Keeping on track vs. pushing your kids

I am not a great example of being a wise parent. So take what I say with a grain of salt.

I believe if you have to push you're wasting your time and money. If he only responds to pushing it probably won't work. If he doesn't want to do it... not sure anything can get it done. People tend to succeed and work more at things they enjoy doing. Rather than more pushing spend your time trying to figure out a way for him to enjoy what he's doing.

It makes no difference how much you want it. It only matters how much he wants it.

As a guy who has done a lot of instruction, it was always easy to figure out why the player was there.

Your son is at the age where he might be stubborn enough to refuse to do something he knows is good for him just to to flex his independence muscles. It's time for your son to decide if he wants to succeed. Then you support what he wants. Last year I asked my son (15/hs soph this year)) what are his goals. Once in a while I'd ask him if he's accomplishing his goals sitting on the sofa if I thought he was vegging out too much. One of his problems I failed to notice was his exhaustion from playing three high school sports. He's down to two.

I've coached my son through last year. I started getting glare backs even when he knew I was right. When the coach of another team inquired about his availability after last season, I told the coach I believe my son needs a kick in the tail to the next level I can't give him. The coach smiled and said he would be glad to boot him the entire distance.

I no longer coach my son. Since this started he's asked more often for extra work with me. He's also more willing to discuss hitting on our own time. He's more motivated to do work in the weight room on his own in addition to his FASST workouts.

I get two rewards. One, I get to watch him grow as a player. Two, I love the part where he tells me the coaching staff is telling him to do what I've been trying to get him to do for a year.

Great topic, Grinder. My son is currently playing HS basketball, has spent the last two weekends laying on the coach, or playing his video games. I quit offering my assistance to him, he is a senior now and its up to him to do the work. I find trying to push a kid is counterproductive if you're the parent. A coach sometimes can motivate a player more than the parent, at least my son operates that way. I ask him every year baseball starts, "are you sure you want to keep playing"? He looks at me funny and says, are you crazy? The boys that succeed are the self motivated ones who work their b**** off. There are plenty of their parents on this site.

Grinder: good questions. My answer is a question:
If he (the player) set up the schedule would there be more, less, or about the same amount of workouts/games???

If it would be far less, then yes I'd say you are pushing (and I'm not saying that's wrong in and of itself)... If it would be about the same or much more then I'd say feel good about the way things are progressing. I think you'd rather they be a little hungry and still wanting rather than "stuffed".

JMO...

quote:

Originally posted by PGStaff:
I believe if you have to push you're wasting your time and money. If he only responds to pushing it probably won't work. If he doesn't want to do it... not sure anything can get it done. People tend to succeed and work more at things they enjoy doing. Rather than more pushing spend your time trying to figure out a way for him to enjoy what he's doing.

PG I agree 100%.... my question is how do you know if what you are doing is pushing or "guiding", keeping him on track.



Trojan - that is a great guage!

Guess I don't know. I suppose if you pay close attention you will know. Sorry, I didn't really learn enough about those things despite having four kids. I just never pushed that I can remember. They were always playing ball without any guidance. They would push me to throw BP or catch them. It was very obvious that they loved it!

To me it's a dance. Naturally a kid who dedicates himself dailey to a sport and is discipline enough to seek out new challenges with all of lifes distractions is probably 1 in a million. Certainly not my kid.

The dance to me is when to step back, knowing what buttons to push It's not always cracken on him for not working out. Maybe it's taken him to a college campus to watch a practice. Seeking out really good instruction, setting goals, maybe it's doing nothing at all. Keeping it fresh and fun. and yes sometimes a kick in the b***.

You know your kids strenghts and weaknesses and if they were horrible, they probably would not be involved with the sport in HS. In past posts it's referred to as being a facilitator, I think it's parenting.

I think every good athlete has an inner pride that motivates them way beyond what we, as parents could ever do.

The key is to find out what your Son wants from sports.

Is it personal recognition,comaraderie,college scholarship, pro contract, etc?

Take him to High School, college and pro games and see how he reacts.

Have him tell you what he wants, and then you can help him put together a plan for achieving it.

Get him to play against the best competition.
Take him to showcases or college camps where he can see that there are a lot of kids out there with a lot of talent.
If he still wants it, he will seek out a way to get better. And, believe it or not, he may even ask you for help!

After raising 2 boys through high school sports and managing people in my business, I have come to this conclusion:

"You can never truly motivate another person. You can, however, create for them an environment in which they motivate themselves"

What an interesting topic! There is no right answer! Here is the tale of two brothers.

My two boys each had different motivations with respect to baseball. Each of them love playing the game, and I firmly believe that you need to at least start with that. They are about 1.5 years apart in age.

At the younger ages, I would take them up to the local field and it was painfully apparent that to me that the younger boy had better tools--or so I thought. He could hit better, field grounders better, make throws online better, etc. I thought he was going places in baseball!

What I didn't see until looking back, however, was the internal drive of the older boy. He wanted "it" so badly. I remember he'd spend days and weeks building miniture ballparks by hand, with tiny scoreboards catwalks, and each fan in the stadium penciled in with fine detail. I thought he'd end up being an architect! When we practiced together--which was nearly every day--he would take it very seriously and get frustrated with the younger brother who always seemed carefree and "whatever"--he out-hustled his younger brother but the younger boy nearly always beat him in our competitive drills. I found myself wondering if I was wasting my time with the older boy and how in the world could I motivate the younger boy!

At age 11, I couldn't even find a team for the older boy, who was told he lacked the arm strength to compete. I nearly gave up on him! Meanwhile, the younger boy took it for granted, and resisted the practices we scheduled together.

I found myself trying to kick the younger boy's butt a bit. Not over the top, just trying to get him to respond.

About age 14, the older boy began to take off, and the younger boy fell behind. But like I said, they both loved the game of baseball. I just think the older boy was more dilligent with the workouts and the younger boy took it more for granted--to his detriment--because he eventually found himself sitting a lot on the bench.

Meanwhile, the older boy's arm strength took off, and seeing that he is a LHP it began to become a lot easier path for him. The older boy ended up have a huge jump in ability and getting a college scholarship, while the younger boy, now a senior in high school, is just now seeing his arm "take off" and the competive spark starting to take hold. It's about time!

Unfortunately it is probably too late for him. (Too bad, because he is incredibly accurate as a pitcher. Last year, he had 14 consecutive ground ball outs in one game. 14!)

So there. That's the tale of two boys. I can tell you that I tried, but failed, to "kick in the butt" the younger boy who I felt had the talent but never applied it. I believe to this day that if he ever did he could become an absoultely GREAT pitcher.

Don't feel sorry for him, however. He is a brilliant student who has received an appointment to West Point. He has surpassed all the hopes I have ever had for him. I'm so proud.

grinder

i would talk to him about it. but not an organized talk. maybe when your driving or just watching tv. you know,so he doesn't think it's a talk. kids are pretty smart.

Their are times when I think my son's interest is waning and their are times when my arm is sore from having catches or pitching BP daily. Sometimes I forget he is 16 and has the audacity to have other interests. All I have to go by to this point is his past performance as far as practice and workouts go. If he takes more than 2 days off I ask what's up. He usually just needs a break or their was a party he couldn't miss. One time he actually missed a workout to play in the snow. How dare he, he was 13 and should have been over that by then. Spmetimes I put my adult views ahead of his teenage life.

But I do think we need to nudge once in a while to keep them on track. We nudge or guide them in all other aspects of their young lives why should baseball be any different. When we have to drag them to practice then it is time to re evaluate his intentions.

I agree with dswann as far as the dance analogy. It is a dance between working as much as possible and burnout. I think burnout comes when something is no longer fun. Why would anyone, let alone a high school kid, want to do something that is not enjoyable. I think burnout will be easy to spot and then the nudging stops and the discussions about what's next begin.

in a perfect "DAD" world, they would always be working on their game. not gunna happen. the older they get, the more independant they want to be. lots of video games, laying around. sometimes they just get burnt out and you've got to let them "VEG". they need "veg" time for sure. they are not all alike,,,some kids are driven to play big league baseball and that's all they think about and some other kids have so much else on their mind other than satisfying their father to make it to college or beyond. be patient with them,,,they all develop differently. some get mad because they have not grown taller, some because coaches are hard on them, and MOST, because their DAD's can be a jerk (I'm raising my hand)..... so know when to BACK THE HECK OFF. If you don't know when that is, learn it quickly or you will lose your son and that has big time long term effects.... trust me.

As Bum says -- There is no right answer. Too many variables. So my response is meaningless but I'll share anyway. We all push our kids --- we just don't like to use that word. If we say we have to push our children then somehow we think we're saying our children can't do it on their own. Parenting is pushing. You push your child to get up, you push your child to eat the right foods, and you push your child to study. Guidance is pushing. Educating is pushing. We push left, we push right, we push forward. Call it what you want but you probably have an tremendous amount of influence in what your son does. My son never came to me and said --- "Dad, I want to play "T" ball. My son never came to me and said: "Dad, I want to showcase". When he opened his christmas presents the soft toss machine and the Wilson A-2000 were my ideas not his. The net that he threw into was my idea. The goalpost that he kicked field goals through was my idea. I never pushed my son to do anything ---- I just made it extremely difficult for him to do other things. Why I have actually FORCED my son to do some things but since yardwork isn't baseball related we can save that discussion for another time.
Fungo

Well look at me, my kids are special, they get up at 4:45 am, shower and do their home work! At 5:30 they make their beds, do the laundry and and work out as they wait for the washer and dryer. 6:15 they'll eat a little breakfast, run the vac, get dressed, fetch my morning paper and start the coffee. 7:15 they'll wake me up, tell me how much they love me and serve me breakfast in bed. 7:20 and I wake up with a start and realize it was ALL a dream and I'm LATE!!
I love my kids, and I'm proud of the things they've done. I'm humbled when I realize how lucky I am to be their dad. But they're normal kids and needed encouragement and some pushing to do chores and school work, etc. Sometimes we hear "stories" of kids who are just a little too perfect and we have doubts about our parenting skills.
I've appreciated Fungo's honesty and frankness on this subject. I think his kid is pretty special and I don't feel like he's been telling us the sugar coated version.

In my experience I have seen fathers whose contant pushing was a hinderence rather than a help. As a coach I only know what my players did in practice or in the game. what happens at home is another thing. I was on the other side as a father and I felt if my son wanted to play baseball he did.If he wanted me to hit some ground balls or pitch bp it was initiated by him. What you as a parent want and what your son wants may differ.

quote:

Originally posted by grinder:


How did you guys know when to push and when to back off?

PUSH:

Clean up your room, bring in the trash cans, whack the weeds, put your dirty dishes in the DW, finish your homework before you play, work hard for an A so B is a bad result,etc.

Athletic motivation has never been an issue. I guess it must be fun but I always try to stress some balance, both non-athletic and exploring multiple sports and activities.

I suppose each kid develops their own gig over a period of time, meaning "what is normal to them".
For many of HSBBW kids, normal means lots of baseball in some form or fashion.

You mentioned your kid is 14. When my oldest boy was 14, he QB'd the 8th grade football team, then played MS hoops, mixed in some golf, played baseball and we pushed him to do his homework and study. I would guess many posters kids had similar amounts of activity.

That summer before entering his freshman year of high school, he chose to stop playing football and filled his summer with baseball and working with the Varsity basketball team. He traded Fall football for HS golf and Fall baseball all while preparing for basketball. We pushed him to study and do his homework.

Kids are all different, but also have similar passions, and I always felt FUN was the biggest reason, and still do, but there are other motivating factors.

I am pretty sure that if you polled posters who have sons playing college or pro baseball on this site, they would say their sons have been very successful in many sports and athletic endeavors since they were very young.

That success can act like a fuel. No PUSHING required.

Fungo

You are a piece of work---you pushed your kid just as we all did and perhaps you pushed even more than others

DON'T PUSH.....bribe with copious amounts of cash

Seriously, My look was to establish a secondary "baseball relationship", I was still Dad but also a baseball advisor. I let him know that my role is to provide suggestions,support, opportunity, and resources. His role was to provide passion and commitment. If either one of you did not like where things were going you'd remain Father/Son, but baseball would go to the back burner.

My son, a SR in college never needed to be pushed. He always was self motivated in sports and academics.
I also used to ask every spring if he wanted to play BB. There was an understanding that if he did well in both we would never interfere. He played video games countless hours. Instead of challenging that I told him it was great for coordination. He plays on the INTERNET and still enjoys it. He also sleeps a lot. While home for Xmas (20 days)he spent most of his time sleeping and working out. I encouraged him to relax and was concerned he might be bored but he said he enjoyed chilling out and not being on a tough schedule for a few days. He would shovel the walks and driveway without being asked and seemed very happy.
On his arrival in Charleston Dec 30 he, his fiancée and her dad drove to NY NY for New Years and then drove back. He has changed in some ways but in some he is the same old kid. You still can't push or try to manipulate him.

We too had to exercise guidence for the need of balance at this age.
Responsibilities off the field had to be taken seriously: homework, yardwork, chores, etc.
The boys would have preferred to eat, sleep, and live in the dugout.


As a mother I remember pushing to strive the importance of wearing matching socks with their uniform ( my boys believed that a sock was a sock and that color had no importance what-so-ever ) and I also remember pounding into their brains suggesting the importance of the MOM cardinal rule that uniforms MUST be washed inbetween games and that afresh haircut looked snazzy.
The boys had a hard time relating to my sense of urgency in these matters!
I pushed.
I bribed.
I threatened.
I grounded.
I gave up.

Things worked out.

I also used the above tactics when instilling the importance of homework. It was an uphill battle in elementary school.
Middle school came around and the school coaches stepped in.

No grades/no ball.
No matching socks with uniform/ no play.

I think I remember giving a standing ovation & hugging a suprised middle school coach after his " intro to and expectations of new players speech " and saying something to him like: I did my best. Really I did.
Tag,...he's all yours.

It is truely amazing how when a coach says, " Boys you need to show up in a clean uniform " they suddenly get it.
Funny how when I said the exact same words, all my boys heard was " wah wah wah wah wahhhhhhhhhhh ".

Coaches,...I salute you!

You can lead a horse to water...

I had four kids, three boys. Girl played basketball, volleyball and track. Two boys played football, basketball and baseball. One boy concentrated on basketball. The two who played baseball loved baseball and ended up playing professional baseball. They still work in baseball to this day. The basketball player, loved basketball. He became an officer in the Navy and is retired from the Navy. Daughter didn't love sports, she loved being popular and her real love was flowers. She owns a successful floral business out East. Not once were any of those kids pushed in any certain direction. It was all their choice 100%.

That said, we did push when it came to behavior and academics. I would have been just as happy if they wanted to be something other than what they became. I'm also very happy with what they became. Pushing just wasn't necessary when it came to sports. They wanted it much more than I did.

I'm not very good when it comes to parenting or knowing what works and what doesn't. I've just seen too much pushing in action. Now if the kid wants to be pushed as in baseball, that is all together different. In that case, I don't know if it's really pushing as much as it is being supportive.

I believe in support!

PG... Define pushing.

quote:

Define pushing.

Pushing is sometimes making your kid do something he is not comfortable with. I have seen parents make their kid take private instruction thinking it would make them better and the kid just did not want to do it. the same can be true making your kid take piano lessons.

Please don't consider me an expert on how to raise kids. Don't know if the way I did things was the best way or not. I feel lucky and very happy that things worked out OK.

When our boys were babies I would roll the ball to them and tell them to throw the ball to me. Maybe that IS pushing!

Not once do I remember telling them they needed to go practice. They would tell me they wanted to go workout, and asked for a ride or ask if I would throw them some BP even if I was tired. I thought they were very "pushy".

I think parents should do whatever they think is the right thing. What works for one, might not work for others.

FWIW, Here is an example of something that we have experienced....

Several years ago there was an outstanding athlete and an outstanding prospect as a LHP. His older brother was very talented, in fact his brother is in the Major Leagues now. His brother could never get enough baseball, he really loved it and still does. He just signed a new contract and he is wealthy.

His whole family were baseball people and took it real seriously. Anyway, this kid was the most talented of all in his family. He participated in many of the things we do including our highly scouted weekend leagues.

Of course, he quickly became the best draft prospect in the state. Scouts would call wanting to know when he would be pitching. We would call him and always seemed to get the same response... something like.... "I don't know if I will be there this weekend". He always had a reason for not being there.

Then I would call his dad, and his dad would "push" and make sure he got there. This went on for two years. Then he was drafted and signed for quite a bit of money. He went to "Rookie Ball" and quit after the first year. It was then that he told people he really doesn't want to play baseball.

Truth is, the kid had been telling us THAT for two years, we just didn't pay enough attention. His dad would be an expert on this subject.

A great topic. I too have a "tale of two kids." My oldest (D) - very self motivated, high achiever, excellent student, extremely well organized, two sport athlete, sang in the HS Varsity choir too, and played travel sports as well as HS in her two sports, lots of volunteer work, too. Almost over the top with all she did in HS. She started HS Fr year on top of her game. We did not have to motivate at all - UNTIL Sr year. She burnt out (we spent Soph and Jr year begging her to slow down, she did not listen), and we really had to "push" her to get through Sr year, but she eeked through, and ended up at one of the best universities in the country. We started with her as a Fr in college only assisting when she sought guidance for college courses, but now as a Jr in college, we play no role in her course selections, or anything else in college (except pay the bills!). We just listen, support, etc (and of course do the general family thing).

Son is a different story. Also an excellent student but did not start HS as a self starter for academics, not so well organized (but always motivated for baseball). So, we reversed the process with him. We monitored him every day of Fr year, and mostly through Soph HS year - made sure hw was done, and he did all he needed to do to stay on top academically. He is also an excellent student and only has to keep his mind on it and not on baseball (hard for him to do - he eats, sleeps, dreams baseball). Now he is a Sr in HS. We started "backing off" in Jr year. Now he is in total control, we monitor nothing or very little (like if we know he hasn't had enough sleep, I check to make sure he is awake and doing his HS and not sleeping). He decides when he will sleep, what he eats (he is a very healthy eater), when and what he does in terms of HW. To tell you the truth, hard to say, but the pattern we used with son seemed to work so much better than with our daughter. His Sr year is not so stressful, and his senioritis is not as bad as hers (yes, he does have senioritis, but it does seem more controlled than hers was).

Now there are other factors that may have come into play in their different HS experiences. She was older in her class year than he was, one is girl/one is boy, she knew she was not playing sport in college, he is, they are both academically accelerated, but she more so than he (most of her classes were with kids one year ahead of her in school, so they were all gone for her Sr HS year). I cannot say how this impacted things, but my guess would be they did.

Anyway, that's our story. Our two kids are very close - they talk all of the time (they were NOT close before they entered HS - in fact we were very worried one of them might do serious physical harm to the other from time to time, they fought so badly). They are also both very good students and wonderful people in spite of our parental interference, they are the kind of kids I could only dream of having. We have no doubt (and really no worries) that they will both be extremely successful adults. We are far from the best parents in town (just ask our kids, they will tell you this and they do tell us this regularly), but we do and did make sure our kids play by certain rules - they have to be home at curfew, we must agree on the places they go and things they do socially, etc.

So, I guess my point is - no two kids are the same. To one something may be a "push" but not to the other. And as our "tale of two kids" shows, you may have to "push" at different times.

This is really good thread. I spend a lot of time trying to navigate this part of raising my kids. There doesn't seem to be a clear cut way that is right for everyone.

The bottom line with baseball (or sports in general) is that I have encouraged my kids to play sports for many reasons, but never did I intend for them to make it their profession in life. Its easy to get wrapped up in this whole recruiting process and start pushing them to be all they can be. But the important thing is they have had fun, learned life lessons, stayed busy enough that they got in less trouble, and met many new friends. Everything else is just gravy.

So, this year, we have decided to just let it happen from here. He is doing enough (high school ball, 1 or 2 showcases and summer ball) to get noticed if his talent develops to the level needed for college. He is going to make sure his high school sports experience (3 sports) is a good one and we as parents will try to enjoy the moment more than looking to the future. We are going to save the nudging or pushing for a strong academic finish to his high school experience.

Hi All,

My 13 year old loves baseball and will do the work, but NOT ON HIS OWN Loves going to practice, lessons etc. Will even go with Mom and run sprints, hills and agility drills. Has no desire to do these things by himself.

Not sure why. May be a personality thing. Might be an age thing. I try not to push... but, its hard. I know what is coming in the next year. It will be interesting seeing how he responds!

Maybe I need the following saying painted on his forehead:

Your either working hard, or hardly working!

If anyone comes across the magic formula, let me know!

I have never figured out how to push a string. Kids like everyone tend to pursue what they do well, get positive reinforcement from and enjoy doing. That could be a number of activities up to and including studying for a test.

Pushing a kid through athletics is not going to end well. Providing support to a child enabling him or her to reach their potential at their pace works better. I don't know any excellent players who were not self-motivated at some point.

quote:

PUSH:

Clean up your room, bring in the trash cans, whack the weeds, put your dirty dishes in the DW, finish your homework before you play, work hard for an A so B is a bad result,etc.

Athletic motivation has never been an issue. I guess it must be fun but I always try to stress some balance, both non-athletic and exploring multiple sports and activities.

You push because a HS education is not going to cut today. You push because your are probably more emotionally invested in your kids than your parents were with you. You push because there are countless landmines your kids have to face that you didn't. You push because when it's all said and done, you don't want your kids putting a guilt trip on you.

Pushing in opinion could be percieved as little as asking them about there HW or providing a tutor in the AP chem class to get them over 89% . The same goes for sports. You do this because you want them to succeed in life. And selfeshly in baseball, because you want to see one more inning, one more game, one more tournament and one more season.

At 18 it's game.

My son wanted to quit baseball when he was about 8 years old. Should I have honored his wishes? He was not motivated to play baseball and his quitting wouldn't have created any problems for anyone ---- but it would have changed where he is today.

By the way, He called about an hour ago to tell me how much he enjoyed his first day of coaching a high school team.

Maybe we should re-define the thread as

quote:

Keeping on track vs. pushing vs. shoving your kids

Many here have explained that "pushing" is a part of parenting and looking back I'd have to agree.

quote:

Originally posted by Bum:

He is a brilliant student who has received an appointment to West Point. He has surpassed all the hopes I have ever had for him. I'm so proud.

GREAT story Bum!

And congrats to your son for the West Point appointment! That's awesome!

Like many have said, I never had to ask my son to play baseball or go to practice. He wanted to do those things.

What he did not do, and where the guiding part came in, was reading and researching on
1. appropriate work out for his age
2. reminders of following appropriate work out for age, that is.."have you done your towel drill today?" "is today a running day?" etc
3. which teams to play for in the area and making those contacts to see if we agreed with the recommendations
4. what camps to attend
5. what was showcasing and how we should pursue it
6. and almost everything related to entering college and recruiting. He had to handle the actual "doing" of those things but I did the research so he knew what to do

There are a few things I did push my son to do - guitar lessons when he was young based on research that you have to have musical training before age 5 or you lose a window of brain development that can never be regained. He hated it at 5-6 and was allowed to stop. He picked it up again on his own at 13. He now sits in front of the tv or computer with his guitar in his lap strumming out songs. He loves music and his band almost as much as baseball.

Dance lessons - the worse period was 4-6th grade when he whined a lot about going to classes but about 7th grade he discovered girls loved guy dancers and there were very few guy dancers at competitions with lots of pretty girls. He doesn't formally dance anymore but he CAN dance and move and is very comfortable in front of people. He likes that when he goes out, girls flock to him because he can dance. I miss watching him tap though. He is very good.

I mention that part because sometimes we do have to push a little because we know more than they do. He complained at the time but he is glad that we were persistant and he learned the skills that he has and uses to his advantage.

quote:

Fungo

You are a piece of work---you pushed your kid just as we all did and perhaps you pushed even more than others

TRhit

TRHit you get a A+ for that deduction. That was the whole point of my post pal.

Fungo, I'd consider that a badge of honor.

My parents pushed me at times...when they thought I needed pushing on worthwhile things. I didn't always listen (at that moment), but upon further reflection (sometimes a short time later, other times a long time later), they were almost always right for pushing me. For that, I am eternally grateful to them.

I also push my own kids when I think they need a nudge, push or shove. I also agree that the pushee needs to want it ...but sometimes the art of pushing is to make them buy into it...believe that they want it too. Sometimes I'm good at that, sometimes I am not.

But I like what my oldest (non-baseball-playing) son told me on his college graduation day. "Dad, you know all that stuff you've been telling me...pushing me to take seriously...pushing me on this and that, here and there...well Dad, I wanna tell you I get it and I wanna say Thanks!...for pushing me."

Gitnby had it right. Create conditions for success.

Unitl a certain age, they need you to supervise and guide - sometimes to coach. Then to grow they need separation. (but keep buying those cleats, bats, unis, and paying for that travel team! They're not that independent) You will know wne the time comes for separation, or they will tell you.

My son told me point blank at 15 when a member of an elite travel team- "Dad, I have a pitching coach." That was enough. I knew I had done my job and had to back off. Now that he's in college, I sometimes inquire about practice, but mostly about baseball conversations. He is an athlete with a coach who I trust to push him. And boy does he push.

I'm a big carrot on a stick guy for motivation, and the only baseball "crisis" I really faced with him was getting him off a skateboard.

I believe there is excellence in every person - but you have to let them access it by creating the conditions for it to happen. Your relationship with your son will last a lifetime, and affect his relationship with his children, as your influence is even heavier than you imagine. It sure is fun to watch them grow up.

This is what I got from Fungo's post.

Scenerio one: I am taking you to the cages tonight, be ready around 7:30.

Scenerio two: Hey how about you and me heading out to the cages tonight about 7:30 after your homework is done, burger and fries on me afterwards.

Difference between pushing and forcing.

Both have same objective, but each may send a different message.

Sometimes it may be all in the approach.

I also believe that you can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink, once you begin dunking their heads to force them to drink, you've lost them.
It's a delicate balance between understanding your kids and their personalities. One child we didn't have to force (or push) the head into the water, the other one we did. Two totaly different kids with two different ways we needed to motivate when they needed it. And a lot of that was based on priorities. We didn't push the son to go work out if he didn't want to, but we dragged daughter to school when she felt like staying home.

PG, that was a good story about the player who ended up quitting baseball.
I remember when son was in HS getting invites to pro work outs, he just didn't want to go, he turned them all down. Right away we understood that he wasn't ready for proball and he was telling us and everyone else in his own way, I want to go to college.

My husband is one of those that used to find pitching articles and cut them out and left them on son's desk. Or bought a book and left it on the bed. It was his way of gently pushing. He thought that maybe they all went unread, then one day son might say, hey remember that article you gave me, etc. etc. If he had given him that stuff and said here read this, they would have been thrown away. Trust me on that one.

JMO.

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tpm quote:
I also believe that you can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink, once you begin dunking their heads to force them to drink, you've lost them.

Not always true. They float, besides after a few dunkings my twin daughters joined a water ski team