Little "Johnny" washed up at 17

lilmom,
There's alot of truth to what you say. You can see it everyday at every ball park, on every message board. Parents become obsessed with there kids playing baseball and are living the dream thru their kids. I believe this to be a natural phenomona and is evolutionary thru the years of baseball development. A parent has to determine somewhere in the cycle as to whom the dream belongs to: Is it the kids or the parents?
If it is truly that of the kid, then that child must pursue that dream with relentless abandonment!

Limom, you paint with a very broad brush! While most parents on the HSBBW are proactive parents and have been very involved with their sons since day one, there are other parents that fail to support their sons and their dreams. A boy may have a dream to play baseball, another sport, or maybe he wants to be a teacher or a coach. I had dreams as a child. These dreams made me focus on a goal and learn many of life’s lessons along the way. I learned hard work and sacrifice because of my dreams. I also learned success and failure and how to cope with both. I say let ‘em dream. Snuff out a young man’s dreams and you create a eunuch.
When my son was six he (like many other 6 year old boys) said he wanted to play professional baseball. He hit baseballs until his hands bled. He pitched at a “pitchback” so much that he killed the grass in the yard. I didn’t PUSH him, I supported him. Anyone that has raised a teenage boy knows they don’t follow the parent’s dreams, they follow their own.
While I’m a proponent of a college education, I also know that a college education is only as good as the student’s desire to learn. I also believe there is so much information available from other sources (other than college) that an intelligent, open minded person can build up a great deal of information. Take hitting for instance.
Fungo

LIMOM,

What about the flip side. I know kids who were studs at 6 and are studs at 21 now. You nor I nor even a doctor specializing in human growth can predict by 100% of the size, weight, muscle mass or any other factor in human growth arena. Let me paint a wide brush using the term my fellow poster stated, all New Yorkers like are are big mouth braggarts who are rude and mannerless. Now we all know that is not true and many many New Yorker are fine and exceptional people. Just becuase you (LIMOM84)say it is so doesn't mean that is the fact. In fact most posts that you post are wrong and ridiculous. Parents support their children in different ways. Maybe it is better to over support your children in activites than not support the at all. It all depends on the kid. Little Johnny may be washed up at 17, but I'm sure he has loads of great memories and maybe he can pass on his knowledge to children when he becomes an adult.

FS,
How can you say something like that about New Yorkers? Have you personally met one that was a fine and exceptional person or are you just making a wild assumption?

Just kidding folks. I think most of the nuts in New York right now were imported from California.

My yankee neighbor is originally from Staten Island. He and his misiss are a hoot. Its pretty cool trying to interpret each other. We used to coach 9/10 together although his kids were all grown. Sent him to get kicked out of a substate game when the ump was jobbing us. He gladly oblidged and did a fantastic job to get tossed.

Life is certainly a challenge for today’s youth. However for the most part, I have a feeling that the kids of the parents who you feel are pushing their kids to succeed too much, will do just fine.

Especially in relation to the vast majority of kids whose parents are too busy concentrating on their own material goals. Or the parents or parent who could care less what their kids are doing.

Don’t let anyone tell you that you are spending too much time or energy on your kid and with your kid.

“Little Johnny” could have done a lot worse when picking out his parents.

I've found that if your son is going to have a smidgen of a chance to play BB at college level or above you had better have been committed to him 100% starting at the "T-ball" level.

Whether or not he will play college or pro---you do not know that at 6 years of age-- you still want to be DAD at the field and be part of it

If Little Johnny was bigger than the other kids and was a stand out stud in LL - good for him. If he is washed up at 17 - so what? Bully for Little Johnny.

Perhaps it was not his destiny to be a big league player, or even a college player, or even a high school player.

The fact that his star fizzled out may have nothing to do with all the praise and adulation, or the pressure to succeed. It may simply be that he did not possess the talent to step up to the next level.

(Keep in mind that teammates and coaches - not just parents dole out that adulation - and pressure that goes with it.).

Little Johnny had a chance to be the top dog. What difference does it make if it was during LL. No different than the high school stud who never goes on to college. Or the Minor league player that does not make it to the bigs.

Every one deserves a chance to shine - if your time is in LL then so be it. Better than to never have the chance to say you know that feels like.

Instead of feeling sorry for Little Johnny be happy for what he did get. After all it is possible the confidence he found at that young age may help him out in other areas.

Aparent, very well said. I dont think anyone can disagree.

All the years that I was a kid playing organized baseball, skiing, football, tennis, I don't recall my mom or dad at a single game or event. They paid for basic equipment and the fees. Hundreds of games. Hundreds of missed opportunities for them to demonstrate that I mattered to them. I had dreams that were important to me too, but eventually they faded. Perhaps things would be different if my dad or mom participated in those dreams with me. Oh, well. We'll never know but, I want my son to know that I am interested in who he is and what he will become. Looking back, over the last nine years that I have been involved with my son's sports, I recognize those kids who are current versions of myself. Those kids parents often view youth sports as daycare and the coaches as baby sitters. They don't understand that through kids games we really get to know and, the opportunity to communicate with, our children on their own level.

limom, if you have a child involved in a sport, support him or her. Go to their games. Talk about it with them get upset with them, cheer with them, win with them and lose with them. Through all of the high times and low, you will will be giving them the message that you love them, will be there when they need you and that you want to be part of their life and dreams.

Sure there's pressure and high sometimes urealistic expectations. This is how they learn about their own limits and how to push them. This is how they develope the knowledge of what it takes and the discipline to acheive a result or reach a goal. This is how they learn to set short and long term goals. This is how and where they learn to master their frustrations and control their emotions. This is how they learn that success is a process not a chance occurance. This is how they learn that it's the journey that matters most, not the destination. This is where they are learning who they are.

So, the next time that you see what appears to be an overinvolved parent think about the possibility that maybe they know what they are doing and their motivation is far more nuanced and complex then you now give them credit for. Maybe the youth sports parent is a little hard to put up with at times because from time to time they go overboard being their kids advocate. Learning to negotiate the mine filled realm of youth team sports politics is not easy and is probably the most frustrationg thing that I can think of to do. Learn to cut the parents a little slack. We all have in common the goal of giving our children the necessary tools to help them grow into happy and productive adults. That is what the sports parent is all about. I couldn't honestly tell you if it is by my son's choice or mine that this is our choosen path but, it is the one that we travel and like so many others we feel it is a good one.

On several occasions my wife and I have been accused (to our face)of being "too involved" with our son and his baseball. We usually say to the person who has leveled this complaint, "Please give us an example of how we are too involved." "Well, you all are at every game. Do ya'll work?" "Yes, we work." "How can you all keep a job and be at every game?" "Well, there is something called Annual Leave of which we have accumulated enough to take when we need to. If the game starts at 4:00pm, we go in early to work so we can get off early. Anymore questions?" "Nah, I guess that explains it." End of conversation!

Never let anyone tell you that you are too involved with your children. The often "fatal" mistake that many parents make, IMHO, is to slack off when your child becomes a teenager. As I look back over my son's involvement with baseball, I recall the stands being completely filled with parents when the kids were very young. However, when the kids become 14-18, the stands are almost empty. I think kids need the support of their parents just as much, or even more, when they become teenagers as they did when they were younger. There are so many "evils" out there at that age that parents really need to be there for their children - and we have been there for our son and will continue to support him and HIS dream as long as we need to.

Wheelhouse told my story also. I realized how much it hurt me not to have my parents there and I vowed that I would not put my kids through the same thing.

Life is too short and they grow up so fast. Relish every moment you have with them.

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Wheelhouse:

To me, your post was exceedingly sad. But, you are trying to see to it that your son does not suffer the way you did. I applaud you for it - doing the right thing is,today, not done often enough.

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I understand from where you come. My folks were somewhat "distracted" also.

Nothing has mattered more to me from the day he was born, than my son.




I've rarely missed a game. It has helped keep us close. The commitment was made because I wanted to and because it was needed.

Whether a parent sees every game or not one, is their business. It is sad, but I have found most kids who will be successful in sports are because of parent involvement. JMO
Limom,
I am assuming you were born in 84 and not a mom.Correct?

Hummmm. washed up at 17, how did he last so long? I was washed up at 12. The 17 yr old should get a pension, maybe a small plaque in the hall.

Catfish, To my way of thinking sometimes by not giving a the type of commitment to BB at the level it requires of importance, can contribute to the player who is great at 11-12 in falling behind by the time he is 17-18. I've seen this happen witha number of players that started out with my son at 6 and by the time they were 17 the ones that had not had any parental support were gone.

Catfish,

Annual leave, sounds like a brother fed to me and I hear you if you are.

Little story. One of my best days ever.

I was selected to play in the state Lions Club Allstar Baseball game. It was the only game my father ever came to see me play which happened to be my final game ever. (One of my best days ever) Support: I later signed to play JC but my dad convinced me that school was more important, so I quit. I will never know how far I could have gone and luckily, I'm strong enough to live with that even though my passion is for the sport. I promised myself that when I was blessed with a child, I would give him/her my support aslong as it was important to them. I am not blessed to have a son of my genes but am truly blessed in having a great stepson and stepdaughter that are quite athletic. I push them to give it their best (baseball and ballet) on anything that they do and I would be there cheering them on. My dad is a good man, raised in a different era and I love him for all his graces and faults. Moral of the story: There is no good or bad support unless it is forced stress to the child. My dad supported me in a different way other than being there and I support my children different from him. Were both right cause no one is being stressed to perform and be the best beyond their abilities.

My son's team played a tournament this summer-our stands were full, the other's was empty. Right fielder walking by our stands comments "Man-how come we never have any fans?" Pretty sad.

Pic...You are absolutely right. I've seen it happen over and over again. Typically, the kids with great parental support from Day One and, of course those with the talent and desire as well, are the ones who stick with baseball. It pains me to recall a few of the more talented kids who started with my son, who loved the game of baseball have either dropped out of baseball or are now in jail or dead. I think better parental support could have possibly made a difference.

Fighting Squirrel, your experience with your Father confirms that parental support comes in different forms. As you indicated, your Father supported you in ways other than attending your games and you were okay with that. The point is that you knew you had his support. However, it appears that you have chosen to support your stepchildren in a different and more visible way. I think our childhood experiences influence how many of us choose to parent our kids. We do live in a different era than our parents.

Yes, now that our son is in college, and we no longer have to get off work during the weekdays to head up I-75/I-20/I-285 to Marietta, Alpharetta, Roswell, Douglasville or Austell, we have accumulated lose-or-use leave that we use at the end of the year and donate some of it to our fellow employees who have run out of sick leave due to a catastrophic illness. It's all in what your priorities are and how you manage your leave. I'm sure you know what I am talking about.

washed up or washed out? I knew a kid who was a math wiz at 7 who now can't balance a check book, and little girl who was #1 in her 9 yr old ballet class who now works a pole on an elevated stage. Give that kid who was at the top at 6-9 yrs old some parental direction, support, and work ethic and my money says they're still at the top when their 18.

Has anyone ever looked back at that 8 yr old baseball stud who went no where and thought "gosh, if he were my son....."

Over involved? I can probably count on 2 hands how many games I missed in my son's life. Since my husband did not have hours that permitted him to see all his games, I made sure I was there. I made a commitment to stand behind him in trying to fulfill his dream because I know he'll decide on his own when it's time to hang up the spikes. He's been lucky enough to achieve most of the honors he set as his goals each year and I for one, am very proud of him. We didn't have alot of money to send him to showcases all over the country, but did what we could afford. I can't tell you how many nights my husband would pull into the parking lots in his big "brown truck" just to let him know he was there even for alittle bit. His dad died when he was really young so he knew how important it was to show he was there in his corner.
Now, he's off at college and away from home on his own for the first time. The night before he left, he said to me - "Ya know, I don't feel a real need to leave home like some kids do 'cause they can't wait to get away from their parents. You guys gave me all the freedom I wanted so I really don't feel any great need to leave. That's why I always tried to come home at night, so I could sleep in my own bed." When they tell you that, you know you're important in their life and that you must've done something right! We gave him rules but we also gave him freedom so while he's in college he doesn't have the need to go wild for the 1st time in his life. I would not trade all the shared memories, the long talks about his future goals and feelings about how his life was going for anything. So, if that's being over involved, I plead guilty and don't feel bad at all about it!

Is washed up really the correct term?

At 17 it may just be that his talent has taken him as far as he can go and he realizes it or perhaps just plain and simple he does not enjoy the game as much as he used to and wants to do other things

This can happen at any age-- I know kids who stopped playing in college as well kids who where "huge' in LL and never played HS ball.

It all depends on the boy and it is really not a bad thing-- they are making a mature decision and are getting on with their own lives.