How do you not let Baseball Parents Drive You Crazy?

Your son made varsity as a sophomore, seems to have good work habits and a love for the game.  The players will be with the coaches for at least a few hours a day for several months.  The HC is the decision maker.  Even if there is some bias with one of the AC's, the best talent will show itself.  Your son should be focused on being the best he can be and leaving no doubt.  All the other stuff is just noise... just some of the many challenges he will face as he continues to climb the ladder in his baseball journey.  His thought process should be control what you can control.  Do your best.  Continue to work harder than everyone else.  Continue to use resources to be the best he can be.  Again... leave no doubt.   The rest will take care of itself.  

It will also help if you follow the same guideline and show him that the other stuff doesn't bother you either.  Show faith in his ability and show you believe he is the hard working humble kid you say he is.  And if you do have that faith, you have nothing to worry about with any dads "badmouthing" your kid.  His character will surely show through spending several hours a day with the team and the HC.  The dads can't go out onto the field and play.  The players do.  The best players will ultimately be the choice of the HC with character that is trying to coach a HS team.

You should also show support for the team.  That includes each and every player, even the son or son's of the dads you think are manipulating.  Even if true, it is rarely the kids' fault.  Be the example you think your son should see.  Be the good human being you want him to be.  No matter how good of a player your son turns out to be, nothing will be more important than the life lessons he learns in these types of challenging situations.   Often, they will learn and take the lead from their own parents.  What will he learn from you?

Your son made varsity last year. If he stays focused he will be fine this year.  All the issues you have posted here should not be discussed with your son. They fall under "things I can't control." What can be controlled is work ethic, attitude, hustle, optimizing talent and being the best teammate possible.  On your end you can control being supportive of your son and the team.

Talking about our players and parents does nothing positive. If they get on your nerves at a game take a walk down the foul line. Watch for a while down there. You might find you make some friends down there. Never discuss what you posted here. You never know who knows whom and who you can trust. Once you get some fresh air down the line walk back and join the our fans.

You can always tell parents you take the walks because the games stress you out. It relaxes you. There are enough parents where it's the truth. 

I went through this crap with my son. The CR program parents considered the LL parents rivals. The CR program sucked. The LL program went to states.  They wouldn't sit together. Some CR parents wouldn't root for some of the LL kids. My son was the first soph starter in six years. It left a senior from the CR program on the bench. This was all quite stupid given the kids left these youth programs after being twelve years old.

I also started a travel program at 13u. The sarcastic rumbling was I thought my kid was too good to play summer ball with their kids. I really wanted to tell them they were right. 

Let me start by saying , You are correct there is a lot of BS w/ parents at the HS level....Especially if your kid is good.

In my experience there are 3 different types of HS baseball programs:

1) Programs run by the coaching staff

2) Programs run by the parents

3) Programs run by the players

Hopefully , your son's program is in the first category

You said the HC is a 'man of good character ' that is good. If that is indeed the case , he'll run his program in spite of what the parents or even his players think.

My son played HS baseball in Southern California at a Nationally ranked program and the HC didn't mess around. What I learned there was that my job as a parent was to donate money , watch my son play and show up at fundraisers. That's it.

Under NO circumstances do i discuss baseball stuff ( playing time, usage, position , batting order, etc ) with the head coach . Never. Our HC held a parent mtng once a year and said each parent was allowed 1 private meeting a season. And that meeting was to be booked in advance and scheduled like a business appointment. And he always followed up that statement by jokingly adding " .....And I guarantee that meeting will likely be about playing time "

The only time I speak with a coach about baseball related matters is when it involves  a health issue.

That being said, I'm not sure what your Varsity coach is like but if he is a man of character and a good coach he will ignore ALL suggestions regarding baseball from the parents . As far as your situation with the assistants , I'm not sure you should worry about it. The HC will field the team he thinks will help him win. This usually is the case regardless of the noise from parents or even his assistants.

Lastly , baseball parents are a pain in the ass.These parents at your HS are just like all the rest of the baseball parents across America . Trying to gain some sort of edge for their kid by saddling up to coaches . But don't worry. Baseball has a built in Ecosystem that is remarkably efficient . Especially at the NCAA recruiting level.

In spite of what the parents think, only the talented kids survive. 

* Anything I type is just my opinion based on my personal experience

Sit waaaaay out in the outfield and let your son's playing do 'the talking'.   When he is called on mid-game, or as a substitute, he best be ready for his time to shine.  

It is the beginning of the season and coaches are feeling out players and positions.  By the end, the best players should be playing.

A great quote from this site:  "It is not where you start, but where you finish".  

Solid advice so far, as usual. I guess i had fun with it and created nicknames for the parent. I think there is a thread on here about leveraging humor in this type of situation.

Three things cannot be hidden - - - the sun, the moon and the truth. Buddha

Or better yet...

"It all comes out in the wash. It's just the spin cycle that makes you crazy." Burl Barer

Awoke at 4:15am to the sound of yet another rainy morning in San Diego and another great post on this website. You have had some great responses so far.

Having never been a coach, I try to shape my son's approach to the game from the mental aspect. I could give him bad technical advice all day long on technique, strategy, etc. I definitely have had my opinions about other players, coaches, parents. But in the end none of it would help my son perform better on the field. My support and encouragement and making sure he knows I love him, regardless of the outcome of his day on the field, that is what matters most to him. Great day at the plate and on defense is met with the same support as a bad one. I never bring up any mistake he may have made in the field, he knows already. I always praise hus positive moments.

Someone earlier mentioned things you cannot control, and this is so true. You cannot control what a coach may think of your son's skills, if they are influenced by parents, or how much playing time yours son gets. You cannot control who is in the pipeline ahead of your kid (at least not without transferring - and we have seen that happen). You can control you, and how you handle that. Got a D1 commit at the position ahead of you? You're gonna sit the bench for most of the season, and you need to accept that. Fighting for an open roster position? So are the other boys (and apparently parents), so you better out perform them!

my son did not make the Varsity roster to start the season. His Varsity coach, a coaching legend, took him aside on Saturday and said "There is no doubt you have the talent to play on this Varsity team, but I could not guarantee you any playing time. It more important for you to play this season because we don't want to rebuild next year, we want to reload. Go play every inning on JV and be ready when I make the call." That is the guy you want your kid playing for. Nothing but respect from the kids and the families for this coach.

everything else is out of your control.

How do you not let baseball parents drive you crazy was your question.  My answer is, I don't look and I don't engage the crazy.  When people make me look I just shrug or give a non committal answer.  If someone really pins me down and asks me a close ended question I say "I don't know, not up to me, oh hey have you seen my daughter, I better see what she is getting up to?"...and I run away.

Don't engage the crazy is one of my mantras.

1) I agree with Keewart: somewhere remote.
2) Bear in mind that many other parents are thinking the same thing you're thinking.
3) There were times when I just couldn't stand it anymore, and because I was gifted with the skill of being overly sarcastic and snarky in a comedic way, I'd rip apart the offending party that entertained the parents in #2 while befuddling the offending party. I'd get an earful from my dear bride afterwards, but well worth the fun. The offending party wouldn't get it, as they were too self-absorbed. 

Been to thousands of rec, travel, legion, high school and college games for my three boys.  if you want to survive from the crazy people, follow these simple guidelines: 

1) Strategically relocate yourself away from the crazy people per keewarts advice.  Just like real estate....location is everything!  Once a crazy person has been "identified and tagged" stay far, far away.  Never approach a crazy person alone, and always have an acquaintance that you can introduce (in an emergency) as you quietly slip away.

2) Always have headphones in your ears at all times.  When crazy people approach you to talk, motion that you are on a "conference call" and can't talk.....as you continue listening or jamming to your favorite music on Spotify or Pandora.

3) Implement the "circle of trust".  You know the people you can trust and confide in that are not crazy.  Stick with them at all times.  Use hand signals if one of your buddies gets cornered (behind enemy lines) by a crazy person or go to the standard operating procedure of calling their phone thereby excusing the cornered person to take a "business call". 

4) A "private tailgaite" before the game is optional depending on the baseball level.

While I can't guarantee sanity, it does give you a fighting chance over your parental baseball career..

Agree with all of the above, but I'll add that if you are so inclined, ask the HC if he needs help keeping score, running scoreboard, running snack bar, prepping field, reburbishing dugout, selling banners, etc. This is not to curry favor, or to earn playing time for your son, but to actively contribute to the program and help yourself focus on what you can control rather than worry so much about things you can't control. It also models good behavior for both your son and that group of meddling dads

All I can say is "Vodka." 

Here's a thread I started after a summer of "fun" with our hateful team parents. 

http://community.hsbaseballweb...62#36351268643989162

fenwaysouth posted:

Been to thousands of rec, travel, legion, high school and college games for my three boys.  if you want to survive from the crazy people, follow these simple guidelines: 

1) Strategically relocate yourself away from the crazy people per keewarts advice.  Just like real estate....location is everything!  Once a crazy person has been "identified and tagged" stay far, far away.  Never approach a crazy person alone, and always have an acquaintance that you can introduce (in an emergency) as you quietly slip away.

2) Always have headphones in your ears at all times.  When crazy people approach you to talk, motion that you are on a "conference call" and can't talk.....as you continue listening or jamming to your favorite music on Spotify or Pandora.

3) Implement the "circle of trust".  You know the people you can trust and confide in that are not crazy.  Stick with them at all times.  Use hand signals if one of your buddies gets cornered (behind enemy lines) by a crazy person or go to the standard operating procedure of calling their phone thereby excusing the cornered person to take a "business call". 

4) A "private tailgaite" before the game is optional depending on the baseball level.

While I can't guarantee sanity, it does give you a fighting chance over your parental baseball career..

Fenway, this is classic! I am pretty sure (at least on the travel/club side) that a "catch and release" program for crazy parents exists, as they go from team to team! But you hit the nail n the head.

One piece of advice about the "circle of trust" is, to steal a line from the X-Files: Trust Nobody. Not saying you cannot be friendly, but ANYTHING you say that is critical of anyone can and will likely get back to them, and usually in an exaggerated manner. We have parents whose sons we are closer with than others, but there is only one person I share my most intimate views with - my wife.

Yes, this stuff goes on most everywhere.  You either deal with it or become an over protective parent.  I have heard all the hard working, humble, wonderful, talented, played up, comments from parents about their son. Every parents favorite player is their son.  The hardest kid to accurately evaluate is your son.

I bet there are millions of parents out there that think their son is getting screwed.  After all, what other reason could there be that he doesn't start every game, play every inning, hit clean up, and play shortstop?  They don't want to win, they just play their favorites.

I know, some kids really do get screwed for many different reasons.  That hurts!  Only one thing to do... Keep grinding!  Become one of the favorites!  Complaining is likely to make you the biggest problem in the eyes of the coach.

JCG posted:

Agree with all of the above, but I'll add that if you are so inclined, ask the HC if he needs help keeping score, running scoreboard, running snack bar, prepping field, reburbishing dugout, selling banners, etc. This is not to curry favor, or to earn playing time for your son, but to actively contribute to the program and help yourself focus on what you can control rather than worry so much about things you can't control. It also models good behavior for both your son and that group of meddling dads

JCG, agree 100% here. It has a number of different effects:

1) Helps out the program

2) Keeps you busy and outside of the gossip generation/proliferation business

3) Shows your kid (and hopefully others) that you are there to support the entire team, not just your kid.

Ironically, when your kid does get the opportunity to play there will be some who still think you did it to curry favor, whether true or not. But you know the real reason was to help out and to also keep your sanity, then it is funny to laugh at those parents who think that....because we all hear every rumor that goes around.

While I realize that many of the "stay far away" comments are varying degrees of tongue in cheek, IMO, you shouldn't have to feel like you have to retreat to a distant corner to enjoy a ballgame.  There are ways to deflect unwanted dialog without fleeing.  

If a parent gets too engaged with team gossip or are a bit too absorbed in their kid that is playing, ask about their OTHER kids or bring up other stuff about their life outside of the ball park.  Who knows, you may just find that you like some of those folks.  I'm not particularly social but I have a blast hanging at sporting events in that regard.  The game is just an instant conversation starter.

"ask the HC if he needs help keeping score"

I  would never have a parent keep score, for a number of reasons that include the fact that I need the scorer to be in the dugout or close to the dugout, and I don't want a parent to be located either of those spots.

The best scorer  we had was a retired guy, late 60's, no grandkids in the program.

Keeping the book and maintaining the website is another story. There was a girl in the dugout doing the book. She didn't know the difference between a double and a two base throwing error. My book was the one that went into the stats on the website. I swear I was called or emailed every night after a game. 

When it was discovered I was writing the game summaries for the paper (sent to the coach, he forwarded to the paper) one parent started threatening me to mention his son more frequently. For what? Getting two out singles with the bases empty and whiffing with the bases loaded?

One year of that was enough. The next dad padded his son's stats. After a few games the coach took over everything but submitting the stats to me to be entered on to the website. Even then I had to convince some parents I was nothing more than a data entry clerk. Take it up with the coach.

RJM posted:

Keeping the book and maintaining the website is another story. There was a girl in the dugout doing the book. She didn't know the difference between a double and a two base throwing error. My book was the one that went into the stats on the website. I swear I was called or emailed every night after a game. 

When it was discovered I was writing the game summaries for the paper (sent to the coach, he forwarded to the paper) one parent started threatening me to mention his son more frequently. For what? Getting two out singles with the bases empty and whiffing with the bases loaded?

One year of that was enough. The next dad padded his son's stats. After a few games the coach took over everything but submitting the stats to me to be entered on to the website. Even then I had to convince some parents I was nothing more than a data entry clerk. Take it up with the coach.

I guess I really am from the non-joiner generation.  I will do my concession stand time, I will write my checks and I will get him to and from the games when I have to....but I really don't want to be any more involved than that.  It seems like it would always end in some kind of drama, and I just don't like drama.

At the end of the day, every coach wants to win.  He's going to play the guys who are the best 9 in his eyes.  

freddy77,

Why do you need the scorer in or close to the dugout?

I’ve been doin’ this scoring gig for over 20 years now, will be 70 next week, and don’t have the son of even a casual personal acquaintance on the team. I’ve scored a lot of games over the years and I can count the number of times I’ve scored from in or even near the dugout on 1 hand.

If they bother you, I'll take care of them. What you've got to do is cut the hamstring on the back of their legs right at the bottom.   They'll never grandstand coach again.

Stats4Gnats posted:

freddy77,

Why do you need the scorer in or close to the dugout?

 

So I can ask, "Where are we in their order and what did this guy do last time?"

I have CRS.

freddy77 posted:

"ask the HC if he needs help keeping score"

I  would never have a parent keep score, for a number of reasons that include the fact that I need the scorer to be in the dugout or close to the dugout, and I don't want a parent to be located either of those spots.

The best scorer  we had was a retired guy, late 60's, no grandkids in the program.

I agree.  Coach  keeps official book in the dugout.  I score on GC so that a) fans can follow live, and b)  after the game, coach can change whatever plays he disagrees with online and then post to MaxPreps and c) I can help the guy running the scoreboard keep things straight.

I tell everyone to ignore my H/E calls as unofficial but I still get my share of texts from other dads saying HOW CAN YOU CALL THAT AN ERROR!!!

JCG posted:

freddy77 posted:

"ask the HC if he needs help keeping score"

I  would never have a parent keep score, for a number of reasons that include the fact that I need the scorer to be in the dugout or close to the dugout, and I don't want a parent to be located either of those spots.

The best scorer  we had was a retired guy, late 60's, no grandkids in the program.

I agree.  Coach  keeps official book in the dugout.  I score on GC so that a) fans can follow live, and b)  after the game, coach can change whatever plays he disagrees with online and then post to MaxPreps and c) I can help the guy running the scoreboard keep things straight.

I tell everyone to ignore my H/E calls as unofficial but I still get my share of texts from other dads saying HOW CAN YOU CALL THAT AN ERROR!!!

You have it all wrong.  You charge $5.00 to change errors to hits for batters and hits to errors for pitchers.  You'll make a killing. 

One of our coaches keeps GC and another keeps a book in the dugout.  It's funny how they NEVER get questioned about their scoring. 

What does it mean when everyone avoids me and every-time I go talk with someone, they get interrupted by a business call?

Dadof3 posted:

What does it mean when everyone avoids me and every-time I go talk with someone, they get interrupted by a business call?

Good one!!!  

You know there is the reverse of this situation also...  I will confess up front I can be intense and I loath stupidity - like daddy ball. So I am a sit far away kind of guy. I like having fun with other parents so I mix it up too. And we have tailgates etc.  But when things are particularly frustrating I go far away ---  but guess what?  People seek me out. Then they intentionally try to push buttons and bait me.  We had a very frustrating situation last year with coaches kids.  So I would seriously suggest that sometimes the worst parents are the ones who won't leave the guy alone who wants to be alone!  And sometimes that guy wants to be alone cause he does have some negative thoughts and is honestly trying to keep those thoughts to himself. Give him a break and let him be. This year we have a non parent coach who is a super guy and I think it's going to be a great year win or lose!!

Dadof3 posted:

What does it mean when everyone avoids me and every-time I go talk with someone, they get interrupted by a business call?

It means its time to bring a puppy to the game.  ;-)

As a parent i try not to look at things like my kid is the  best or deserves to play every inning.  I explain it to him if he isn't playing enough then he needs to play better and  work harder.   Fortunately for the past few years he has had the coaches respect and plays quite a bit.

Ironically this all changed once we walked away from a travel team coached by dads.  We walked away from a team that was also a Cal Ripken league team that went to the world series.  My son still doesnt regret it.  The obvious attitude is what fired me up.  We left and went to play for an actual travel club where the coaches were prior MLB players and we love the level of respect and training we get.  Amazing how that happens when there are no dads that are coaching....

Don't be afraid to walk away from a situation if you can afford to.  You need to find a coach who is willing to coach EVERYONE.  Not just his son or a select few.  

And as they get older (my son is now 14) I let him fight his own battles if one occurs.  If there is something on his mind he needs to approach the coach and discuss.  I stay away from the dugout and go out in the outfield and stress with  the rest  of the smart parents...!!!

It was such an awful experience with two kids I wish I could do it all over again.