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Letting "Grow"

C curveball07100+ posts
Just went to a wonderful parent orientation at my son's school when we were moving him in! They had a counselor speak on "Letting Grow" that I think was just for me. She had some excellent points that I thought I would share with all the moms who are dealing with "Letting Go" issues with their freshman.

The counselor talked about how important it is for us to "pass the baton" to them to let them take control of their lives. She quoted from the Harvard Parent Handbook (no, he's not going to Harvard) about how you "can't sail a ship with two pilots - parents can sail along but do not pilot". What a great illustration that hit home with me!

On the plane ride home (he's 16 hours away)- I read an article in Ladies Home Journal about new ways to deal with stress besides bubble baths, chocolate and alcohol (is there anything else?)that I'd also like to share that I've been using today!

One, The Queen of Denial or the Scarlett O'Hara method - "I'll think about it tomorrow" - the article stated that "denial can be a terrific coping strategy." Razz So today when I passed by my son's empty room - I decided to "think about that tomorrow!". Two, loud rock music. Studies show that listening to favorite tunes activates areas of subjects brains associated with rewards or pleasures. So on the way to take my 15 year old to football practice, I cranked up the rock classic channel and sang along much to his dismay! It did put me in a good mood instead of being sad.

Other things mentioned in the article - watch a scarey movie, high intensity exercise (UGH), and laughter. Okay, so on my walk this morning I listened to rock music and thought about jogging but decided to "think about doing that tomorrow!"

Anyway, the hardest part about my first son leaving was the packing up and saying goodbye to all his high school friends, his brother and dad. It was a hard couple of days getting ready to leave. Once we got on the road and moved him into the dorm, it got much better. It is hard for me to be too sad when I saw how excited he was.
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O ORmom100+ posts
curveball07,
we need to get the crew together for dinner again now that the boys have left & compare notes.

I, too, somehow survived which I wasn't sure I would! The days before he left were horrible for me and when we left town, his saying goodbye to his sister and dog did me in so that I started the trip in tears Frown-luckily he was in a different car so he didn't know! Once we got there, he was SO excited it was impossible not to get caught up too, so our time there was alot of fun... then came time to say goodbye... omg...how I managed to finally let him go and quit crying all over him, I'll never know... maybe it was my husband pulling me off him???? Wasn't really that extreme but close Roll Eyes Cried off and on the whole way home-11 hours! Anyway, first day of class today and he survived... in his first baseball meeting right now... he seems to be settling in okay so that makes me feel so much better. Maybe I'll manage to get through this after all Smile
O Orlando1,000+ posts
Wha???? Cut the umbilical cord?! Nooooooooooo

OK, got that out of my system.

At first, it's difficult, though more on us than them; they have lots of exciting new things to experience while we're still in the same routine that used to include them.

Oddly enough, though, it gets to the point where it's 'strange' when they're there. The roles have shifted slightly --- they're more used to doing for themselves and making their own decisions.

I remember well my son's first Thanksgiving back when he was a freshman. The first night he helped cook, cleaned up after, and started his laundry. 'I like this guy', says I.

The next day, I got home from work to find him sprawled across the couch, where he had pretty obviously been all day. 'What happend to that adult that was here yesterday?' 'I remembered how good it feels to have you take care of me!' Big Grin


Yes, that would be me, wrapped around his little finger......
Infield08Infield081,000+ posts
Ohhhhhhhh......it's got to be so hard. I feel for you. We'll be doing the same thing this time next year and it's going to be tough on us too.

I've had to stay home most of this summer because my 14-year-old daughter had a life of her own, so my husband took our son on all of the out-of-town trips to tourneys. This last Wednesday, as my husband was walking out the door for yet another trip, he looked a little sad. I asked, "What's wrong?" He answered, "This is our last summer trip together." Frown So he's feeling the effects too.

My heart goes out to you. Glad to hear you've found some good coping strategies. I'll try to remember them for next year!
FirstTimerFirstTimer10+ posts
I managed to get through goodbye without crying (my voice cracked a little). I was also caught up in the excitement. At home I was used to him not being around since he was gone a lot with traveling team, but I was used to a phone call everyday telling me how the game went and when he played next. So not hearing from him has been a little hard. It seemed weird at the grocery store not having anything on my list for him. So I have had to add Hard Tea with Lemon to get me through!HAHA!!

Actually I am right back in the recruiting process accept this time with my daughter and it is track. Things aren't as crazy for her as they were for him, but lots of looking at colleges and internet stuff too - this website has also helped me for her recruiting too.

I would like to send him something (not right away) but what are some of the things the boys like to get from home (besides money) - he's living in a dorm.
MN-MomMN-MomHSBaseballWeb Owner
I remember three years ago when we dropped our oldest off at college. I cried a few times that day, and missed him a LOT for the first few weeks. For me, it helped to get involved in a new activity that I was excited about - playing violin in an adult-beginner group (I had been taking lessons for a few months).

Since then, we have sent our younger one off to college (last year). That was hard too, in part because I would miss him and miss having a kid around the house, but also because he was going from a HS of under 300 students to a university of over 50,000! Eek He has adjusted very well and is looking forward to moving back to school in a week. I started a new job during his freshman year, and that has also been helpful, providing a new focus for me.

Today we dropped our oldest off for another milestone. He is beginning his 4th year of college (but still needs 1-1/2 to 2 years to graduate). But he is sharing a house with 2 baseball teammates who graduated this May, and they plan to stay there through the summer - he doesn't think he will ever be back "home" to live with us.

I didn't cry at all today...but I did spend a little extra on various "mom" touches for his bedroom and their house. ("Mom, I don't think we need matching towels hanging in the bathrooms." "That's okay, it will make me feel better.")

Letting "grow" is difficult, but it really does get easier with each passing year. Our oldest (21 yrs old) seems to have matured in the past 3 years, and I can picture him being self-supporting and having a real job. Actually I'm kind of looking forward to that! Big Grin

Julie
Last edited by MN-Mom
P playersmom10+ posts
I've enjoyed reading your stories and coping suggestions. I have no idea how I will handle myself when my son goes off to college next year; I can still remember him pushing around his Fisher Price lawnmower; where did the time go.

My SIL who has 3 daughters can't understand this mother/son bond and why it is hard for moms to let their sons go.

By the way, for those of you whose sons are in college, did you all still keep their rooms the same?
FirstTimerFirstTimer10+ posts
I have started cleaning his room (found Eastbay magazines dated 2003!) I'm not really planning on changing anything but I would like to setup my scrapbooking table in his room. I know he isn't completely gone, but his time at home will not be for many days at a time. (boo hoo) He is playing ball in the summer and living with a host family. I will be able to put the scrapbooking stuff away when he is home. That is the plan for now.
C curveball07100+ posts
Playersmom - at our parent orientation they told us it was important for the first year away to keep their room the same if you could - after that first year - supposively they don't care.

FirstTimer and Lucychap - I've also been cleaning the room - Ugh!

I'm trying not to call him every day and bug him about what's going on but it's really tough. I have been emailing him though and absolutely love getting his emails back. We even got a "thank you" email - I've been printing them out to save.

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