Individual vs. Team

Fungo, I must admit my son handles this better then me. If there is a tough loss I might point out he went 3 for 4 and so and so really didnt come threw on this at bat or this play. No matter what I say, he still looks at it (correctly) as a loss is never fun.

At least in my case my son is wiser then me.

I think most of the kids handle it better than the parents--- sure their stats are great but they mean nothing if it is in a loss---the key is to do your best at all times---if the entire team does that you cannot ask for more

As parents we've had years of practice in the art of being "2-faced", and I mean that in a good way. Most parents of kids that have had talent can put down the "I-glasses" when surrounded by a team moment and can be either jubilent or cry over the results. However, in the confines of the "family" the glasses go on and either they bubble with joy or wallow in remorse depending on Jrs. performance.

I don't feel this is a bad situation and is a necessary mind-set since many times a player in a showcase or try-out environment has to be in it for himself and that I-mentality has to be instilled by the parent in order for a player to be competitive in a completely different environment.

What is ugly is that good players parent who keeps those "I-glasses" on at all times. But the nut doesn't fall far from the tree and Jr is probably not thought of a good team player either.

Interesting topic and very common I suspect amongst us all.

Numerous times, my wife has made the comment after oldest son's team loses that she was okay with it because he played well or hit well. I explained to her that being part of a winning team would bring more joy to him than going 3-4 in a losing effort.

Kid's HS team this year is currently 7-9 after being a playoff team last season. We graduated a lot of talented seniors from last year. Son is one of the team's top hitters, but son is bummed about the start to the season, so he understands the team concept.

I tend to wind up cheering more for other players on the team than my own son. I do have my favorites, the ones that work hard and having been around them a number of years, the ones that seem to be more "good kids" and team focused. When my son has a particularly good play or inning, he'll get an "atta boy".


After the game, we usually talk about what happened during the game. Since I am not a baseball guy, he usually teaches me more about game specific stuff than I point out to him. I tend to offer more about the mental part of the game and his efforts. I learned a long time ago that kids seem to play better when they are loose, relaxed and having fun, so I do my best to let them have theirs.

My wife on the other hand, is not hard to find when the boy is pitching. She really gets into it, but she's always positive. God love her for having fun too.

I think it important to deliver perspective to situations and endevors that our kids involve themselves in and with regard to particpation within a team sport I think it quite valuable to convey the idea that it is a shared experience. The opportunity to play along with others working toward a common goal should be the focus of ones effort and as such there is inherent accoutablity and support. There is great joy in creating memories with teammates and all of them don't occur because of winning or performing at ones best. Teach them that working to be their individual best will enhance the growth of their team and the option of playing on other teams as time moves forward. Learning to give unconditional effort consistantly so that others have opportunity is what team sports should be about. Good chemistry is often raised as to why a team is doing well and I think that it reflects the attitude of a group who really enjoy the shared experience of each other. Good teams praise one and other and also offer comfort to each on bad days. In actuallity some of the worst teams have had some of the best chemistry as each member of the club has endured through the toughest of times, but knows the merit of his fellow teammates efforts. The best part of a team is that it is never really just about one person even though one may perform well above the rest. It is a shared experience and great because of that fact. Whether you win them all or lose them all there will be good relationships developed and good moments to cherish and all the while each individual player can and should strive to be his best.

The only thing our players can control on the field is their own performance; that performance is the best way to be a good teammate. Continuing their best effort, particularly in a game they're losing, can contribute mightily to that team chemistry. Lead by example. It's a conversation I bet we've all had with our sons more than once.

Of course, 'best effort' is still within the confines of the game's goal. Although it's seen more in younger players (mine's in college), a player doesn't do his team much good by attempting or taking a play himself that he should assist, or 'swinging for the fences' when his job is to put the ball in play. Those are the times when I know I'm watching a player who puts his own numbers above the team.

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What is ugly is that good players parent who keeps those "I-glasses" on at all times. But the nut doesn't fall far from the tree and Jr is probably not thought of a good team player either.

I saw this exemplified just the other day. One of our speediest runners was on 2nd base in the bottom of the 7th with a tied score, 2 outs, a runner on 1st, and one of our best hitters up to bat. He attempted to be the "hero," trying to steal to 3rd despite no signal from the coach, no wild pitch, and no passed ball. He was thrown out at 3rd base, forcing us to go into extra innings, and the coach was absolutely livid. Now his parents are all upset at the coach for reaming their son out and the player wants to quit the team. Talk about an "I-glass" mentality!

I teach kids that they should be the best they can be at their position.

If every player works to perform to the best of their ability no more can reasonably be asked.

A team is only as good as the sum of its parts and how they perform.

I never look for fault in an individual and their performance. A team wins or loses.

The rest is up to the coach to put the best players on the field.

I've always thought that one of the most interesting aspects of baseball is that it has both team AND individual (pitcher vs. hitter) elements to it. Occasionally, particularly when they were younger, my boys weren't always on the best teams and became depressed when the losses added up. I'd try to console them by pointing out that, regardless of the outcome for the team, they made some good or smart plays.

Ultimately, I think they both came to understand that a team loss/win is the team's responsibility, while their individual contribution to the team is their responsibility.

Baseball, especially, is a game where you can't always be result-oriented. It's better to be effort/performance-oriented. The hardest hit ball is still, often, an out.

Starting to sound like a broken record/CD, I am sure, but I think the best way for our children to evolve into 'team' players is to start working with them when they are old enough to understand. (Obviously it isn't something that can be taught to a 2 year old ...). Just as they may some day be part of an athletic team, so too are they members of a team called 'family'. When they learn that many things can be accomplished in a family when everybody works together, when individual members aren't putting all their 'wants' (notice I did NOT say needs) ahead of the needs of the family, when family members think in terms of "we/us" and not "I/me", our children will learn the value of being a team player on and off the field.

One thing I love to watch with our son (okay, brag alert) that he has done for years, without any specific influence from us or direction from us, is how he will actually wait on the field at the end of the half inning to thank a teammate or teammates for something special that they did in that inning. He started doing this when he was very young and does it to this day. (Granted, he has occasionally wanted to smack a player upside the head for one of those 'non-error' errors but you would never know it.)

He didn't learn this from his dad-coach or any coach. He learned it from the way we lived our lives and loved our family. He took it to the field because it was natural for him, it was a way of life for us, and the extension to athletics or school leadership etc., was just natural for him.

I believe that many of our sons from HSBBW do the same thing with their teammates and coaches. Unfortunately, it seems, a select few self-centered parents put their sons above the team (isn't that similar to yelling instructions from the stands? telling a player to swing the bat after the coach has given him the bunt sign?) and they seem to get the attention. But I hope in my heart of hearts that they are in a very small minority ... at least I hope so.