Help calming down the ex

That is a tough one. Yikes.

But you've come to the right place! Welcome!

I'm sure you'll get great advice, I'm sure someone has gone through this.

I think I would try to let him know that this is what your son wants. He is the one who will be attending, and he needs to feel comfortable at the school. It seems to me that your third paragraph says it all--

Good luck. I hope (with your guidance) your son makes the right decision.

Time for a three party coffee table meeting--let the boy explain his wants and needs, after all it is his desires that matter here

Try it and see what happens--you might also want to do it in a neutral site (Starbucks, Dunkin Donuts et al)

Just because a college does not have a "bumper sticker" does not be it is not the right place for the boy.

Good Luck

PS-- the same situation happened with one of our players this past fall-- they met and he signed early at the school of his choice--all is well that ends well

MichWLAA,

Welcome to the HSBBWEB. The problem you present is a difficult one because it involves the ex and "ALMOST" every father wants to be able to say "my son is going to a D1 or "my son is going to this great program to play baseball!" It is just the way "SOME" of us guys are.

BUT, the bottom line is; it is NOT our life; it is our son's to live. This will be some of the most important years of his life and it is for the next 4 years and he should be the one making the decision with guidance and help from his parents. But, the final decision is his alone and he should be supported whether we like the decision or not.

As far as calming down the ex; good luck on that one. I know he wants the best for his son. But if he really looks at what he is asking his son to do by exerting this pressure; does your ex really want what's best for your son or what he thinks is best?????

O42

WLAA - Welcome and congratulations to your son for finding the perfect fit for him!

I agree that your son should have a "heart to heart" with his dad. Hopefully, dad can see beyond his own dreams to support those of son.

If not, life will go on and I'm sure you'll continue to support him in his decision. Best of luck to your young man!

MichMom, are you saying ex is witholding tuition help because he doesn't approve of
his son's school choice?


contrary to some views (sorry Oriols) most Dads would be pleased their son was at any college, elated that he also had the chance to play more ball, and eventually land a real job & not be living in his basement

at the coffee shop meeting, wearing the future school colors, draw a "circle of trust" on the placemat (ie: Meet the Fockers), he can put his check in the circle with a smile or forever be on the outside looking in.

hope that helps

btw - I'm not having a touchy-feely day

btw II -
Q: What's the only sign of intelligent life in Ann Arbor?
A: Columbus: 187 Miles



.

Michmom,

The Ex needs to understand FIT and how it helps a student athlete....and here is my son's story behind FIT........

You will hear this word mentioned hundreds of times when you are on this site discussing recruiting.

So to the mistake....When my son was being recruited, we had a number of schools actively and passively recruiting Him. One school in particular was very agressive... good school, good program, excellent academics. It was the most prestigous school of the ones recruiting him. We had a super visit, and my son had an excellent time during his stayover at the school....

Looking back, I think we clearly underestimated or even overlooked "FIT". Good school, good program, does not always mean you will fit in with the team, program or playing time plans of the coaching staff. This is the place you need to spend more time on. A new field, new uniforms are nice..........but the chemistry of the team as determined by your son is key.

Now to the fix..... transfered to a new school (one who had recruited him in HS), and now is very happy with the school and baseball situation.........he is looking forward to 3 years of baseball, but wishes he had last years eligiblity back to play at his new school....

You dont want to waste a year of a college career on a bad fit......finding that fit right off is a good thing.

Best wishes.....

TRHit gave some very good advice about doing it at a neutral site.

Starbucks, Dunkin Donuts and other coffee/Donut shops are good places to meet. If the ex explodes, you know there will be police and paramedics present or already on their way.

Here is a golden opportunity for the HSBBW to expand into other problem solving areas. Email his father (be sure you cut and paste your post to the email so he understands your position) and give him the web address of the HSBBW so he can explain his side to the HSBBW members. What do you think?
Fungo

good advice from a variety of viewpoints

*please note that any "private" responses from our Soprano contingent
DO NOT reflect the opinions of the management...thank you

Fungo,

You bring up a great point and maybe I got myself in a little trouble with the statement I made in my last paragraph in reference the ex, at least as it relates to my opinion.

Maybe I should not have mentioned the ex.

O42

quote:

by MichMom: The current argument is that the choice of a D3 or NAIA and pursuing employment as a HS teacher is below the boy's potential

what's his basis?

tuition+board

State U $13K
Private D3/NAIA $35K

.

I have custody of my son, and my current wife about blew a gasket when she was told that if my son has the opportunity to sign a NLI, that it has to be signed by his biological mother.

I have to agree with her....she doesn't deserve to sign it.

I tell my son, one of these days you are going to be on TV playing ball, and when the camera pans to you in the dugout, if you utter the phrase "Hi Mom", I'm gonna come hunt you down and kick your rear.

7 years of playing select baseball, about 800 games, and maybe she's been to 10 or 15 or them.

Sorry for getting off topic, but I'd tell your ex to stick it.

Think TR's suggestion of a meeting, the three of you, sounds positive...it might also help to have a list of recommended criteria to be used in choosing a school....there are threads here on that subject....it might help you and your son explain to the ex......why this is the school son wants to attend.....best wishes....

Thank you, everyone for your advice. The ex did indeed read the postings here, which served to show him where I was coming from. He and my son went to dinner this evening (Friday) and my son basically said he loves his father and respects his opinion, but he's the one that has to carry the grades and the ball and hopes his father will support his choice. He also told him that he will be going to a small school and if his father wanted to be a part of his decision (he's been accepted to four of them) he'd welcome his father's input. For the first time in a couple of weeks, the boy came home with a smile on his face.

So...thanks again!

glad there's progress, nothing better than a happy boy

I'm guessing the Ann Arbor line served as an ice breaker & eased the tension some



btw, how many times did you have to explain it to him before he got it?

.

"How many times did you have to explain it?" They probably went over it a dozen times & each time I thought he understood it, he'd come back from having lunch with a guy he knows, who's son is a big D1 recruit.

"glad there's progress, nothing better than a happy boy" Yep, I'll admit it, when the boy is not happy, I'm not happy. He's a good kid, I can't even remember the last time he was in any kind of trouble. (ok, other than dirty socks & milk glasses on the family room floor)

I think the thing that bothered my son the most was the fact that he didn't start playing ball until 13 and has worked hard to get where he is and he felt that his father couldn't appreciate the effort he'd made.

I'm sending his deposit in next week, so that should end the debate for good.

congrats

.

You gotta love the HSBBW. A little common sense goes a long way. Perhaps a little peer pressure too? It's not just for kids.

I skipped a bunch of responses so this may have been stated. Slam dunk, no-brainer, call it what you want. The KID is happy with his choice...deal with it.

Mich,

I am very glad than things seem to be moving in a positive direction for you, your son, and your ex.

O42

Sorry to see this thread so late, glad it seems to have worked out for you. I can agree with what TR said . The best thing that can be done is to sit and talk it out w/ the ex then visit the school w/ the boy. Go a couple times to the school if need be, seperate trips you and your son and then your ex and your son. It helps listening to "all" sides of the story and in the end it needs to fit your sons academic /baseball needs.
Good luck!

Some great advice from all of you helped out in a tough situation. Pat yourselves on the back!