Keeping your child Humble

When my son was seven adults started telling him how wonderful he was in three sports. They would tell me I wasn't going to have to pay for college. I would smile, thank them and walk away thinking how ignorant on how far he had to go. My son was gracious and thanked adults for the compliment.

i told him he was only as good as his last game. Other players wanted to be better then he. I explained eventually the competition would include the county and the state. I told him to be successful he has to keep practicing to get better tomorrow and next year for as many years as he planned to play.

Everything was great until 8th grade. That was when Boy Gorgeous and the girls discovered each other. Girls referred to the games as RJs games rather than by the team or sport's name. The kid had a cheering harem.

But high school and being a little squirt again humbled him. So did having his gorgeous, adult looking girlfriend stolen from him by a junior who was a star varsity athlete. He stayed humble even though he was called up to varsity in soccer the end of freshman year. He was in awe of the older players. And he was treated as a rookie. He got the same treatment in baseball when he was with the varsity until the last cut.

From being one of he few soph starters in soccer and the only one in baseball opening day he stayed quiet. Junior year as a dominant player he led by example. His personality had developed into the mentally strong, confident, quiet type.

Are there some top teams in the area that you know he can't make? If there is, take him to the tryouts and let him not make a team. He will either want to get better to prove to them or will throw a pity party. Either way, you have a great learning opportunity.  There is ALWAYS someone better.

I'll never forget my son's response at 9u when a stranger approached him after the game and said, "You're quit a pitcher, young man." His reply:

"I know." 

Teach him good morals and try to mold him into a kind person.  Humility is not simply understanding that somewhere out there someone is better (and therefore I must work harder).  Don't confuse humility with work ethic.  At 10 years of age, he doesn't have to have pure humility, but you should make him understand that he should not ever attempt to use his superior athletic skills to embarrass anyone else (excpet in the heat of battle) or speak/act in a way so he feels superior.  If he is generally a kind kid, he probably won't do this.  Remember, he is likely to have friends who care little if anything about baseball.  Also, at age 10, respect for elders goes a long way - a simple "yes sir", "no sir" and "thank you" will substitute nicely for a true sense of humility until they get a little older.

Humility can only come with some true level of maturity - they need to recognize that they have been blessed with talent (the easy part) and then understand that while baseball may be 90% of their world, it is a little significance to most people off the street.  They need to appreciate the friendly comments from other parents friends about their baseball prowess are likely just that - friendly comments - and that most conversations outside the ball field will be about topics other than baseball.  In this vein, they need to appreciate the difference between humility and confidence as they need to posses both.

The lat paragraph is unfinished as it is simply too difficult for me the fully understand much less explain.  However, I did want to comment about teaching kindness as it relates to a 10 year old.  If they are kind, it will look and feel much the same as humility.

Your son will learn humility on the baseball field. Sooner or later he will learn it. The key is teaching him humility off of it. Every year I took my team to the Ronald McDonald House in Durham. They spend an entire day hanging out with children who were terminally ill. They played video games, shot ball, pool, and just talked to them. Every year I took my team to the Rescue Mission to serve the homeless. Sometimes kids need to see how fortunate they are. Sometimes we all need to see how fortunate we are.

Baseball will ultimately humbe a player on the field. When they see how fortunate they are and how they are blessed beyond belief in ways they had no control over they will learn true humility. I want a confident player who believes in his ability. Who is humbled by the fact he is truly blessed.

I agree with the comments here, and I want to emphasize a couple of things that were mentioned.  Athletic talent is something that is not within a child's control.  I read when my kids were young that a child should not be complimented on how smart, beautiful or athletic they are.  Instead, praise them for being kind, showing compassion, working hard and being willing to help others.

Also, baseball is not life.  If sport is all that is valued in a child, when that child does come to the end of his athletic life, he will wonder about his worth.  Spend time with your son outside of baseball developing other interests as well.

One thing I would recommend is have your team play a "Champions Team".  Basically these are kids that are physically and mentally handicapped that will never be able to play with your kid.  The first time I did this was with my son's 8u team.  I told parents, if your son doesn't show up for this game; there is a good chance they won't play in any other game.  Every kid was there and every parent was there and my son who is a freshman in college still talks about that game that day.

Talk to the boys and parentsabout the honor and privilege they have to run and play a game that so many would love to do like them.I tell every team and coach I meet; have your kids play those kids.  It will change your life!!!

Losses and strikeouts humble you soon enough.  Don't rush it.

Matty - Thanks for the post!!  Started out with sports as an opportunity to help build self confidence and build freindships outside of school.  Never dreamt that my oldest would simply keep improving year after year.  He is a little giddy with his recent success and certainly not the most humble person at home (not to mention he now towers over me) but so far he is generally a kind person and for that I am most grateful.  I do want him to chase his dream of playing in college and therefore hope he keeps improving.  I hope he beats out other kids for starting postions and hope he stands out.  All at the same time I hope he does develop true humility and appreciates how fortunate he is.  He has done servie type work including being a student helper for a student with special needs - but he is so young and moving so fast that I don't think he really "gets it" just yet.  Next big step is to have him really "get it" ideally by looking around and not having anything life altering happen to him.  Saw where two high school athletes, brother and sister, were killed driving home from school recently.  He sees this type of stuff too but just too young to really aprpeciate how delicate of a balance life truly is.

Great response, keep him involved in non baseball experiences that will teach him how small WE are in the world.

"Humility is a funny thing. Once you think you’ve got it......you’ve lost it."

I think the answer to this is all about what they call "modelling".

You can tell a kid why he should be humble, and you can show him reasons to be humble, and you can put him into situations that are humbling. 

That's all good, but what he's really going to pay attention to is how his role models behave. For now, that is his parents and at least some of his teachers. If you yourself treat him and everyone else with respect and humility, then he's likely to do the same.  The bad news is that soon his role models will be his peers and teammates. If you're lucky they will model humility as well. If not, that's okay too, so long as the lessons he learned at a younger age have stuck.

Sometimes kids are so honest!

Thank you for all the great responses.

Domingo says that humility scares off the scouts.  

Over heard a conversation between a coach and his team a while back about humility. 

"Do you think you are the best player on the team, if not you need to keep practicing.  If you think you are, then ask yourself if you think you are the best player in the district.  If not, keep practicing.  If you think you are, then ask yourself if you think you are the best player in the region.."  So on and so forth, eventually working all the way up to "do you think you are the best player in the State..."

Moral to the story was the coach was expressing to his team that there is always someone out there better than you and continue to work hard each day.  Until then, you cant afford to miss a practice or assume you are better than others. 

IF you want a 10 year old child to "be humble" (for whatever reason), then you have to model humble behavior for him. You can't lecture a tiny kid into submission. Frankly, I think a kid who does his work to get to be better deserves the occasional pride that comes along when the results follow the work. And that begets an internal motivation that you just don't want to monkey with.

I think as sports parents we sometimes think we have to supply our kids with all the lessons they experience by growing up in a sport. I have had success with my son just talking with him about the bigger ideas in sport that serve him well in life and as a teammate. When you talk to your boy about what it means to be a "good teammate," he will learn all about the other, elemental parts of begin a good teammate. Including when it's appropriate to moderate how he expresses pride in his own results.

Being humble is simply being honest with yourself.  A person without faults would have a hard time being humble.  Of course, that person doesn't exist, so there are many stupid people out there that don't understand being humble.

Sometimes it's situation specific, and sometimes general philosophies can be imparted.

For example, the coach says, "Everyone grab a rake and lets clean the field before our next game."  You notice that your son with his elitist attitude, being the star of the team and all, finds that field maintenance is not part of his job description and he decides to sit it out on the bench.  Of course this is all hypothetical, but I call the kid out on the spot and make sure everyone knows how displeased I am.  Maybe I notice a kid not running hard on a routine grounder or mouthing off or whatever.  Again, I believe these things should be nipped in the bud - sooner rather than later and in public if necessary to get the point across.

In general, humility rubs off on the player from the parent.  Encourage these kids to do all their talking with their actions and not their words.  Encourage them to put the team first even if they are the best player.  The leader always eats last in the Army and you can teach kids these leadership values as well.  Encourage them to be confident and aggressive but hopefully not "too" arrogant or mouthy.  I understand that arrogance can serve an athlete well but the time for that type of bravado is in the car and in private imho.  For example, "Son, you really dominated that ace pitcher today!"  "I was really proud with the way you ran around the bases after hitting that homerun and you did not try and show anybody up."  Deeds over dialog is probably my best advice.  

Great post.  CD had some good advice as well.

Most college teams and pro teams require community service work, now sure why its not a requirement in HS.

You want him to learn humility take him and your family to a children's cancer hospital during the holidays.

I find that humility and good sportsmanship go hand in hand, one of the first things to teach your kids is to ber a good sport in anything that you do.

This thread reminded me of a situation in high school. My son batted third and led the team in everything. Yet if a bat was left laying around he would charge out of the dugout and put it in the bat rack. A parent asked him if that's the job of a star. My son laughed and said, "If playing doesn't work out this is training for a fallback position."

Teaching a child to be humble begins long before they ever stepped on the field and long after they stop playing.  It is something you ingrain in your child both through teaching rights and wrong as well as modeling yourself.  For my child, we taught her that when someone gives you a compliment, first say thanks.  Next, deflect.  Talk about a teammate.  The reality is that the teammate will appreciate it and personally she doesn't need to have her ego stroked.  If she bust ... and does the right thing, people will notice and she won't have to be a braggart.  I once asked a young man who went on to play in the Dodger's organization why he never talked about himself.  He said, "Coach B, if you are truly good, you'll never have to talk about yourself.  Everyone else will do that for you."  Then, he got a big grin and walked away. 

Baseball has a way of humbling every player

While it's not required by the state, I'm very proud of our HS program where most sports teams require the athletes to participate in some type of a service project. Our Sophs cleaned up the grounds of a house providing service to families of special needs students. The JV/V team ran a fundraiser were 90% of the proceeds went to purchase fully cooked catered meals to under privileged families in our area. 10% went to the team. The team was required to deliver the meals to the families as well as work with the caterer to prepare the meals.  

Its  these types of things that teach the kids how lucky they are. In addition they are great team building exercises early in the season. 

I started reading Mike Matheny's book this past weekend, The Matheny Manifesto. This looks like a good read for anyone who has children playing competitive team sports or adults involved "on field". Some really nice stories and advice regarding humility.