Ola everybody! It is me. Carl Tex. The Senor. I am apologetic for my absence. I am recently back from skiing trip to Alps. Now I would not understand why snow gringos would not let me use skiis, instead they make me use quatro snowboards, one for each foot they say, and one for each hand. Uno, dos, tres, quatro. “Que?” I say. Now I am on top of Old Smokey, looking down deep slope when little gringo, looking like Senor Smith, push me forward and I fall onto hands. Next thing that I know five little gringos are riding me like big bear and I am sliding down slope on all fours. “AY! AY! AY! AY!” I say as I bounce over bumps with little gringos holding on everywhere. Finally I hit one big bump and I am airborn (WHOOSH!). Looking down I see obstacle to landing. “Ay Caramba!” I say. It is big, rusty red Suburban, coming round hill, and I am targeting. “Look out Senor! Carl Tex is coming!” I yell as man with beisbol hat “TT” initials on top, (What does this stand for, Texas Tech?) abandons car with family just before impact. “CRUNCH!” I am landing on top of car like overweight Santa landing on straw hut. Nothing left but wheels and tires (bald). “Senor!” I say, pointing to his tires. “You were driving on these? Es no safe!” I then shrug my shoulders and walk away.
Now it is time to focus. Beisbol es not too far, si? In between burritos, I am reading computer posts, and article on 12 year-old pitchers throwing so fast. I will tell you now that we have team of little bambinos from Cabo. All throwing 99 miles per hour. Oops.. Ay caramba! I am reading upside down! It is really 66 miles per hour. I am silly, no? Every player on team best in country at position. Kind of like New York Yankees. Except no pay. And WITH pitching.
There is much talk of 13U teams this year, and I will make prediction. For North Alabama Vipers. Strongest little gringos this side of Jersey (and no criminal records). Working out at VBA, Viper Beisbol Academy. Finest facilities in world. Except maybe for restroom at Hilton. Ahhhhh Yes. I am remembering now. Newspapers for reading. Warm towels. Splash guards. Seat belts. Ahhhh. Oh, excusa mi. I am losing train of thought. Now little junior Vipers are in training to bring home many trofeos to land of “Bama Bombers“. Now I am a large man, this is well known. I am telling you, once I eat too many burritos and make “Bama Bomber” of my own. HA! I laugh at this! I am very funny man, no?
I must leave you now with song. (Ahem) “Big wheel keep on turnin’, Carry me home to my kin. Singin’ songs about the southland, I miss Alabamy once again. Sweet home Alabama, Lord I’m comin’ home to you…. ALABAMA!
Adios for now. The Senor. (Bbburrrrppppppp)