listening to other parents....again

Are you kidding me! If your son is not even a senior, you can forget it. College coaches do not and will not call before July 1 (per NCAA rules) of your son's senior year. It's amazing how people exaggerate the truth.

As a suggestion, live in your own sons baseball world.Try to not get caught up in all the talk of other parents.Other parents can be very stressful at times with what they say.Your son will be fine.Just work hard, play hard, take care of it in the classroom.

thanks. that is what i thought. her son is a pitcher like my son....both playing for the same high school but different travel teams. i mean, i didn't misunderstand...she mentioned two schools and said they are calling her son and they both want him and she is just going to sit back and see who offers the most $$.

quote:

she is just going to sit back and see who offers the most $$.

Hope that is not the only criteria SHE is using for her SON to choose a school.Might end up very unhappy.

Next time that happens make sure it's around a bunch of people (which will be a safe bet) say this to them.

"That is so great that your son is already getting calls from DI coaches and he has places that really want him. Just make sure to keep quiet about it because I don't think those coaches would want it known they were breaking the rules since they can't talk to your son until a year from now. The NCAA really frowns upon coaches who break recruiting rules. The schools interested in your son may get into huge trouble and the coaches may want you to keep it hush, hush."

Something along those lines should shut them up.

awesome. i will try it.
it is actually a bit of hard time this past week 2 of my son's last 3 outing have been kinda of shakey. then to hear this kind of talk it is like. but i will try and keep my focus on our son only.

coach2709,
It might be fun to say it, but there is no rule against a college coach talking (via phone or at his campus) to a 2012 or younger player. Sure, they can't call him, but it is easy to tell a player's coach that the college coach would like to get a phone call from the player. That's how it is done.

My advice to you is stay out of it. Stay away from it. Do not engage in it. Do not listen to it. Spend your time enjoying watching your son just play the game. Once you start focusing on these other people you start to lose focus on what is really important. There will come a day when you will wish you could go back and just watch and enjoy the moment. You will realize that the things that distracted you and ticked you off were simply petty and not worth one second of your time.

There will always be people that try use their son as a pedastal on which they can stand. They brag about their accomplishments and in this case try to put themselves above the rest based on their sons accomplishments or status on the team. Your son will be just fine. It has nothing to do with these other kids. He will get what he deserves based on his ability and his performance.

I always stayed away from the crowd because I wanted to just simply watch the games. I didnt want to hear all the blah blah blah. I wanted to cheer for all the kids , pull for all the kids , and wish the best for all the players. Once you start hearing that junk and it starts getting on your nerves it starts to take the fun out of the experience. So get away from these clowns and just enjoy watching your son play. Everything else will take care of itself.

quote:

Originally posted by minivanmom:
i think it is hard not to get caught up in listening to other parents talk. i really do try not to and just think about our son's situation. but i was talking to a mom who was going on about how her son is getting calls from D1 coaches, and how the coaches really want her son bad. both our sons are the same age, 2012. can the coaches do that already? if so, how can i get them to call our son. lol.

OK, so let's say that your worst fear is a reality, and this lady's improbable stories are actually true. All the DI coaches are contacting her kid through back channels, and not yours. What are you gonna do? Tell your son to play harder? Become an obsessed NCAA informant? Go to more showcases than you already have planned? Start calling DI coaches and telling them that they're trying to connect with the wrong kid?

Or maybe just sit and worry about stuff you have absolutely no control over...

It's sort of funny when you can look back over the years and reflect on what you have seen and heard.

It occurs to me now that most of the best players I have ever seen had parents who rarely spoke much about them.

These parents usually talked about the other players - and in a positive way. But never much about their own kids.

The parents that couldnt keep their mouths shut about "their" player - are pretty much gone now. As are "their" players.

Life is ironic IMO.

quote:

Originally posted by 3FingeredGlove:
coach2709,
It might be fun to say it

And that's the whole reason for saying it

Honestly the best way to handle the situation is how Coach May outlined in his post. The best thing to do is just let stuff like that flow under the bridge but sometimes that witty remark is hard to keep under control.

Coach May - You've really had some golden posts over the past few months. You're a stud!

honestly, i have formed friendships with many of the parents and we rarely talk about our son's accomplishments in baseball, we talk about other things besides baseball or the game or good things about each other sons.
i know myself, and i like the post the about "try to say this" but really i would never have the guts to say it.
i enjoy it, truly but just sometimes the 'talk' (even if it is the truth) gets to ya.

quote:

Coach May - You've really had some golden posts over the past few months. You're a stud!

I agree! Though I might say "over the past few years."

Julie

True, very true. But maybe it took me a bit longer to 'get it!'

minivanmom- I grew up in a part of the country known to be a very wealthy area. Many parents of baseball players around my area spent thousands upon thousands of dollars for their sons to get private lessons and to attend many of the perceived most prestigious showcases and tournaments around the land.

Many of those players that I played with signed NLI's to Division I schools during the early signing period (for you, that would be in November of 2011). They got a lot of recognition and praise from their peers, their friends, and the local media. As you probably know, the "Baseball World" is somewhat of a tight knit community where a lot of people know the same people, and word spread quickly about the commitments that these kids were making.

I didn't grow up with as much financial leverage as these kids. I also didn't grow up with an eye popping fastball. I was a small LHP with a loopy curveball that threw strikes. I couldn't afford to travel the country showcasing whatever talents I had. I couldn't show up at a field and tell someone to take a radar gun out and expect them to clamor to me.

All of the above was very frustrating. In February/March of my senior year of high school I committed to a small Division III school because the coach was the only coach that had substantially been recruiting me for several months, because it had the major I was looking to get into and because it was in-state and therefore I wouldn't have to pay off loans for the rest of my life. I had a little paragraph on the 6th page of the local sports section and a congratulatory handshake from my guidance counselor, and that was about it.

I just finished up my sophomore year in college. My freshman year I led the team with a 1.77 ERA in 20 1/3 IP out of the pen and this past year I led the entire conference with a 1.64 ERA in 39 1/3 IP. My team finished 3rd in an NCAA DIII Regional and my teammate and good friend was drafted in the 4th round by the Braves. I am playing in a very prestigious summer league and have had some contact with Major League scouts. Meanwhile most of those players who had garnered so much attention in high school have redshirted, transferred and/or quit baseball all together. They have found they were unhappy with their decisions for whatever reason, many of which were because they jumped the gun and bought into the lure of playing at a level they couldn't compete at.


I know it is very frustrating to hear others gloating about what they have and don't have. But at the end of the day, one just has to worry about what is best for themselves or their son and don't get distracted by what others are doing. The old adage "to each their own" applies beautifully here. Your son has PLENTY of time to get noticed, and you shouldn't be worrying at all. He should continue to work hard, refine his skills and present himself as the best he can possibly be. If he can successfully do those things, then his time will come and he will be happy because HE made his decision for himself.

JH, I think you and Coach May are studying under the same writing instructor!

Nicely thought-out post, and highly relevant to many on these boards.

Great post, JH, and great advice. Every high school kid should read this.

Great thread. I'm goig to try to remember this with my 2013 son.

JH, I enjoy your posts, keep them coming. Your perspective is very helpful for those of us a few steps back on the trail.

In all seriousness, if an alien came down to our planet and wanted to learn the right way to go about being a good player (or more importantly a good parent of a baseball player), what I would suggest for him to do is read what Coach May has written about baseball on this site and follow his path. In my mind, he is that right on about things.

My son is finishing up his last season of travel baseball before heading off to college soon. Plays on a very good team which added a couple of new players this season. You can tell the new parents are very happy for their kids to be playing on the team and the players are good and contributing. However its also obvious that a couple of the parents are a bit insecure about their newbie status so how do they handle it? By non-stop talking about how great their kid is to anyone within earshot of them (and I'm just as sure that as soon as they get their sea legs they will be making all kinds of comments on the other players too.)

I have found that I have developed over time a finely tuned antenna for parents who find every opportunity to interject and talk about their kids and little else. During games if I can't find a couple of parents I can talk normal baseball stuff with I will watch the games alone and happy.

Someone once said that we all marry the same woman. I'm not sure about that (nor if I actually thought that would I actually say it here) but I do think we all share the same parents of our son's team mates.

I appreciate the kind words said about me. There is a wealth of knowledge on this site. There are people I lean on many times for assistance and advice here. People that have forgot more about this stuff than I will ever know or have known.

I can honestly say that I have taken more from this site than I could ever give back. And I hope I can continue to take for years to come.

if it helps. i noticed that a lot of the parents who talk about other players are the parents of kids who are less talented. they are the kids who make error after error and strike out 9 times out of 10. the parents put them on a pedistol for some reason though. their little boy is the best.

the opposite is true. the better players parents, the players who dont need any talk and show how good they are from actions and how they carry themselves are the parents who say good job jimmy. or atta boy steven and support everyone. they are there just to enjoy the game and go along for the ride. and that can really make a players season better and a lot more fun.

dont fall into the trap of talking bad about others or talking about your son. because if you are just supportive, that shows how confident you are in your son's ability. it shows that you want him to show his talent through how he plays. for the kids going to d1, good for them hope they have a good college experience. does it matter that they are going to some big name school where the only thing they know they will fit into is their uniform? they might not even know about the campus, courses, or majors they want to take, but they like the name on the front of the jersey?

go along for the ride and make it that much more enjoyable because one day, you'll realize how precious every little moment in your son's baseball career is and by then, you might not have many more of those left

.
Yep, good advice, Take care of YOUR business and stay out of "the circus" as much as you can...It is not about you it is about your son. far too many parenst forget that and get caught up in the hype and the hope and the excitement.

...and I'd go one step futher and tell you that a great deal of what you hear is not what it seems...Make no mistake...the competition between parents is as hot and heavy as any on the field, and there are no rules or officials. And in a Twtter/facebook world of celebrity and selective reality hope becomes fiction and fiction becomes truth.

Prior to the "full ride" that every player seems to get in the end...We watched parents create phantom letters, phantom coach calls, pahntom recruiting trips, phantom scholarship offers, phantom scholarships...one even incuded a long front page article in the local paper about a coaches son who was in reality a walk on. The Head Caoch of the university in question was none too happy when he realized that his school was being misrepresnted.

Stick with your reality....not someone elses fantasy.

44
.

Next time you see them put your fingers in your ears and say…. la – la – la – la – la…..
You won’t be able to hear them anymore.

Run don't walk away from those parents!

Often times the parent who brags the most about their kid is the same parent who makes excuses when things don't go well for Johnny.

The further away you sit from these "types" the better.

Great responses in this thread. Coach May and JH have indeed made outstanding contributions here. I'll say it for the thousandth time, we have some of the very best writers and thinkers in America right here on the hsbaseballweb! JH - After your baseball career is over (20 years from now), I encouraqe you to be a writer or a lawyer or something like that. You have a gift.

Talk is the cheapest commodity in sports. Anyone can talk. The only thing that impresses me is achievement. Deeds over dialog. Let your son's performance do all the talking. Talking about it only diminishes it imho.

For many kids, their final achievement is signing the NLI. That is the easy part imho. Getting on the field takes talent and more importantly, takes some humility because everyone is humbled at the next level. As itsinthgame mentioned and I agree, the talkers fall quickly by the wayside as their substance is a deck of cards built on a foundation of hyperbole.

The doer's, who go about their business with quiet/steely determination, are the one's who succeed. In most cases, you'll never hear about them from their parents.

CD- I'm going to have to disagree with you on one thing you said.

quote:

For many kids, their final achievement is signing the NLI.

I hope this is not the case. Your son is a great example of this...there is a lot more that goes into a final achievement than to be content with signing an NLI. I offer anyone who has the opportunity to play college baseball (or any sport for that matter) a whole-hearted congratulations, but if your goal is simply to play the sport, then just stop right there. As an elite level athlete, the natural competitive drive should cause you to strive to be the best you can possibly be. My goal is to go to the Major Leagues, win a bunch of World Series rings, a bunch of Cy Young Awards and be a First Ballot Hall of Famer. Will those things happen? Most likely no. But I will work as hard as I can to be the best I can be at what I do so that if they don't happen, I will know that my effort was not the reason.

So with respect to what CD mentioned, yes signing an NLI is a sign of a great accomplishment and should be very much commended. But in reality, it is like turning a new chapter in a book, and the realities of the next chapter are very difficult to comprehend.

Great point Sultan.
Some of the people that complain about other parents should clean their own act up. I listen to parents at every game I go to and it sounds like every game I have ever gone to. If it bothers you you can excuse yourself and move away. Problem solved.

I'd agree with Coach May. There's no percentage in pointing out "issues" with what is being said. To other equally ignorant parents, it makes you look like a sour grapes jerk. There are a lot of them (ignorant parents) around. The other kid will either get his deal or he won't. If he doesn't, and you've expressed negativity or reservations, the parents will actually suspect you of having done something to undermine him.

Not long ago we had a talented new student come to town with reported offers [according to local newspaper articles] from Pac10 and SEC schools in a big time sport. Graduation came and went and for some reason he didn't head to any of the schools where he "had an offer". It appears his parents were far too optimistic about his athletic ability and may have been attempting to boost his prospects by stretching the truth about his standing. It backfired, as he wound up with no place to go. A great shame since he was decently talented.

I do have to chuckle at the "sit back and wait" idea. None of the best players in any sport have ever been "sit back and wait" people regarding anything that they do. In any endeavor, if you sit back, you're guaranteed to get used to waiting.

quote:

Of course, there is always a parent on each team that always talks about their own kid. So what. There are worse things than loving your kid.

Sultan,
Are you suggesting there is a connection and correlation between "love for your son" and talking about your son being contacted by DI coaches or how "good" he is as a baseball player?
The reason I ask is because many in this thread have noted they don't talk about their son's baseball skills/accomplishments and status in recruiting.
Would that mean those who don't talk or talk very little don't love their son, or love their son less?
Sorry, I don't understand how talking about your son's DI recruiting status/experience is a reflection of parental love that others should "learn" to accept.

quote:

Originally posted by coach2709:
Next time that happens make sure it's around a bunch of people (which will be a safe bet) say this to them.

"That is so great that your son is already getting calls from DI coaches and he has places that really want him. Just make sure to keep quiet about it because I don't think those coaches would want it known they were breaking the rules since they can't talk to your son until a year from now. The NCAA really frowns upon coaches who break recruiting rules. The schools interested in your son may get into huge trouble and the coaches may want you to keep it hush, hush."

Something along those lines should shut them up.

Short and simple version.... Wow! They must be real high on your son to violate NCAA recruiting rules, risk getting fired and the team being put on probation!

INF how does Sultan's statement mean anything but what he stated ?
He didn't say or imply that the converse of his point was true.

BHD,
I think you and Sultan would have the answers.
I would not have asked if I had the answers to the questions I asked.

I though Attorney's never ask a question they don't know the answer to.

quote:

Originally posted by BobbleheadDoll:
Great point Sultan.
Some of the people that complain about other parents should clean their own act up. I listen to parents at every game I go to and it sounds like every game I have ever gone to. If it bothers you you can excuse yourself and move away. Problem solved.

I think it was a dopey point because it raises the precise question infielddad asked.

Every decent parent out there loves their own kid. Show some class and root for the other kids.

Why does that not surprise me CD ?
He made a simple point that these parents love and support their kids and are probably nice people once you get to know them.
I personally agree with that point.
I guess it is more fun to expound **** on those parents.
Carry on !

mimivanmom, I know what you mean. About 3 years ago, when 2B was on his first 16U team at 14 years old, playing at his first WWBA BCS qualifier, he popped out with runners on to end the game. A parent behind me said, "choke, choke, choke." Guess what I wanted to do to her... choke, choke, choke. It hurt me, and I listened to this person badmouth my son and others for 3 more years until her son left our team. I never said anything. Nice people don't say stuff like that. At least they have enough consideration to wait until they get back to their hotel to badmouth other players.

But I have learned my lesson. Last weekend, a dad who is new to the team stepped into my canopy. This guy's son is a very good player, already being scouted as a 2012. I saw the scouts myself so I know he's not exaggerating. Doesn't matter. I listened for about 2 seconds while he talked to another new parent about how great his son was and dissed the rest of the team. Then I told him to get out of my shade. And I enjoyed the rest of the game.

BHD,
The reason I asked the question, as a Father and fan of HS and college baseball was because I find myself closely aligned with these thoughts from JH:

"As you probably know, the "Baseball World" is somewhat of a tight knit community where a lot of people know the same people, and word spread quickly about the commitments that these kids were making.
I didn't grow up with as much financial leverage as these kids. I also didn't grow up with an eye popping fastball. I was a small LHP with a loopy curveball that threw strikes. I couldn't afford to travel the country showcasing whatever talents I had. I couldn't show up at a field and tell someone to take a radar gun out and expect them to clamor to me.
All of the above was very frustrating. In February/March of my senior year of high school I committed to a small Division III school because the coach was the only coach that had substantially been recruiting me for several months, because it had the major I was looking to get into and because it was in-state and therefore I wouldn't have to pay off loans for the rest of my life. I had a little paragraph on the 6th page of the local sports section and a congratulatory handshake from my guidance counselor, and that was about it."

For every HS baseball player who has parent's "expressing their love" by talking about their son, his recruiting, and sitting back waiting for offers, there are families and players just like JH.
If "expressing love" is okay in recruiting, I believe "expressing respect" for those players and parents who are not being recruited, or not in the same way, is equally important.
When it comes to baseball talent or recruiting, my love for our son was not and would not be more important than my respect for his teammates and the parents of his teammates.
One thing baseball teaches is to be humble. I believe it also teaches respect. I love both of those aspects about baseball...but that is just me.