Funny baseball stories

The target of this story is still my best friend. I remind him of this event annually.

Back in high school pitchers and catchers were getting an early start in the gym. It had snowed a lot that winter. There was more than the usual amount of snow on the ground.

One of the pitchers (my friend) was throwing everything into the floor. We could hear the thud on the wood floor with every pitch. The coach got on his case. The coach told him he was holding on to the ball too long. He instructed him to release the ball sooner.

The next pitch went sailing through a second story window. The coach sent the entire team outside to find a white baseball in a field of snow.

Junior varsity game my son's sophomore year in HS.  The team only had 2 coaches so a player would usually coach 1st base.  The team had a kid "Ricky" that normally didn't play and I really don't think he minded.  He wasn't good...but loved being with the team...and was probably one of the best teammates my son ever had.  He just wasn't a "baseball kid".  He was coaching 1B last in a game.  A kid singled.  They told "Ricky" to pinch run.  First pitch got away from the catcher a little bit.  Ricky takes off for second.  The ball beats him by 10'.  He starts to slide....then for some reason kind of just decides to roll forward face down.   Evidently not expecting to play he had kept his cell phone in his back pocket....and realized once he started to slide that that probably wasn't going to end well.    Trust me....it was much funnier in person than it is reading it I'm sure.

Second one....my son's first game of his Sophomore year in HS.  He's playing SS.  Runner gets into a rundown between 3B and home.  Son is covering 3B.  Catcher holds the ball too long.  Son gets run into....and ankle injury bad enough that he had to leave and get X-rays.   He walks into the small local hospital (this was an away game)....obviously still wearing his uniform.  A small foreign doctor walks up to him and says "ahhhh.....football game?"   My wife said my son gave that guy the strangest look she had ever seen and laughed so hard he didn't even correct the guy.

Ahhh RICKY... We had one of those back when I played, but he was a PO with a 68 mph FB. Didn't matter cause he never threw the 68 mph fastball.  Use to drive hitters nuts with nothing but junk. 

He is the only pitcher I have ever seen get pulled after throwing 1 pitch and wasn't injured. Kid destroyed a big looping curveball into the trees. Coaches exact words when he came out to pull him, "Well dam junior that didn't work".

Son was catching a 12U game. The pitch was thrown, the batter takes a swing, we hear a clunk and the ball goes back to the pitcher. The hitter never ran and son just sits behind the plate, pitcher gets the ball and does not throw to first. Everyone in the stands thought it was a hit, and was yelling at the hitter to run, and the pitcher to throw to first. The batter just turns around and lifts his hands. It turns out that the batter missed the ball and the ball bounced back to the pitcher after hitting son's cup. Luckily son was not hurt, we still joke about it.

This is one of those as a coach where you try not to break out laughing while scolding a player because what he said was damn funny ...

In 13u travel we were playing a chirpy opponent. Why they were chirpy was beyond me. We smoked them 18-4 in pool play. I’m very against getting chirpy back at (horses behinds) teams.

They scored one in the first to take the lead. They got chirpy again. In the bottom of the first our biggest, strongest kid hit one halfway up the trees behind the left field fence with two on. The quietest kid on the team came to the top step of the dugout and yelled, “Wow! That’s going to be hard to find.”

The combination of who it was and what he said in a sarcastic tone made it hard to contain myself while scolding him about being chirpy.

Funniest thing I ever heard at a baseball game was a group of the girls HS basketball players coming to support my son (like haha funny...but also makes you want to cry and/or poke your eyes out funny). Two had brothers that played but most of the remaining girls had never seen a game. Some of the questions were:

1. In between the first and second inning: "Is it half time? Why are they warming up again?"

2. Every three seconds: "Is that an out/run/hit?"

3. After a battle at the plate with several foul balls: "Why did he get so many chances to swing at the ball?"

4. After I explained why a fly ball is an out: "Do you have to catch it before it hits the ground for it to count?"

Most of them (except for big sis and PTWoodson's future wife if the parents have anything to say about it...they, of course, are ruining the whole thing by just being good friends) lasted about an inning and a half.

We're playing a tournament in 13U and have about 4 hours between pool games. Families go get lunch and a few boys end up at a nearby Dick's sporting goods to kill some time. One of the players was looking at cups and comes up to me. "Coach, I'm confused about the sizing for these. Like, when it says '10-12' is that like, in inches?"

Kid, you wish.

8u.  Coach pitch.  I'm the head coach and my friend is one of the assistants. my friend played a couple of years of minor league ball.  his son has the size he never had but none of the baseball ability.  just a gentle giant (who, it turns out, is a pretty good football player so there's some athleticism there).  Parents are divorced but it's probably the most amicable divorce I've ever seen.  I didn't even realize they were divorced until a couple of months after I knew them.

Kid is in RF.  I look up and he has his back turned to the plate and his pants down at his ankles.  I tell my friend "uh...what';s up with your son?"  He yells out "Buddy...get your pants on!!" Kid:  "Mom said to always make sure my shirt was tucked in and it came out on the last play"  Mom (from the outfield stands) "that's not what I meant!!"

this second one was a couple of years later.  My son was a 10u playing in LL Majors.  One of his teammates was the no doubt best player in the league/area/you name it.  He was drafted last year.  we're playing the team with the other stud pitcher and it was a GAME!! (it turned out to be a 75 minute little league game so you know those two pitchers were dealing).  two guys in the mid 70s punching out guys left and right.  

we're in the 5th and hitting.  the other guy is at around low 70s in pitch count, there's one out and we have the second to last batter up (LL so we bat the roster).  kid batting is one of those there for the experience kids.  out of shape, not good, but a good kid so everyone liked him.  he gets up and strikes out, but, in doing so, ran the count up then fouled off about three two strike pitches, running up the pitch count.  anyway, he strikes out, and is dragging his bat back to the dugout.  The stud kid, realizing the situation and the pitch count, is the first one out of the dugout, giving the batter a war whoop a huge high five and put his arm around the kid on the way back to the dugout.  all the while back to the dugout, the kid who struck out was looking around like he was getting punked, not realizing how huge that strikeout was. (the other guy ended up running out of pitches, in the first batter of the 6th and we blasted the reliever for a walkoff win).  

fwiw, that stud kid has a reputation of being cocky and arrogant (which I can see, really), but he was, hands down, the best teammate my son has ever had.  he was always "in" the game, as that story showed, and as good as he was, he was the biggest cheerleader for his teammates, no matter whether they did well or poorly.  

So sons football teammate tried out for an elite team. Tried out for first.  17u team. Was playing first. Stretched out to receive a throw and the ball hit him in the head!  One of the coaches thought the kid died! Turns out he was completely fine.  Was telling this story to someone and left out the kids name.  He asked the kids name.  When told he said he knew this kid.  He tried out for a local travel team.  Tried out for first and took a ball to the chest!  He also said when it came to hitting he felt so bad for the kid he tried aiming for the kids bat when he pitched.  Good kid, but dad has rose colored glasses

I'm in the cheap seats in the Astrodome drinking dome foams late in another losing season. Astros getting thumped again. I think "Flock of Seagulls" had the number one song that year. As the game progresses, what few fans attended empty the stadium. Hardly anyone else left in the stadium. Even the security guards struggle to pay attention. I have the "great idea" to get in the seats behind home plate. I get to the box seat section and go down to the front row right behind home plate. The seats are elevated and a gate is below me that accesses and egresses the field.

I proceed to lay into the home plate ump for about two innings.  Can't remember exactly what I was yelling. At the time, it seemed pretty witty.

The ump rings up another Astro for the final out, takes off his mask and lightly jogs towards the exit behind home plate.  As he gets to me, he looks up without breaking his stride, smiles and says "Get better seats".

14u WWBA son is DH for the game.  Kid on his team can't throw a strike.  Since son's a catcher, he offers to talk to the pitcher.  Coach says have at it.  He walks out and the infield gathers around.  Son tells the pitcher if doesn't start throwing strike there is going to be an Amber alert out on him.  The whole infield loses it.  Pitcher's nerves evaporate and he calms down and throws a great game.

That reminds me of what we now refer to as “The waffle talk” at our house.  2022 was 14 playing summer ball as mostly a PO on a 15U summer team.  He was struggling with command and had walked a couple of batters in a row.

Coach calls time out and heads for the mound on a jog while motioning for the infield and catcher to stay put.  He speaks very briefly, 2022 gives a one word response and Coach turns to jog off with 2022 standing there with an amused but confused look.  

He then struck out the next three batters and left the two runners stranded.  After the game I asked what coach said that worked so well.  2022 smiled really big and said, “he just asked me what I had for breakfast.  I told him waffles and he just turned around and left.”

Sometimes you just gotta break the tension and get a kid out of his own head.

Many moons ago my youngest was playing in an AAU tourney in Salisbury NC. There were two older gentlemen sitting right behind home plate who were yacking it up and having a good time pulling for the opposing team. We had a county fella who yelled out to our hitter "Swell up like a big tick and bust it boy!" Well these two guys look at each other and one yells out "Swell up like a big D_ck?!" "What the hells wrong with you man!" I don't think I stopped laughing for 2 days.

This was a 16U ASA softball tournament. The girls were all fourteen and fifteen. The girls were hanging out in the shade for a couple of hours waiting for their next game. One of the girls went to the porta potty. When she returned another girl commented she couldn’t believe anyone would use the porta potty when there was plenty of time to walk across the street and use the bathroom.

The first girl commented the porta potty was clean. There was even a sink and soap on the side to wash your hands. Another girl shrieked, “Oh my God! You washed your hands in the urinal using the urinal cake as soap!”

The entire team shrieked. The guilty girl bolted up and run full speed through the middle of two games to the bathroom across the street. When she returned her hands were scrubbed red.

The girls are all thirty-two and thirty-three now. A handful who went through 18U Gold together are still friends. To this day the name “Sweet Cakes” has stuck to the porta potty girl.

Babe Ruth, so I was about 14 or 15.  our team was coached by two brothers and one of their friends. all in or just out of college, so 19-24 years old.

the two brother were Mormons  but also highly competitive athletes (both 3 sport HS guys who played D1 baseball in Utah (of course). the third guy was a class clown kind of guy (but he's an FBI agent now so...yikes?). somewhere in the middle of the game, the younger brother disagrees strongly with the ump and lets loose with a string of "gosh darn" and "shoot" and "shut the front door" and other phrases like those.  the ump runs him (later says "I know you're Mormon and I know what you meant by that"...Hawaii's a small place and the baseball community is pretty close knit...everyone has history with everyone else, good or bad).  Big brother, seeing his little bro get tossed, runs down the 3rd base line (we were hitting, big bro was 3rd base coach, little bro and friend were in the dugout and a player was 1st base coach) with a head full of steam and another string of not-curse-words. friend coach is rolling on the floor laughing.  he's known them for a long time...he's seen this before.  I ask him if he's going to go out there and argue, too, and he just says "hell, no".

later, i'm pitching late in the game and he (our only coach left at this point) calls time and makes his way out to the mound.  he wasn't a pitcher of pitching coach but I figured he saw something or was going to give me words of encouragement or something since it was late, I was tired (this is back in the CG or bust days) and was starting to struggle a little.  

He just slowly makes his way out to the mound, looking at the stands the whole way there (we were 3rd base dugout).  he puts himself between me and the SS, takes his time before saying "I heard (insert opponent player's name)'s older sister was here and I couldn't get a good look from the dugout".  then he walked back to the dugout.  

I don't remember what happened next, but the sister was, indeed, smoking hot

My son had a middle school basketball coach when he said “Jeepers Creepers” the kids knew he was really upset with their play.

In college we once had a double header in which we won the first game 38 - 8. It was a scheduling mishap. Totally non-comparable levels of talent on the two teams. And we lost the second game. It was unbelievable. It wasn't like guys were goofing or weren't focused. It was mostly weird and goofy baseball luck. Like guys hitting rockets right to someone, a pop up getting lost in the sun, seeing eye rollers through the infield, etc. Head coach was embarrassed and livid.

The amusing part now, it sure was not amusing then, happened the next day at practice. I'll never forget what the HC said as several of us walked into practice, "you won't be needing your gloves today". What? We literally "conditioned" for like 2 plus hours, which mostly consisted of running up and down a hill. One of those "you run till he gets tired" deals.

This story gets told at every alumni event I have ever attended. We were taking a bus trip to play Texas Tech and had just left campus. Our team had bat girls that traveled with the team and they often brought food along on road trips. On this occasion one of the girls boarded the bus with a platter of brownies and no one thought twice about it. As soon as we got on the road the brownie platter was passed around the bus and pretty much everyone grabbed one - including the coaches. Thirty miles later the entire bus is stoned and our HC is screaming for another brownie.  For years I was impressed that one of the bat girls had the nerve to bring pot brownies onto a team bus. I found out a couple years ago that our catcher was behind the whole thing. The atmosphere on the bus was hilarious - but could you imagine the fallout if that were to happen today? So many things actually were better back in the day.

freshman year in college. I went to school in the Pac NW and came from Hawaii so there were a couple of culture shock things. one day, a week or two into fall practice, i noticed that one of the sr catchers/team captains wasn't there.  I casually asked the coach where he was and he looked at me like i had two heads and said "it's opening day of deer season"

same thing happened in february, i believe. this time is was the assistant coach. the reply "spring steelhead season opened today"  both times, my coach thought i was the idiot (and i probably  was)

There’s this guy in my town who thinks he’s a superstar baseball guy. Never made his HS team but somehow has convinced a low tier of rec folks he’s the best travel coach. He even gives lessons. So one day at the park he has a 14u team throwing bullpens and he’s standing next to the catcher telling him he needs to envision and feel the pitch coming. He should be able to close his eyes and feel it hit his glove. I’m thinking “huh, WTF is this moron talking about”. He then covers the catcher eyes with his clipboard and tells the pitcher to throw a fastball to the glove. Coach is looking down at the catcher talking to him. The pitch drills the coach right in the ribs! To this day one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen.

Son's 11U or 12U travel team.   Up to this point only the catcher had been required to wear a cup (for obvious reasons).   Coach now wanted every player to wear one.   There were some, of course, that didn't see the need - especially the outfielders.   At practice later that week coach hits one to the outfield it takes an odd bounce and everyone could hear hit the OF's cup.

Needless to say there was no more complaining.

In the same vein of TBP...Opposing LL coach, actually a nice guy away from the field. On the small diamond he was awful to the teen umps, opposing coaches (me included) and coached with favorites and a style that clearly was to overcompensate for his other shortcomings.  He was of course the 3B coach too and was sending every kid with a safe margin lead.  There was a pulled foul ball bouncer that he misplayed...call it cosmic justice or schadenfreude, it made more than a few spectators hold back smiles and laughter.  He survived with only a bruised ego (not confirmed). I am not sure if this qualifies as a funny story but I do smile upon recollection