Friedman who was once a member here. I think his claim to fame was his podcasts.

That's when the 4+ year degree becomes important.

If comes down to continuing the game or getting a job, take the job.

JMO

My oldest finished undergrad and was less than 24 hours away from accepting an internship (in baseball) before being offered a spot and attending grad school. This will be his last year playing while he completes his MBA (which he wants nothing to do with). He plans on staying involved in baseball and is currently lining things up for when the season is over. He says he'll miss playing but has always liked the training and preparation side more.

May sound cold but I've always thought the best thing that could happen with my kids is that while in college they find something they become so passionate about and want to pursue that it'll replace their desire to continue playing.

@Francis7 posted:

Just curious, did he keep in touch with his Juco teammates afterwards when he went D1? Or, did those guys mostly disband?

A lot (7 or 8 at each game) of the kids traveled to  3 D1 FB games (Arkansas, Kansas, and OU) to meet up as a group.  Many of them are from DFW area, and they all worked out together over the holiday.  As @adbono will tell you, that grind creates bonds and friendships that will last a long time.

@nycdad posted:

May sound cold but I've always thought the best thing that could happen with my kids is that while in college they find something they become so passionate about and want to pursue that it'll replace their desire to continue playing.

Not cold at all. Agree 100%.

Son never had the passion for playing as he does for coaching.

You can love the game and be still be involved.

@russinfortworth posted:

A lot (7 or 8 at each game) of the kids traveled to  3 D1 FB games (Arkansas, Kansas, and OU) to meet up as a group.  Many of them are from DFW area, and they all worked out together over the holiday.  As @adbono will tell you, that grind creates bonds and friendships that will last a long time.

Thanks. My son's Juco unit was super tight last year and won a ring. But, I feel like everyone scattered afterwards. Maybe because so many of them were one year guys, players who transferred in as sophomores? It would be nice to see them be a band of brothers forever. But, I also suspect many could move on because they'll be with their new teams for 2 years...or longer if the NCAA has a juco rule change.

At the end of the day, walking away is the player's decision. And, since they are the one putting in the time, making the effort, enduring the sacrifices, jumping the hurdles, it is, and should, be their call. It's their baseball career, not ours.

I think the challenge as a parent is that we have been so involved as the ride was happening, and usually have a love of the game, that it's hard for us to see it end, especially if they are walking away and we feel like there's more gas in the tank and still future chapters for the story. And, I'm sure (whether they want to admit it or not) that some parents feel like their son playing baseball is a reflection on them and giving them (the parent) skin in the game - and, losing that is a blow to their self-esteem.

But, what if the relationship wasn't baseball? What if it was something else.

What if your son wasn't ending his baseball playing relationship after 16 years? What if he was ending a 16 year relationship with his girlfriend because he felt like it had stalled, they had changed or it had just run its course? What would your reaction be as a parent?

You would still be sad for your son. Nobody likes to see their kid go through difficult times. And, if he was with someone for 16 years, you would also feel the void because she had become like a member of the family.

But, would you lament the ending like some take ending baseball so badly? Probably not. And, you would support your son and easily understand that it was his relationship and only he would know if it was still worth maintaining or ending. You would be there for him, respect the decision and probably be a little grateful that he didn't keep doing something just because he was doing it forever. And, you probably would be proud of him for putting himself on a new path that would be the best for him, personally.

That said, if your son has made the decision to walk away from playing the game, it's his right to make that call and you should respect it and support it. And, it's OK to be a little sad. But, you should also be grateful that your son is doing something that he feels will put himself on a better path for his future.