The following is a fictional Help Wanted ad. It is fake. It is how the ad would run for a varsity head coach in my neck of the woods. It is my attempt at humor, but also a pretty good idea of what is entailed in the job at my school of 1200 kids in a rural area. I am a JV head coach, my role does not come close to what my varsity HC does on a daily or seasonal basis, but I do my best to assist him in building his program per his vision. Our varsity HC is a blessing. We are lucky to have him. He is not perfect, but is respected by most, disliked by a few, but all need to know how much a varsity HC does that no one sees. Personally, I'm glad we have ours. If he were to leave, I really have no idea who would fill his turfs? He IS our program.
Help Wanted:
Robinson County School District is taking applications for a baseball coaching position for the 2018 season.
Must Haves:
- valid CDL License (aka "bus driver's license," this costs about $200 to obtain from DMV and requires a 24-hour classroom and field course to complete before you can even take the driving test or exam, go get one and we will reimburse you the $200 in about 6-months).
- No felony convictions, please. Prefer no misdemeanors, but we are desperate so don't sell yourself short. Give it a shot. No DUIs in last 18-months would be ideal (you'd be surprised how many of your friends and neighbors in your community this requirement eliminates, deal killer for a lot of potentially viable applicants).
- must have a valid state HS Athletic Assoc. 6-hour "Coaching Basics Class" certification ($40), submit copy of valid certification with application.
- must have a valid state HS Athletic Assoc. 2-hour "Concussion Class" certification ($25), submit copy of valid certification with application.
- patience and skillset to manage a team of some (20) teenage boys.
- Applicants must also be able to deal with parents who may accost you late at night after an away game while you are sweeping out the activity bus in total darkness in school parking lot. Parent may be under the influence and may be combative and wants to talk about playing time for his son. Have a plan for this.
- Must stay in parking lot until last player is picked up by that one parent who always seems to arrive 30-mins late to pick up their player. Leave no player behind!
- must be present for ALL team activities (tryouts, practices, games, pre-game, post-game, travel with team, team meetings, parent meetings, AD meetings, booster club meetings, ALL field maintenance year around). On an average week at height of season for our varsity expect (3) days of practice at 4-hours each for coach to be present, and (2) games: one away, one home for an average of 8-hours per game (as JV and varsity will ride one team bus for both games). So expect an average week in season to be 30-hours per week of service to team.
- Easter vacation plan on driving team bus 8-hours one way to some other HS field where you will play an "Easter BaseballTournament." You will need to do your own fundraising for this trip. You will stay in a seedy motel where people tend to loiter in parking lot at night. This is a 4-day trip so you will have to ask your "day boss" for vacation time from your normal day job (yes the one that actually puts food in your own kids' mouths at home). Good luck with that.
- must have a PT Barnum like ability to raise funds for your program cuz we ain't gonna give you squat. Just the basics and as little as possible after that. So organize and raise the remaining $3000 your program is going to need. And make sure you show up on your off night to the county school board meeting to present your fundraising plan, in writing and in person, 30-days in advance so we can approve it.
- must be able to manage and run concession stand at all games. Safe and sanitary kitchen knowledge ideal, not totally necessary though. Coaches will probably soon be mandated by state to get certification in kitchen sanitation and safe food prep for their team concession stands. This will probably be a 4-hour class and will cost you another $40 out of your pocket. Submit receipt to county finance czar and we will reimburse you in about 6-months (if you are lucky).
Hours: 5pm - 9pm Monday thru Friday from February 12, 2018 thru Friday May 4th, 2018, May 15 if you make playoffs. First (4) Saturdays of season will be team practices of 8-hours each day. But on game nights during season hours are more like 2pm to 10pm as you have to drag and prep field for JV game which begins at 4pm, then drag and prep field again after JV game concludes at 6:15pm for your varsity game which begins at 7pm. You will have about 14 home games where this will happen. If you make playoffs which is the plan expect (4) more home games.
Baseball Background: would be ideal, but not totally necessary (there's so many other important things entailed in this job, we'll teach you baseball).
Starting Salary: $800, can be negotiable (I make $1200 as an 18-year coach/teacher, so growth and earnings potential is huge)
Send resumes to:
Robinson County School District
Main St. USA
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I could go on for three more pages here, and I'm sure many of you could add your own remarks, but my point is this: It is a high school team, not a private travel team with a $2500 price tag, and not a pricey private school prep league team. It is a simple job in need of a VERY HIGHLY QUALIFIED INDIVIDUAL WILLING TO ASSUME THE RESPONSIBILITY AND EXECUTE THE JOB WELL.
If you have a GREAT HS baseball coach? Thank him. Appreciate him. Help him in any way you can. You are lucky. It is a thankless, exhausting job, that these guys do out of love and passion.
If you don't have a HS baseball coach you are happy with? Then look closely at the job description above and think about interviewing next time there's an opening. And If you don't show up for the interview? Then don't complain.
There is so much more to HS baseball coaching than making out the lineup card.
Bottom line, and most important criteria is this: YOU HAVE TO BE THERE FOR EVERYTHING. EVERY HOUR, EVERY MINUTE, HOME AND AWAY, PRESEASON thru POSTSEASON. There's no, "I can be there most of the time," or "I can do the home games and practices, just not the away games," or "I'll have to miss the first hour of each practice but I'll be there the other three hours." No, that won't cut it.
IT'S ALL OR NOTHING. Very simple.
If your HS baseball program can find a qualified individual who can work the 30+ hours per week during the nearly 4-month season for as little as $800 that's terrific. Then while you're at it, you might also consider looking for a 6-6 LHP eating french fries in the cafeteria who can throw 95. Good luck with that.
If your program has ONE of these? You're doing great. If your program has both? Wow. You are very lucky.
