High maintenance - when is is necessary?

Our son's college coach told his players that he would only discuss their health, safety, or academic eligibility with their parents. Anything else was off limits.

TXmom,

You're lucky, did you have to ask him what he'd discuss or did he share that with all the parents in some kind of newsletter?

Did he say he'd call you about those things if they came up or that's all he'd discuss if you called him?

Have you had occasion to talk with hime about any of those subjects?

Mrmom,
I think that this HM discussion is way out of hand.
There is a difference between a parent that contacts a coach because of a legitimate concern for their son and a parent who calls to find out why the freshman got the start over their son who was a junior. This would apply to any level in baseball.

Coaches set rules to set boundaries. Most parents know when NOT to cross the boundary line.

To TigerPawmom,

The point is, as always about learning and helping. Your opinion presumes open communication about appropriate topics relating to a son on a college team is shared by reasonable parents and reasonable coaches.

My point, which I wanted to develop with some others experience - if available - is that this is not always the case and therefore, parents need to take a proactive role, even if they fear reprisal from coaches. This should probably not be attempted unless the potential consequesnces to leave the school have been weighed.

The threads I had read on this subject seemed to me to be leaning towards the Don't call at all side. I wanted folks to know that while hopefully all programs have your son's best interest at heart some are...let's say...more pressured to succeed -- even at the expense of you're son.

The best advice, be direct with the coaches on what the communication rules are before you sign...make sure they know your expectations -- whatever they are. Otherwise, be prepared to look your son in the eye and say this wouldn't have happened if I had gotten involved -- after it's too late.

Never forget the tenuous position a player occupies with his coach -- they fear speaking up when they know reprisal will follow. So they keep their mouths shut.

Tigerpawmom - you have a personal email coming.

Isnt it bad enough that parents meddle at the HS level?

When it comes college time folks--cut the embilical cord and let the young man make his own way---he will learn a lot quicker this way--we as parents cannot keep them sheltered forever.

Most of you will quake in your boots when I tell you my guys went by train to NYC for Knick and Ranger games at night,including the Rangers last Stanley Cup Win when they were in their mid teens.

I believe in letting them be on their own as much as possible so they learn and mature. Come college time they were more than ready to be on their own

I never felt the need to contact my son's JuCo coach. If I had a question about the way something was being handled, I talked to my son first and generally got the answer. If there was something troubling him, he talked to me first, and we discussed ways he might be able to handle it with coach. His JuCo coach did have some wacko tendencies....but we'd taught him since travel ball days that he would run into bosses, neighbors, co-workers, and acquaintances all his life who would be difficult and he's learned to regard those things as speed bumps, not road blocks.

His new D1 coach actually invited me to call him directly "should you have any concerns". I did call him over the summer about some administration issues, and he kindly guided me to the right people, and followed up with me later.

It will be interesting to see what response I get should I ever choose to call him about a baseball issue. Although it's not an approach I would recommend for a coach at the hs level, his having said I could call sent me a message that I probably won't have to!

What year did you allow your boys to travel into NYC....the world is changing and not really for the better...that is why you see less and less of children walking to school..playgrounds that are empty...parents who are much more visible...because it has now come down to who can you really trust...just this past weekend my oldest and I were on our way out to shop...at the bottom of my street were 2 little girls with a lemonade stand....maybe ages 5 and 7...no adult visible...parked at the stand was a car...NY plates...one guy in it with the passenger side window rolled down...did it appear suspicious...absolutely...could it have innocent...might have been...but we both thought it was worth the time and effort to turn around and go back till he left the area...this is not the same world we grew up in... vigilance must be part of our lives...sad but that is the way it is...I tell my girls never, ever put a drink down when out and then go back to it...get a fresh one...I could go on and on but back to the topic at hand...if I had a concern I would not hesitate to call my sons coach..he has sent all of us parents his cell phone number as well as his email address..he is pleasant and very enjoyable to speak with...he even invited me to join him for breakfast last year when on their spring trip...I do realize that he is not the norm as previous coach would not even acknowledge that the boys had parents let alone speak to us...I do really feel that at times coaches feel they are a cut above the rest...that next to the Pope they are right up there...if you can not take the time to acknowledge my support for your program, that part of MY FAMILY has close contact to you... then shame on you..you should not be involved with young people or their instruction and I am not talking about asking about PT or my sons performance...I am talking strictly about common courtesy

Bottom line - ofcourse playing time discussion is never appropriate. Coaching is "subjective" not objective.

My point is there are other reasons like health, injuries etc. to get involved. Just know some coaches aren't gonna call you for any reason...period. And many players - try as they might aren't going to be taken seriously by some coaches.

Message don't be too trusting till it's too late.

I'm done!

mrmom...
I sent you a PM.

Mrmom,
you have a return pm.
Just for the record, I am in agreement with you 100%.
There are times when a parent should get involved, especially when it comes to interpreting any NCAA rules. If my son's scholarship was on the line, I'd be the first one to pick up the phone.
Do not feel as a parent that you could have done better. You didn't realize. I think that your circumstances are a good example that could be shared to others, especially those with the "Don't call at all" theory. Many have learned valuble lessons from not making that phone call. That is what I meant by the term HM
getting way out of hand.