The first thing to ask, is where your wife's job might be located. You really don't want to live terribly far from where she will work.
That said my preference from living there leaned towards North County. When I first moved their the local league was La Costa Canyon, Torrey Pines, Rancho Bernardo, Poway, Carmel Mt. Ranch and Westview. Since then there has been some realignment but that was a very tough conference. The thing is it really doesn't matter where you live and doesn't matter what school you attend.
My son's old school SFC is a small private and loaded with talent despite the size. And they play against teams with kids like Cody Poteet, and Jose Vizcaino's son, in other words some high level prospects. Cathedral Catholic is loaded as well and my point is, it really doesn't matter what program you choose. This is very important to remember, some of the highest recruited kids play at small schools as well as big schools.
If I were you, I'd be choosing the closest school to work where the academics are good and you can afford a house.
We personally left SD for Orlando due to a company move, and as much as I miss it, we were just barely getting by. You can't begin to compare the cost of living and how much it will eat you alive especially if you are not working.
It's hard to get a coaching gig here because there are so many for MILB or D1 type kids who land back in town and become good candidates for those jobs. Not saying you can't, it's just that you are starting fresh without a network of contacts. If you were a teacher also, that's not going to hurt, but you'll have to get certified, I am not sure about the reciprocity.