I Hate Being An '08 Parent

Krak:

Look on the bright side, he will go away and whether it is 2 months or 6 months before you see him again, you will see him grow virtually overnight. He will change and you will be proud that you set in motion the formation of terrific young man.

On the bright side, his room will always be clean, and the food bill will shrink.

You will enjoy his adventure through his eyes. You will get to know his new teammates though internet broadcasts.

It is all in the prospective that you bring to this new phase in yours and your son's life.

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What's he going to do at Thanksgiving? Will he have a new friend who'll invite him to his home?

Ok Krak...I'll ratchet up your anxiety a bit more. Imagine this instead...

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What's he going to do at Thanksgiving? Will he have a new friend who'll invite him to her home?

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I guess I'm lucky Rusty's only going to be 90 miles away. But that's not why he picked his school. It's time he becomes a man, but yes I will miss the little boy.

Krak, I have a feeling T and you will communicate often. And remember, as his dad, part of you will always be with him.

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Don't worry Krak...Krak Jr. will never be too far away from the comfort of home.

As Kimchichi sez:

"From the bowl or from the jar...kimchi is never far!"

Krak-
Head over to the "After High School" topics, you are not alone. I hate to say it, but I actually almost felt as if he had died, I was so consumed with a feeling of emptiness. It did get a lot better after about two weeks, but those first two weeks were so weird. But, thanks to the internet, cell phones/texting, and the confidence I could hear in his voice the anxiety faded and the excitement of his new life took over. About Thanksgiving, he brought a fellow player home, and I treated him like one of my own. Yours will be in good hands.
Your family will feel the loss yes, but it also will be an opportunity for you to get closer to your other two, and the dog of course
I also put a photo of him and his brother on my screen saver, so I can see him everyday. His friends also send me photos. He is also the voice on our answering machine, so I like hearing that whenever we get a message! Hang in there Krak, it will be ok...

Krak, I got a lump in my throat reading your post. My last is an '09, and even though we've done this four times already, it doesn't get any easier. And I have a feeling this one may be the toughest, since there won't be ANYONE waiting at home... except the two furry buddies, who will be the loneliest of all!

On the bright side, with the technology today, staying in touch is so much easier than it was even ten years ago when our first left for school - cell phones, email, texting and instant messaging have all made communication so much easier. We now have video iChat, which allows us to see our kids and hear their voices... almost like having them right in the same room!

Don't think of yourself as overly sensitive... you're just sensitive enough to recognize and acknowledge your feelings. You'll enjoy the last months together that much more because you do see what's coming and you'll have no regrets later. A good parent comes with built in obsolescence... you spend 18 years working as hard as you can to become less and less necessary for your kid's survival. And then you get to enjoy the fruits of your labor as you watch them take over and take off. Heartbreaking and wonderful, all at the same time!

Let us know where he ends up... if he's anywhere close he can spend Thanksgiving with us!

Krak,

With all due respect to the wit and wisdom of gotwood4sale (Hi Woody!) I am going to refer you also to chinese proverb (Confucius or Lau-tzu).

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step."

In all probability, whether your son goes to school 10 miles or 10,000 miles away from you, he is already well on his journey.

While we might walk parallel with our children for a while, it seems inevitable (and right) they leave us behind in the dust (either figuratively or actually, or both).

However, I don't think that those first steps are obliterated when they veer off in a different direction, or take off ahead of us.

While I must admit to having many bittersweet feelings at most of the major milestones in our children's lives, I can honestly say that, for me, being in the present, enjoying the step that I, and they, are taking today, allows me to enjoy the sweet more and worry about the bitter less.

I'm not saying that you shouldn't honor what wakes you at 2:00 AM, just try to honor the beauty of it, as well.

I can't honestly say that I have left a child 10,000 miles behind (or should I say, been left 10,000 miles behind by a child?), so I can't really begin to imagine the worry going though your mind and heart.

I will say, however, that you have a great resource, right here. When your son finds a place for himself (and he will!), you know that you have extended family, right here, that you can rely on. I'm sure that, through the HSBBW, you will meet other parents at the same college (even though you couldn't plan it, if you tried). We've also found that, as iheartbb has already stated, other parents of the player's on our son's team step in for us, and we do the same.

It seems as if you have already stepped in to help some players, other than your son. I think that the baseball gods notice that and will send someone (a coach, another player, another parent, advisor, professor...) to help your son when he needs it. Granted, not the same as you being there, but honestly, for us, at times, it has been even better.

In truth, your son won't leave those first steps behind him. He will take them, and you, with him. They are all part of the same journey.

Your son has a standing invitation to join us at any time, holiday or otherwise. I only know haw to cook for the masses and I won't have to drag unsuspecting teenage boys off the street to feed them!

Seriously, as you will see in the "After High School" posts, I am not as good at taking my own advice as I am at giving it.

Don't beat yourself up about any of the feelings you have, or will have, about your son's journey. It sounds as if you have started him off with some good stepping stones. Time to sit back and watch him lay a few of his own.

All the best to you, and your family. Know that you have an extended family here, as well.

Krak-

What a nice message. It is hard but maybe it is harder on “sports parents” because we put in so much special time with them practicing in the yard, going to games and supporting them till they sign a NLI (or don’t) and beyond. The first son went to college 15 hours away, which is nothing compared to your hike.

Funny that you started this thread today. Youngest son came home from college for the first time yesterday and as he was leaving he brought in his bat bag and said “I don’t really need this. All I need is my glove and my shoes.” He was signed as “pitcher only”. He will never bat again. That made me tear up today. Another step, but still a fairly sad one.

So things come in stages after they graduate but one of the proudest moments you will have is when he signs to play college baseball. Who knows- he may be pitcher only or may pitch, field and bat. Enjoy the ride and feel comfort in the fact that you are not alone.

BTW- he may soon have a strong interest in college softball, tennis, volleyball, track, dance teams,,,etc.

You guys all made me tear up. Very nice messages from everyone. P&C mom you are a very wise person with a beautiful way of expressing yourself. There is much wisdom and comfort in your post. One of my friends has a Freshman swimmer @ USC(only about a 6 hr drive from home) and she said in the fall @ orientation parents were sobbing as they listened to tips from the college officials on ways to let go of their children ( hmm...are we helicopter parents?). So it is a tough time for many parents and yet such a joyful time. We should be so proud of our kids that their hard work and dedication has given them these great opportunities.

After reading about college allowences I came up with the perfect plan. His college allowence will be linked to our son being required to call us atleast once a week! Just kidding but money can be a big motivator. I have learned to text because son seems to answer texts much more easily.

We all have to let them go at some point but I'm sure it's easier for kids that live closer to home. My son is so ready to go and will have a great time experiencing new surroundings. I also think he'll grow and mature more by being farther from home, even though I'll miss him more.

Krak,

There are some awesome posts already on this topic!

I hope you can enjoy this senior year that your son will have. I've done some research and can't find the link to post it again, but someone posted in the past for the senior year something like this that meant a lot to us last year - "Get to the ballpark early to watch the batting practice, smell the grass, hear the crack of the bat of the kids warming up, & find the best seat in the stands that allows you to watch your son." Wonderful visual images to last a lifetime!

An awesome junior mom last year took an individual head & shoulders shot of the seniors on the field - can see the field & the other players practicing in the background - and put that picture on a coffee mug available from the photo store at Walgreeen's. We got the mugs on senior night at the ballpark. One of the dad's immediately stole theirs and took it to his office. So senior parents if you don't have an awesome junior mom doing something like this for you, get a photo yourself and get a mug made for you and your spouse. They aren't very expensive.

When my freshman son left this year for college only 16 hours away (can't imagine how you will feel!), drinking coffee out of that mug & seeing his smiling face makes me feel close to my son every morning!

I have also learned how to text like a champ!! Great way to communicate.

I know a family that got the camera (not sure if that is the correct technology term) attachment for both their daughter's and their home computer so they could see each other when they talked as the daughter was in Washington and they were in Texas.

It is such a relief to me to hear my freshman talk about how the head coach & pitching coach will just randomly call him to see what he is doing. No doubt in my mind that they are checking on him! Also, it is such a relief to hear about how the upper classmen invite them over for social events, advise on classes & homework, and will kick their butt if they get out-of-line. Just some of the nice checks & balances that are great about playing college baseball!

Another thing - do you have X-Box live? It made me feel good to hear that my freshman college son and sophomore high school son were playing a video game together Friday night from 10 - to 1 am!

Good luck to you and your son!

I saw all a parent can do is sit back and enjoy the show. The kid will do what is best.

We have two kids. When the oldest went away to college the sibling rivalry ended. When something happens we know who did it.

Now when the oldest comes home from college the two of them are very close. They realize how much they miss each other.

While I miss my daughter when she's away, when I see her I marvel how much she has grown and matured since the last time.

The kids don't forget either. I've posted this before. My daughter said every time she gets on a team bus or plane she thinks of our drives to travel tournaments. Every time I remember when she said it I get well eyed.

We give them eighteen years of basic training then send them off to battle.

One week 'til HS midterms.
Seven weeks 'til HS baseball try-outs.
Nineteen weeks 'til graduation.
I hope he's ready.
I hope I'm ready.
I miss him already.

Krak - If he's anywhere near central NC, he's welcome to drop in here for Thanksgiving - or any other time. We have 4 sons, ages 14 to 20. That doesn't count the many "sons" that belong to other parents but who find their way to our house to eat and visit! The light's always on and the door's always open!

Where will he be, Krak? I'd bet there's a hsbbwebster nearby who will available as a second home for him; I know my son found that to be true! Whether he has time to take the webster up on their invitations is almost immaterial; we parents feel better knowing they have a port should there be a storm!

It is painful to let them go --- as I was getting into the car having taken mine to school as a Freshman, it took an act of will not to run back to his room yelling, "NO! I'm not done with him yet!"

But holidays and summer do come around, and you have the exquisite joy of seeing the man you made.

And life does become 'normal' without them, as difficult as it can be at first. That is, after all, the way these things go (do you really want him still living at home when he's 30?)

Misery loves company, so thanks for all the company. I know it'll turn out okay, but it just gets me to picture him sitting in his dorm room, not knowing a soul......this is how it was for me when I went to school (I also went far from home and didn't know anyone), and it was very very tough the first three or four months. I just hope his new baseball family, wherever it may be, takes in all the freshmen and makes them feel at home from Day One.

Ideally, Mom will be able to stay on with him for a week or so longer, because I'll need to get myself and the other kids back to Seoul in time for the first day of school back here.

We don't know exactly where he's going yet but it will likely be in Texas, Alabama, Arkansas, or Oregon.

Krakatoa, I can definitely understand how you feel. Even though our son is only 2 hours away from home, it's still hard. I think I'm still in denial that he's graduated and in college. As an only child that graduated at 17 I could not imagine him making it on his own (but he did). The first 3 months were hard on all of us. I'll never forget when I text messaged him "how ya doing" and his reply was "fine but I want to come home". It took everything in me not to say I'm on my way. Your son will be fine as they all adjust and surprise us that they can do it. He will make great friends and be invited home with those that live near. My son has made friends that commute to school and gets home cooked meals at their house. (love those moms)

Keep yourself busy those first 3 months as it's tough and everything will work out. If he ends up way down south, he will be shown plenty of southern hospitality. Enjoy the senior year as it's a special time also (wish I had).

Krak, that's how I feel every year I graduate a group of seniors. I think back to when they were freshmen. Then, in the blink of an eye, we're fighting in the regionals and sectionals for deal life. Then, it's over. I have the players all line up and give the seniors one last hug. I always walk at the end of the line and it takes a long time to make my way through. Then, I turn to the juniors and let them know that we have to work hard if we want to go further and prolong this last farewell.

Thanks for the post!

He will be fine!!!!! The baseball team will take him in and that will become his family for the next few years. He will meet some girl and she will take care of his emotional needs until another girl comes along and volunteers for the job. When I was in school the coach had all of the players over to his home for thanksgiving that were not going home for the holidays. Good luck with your decision and remember that most of us have moved far away from family and friends at one time or another in or lives.

Hey! I'm from Texas, so give me a holler if he decides to study in the Lone Star State. We will do our best to make him feel welcome and at home!

Krak, we did this in '06, and the distance was a four hour drive, not the 10,000 miles you'll have facing you. Regardless of the mental preparation leading up to that day, my wife cried for days afterward. I broke into tears several times on the drive home and just about any time I walked into his empty room at home for the next few weeks. I wouldn't try to prevent it. It's a natural sense of loss. You just have to experience it to get through it.

We survived it, even though it hurt.

Now, a year and a half later all that has been replaced with a huge sense of pride in the young man he's grown into. And I'm not talking just about baseball. I'm in awe of the sense of maturity and awareness he has now of the world and his role in it. He still has questions about his future, but he owns them. Our father/son discussions are now man-to-man discussions. It's just different, better, like our relationship has moved onto a different plane. We still talk baseball, but I don't offer much in the way of advice, I just listen and it's another topic for rich discussion. But it's definitely 100% "his gig".

I'm not just a spectator to his college baseball experience, there's a great realization that I'm now a spectator to his life, and I love what I see.

His room is still there. But now it just doesn't look empty to me anymore. Instead it looks like a welcoming beacon for him to stop by for a while and share time with us.

And yes, he has a girlfriend, a wonderful young woman that isn't possessive, is self-assured and self-directed, leaves him alone with his time and space for his love affair with baseball, and values the quality time she gets with him slotted in his busy, busy schedule. She's not a distraction but a supportive backstop to his life. He's lucky to have her in his life.

The BigFella:

Krak,
Proud loves company too. Be proud!

I really don't see what all the fuss is about. I really don't. Although some might consider this a bit harsh, I was looking forward to the boy finally leaving home. My wife was all like "Oh we are going to miss him so much" and "What are we going to do" and I am like "I am not going to miss him at all" and "I tell you what I am going to do". I am going to be able to go to pro-games instead of watching bad little league and high school baseball all spring from now on. And when I go to those pro games, I won't have to listen to "Hey Dad, look. The shortstop is putting his glove up to his face and telling the 2B who is to cover on the steal. Just like you said." or "Hey Dad, look. First and second and 1 out, What are they going to do? steal? bunt? What Dad?" How stupid can you be son, I say to myself. The #2 hitter is up and the best hitter on the team is on deck. Of course they are going to bunt. You are 12 years old now. Can't you figure this out for yourself." But instead I stifle that reaction because his mom is there and she always gets upset with me when I let him have it and I simply say, with all the patience I can muster "Let's wait and see son."

And then it is always "Hey Dad can you get me a hot dog and a coke while mom and I sit here and watch the game." And I want to say "Here is 20 bucks. Go get your onwn &%) )@^^^ coke and hot dog and bring me another beer" but his mother is there and she alway gets upset with me when I make him go get the food and sometimes they won't sell him the beer so instead I say "Sure son. You stay here and your mother will tell you what is going on with the game" but it doesn't work because she isn't going to budge, so I give a long sigh and head for the concession area.

And all the work I don't have to put in any more. Coming up to me while I am watching a particularly good episode of an Andy Griffith show rerun where Barney gets into hot water again and saying "Hey Dad, I didn't hit too good the other day against that all state pitcher. Can you take me to the batting cage and work on me taking the outside pitch the other way?" And I thinking "Son, for goodness sake. It is Andy Griffith. I really don't have time for this. Besides you worked him for a walk on the first at bat" But his mother is there and she always gets upset with me when I don't go out and work with him when he asks and so I say "sure son. Let's go to the bating cage. But you have to drive."

And then I thnk of all the money I am saving on food [he eats like a horse] and the electric bill [he leaves lights on all over the house] and I have to say again, I really don't know what all the fuss is about. I am not going to miss him. Not at all. Sorry to leave but I have to get another beer and I have to turn off the computer to save electricity.

TW344

OMG.

I'm thinking that this might be tongue in cheek. If not, his wife is a better man than I Gunga Din!

I am assuming satire and

LOL

Great stuff...TW344. Funny. Very funny.

It may be satire, but there is a lot of truth to it, I'm sure! With our boys gone, it sure is different around the house...Not QUIETER, but different!

I have a slightly different take than Krak, but the distance is significantly less dramatic. I have a tremendous amount of wonder in what he will make of this new adventure. I have a little sense of relief in that I have ushered him along this far, but from here on out it is really ALL up to him. I will miss playing catch, but those moments have decreased significantly over the years. I know the dynamic of the house will change (his leaving makes me and the cat the only males with 3 human and 2 canine females in the house.) While I can become a little maudlin I am also excited about the newness all our lives will be experiencing.

Krak - you gotta do it sometime. Though, my oldest is only 1 1/2 hours away. Good luck when the time comes. My oldest half brother was in Japan going to high school and came back to UNC. (This was early 70's) It was a transition, but he made it. Now he is in Paris. Go figure.

About the savings on food - even with the highest tier the frosh are forced to buy, we are saving money on groceries! haha

quote:

Originally posted by play baseball:
With our boys gone, it sure is different around the house...Not QUIETER, but different!

Poor Woodrow! That's a whole lot of estrogen!

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Oh yeah Beez...the rest of the house is female...including all of the cats.

That's a whole lot of estrogen.

When the level builds up I just do my best to hose it all away...




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