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My advice would be to let him fight it out himself, nothing like a good life lesson when you are still only a sophomore in HS. Tell him to work hard and then work harder, the old saying that the cream always rises to the top will show itself to be accurate. I had the exact same circumstances, except for playing for the school in the eigth grade. Son didn't start on varsity until his Sr. year. All the hard work and harder work paid off and has continued into his frist year in college. He hit .478 in HS with 5 HR's. Lead his team in every offensive and defensive catagory and into the state championship. He is playing fall ball in college and is currently hitting .538. Still waiting onhis first time going yard. In a strange way you should be excited about the future. You are either going to see your son become a person to be proud of or someone that needs to be talked to about the times that adversity comes his way. Either way you are going to find out what he is made of and whether you have raised him where you do not have to worry about his future.
As far as the fundraising goes, don't think about it in reference to your son. If you really believe in the program and helping the other players grow, just enjoy the fact that you are able to help in such a big way.
Be patient, enjoy the time. Kids are more resilient than the parents sometimes. He will be fine.
As far as the fundraising goes, don't think about it in reference to your son. If you really believe in the program and helping the other players grow, just enjoy the fact that you are able to help in such a big way.
Be patient, enjoy the time. Kids are more resilient than the parents sometimes. He will be fine.
In order to know where to go, you should know where you are. It would be worth it to schedule a meeting with the coach. Go to the meeting with the idea that you are collecting information, not that you are an advocate and protector of sons rights (although you are but not in this situation). The statistics that you are proud of are just that. What matters is where the coach thinks your son has a role and after learning that; what your son plans to do about changing the direction it is heading if indeed you find out your not as valued as you feel you should be.
Keep in mind, you are not the coach and whether you like him or not has no bearing on what you can do to influence your future.
If he is truly a hard worker and is recognized by others as having potential then there is plenty of hope that this will turn out well for everyone. Don't let the fact that you have a time and money investment in the program muddy the water. Your investment does not change his talent, either for the better or the worse. The coach can not afford to discriminate based on this. I know you said you expect no favors but.....human nature.
If this is what you have truly taught him, then stay the course and don't openly criticize the coach because that will tell him that it is a nice idea but that you truly don't believe in it. When you step out of bed in the morning, you are entitled to nothing. Every step after that earns you what you get. Good luck. That's just one view. I'm sure you'll get plenty of others.
Keep in mind, you are not the coach and whether you like him or not has no bearing on what you can do to influence your future.
If he is truly a hard worker and is recognized by others as having potential then there is plenty of hope that this will turn out well for everyone. Don't let the fact that you have a time and money investment in the program muddy the water. Your investment does not change his talent, either for the better or the worse. The coach can not afford to discriminate based on this. I know you said you expect no favors but.....human nature.
quote:I have always taught him to put his head down and work hard and things will fall in place, and he has.
If this is what you have truly taught him, then stay the course and don't openly criticize the coach because that will tell him that it is a nice idea but that you truly don't believe in it. When you step out of bed in the morning, you are entitled to nothing. Every step after that earns you what you get. Good luck. That's just one view. I'm sure you'll get plenty of others.
Furrybear, welcome.
Do nothing. Let your son play through it. This is very important, for baseball, and life.
I have provided financial support to my sons high school baseball program, on the condition that no one knows but the AD, the principal, and me. Why? I don't want my son to be favored or penalizesd because of something I did. I don't want him to feel entitled, or other players or parents to think he got any special consideration. I don't want any doubt that his successes belong to him alone. I understand some schools may not be set up to allow this, but I am a big fan of anonymous contributions.
At some point everyone plays behind someone they believe to be a lesser player. Sometimes it is true, sometimes not. It is up to your son to speak to the coach if he wants to understand his role on the team, and what he needs to do to advance.
Do nothing. Let your son play through it. This is very important, for baseball, and life.
I have provided financial support to my sons high school baseball program, on the condition that no one knows but the AD, the principal, and me. Why? I don't want my son to be favored or penalizesd because of something I did. I don't want him to feel entitled, or other players or parents to think he got any special consideration. I don't want any doubt that his successes belong to him alone. I understand some schools may not be set up to allow this, but I am a big fan of anonymous contributions.
At some point everyone plays behind someone they believe to be a lesser player. Sometimes it is true, sometimes not. It is up to your son to speak to the coach if he wants to understand his role on the team, and what he needs to do to advance.
Welcome to the HSBBW.
I think that when this happens to players (and their parents) when they are just beginning their HS years they learn lessons that will help them go farther than those that take it for granted they will always have it easy.
The way that I understand from your post, maybe you are expecting favors and it should never be that way. People give (their time or money) to programs because that is what they feel is the right thing to do, and not so that their player gets special treatment.
This is fall ball, that means preparation for the spring, perhaps at this time he is where he is because it is best for him and the team.
I am not sure if your son should speak to the coach at this point, he needs to take care of business first and prove he belongs, work hard for the spot and if it doesn't happen in spring then have him go speak with him.
I think that when this happens to players (and their parents) when they are just beginning their HS years they learn lessons that will help them go farther than those that take it for granted they will always have it easy.
The way that I understand from your post, maybe you are expecting favors and it should never be that way. People give (their time or money) to programs because that is what they feel is the right thing to do, and not so that their player gets special treatment.
This is fall ball, that means preparation for the spring, perhaps at this time he is where he is because it is best for him and the team.
I am not sure if your son should speak to the coach at this point, he needs to take care of business first and prove he belongs, work hard for the spot and if it doesn't happen in spring then have him go speak with him.
Thank you all for your opinions. They all have valuable and important angles of the situation. I look forward to reading more opinions!
quote:Originally posted by TPM:
The way that I understand from your post, maybe you are expecting favors and it should never be that way.
Thank you for your response. You may have missed that i pointed out i do not expect anything in return, on the contrary, I expect him to work and work harder.
The first post is often a difficult one. Yours, could have, may have been thought about or posted by many who have passed before you. The H.S. experience is a wake up call for both players and parents. It can be both frustrating and rewarding. The divergence between what we the parent sees and what the Coach sees, begins here.
What seems like a roadblock at the time, often works itself out and mostly for the good. As you reflect back the Coaches perspective becomes a little clearer to us.
As a Sophomore, it's likely he will end up on J.V. I'm sure the Coach knows who he is. His hard work, although much appreciated by you, are of lesser significance to the Head Coach. After all, he has a team to put together.
You son needs to be the one to deal with these questions with the Coach. How am I doing? What do I need to work on to contribute at the Varsity level?
etc. The only time I would recommend a parent talking to the Coach would be if the he refuses to communicate with the Player when asked.
On the positive side, he's likely playing, getting reps and becoming a better baseball player. Riding the bench on the higher team, behind more experienced players, won't help him baseball wise at this point.
Soon enough, if he works hard, you will be able to watch your son play Varsity H.S. Baseball.
BOL.
What seems like a roadblock at the time, often works itself out and mostly for the good. As you reflect back the Coaches perspective becomes a little clearer to us.
As a Sophomore, it's likely he will end up on J.V. I'm sure the Coach knows who he is. His hard work, although much appreciated by you, are of lesser significance to the Head Coach. After all, he has a team to put together.
You son needs to be the one to deal with these questions with the Coach. How am I doing? What do I need to work on to contribute at the Varsity level?
etc. The only time I would recommend a parent talking to the Coach would be if the he refuses to communicate with the Player when asked.
On the positive side, he's likely playing, getting reps and becoming a better baseball player. Riding the bench on the higher team, behind more experienced players, won't help him baseball wise at this point.
Soon enough, if he works hard, you will be able to watch your son play Varsity H.S. Baseball.
BOL.
quote:Originally posted by Furrybear:quote:Originally posted by TPM:
The way that I understand from your post, maybe you are expecting favors and it should never be that way.
Thank you for your response. You may have missed that i pointed out i do not expect anything in return, on the contrary, I expect him to work and work harder.
I may have misunderstood as if it wasn't important then why was it mentioned?
Follow the advice here given to you. Just let it play out and stay out of it.
..
No one is judging it was mentioned so I thought that you may have felt it relevant and these things are not.
quote:Twotex said....Do nothing. Let your son play through it. This is very important, for baseball, and life.
I agree 100% with twotex suggestion. Most of us have been through some issue or another along the way (JV, Travel Ball, Varsity, Showcase Ball, College Baseball, etc...). My wife and I've been through JV baseball three times with my sons, and I'm currently coaching a Fall Ball high school team. We change the Fall Ball JV lineup all the time because it is FALL baseball....it is about development and repitiion for all players.
Monitor the situation, support your son and let him figure it out. If your son genuinely feels there is a huge problem that won't go away, I would advise HIM to go to the coach.
Good luck.
Furrybear,
Welcome!
1. This is fall ball. Coaches are concerned with talent evaluations for spring.
2. Fallball Coaches are communicating with Varsity Coach, so rest assured, your son is in the mix. If he shines, that will be reported to VC.
3. It is competitive. All these kids have to clime the same ladder. And it is only based on players performance, given he has the grades & no off field issues.
4. Varsity is about winning games & a winning Season, which keeps the Coach(es) employed...Our Coach always said at the first Booster "meet & greet", that he would field the "best nine", with the goal being post season play.
These years go by very quickly! Just enjoy the game, the season & praise all the players on the team. Your son's day will come. Your job for the next 2 years is to encourage him to be ready for "the call up"!
And, IF college ball is a goal, that he is prepared academically, and athletically. See the green tab in the upper left margin of this page, to go to the Recruiting Timeline. Follow those proven instructions.
"Control what you can control & don't fret over the rest!"
Regarding fundraising...it matters when it is from the heart. I hope it made your heart glad to know you were able to help the program, and that you are motivated to continue, regardless of where your son plays.
It matters not if there is an agenda. Fundraising has nothing at all to do with a coaches job of "fielding the best nine".
Most of all, have fun! These are wonderful years for both of you!
Welcome!
1. This is fall ball. Coaches are concerned with talent evaluations for spring.
2. Fallball Coaches are communicating with Varsity Coach, so rest assured, your son is in the mix. If he shines, that will be reported to VC.
3. It is competitive. All these kids have to clime the same ladder. And it is only based on players performance, given he has the grades & no off field issues.
4. Varsity is about winning games & a winning Season, which keeps the Coach(es) employed...Our Coach always said at the first Booster "meet & greet", that he would field the "best nine", with the goal being post season play.
These years go by very quickly! Just enjoy the game, the season & praise all the players on the team. Your son's day will come. Your job for the next 2 years is to encourage him to be ready for "the call up"!
And, IF college ball is a goal, that he is prepared academically, and athletically. See the green tab in the upper left margin of this page, to go to the Recruiting Timeline. Follow those proven instructions.
"Control what you can control & don't fret over the rest!"
Regarding fundraising...it matters when it is from the heart. I hope it made your heart glad to know you were able to help the program, and that you are motivated to continue, regardless of where your son plays.
It matters not if there is an agenda. Fundraising has nothing at all to do with a coaches job of "fielding the best nine".
Most of all, have fun! These are wonderful years for both of you!
Furrybear (I find it somehow comforting just saying furrybear), I've always felt that the most difficult years for parents of baseball players are the transition years into high school (with the possible exception of whatever is going on at the present moment).
It's a challenge for one reason because before high school you had some level of control over what team he played for and usually had input on team related matters as well. Those days are gone and they belong in the rear view mirror.
Work with your son to improve his skills and be there to counsel and support him and if there's a time for conversations with the coach, let him do that too.
Good luck, have fun.
Ps. You will see many other parents not take this advice and their kids won't develop as young men nearly as well as they should have as a result.
It's a challenge for one reason because before high school you had some level of control over what team he played for and usually had input on team related matters as well. Those days are gone and they belong in the rear view mirror.
Work with your son to improve his skills and be there to counsel and support him and if there's a time for conversations with the coach, let him do that too.
Good luck, have fun.
Ps. You will see many other parents not take this advice and their kids won't develop as young men nearly as well as they should have as a result.
The boy has improved the last 3 years yet the coach is "ignoring" him?
There is more to this story that I think you should find out.
I would talk with your son first to make sure there was nothing else left out in his explanation that could prove embarassing.
Then talk to the coach to see what is going on.
Just staying out of it won't make it better.
There is more to this story that I think you should find out.
I would talk with your son first to make sure there was nothing else left out in his explanation that could prove embarassing.
Then talk to the coach to see what is going on.
Just staying out of it won't make it better.
Bostonbulldogbaseball has given you the exact opposite advice to the advice you should follow. This is your son's battle to wage, and he will wage it most effectively by working on only what he can control: improving his skills and being an excellent team mate. You need to support your son, be his cheerleader and encourage all players and parents.
Always be a positive influence.
You will gain nothing by addressing the coach, or by allowing your son to hear you second guess the coaches decisions.
It is critical for parents to stay out of this.
Always be a positive influence.
You will gain nothing by addressing the coach, or by allowing your son to hear you second guess the coaches decisions.
It is critical for parents to stay out of this.
Outstanding advice by floridafan. There is not a parent on this site that has not seen their son in situations they wanted to second guess. There is not a parent that has ever had a son play this game that at some point and time wanted to step in and help make the situation better for their kid. But there comes a time when its their time to fight their own battles. And that battle is not fought in the dugout. In the parking lot. In the coaches office. On the phone or anywhere else but on the field and by the player.
The cream will rise to the top if it is allowed to do so. Once you jump into the fray it changes the dynamics. Once you start with the negative comments some kids latch onto this as a crutch to use as one of the reasons for their failure to succeed. Your not on the team. You will not have to field one ground ball or take one at bat. Allow your son to compete and fight for what he truly wants. Encourage him and stay positive. Enjoy the ride and enjoy watching your boy become a man. Or be part of the reason he has a miserable HS baseball experience and ensure you have a miserable experience as well.
The cream will rise to the top if it is allowed to do so. Once you jump into the fray it changes the dynamics. Once you start with the negative comments some kids latch onto this as a crutch to use as one of the reasons for their failure to succeed. Your not on the team. You will not have to field one ground ball or take one at bat. Allow your son to compete and fight for what he truly wants. Encourage him and stay positive. Enjoy the ride and enjoy watching your boy become a man. Or be part of the reason he has a miserable HS baseball experience and ensure you have a miserable experience as well.
furrybear, I am one who has seen it all. Bum, Jr. was probably the smallest kid on every team he has ever played on he was ignored in rec ball, ignored in travel ball (at the younger ages), and didn't make varisty in h.s. until he was a Junior. He went to showcases where the scouts drooled over the bigger kids. He went to D1 ball and as a freshman and sophomore didn't get a chance to pitch but a handful of innings and had to transfer and sit out a year.
He has had to claw his way up each rung of the ladder with tenacity, talent, and toughness.
As Coach May wisely points out, the cream will rise to the top. As parents, we sometimes worry too much about the process, but I can tell you if your son has "it" it will all work out in the end.
Good luck to your son.
He has had to claw his way up each rung of the ladder with tenacity, talent, and toughness.
As Coach May wisely points out, the cream will rise to the top. As parents, we sometimes worry too much about the process, but I can tell you if your son has "it" it will all work out in the end.
Good luck to your son.
Furrybear - Welcome to the HSBBW.
The short version: It is fall ball. A time to get reps, practice, and get better for the spring season. You mentioned in your post that he is struggling a bit. Coaches may be aware of that and may have placed him on the FROSH team this fall to get more reps/playing time in order to help him develop as a player. I would not read too much into the playing level for HS Fall Ball.
Second piece of advice. Let your Son work through this. Encourage him to practice, work hard on and off the field and he will be a better man for it in the end. If anyone feels the need to talk to the coach it should be your Son, and the questions should be his not yours. Also when it comes to your Son talking to the coach, don't ask questions you don't want the answer to.
Again, welcome to the HSBBW. This is a great site and a wonderful source of information.
The short version: It is fall ball. A time to get reps, practice, and get better for the spring season. You mentioned in your post that he is struggling a bit. Coaches may be aware of that and may have placed him on the FROSH team this fall to get more reps/playing time in order to help him develop as a player. I would not read too much into the playing level for HS Fall Ball.
Second piece of advice. Let your Son work through this. Encourage him to practice, work hard on and off the field and he will be a better man for it in the end. If anyone feels the need to talk to the coach it should be your Son, and the questions should be his not yours. Also when it comes to your Son talking to the coach, don't ask questions you don't want the answer to.
Again, welcome to the HSBBW. This is a great site and a wonderful source of information.
Chances are the coach will address players at the end of fall ball to tell them where they stand and what they need to improve over the winter before tryouts. If this doesn't take place your son should approach the coach asking for advice on improving his game. Do not have him ask where he stands in the program. If you expect your son to move up to JV ball why do you expect the varsity coach to acknowledge him?
Keep in mind the coach can't see all the positives you see because he's not around your son all the time. Also keep in mind parents often look at freshman or JV stats and don't see the negatives varsity coaches see.
Your son is in high school. He's playing big boy ball now. Stay away from the coach. It will only harm his chances. It's time for your son to man up and approach the coach if both of you see it as necessary. It's not just about baseball. It's about learning to address life's issues.
Keep in mind the coach can't see all the positives you see because he's not around your son all the time. Also keep in mind parents often look at freshman or JV stats and don't see the negatives varsity coaches see.
Your son is in high school. He's playing big boy ball now. Stay away from the coach. It will only harm his chances. It's time for your son to man up and approach the coach if both of you see it as necessary. It's not just about baseball. It's about learning to address life's issues.
I would also disagree with the parent meeting with the coach. Its far more effective for a kid to meet with the coach on his own, he'll get respect from most coaches while parents "gathering information" etc will scare or PO the coach off.
Certainly there maybe legitimate reasons for meeting the coach, however, it usually doesn't turn out well for the kid. i.e. parents meeting with the coach will PO the other parents who'll think you are attempting to intimitate the coach into playing your kid, over their kid.
We meet with the varsity coach of my daughters basketball program, she was a freshman on the JV and a very good player. After our meeting the JV coach was fired the parents and other players treated my daughter like the meeting was for her benefit and showed treated her poorly, she transferred and doesn't talk to those people anymore. What the parents didn't really know because they were not at the meeting was that the coach had sexually harrased her many times and was going to parties with players on the team. My point being is that if people know you as a parent met with the coach they will speculate in ways that will not be favorable to your kid.....if your kid meets with the coach they won't speculate.
Certainly there maybe legitimate reasons for meeting the coach, however, it usually doesn't turn out well for the kid. i.e. parents meeting with the coach will PO the other parents who'll think you are attempting to intimitate the coach into playing your kid, over their kid.
We meet with the varsity coach of my daughters basketball program, she was a freshman on the JV and a very good player. After our meeting the JV coach was fired the parents and other players treated my daughter like the meeting was for her benefit and showed treated her poorly, she transferred and doesn't talk to those people anymore. What the parents didn't really know because they were not at the meeting was that the coach had sexually harrased her many times and was going to parties with players on the team. My point being is that if people know you as a parent met with the coach they will speculate in ways that will not be favorable to your kid.....if your kid meets with the coach they won't speculate.
Thanks again to all of you for the responses. It really is helping with the uncertainty of the situation. It seems like for the most part the decision is unanimous of what my role here is.
"the cream will rise to the top" is a phrase that rings true in my mind..
"the cream will rise to the top" is a phrase that rings true in my mind..
quote:The Varsity coach is outright ignoring him in school and will not acknowledge him at all. I am dumbfounded because i cannot for the life of me understand what is going on.
Despite being in the distinct minority, I wouldn't rule out a meeting with the coach just because he might be "scared" or "PO'd".
He should be someone who's willing to give you a man to man assessment of where your son is talent and work ethic wise without taking it out on your son. And much of the advice regarding interaction with the coach deals with "confrontation". That absolutely is wrong and I agree entirely with not meeting with a coach when it is likely not to be "informative."
The way I read the OP......it is the lack of understanding the situation that is the point.
My son's high school coach had a standing invitation to talk with him regarding only "your own son." He would not discuss anyone else. A very good idea. My son as a sophomore was not hitting it off with the coach. Lots of **** going on back and forth. I scheduled a meeting with the coach and he brought another person with him probably because he thought I was going to be confrontational. Possibly a logical conclusion given that a petition had been signed by almost every parent requesting his resignation and presented to the AD. One that I did not sign. When he found out that we wanted to know what my son could do to be a better teammate the coach was more than happy to point out where he thought the deficiencies were and how he thought my son could best contribute. Finally, knowing where we stood, the rest of the season and the next two years my son was very successful in high school and played on scholarship in college also.
I understand the idea that the player should be the one to speak with the coach. The older the player the more that is true. I'm just saying, sometimes...sometimes it is the right thing to do. After that meeting, I never spoke a word to that coach, not about his pitching, not about his attitude, not about his college recruitment, not even a "hey how's it going?". My son had witnessed first hand how it should be handled. After that, he took care of his own business. You can sit around and wonder what's up...or you can find out. Your choice. If the consequences of having a coach meeting outweigh the understanding you might get....then don't do anything. Strap on your seat belt and hope for the best.
quote:Originally posted by bostonbulldogbaseball:
Actually I'm right. You just don't know it yet.
There's more to this story. Either the boy has done something the father is not aware or the coach has reached a perception of the boy that is unfounded.
I think you’re right. Above all else, the playing, the becoming a man, the learning to stand on one’s own feet, etc., the most important thing for a parent is to parent, and that’s impossible to do if they aren’t aware of what’s taking place.
Chances are those who say you’re wrong because they believe it’s a “baseball” thing are right. But what if they’re wrong and there’s something else going on dad doesn’t know about?
Unless the coach is a complete a$$, there’s no way a concerned parent going through the proper channels and acting properly is going to make the situation worse. Good grief, every time a parent talks to a HS coach its not as though they’re attacking the coach during the game or kicking down his office door.
I’d like to know how all those who say leave alone would feel if it was later found out that the kid got his girlfriend pregnant, got involved in drugs, gambling or something else that got his head screwed up, then walked into practice one day and pulled a MAC-10 out of his bat bag. This isn’t 1950 anymore, and parents should be allowed to parent if they follow the rules of engagement.
I think it was coach May who said sometimes it requires everyone in the stands, including grandma, to understand that you belong in the lineup before things happen for you (my apologies if I said it wrong). Conflicts with coaches always surface on the margins.
His job is to put the effort in so all the grandmas see that he belongs out there.
His job is to put the effort in so all the grandmas see that he belongs out there.
There are so many reasons to give up in baseball. Lack of talent, training, girlfriends, bittnerness towards the coach, lack of playing time, getting a Golden Sombrero, lack of confidence, getting ridiculed, getting hurt, drugs, laziness.. the list goes on.
In fact, from T-ball to pro 99% of all ballplayers leave the game through attrition due to non-baseball related factors. Baseball is a game for the mentally tough.
The same is true in life.
One thing I've noticed as the players migrate up through the levels is that, at the highest levels, all (or nearly all) of the parents are very cool people. They are just as mentally tough as their players and have conveyed this mentality to their sons. They have learned that it is up to the player --not the parent--to play so well on the field that their talent cannot be denied.
In fact, from T-ball to pro 99% of all ballplayers leave the game through attrition due to non-baseball related factors. Baseball is a game for the mentally tough.
The same is true in life.
One thing I've noticed as the players migrate up through the levels is that, at the highest levels, all (or nearly all) of the parents are very cool people. They are just as mentally tough as their players and have conveyed this mentality to their sons. They have learned that it is up to the player --not the parent--to play so well on the field that their talent cannot be denied.
Although in general I agree with most the posts here about letting your son deal with the VC by himself, I did have a situation where I did step outside and have a meeting with the VC.
Web was playing summer ball with the VC and when we had the meeting about summer ball, the VC said that he would not interfere with other summer programs, Web left a tournament to play with his other summer team (against my advice BTW). Upon his return, he was left at the end of the bench. This was especially disconcerting because he was a rising junior and was battling for a starting job and was clearly outplaying the rising senior. I called the VC and met with him and cleared the air, let the VC know that Web was comitted to his HS. After the meeting, everything worked out. Web started in the spring.
Web was playing summer ball with the VC and when we had the meeting about summer ball, the VC said that he would not interfere with other summer programs, Web left a tournament to play with his other summer team (against my advice BTW). Upon his return, he was left at the end of the bench. This was especially disconcerting because he was a rising junior and was battling for a starting job and was clearly outplaying the rising senior. I called the VC and met with him and cleared the air, let the VC know that Web was comitted to his HS. After the meeting, everything worked out. Web started in the spring.
If one of my parents had gone to any coach I ever played for I would have freaked out. Your not on the team Dad, Mom. I can handle my own business. If I think I need to talk to the coach then I will. But I am going to beat those guys out and I am going to prove I belong on the field. Sooner or later but I am going to do it.
If my son ever came to me and complained about one of his coaches and he is a RS Sr in college I would ask him first "Have you talked to your coach face to face about this." If he said no I would put him in his place very quickly and tell him to man up or shut up. Parents who can't sit back and allow their kids to learn to deal with these types of situations should understand they will be doing this long after baseball ends and in every aspect of their "childs life." Read Bum's last post its 100% correct.
It's freaking fall baseball people. The coach will play the players he feels are the best players. So go out and focus on what its going to take for him to believe your one of the best players. And tell Mommy and Daddy to handle their jobs and their boss and you will handle what you have to handle. Good grief. My players would have freaked out as well if their parents ever approached me about playing time. They understood what they had to do the key word being "THEY."
Players don't last long in this game when they are not mentally tough enough to handle these situations. And parents don't either. Just stick around in the game a few years and you will understand exactly what I am talking about.
If my son ever came to me and complained about one of his coaches and he is a RS Sr in college I would ask him first "Have you talked to your coach face to face about this." If he said no I would put him in his place very quickly and tell him to man up or shut up. Parents who can't sit back and allow their kids to learn to deal with these types of situations should understand they will be doing this long after baseball ends and in every aspect of their "childs life." Read Bum's last post its 100% correct.
It's freaking fall baseball people. The coach will play the players he feels are the best players. So go out and focus on what its going to take for him to believe your one of the best players. And tell Mommy and Daddy to handle their jobs and their boss and you will handle what you have to handle. Good grief. My players would have freaked out as well if their parents ever approached me about playing time. They understood what they had to do the key word being "THEY."
Players don't last long in this game when they are not mentally tough enough to handle these situations. And parents don't either. Just stick around in the game a few years and you will understand exactly what I am talking about.
I agree with all those who said let the son fight it out....
In our case - out son kind of followed same path. Lead JV team in stats however coach didn't know who he was. Thought he was someone else and appeared like he didn't care.
Junior year tryouts he lit up the gun and made his name known. Wound up one of the top varsity starters.
Coach might not care (or show he cares) cause the kids are playing against Freshmen and JV. We were told stats mean nothing cause a 400 BA can easily turn into 220 at Varsity. Same for a 6-0 record into a 2-4.
Tell your son stick with it - make the most of EVERY opportunity. Its hard for a coach to not play his best players that are in front of him....its even harder for parents to sit on the sides and not but in.
Good luck and keep us all posted....
In our case - out son kind of followed same path. Lead JV team in stats however coach didn't know who he was. Thought he was someone else and appeared like he didn't care.
Junior year tryouts he lit up the gun and made his name known. Wound up one of the top varsity starters.
Coach might not care (or show he cares) cause the kids are playing against Freshmen and JV. We were told stats mean nothing cause a 400 BA can easily turn into 220 at Varsity. Same for a 6-0 record into a 2-4.
Tell your son stick with it - make the most of EVERY opportunity. Its hard for a coach to not play his best players that are in front of him....its even harder for parents to sit on the sides and not but in.
Good luck and keep us all posted....
When my son entered his sophmore season in HS, they took the bat out of his hands as pitcher only. He had played as utility on JV, but no such luck on V. He was devastated.
Always a good hitter and played every position, he sat for two seasons watching his team lose many games because the guys in the game couldn't always get the job done. He begged the coaches over an over, they paid no attention. He wasn't always happy, we knew it but we stayed out of it, it was not our place, just as Coach May suggests (please listen to CM), he would have been really upset if we said anything.
At this point your sons have to learn to take care of business themselves.
Ironically, as a senior, son got the opportunity to be in the game when not pitching, he led the team in ERA, BA and HR and received county utility player of the year as well as team MVP and pitcher of the year.
I think a big thing these days is that some folks don't know how to let go. They have such control over their children's lives, they control everything for them, even down to telling them how to keep their emotions in check. Good parenting is not about intervening, but rather teaching your kids to understand that as they move from one stage to another they need to take full responsibility for everything, this isn't just about baseball. Of course there are times when you do have to intervene, that might be when you see their report cards, or asking who they hang out with, missing curfew, other types of behavior.
This is about conducting yourself in an extra curricular activity. But then again I see so many parents more involved in sports than other parts of their lives. This is not good.
I have found that how son took care of business on the field also has made him responsible in other areas of his life, THAT IS AND SHOULD BE THE GOAL. Baseball helped him to grow up and become a man, as it should be, the other stuff that came later were just added perks. I just think that too many people put emphasis on it because they think their sons will miss out on something...not if they are good, as said the cream always rises, and for many, that doesn't just happen in HS or in fall ball.
No way would I have ever spoken for son if he left one team to play for another, benching was well deserved. I am not trying to be difficult and I understand this worked out well but there comes a time when parents need to let their players take care of their own business. Early HS is a great place to start.
I am not sure what this has to do with becoming an ax murderer later on (because parents didn't pay attention, maybe the problem is that many pay too much attention when they shouldn't).
Regardless, good parenting is keeping the lines of communication open between you and your son. If he is unhappy discuss ways that he can solve his issue, your role is as listener, and unless your son's health is in jeopardy, it's time for mom and dad to watch from the stands only. I doubt that the coach not paying attention to son has anything to do with anything he did that was not appropriate.
Again, keep in mind that is FALL BALL, this is no indication what will happen until spring. Just hang in there.
Always a good hitter and played every position, he sat for two seasons watching his team lose many games because the guys in the game couldn't always get the job done. He begged the coaches over an over, they paid no attention. He wasn't always happy, we knew it but we stayed out of it, it was not our place, just as Coach May suggests (please listen to CM), he would have been really upset if we said anything.
At this point your sons have to learn to take care of business themselves.
Ironically, as a senior, son got the opportunity to be in the game when not pitching, he led the team in ERA, BA and HR and received county utility player of the year as well as team MVP and pitcher of the year.
I think a big thing these days is that some folks don't know how to let go. They have such control over their children's lives, they control everything for them, even down to telling them how to keep their emotions in check. Good parenting is not about intervening, but rather teaching your kids to understand that as they move from one stage to another they need to take full responsibility for everything, this isn't just about baseball. Of course there are times when you do have to intervene, that might be when you see their report cards, or asking who they hang out with, missing curfew, other types of behavior.
This is about conducting yourself in an extra curricular activity. But then again I see so many parents more involved in sports than other parts of their lives. This is not good.
I have found that how son took care of business on the field also has made him responsible in other areas of his life, THAT IS AND SHOULD BE THE GOAL. Baseball helped him to grow up and become a man, as it should be, the other stuff that came later were just added perks. I just think that too many people put emphasis on it because they think their sons will miss out on something...not if they are good, as said the cream always rises, and for many, that doesn't just happen in HS or in fall ball.
No way would I have ever spoken for son if he left one team to play for another, benching was well deserved. I am not trying to be difficult and I understand this worked out well but there comes a time when parents need to let their players take care of their own business. Early HS is a great place to start.
I am not sure what this has to do with becoming an ax murderer later on (because parents didn't pay attention, maybe the problem is that many pay too much attention when they shouldn't).
Regardless, good parenting is keeping the lines of communication open between you and your son. If he is unhappy discuss ways that he can solve his issue, your role is as listener, and unless your son's health is in jeopardy, it's time for mom and dad to watch from the stands only. I doubt that the coach not paying attention to son has anything to do with anything he did that was not appropriate.
Again, keep in mind that is FALL BALL, this is no indication what will happen until spring. Just hang in there.
quote:Originally posted by Coach_May:
If one of my parents had gone to any coach I ever played for I would have freaked out. Your not on the team Dad, Mom. I can handle my own business. If I think I need to talk to the coach then I will. But I am going to beat those guys out and I am going to prove I belong on the field. Sooner or later but I am going to do it.
If my son ever came to me and complained about one of his coaches and he is a RS Sr in college I would ask him first "Have you talked to your coach face to face about this." If he said no I would put him in his place very quickly and tell him to man up or shut up. Parents who can't sit back and allow their kids to learn to deal with these types of situations should understand they will be doing this long after baseball ends and in every aspect of their "childs life." Read Bum's last post its 100% correct.
It's freaking fall baseball people. The coach will play the players he feels are the best players. So go out and focus on what its going to take for him to believe your one of the best players. And tell Mommy and Daddy to handle their jobs and their boss and you will handle what you have to handle. Good grief. My players would have freaked out as well if their parents ever approached me about playing time. They understood what they had to do the key word being "THEY."
Players don't last long in this game when they are not mentally tough enough to handle these situations. And parents don't either. Just stick around in the game a few years and you will understand exactly what I am talking about.
Throughout my sons HS Baseball years, my son would have freaked out if my feet hit the playing surface! Seriously, he told me I was not allowed on the field, and I respected that...RESPECTED that. He was drawing lines in the sand and becoming a man. We were never offended, his mother and I saw our role as being one that encouraged him to stand on his own.
TPM - Great post as well!
quote:Originally posted by bostonbulldogbaseball:
The boy has improved the last 3 years yet the coach is "ignoring" him?
There is more to this story that I think you should find out.
I would talk with your son first to make sure there was nothing else left out in his explanation that could prove embarassing.
Then talk to the coach to see what is going on.
Just staying out of it won't make it better.
Others have offered great advice on this subject, so I wont offer the same advice you already have heard. So my advice to you on this board is to never listen to the advice that this guy gives you. It seems every message board has the one guy who has to go against the flow on every subject. He is that guy here. Probaby in your best interest not to listen to him.
quote:Originally posted by Mizzoubaseball:quote:Originally posted by bostonbulldogbaseball:
The boy has improved the last 3 years yet the coach is "ignoring" him?
There is more to this story that I think you should find out.
I would talk with your son first to make sure there was nothing else left out in his explanation that could prove embarassing.
Then talk to the coach to see what is going on.
Just staying out of it won't make it better.
Others have offered great advice on this subject, so I wont offer the same advice you already have heard. So my advice to you on this board is to never listen to the advice that this guy gives you. It seems every message board has the one guy who has to go against the flow on every subject. He is that guy here. Probaby in your best interest not to listen to him.
JMO, and too late now, but coaching the fall ball teams is generally a mistake for a parent. It is more likely to put a parent in conflict with the coach than working together with a coach unless the parent is quite obsequious or the coach is very sure of his self. A friend helped coach fall ball at Chatsworth and it was no problem, but the coach there didn't have much reason to be insecure. 
As far as the varsity coach asking a parent fall ball coach about the players, as far as my limited experience goes it doesn't often happen. The coach may not have a lot of respect for the fall ball coach's ability to judge talent, and in many cases is probably right.
Other than that just encourage your son to keep working hard and to maintain a good attitude and deal with whatever happens as a result without trying to interfere. Don't try to use the fact that you are contributing financially or with time to the program as leverage. Coaches love the support but hate being made to feel like they owe something for it in return.
We had a senior catcher who had been starting since he was a sophomore but was struggling a bit. His mom was the team mom and because the parent of a pitcher who hadn't gotten to play at all that season supposedly due to injury wasn't going to pay for putting anything in the team's yearbook, the team mom went to the coach asking when the kid would get to play. The coach gave the team mom a moderately positive answer without actually committing to anything. According to one of the players on the bus that day the coach told the pitching coach that the pitcher who had been cleared to play was still injured and absolutely would not be allowed to play. The catcher lost the starting job that day and never got it back. The coach probably wouldn't have used the pitcher any sooner in any case, but the kid was rather talented and if he'd gotten some work may have had an impact on the season. Who knows? The kid who got the starting catcher's job was clearly superior and it helped the team. Moral of the story is don't interfere in any way. It is far more likely to hurt your kid's chances than help.
As far as the varsity coach asking a parent fall ball coach about the players, as far as my limited experience goes it doesn't often happen. The coach may not have a lot of respect for the fall ball coach's ability to judge talent, and in many cases is probably right.
Other than that just encourage your son to keep working hard and to maintain a good attitude and deal with whatever happens as a result without trying to interfere. Don't try to use the fact that you are contributing financially or with time to the program as leverage. Coaches love the support but hate being made to feel like they owe something for it in return.
We had a senior catcher who had been starting since he was a sophomore but was struggling a bit. His mom was the team mom and because the parent of a pitcher who hadn't gotten to play at all that season supposedly due to injury wasn't going to pay for putting anything in the team's yearbook, the team mom went to the coach asking when the kid would get to play. The coach gave the team mom a moderately positive answer without actually committing to anything. According to one of the players on the bus that day the coach told the pitching coach that the pitcher who had been cleared to play was still injured and absolutely would not be allowed to play. The catcher lost the starting job that day and never got it back. The coach probably wouldn't have used the pitcher any sooner in any case, but the kid was rather talented and if he'd gotten some work may have had an impact on the season. Who knows? The kid who got the starting catcher's job was clearly superior and it helped the team. Moral of the story is don't interfere in any way. It is far more likely to hurt your kid's chances than help.
Thank you Mizzoubaseball!
I remember during tryout's my son's Senior year. I was up on the hill above right field where I normally sat and enjoyed a nice H Upmann cigar.
I noticed a man in jeans and tshirt walking out onto the field over just past 2nd base in the grass where the HC was standing. Next thing I see is this man's hands flailing all over the place and the HC pointing "out!".
Sure enough, this dad had the gall to march out onto the field DURING tryout's to ask why he had cut his son from the team.
I thought I was going to fall out of my chair, and thus, ruin my fine cigar.
Moral to story: Stay off the field and let the Coach make the decisions. He knows best. It's his team.
I noticed a man in jeans and tshirt walking out onto the field over just past 2nd base in the grass where the HC was standing. Next thing I see is this man's hands flailing all over the place and the HC pointing "out!".
Sure enough, this dad had the gall to march out onto the field DURING tryout's to ask why he had cut his son from the team.
I thought I was going to fall out of my chair, and thus, ruin my fine cigar.
Moral to story: Stay off the field and let the Coach make the decisions. He knows best. It's his team.
quote:Originally posted by YoungGunDad:
I remember during tryout's my son's Senior year. I was up on the hill above right field where I normally sat and enjoyed a nice H Upmann cigar.
I noticed a man in jeans and tshirt walking out onto the field over just past 2nd base in the grass where the HC was standing. Next thing I see is this man's hands flailing all over the place and the HC pointing "out!".
Sure enough, this dad had the gall to march out onto the field DURING tryout's to ask why he had cut his son from the team.
I thought I was going to fall out of my chair, and thus, ruin my fine cigar.
Moral to story: Stay off the field and let the Coach make the decisions. He knows best. It's his team.
I agree with the "it's his team" but just because he is coach doesn't mean he knows best.
I'm not on here as much lately for a variety of reasons until ball cranks up.
Im not even sure I know who bostonbulldog is but all I can say to that response is "WOW"!
YGD
Im not even sure I know who bostonbulldog is but all I can say to that response is "WOW"!
YGD
quote:Originally posted by YoungGunDad:
I'm not on here as much lately for a variety of reasons until ball cranks up.
Im not even sure I know who bostonbulldog is but all I can say to that response is "WOW"!
YGD
It's fairly straightforward. So a guy who becomes head coach of a baseball team automatically "knows best"?
How many stories have we heard of high school head coaches riding one of their pitchers until their arm blows out? Or taking the catcher halfway through the game and using him as a pitcher?
There are lots of opinions of course, and there's no way for us (or you) to truly know what may be the best thing to do. In short, I am in the camp of minimal coach contact. If your son hasn't had a conversation with the JV coach, I'd definitely suggest one.
Once he hears the JV coach's thoughts on the subject, your son can then come back to you so that you both at least understand (even if you disagree with) their perspective and consider, what if anything you may want to do beyond that.
If they come back with he's doing OK, but needs to work on A, B, and C, then do the best self-assessment he (with your help) can and if you reasonably agree, he can ask the coach how he can develop A, B, and C. I would do that even if you only agree with A
.
Good luck!
Once he hears the JV coach's thoughts on the subject, your son can then come back to you so that you both at least understand (even if you disagree with) their perspective and consider, what if anything you may want to do beyond that.
If they come back with he's doing OK, but needs to work on A, B, and C, then do the best self-assessment he (with your help) can and if you reasonably agree, he can ask the coach how he can develop A, B, and C. I would do that even if you only agree with A
.Good luck!