Need Parent Coaching Advice

No offense but

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No one could possibly know his swing and pitching mechanics better than his dad, right?

Yes others can see his swing and mechanics and be able to fix flaws and probably even improve upon them.

Let your son be able to stand on his own two feet. Let him hear other perspectives and ways of doing things.

I'm willing to bet you have done a great job in preparing him for HS frosh tryouts. Now it's time to pass him onto others for the rest of his development. It doesn't mean you are done teaching him baseball but now your primary job is support. When he has a bad day - be there for him. Don't take him out to the cages to work on his swing or mechanics.

Now it's your time to set back and see / enjoy how the hard work you (and your wife) did develops into a young man.

*****Assuming the coaches know what they are talking about at the high school*****

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I certainly don't know your relationship with your son, but I do remember back when HS ball first started with mine. If you have been taking him to the cages for years, and giving sound tips/coaching, it will be natural for him to come back to you for further advice. He'll be exhausted when practice is done everday and Saturday, but a time will come when he'll ask, or you can suggest, "wanna' go to the cages?" Sit and watch... wait til he opens up to you asking little bits. Don't overpower. 13/14 year old boys are breaking out to manhood, and want to feel in control, but like I said, if this is not a new thing... he'll at least ask your opinion. Don't be overly generous (with too much advice).

My problem became when the mechanics of hitting got beyond my ability to see little hitches, improper timing or weight distribution. That's when I sought the advice of paid or friendly professionals (certainly including his travel ball coaches) who really knew what they were doing. I accepted my shortcomings early on, and they moved ahead a lot faster with my just picking up the tab.

cadDAD

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Thanks for the advice Coach2709... That line was mostly tongue-in-cheek, but you often hear pros credit their dad for the extra work. Anyway, I plan to be hands off - but just wondering how others have reacted when they see something - and whether the result was positive or negative.

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Whether you take him to the cages or not, I think Coach2709 and I agree. His point about the quality of coaching at the Frosh level is paramount. Our Frosh Coach used to spend the first hour of practice sending the kids on what they called a "scenic". A 3 mile run. He was the girls cross country coach, and I don't think he knew a lick about baseball. Shame for as strong a HS program as we had...

cadDAD

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quote:

No one could possibly know his swing and pitching mechanics better than his dad, right?

sooner or later you let others deal with his development

AcademyDad,
Thanks for the advice. Your experience with the Frosh coach is exactly what I'm afraid of. How did your season turn out? Did you do the paid stuff in-season? My son works hard, but is fairly resistant any time I ask about his interest in camps, clinics or paid coaching.

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No one could possibly know his swing and pitching mechanics better than his dad, right? Wink

Cutter, I would propose that you know those in terms of the past, not the future. There are many adjustments to be made when they get to high school. A good high school coach can make them faster and more effectively with your son when your son is looking forward, not backward, and when your son is developing confidence in the HS coach and not being held back by Dad.
To illustrate, our son coached a terrific high school junior last Spring. He is a terrific talent who signed a NLI in November.
As his hitting coach, our son tried to get him to make some adjustments feeling they would not only make him be more effective in high school, they would help in the college transition. Despite every effort, the player would not make the adjustments.
When our son was home for Xmas(he is now coaching in college), he got a text message from that player. He was at a tournament and said he had just realized what our son had tried to get him to do the entire high school season. He also understood why.
He made the adjustments and recognized significant improvement in his approach and results at the plate, against better competition.

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My son works hard, but is fairly resistant any time I ask about his interest in camps, clinics or paid coaching.

You mean you get the standard "nothing", "fine", etc with no color or expansion? Glad it's just not me.

Our HS coach told us he will not talk about playing time with the parents, only with the kids. And that it was our problem to get something out of our boys!

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Both boys played for Rob and Tony at Norcal. Enough said...

And in those days, with northern Calif. HS regs, travel teams were restricted from having practices during the HS season, so Norcal did clinics. I made sure, that no matter how tired they were from the week, that we made the 4 hour "schlep" (RT) to these... even if it meant doing homework in the car.

As I said before, by the time they got to this level, the coaching (on the travel ball squad) was so far above what I could personally offer, that I concentrated on the "personal responsibility issues". Making sure they became good citizens, gentlemen, and worked hard on their grades.

What was really funny, was when OfcrKID#1 came home for his first break his Doolie (Plebe/Frosh) year, and was surprised at how much I had learned in the short time he was gone.

cadDAD

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A dad has to be careful not to conflict with the coach. Another way to say it is don't bash the coach to your son and show him a better way. Who cares if he pleases you and the coach puts him on the bench. It's time to stand back, observe and be supportive. Advice should be consistant with the coach as long as the coach knows what he's talking about.

One issue is if the coach doesn't know baseball. It happens. Come back with the appropriate questions if this happens. The generic response is if the player succeeds, the ignorant coach will leave him alone.

Freshman year on JV, the coach, who played college ball knew I was a 16U travel baseball coach. Whenever he saw hitting adjustments he would ask me what I changed and what was the objective so he could reinforce it. I never approached the coach about my son. In preseason optional workouts, the varsity coach seems pleased with what the new travel team's hitting coach (decided it was time to stop coaching son) is teaching. He knows the program.

A few weeks ago, his travel team's hitting coach made some adjustments to my son. I was at the facility. But I couldn't hear everything he was saying. After practice I asked the coach what he told my son so anything I said would be consistant. The coach got my son to make an adjustment I had been trying to get him to make since last year.

Remember, it's about the player pleasing his coach, not conflicting with him.

quote:

Originally posted by AcademyDad:
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Both boys played for Rob and Tony at Norcal. Enough said...



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Isn't that the truth....

08

I always looked at it as......

If you were the Freshman in HS how would you want your Dad to handle the situation?

My son played JV as a Freshman but even with that there was not much coaching especially regarding hitting and pitching mechanics. The guy understood baseball and was a good coach but with one coach for 15 players...well you get the picture.

With that said, I have caoched my son since he was 5 all the way up through his travel team days but I can tell you when it came to fine tuning his swing or pitching mechanic's, i left that up to his instructors. I knew i had to go out and find guys that knew a lot more than I did to take him to the next level. I do try to listen to what they would tell him, but only to remind my son of what they have said if he started to struggle. Honestly half of the stuff I can not pick out in his pitching or swing mecahnics. But If he struggles and ask me what do I see..i just remeind him of some things I heard, then he goes off and figures it out himself.

Cutterdad...you are coming up on some very fun times...When my son started high school I remember something i heard once and use when I coached LL

Players Play
Coaches Coach and
Parents Praise

Keep that in mind the next few years and you will have a heck of a ride!

I was always available to play catch and throw bp or take him to the cages. Althought I had coached him since age 2, I had to stop coaching.

I relate this story not to tell you how smart I am, but how the process worked here. I know my son's swing. His best stroke is a line drive (I dove out of the way and/or was hit enough to know) at the pitcher's head, and second best is a gapper to left center. (he is a left handed hitter). He is a tall, thin first baseman. From day 1 high school coaches wanted him to pull the ball. He adjusted a little, still hit well enough but was not stinging the ball the way I thought he could. I was very supportive of coaches and program but tried to subltly suggest he go back to hitting to the left/center field fence. The response I received, "You are not my coach".

Second game of senior year he rips a ball over the right fielder's head, and I beleive I saw a physical change in him. After that, he went back to a stance which had him ripping the ball up the middle and left center. He had a great season at bat.

I believe that after he pulled the ball and HE knew he COULD pull the ball, he went back to what was comfortable. No matter how much I would have said or tried to get him to find what I thought would work, he had to find it on his own.

Nobody, not parent, not coach, not player wins in any type of battle between parent and coach.

Cutter Dad,
As I'm sure you are aware (and other Dad's here as well) there comes a point when kid's just don't hear what their parent's are telling them. Even when they are 100 percent right, it just goes in one ear and out the other. We are fortunate to have several former MLB players and coaches help out in our program and the same thing is true w/ these guys. Even though Dad may have played 16 years in the Big Leagues, coached in the Big Leagues, etc sometimes it's just "Dad" talking so he must not know what he is saying. Then, someone else says the same exact thing and it clicks, like this guy knows what he is saying.

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Or should I just let him know that I am available if he ever needs advice or extra work, and let him come to me?

.......Cutter Dad, don't be suprised if your son comes to you, and when he does I think he's probably pretty lucky that you are there for him.

He may not need your coaching advice as much now ( he has new coaches handling that aspect ) but he will always need your support and love. The time that you spend together will be missed on both your parts as he grows and starts playing for other coaches.
Perhaps think of it as a switching of the hats.
It may be time to retire your " Son's Coach " hat to the top of the closet shelf, but your " Son's Dad " hat can still be ( and I'm sure will always be ) worn proudly!

Read this ago long time ago. Went something like this:
1 to 9 yrs old- "Dad your the smartest person in the world"

9 to 15 yrs old- "Dad your not as smart as you use
to be"

15 to 21yrs old- "Dad you don't have a clue, how did you get so dumb"

21 to 35 yrs old- Dad never realized how smart your getting"

35 yrs and older- "Dad, I was never as bad as my son, Johnny at 16, was I? I need your advise what to do"

I still remember my mom saying to me at 16, "I hope when you have kids, they're twins just like you"

As others have stated, I think it varies a lot depending on the individual coach, parent and player, and even the player's position. My son is a pitcher, and we have found that there are some coaches in the various levels of high school ball that may be great at many things, but don't necessarily know pitching mechanics. My son has worked with several private pitching coaches on his own over the years who have taught him (and me through watching them) a lot. Unfortunately, none of them have used video as a teaching aid, but they also did not mind if I videotaped some of the lessons myself. Sometimes it is hard for him to remember all that the instructors discuss with him and even more so, to see what they are talking about in relation to how he actually looks as he throws. So sometimes we sit down and watch video and talk about what his current instructor is trying to get him to do and and how that translates to what my son sees on the tape.

Like someone else said, I have a hard time isolating the finer points of the pitching mechanics in real time, but when we watch it on tape we can slow it down and analyze it pretty well. Surprisingly enough, my son still seems to enjoy discussing this stuff together, even though he is a senior in high school. So I consider myself pretty lucky.

lots of great advice from everybody......each situation is different so make sure you take everything into consideration.....

my granny gave me some good advice once. she said "before you put your two cents in, ask if you can contribute anything of value....if not save yourself the headache and keep quiet" good advice!

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Wow! Look at all the "newbies" chiming in today...

I like it!!!!


cadDAD


My sons would say, "oh Dad, you're just glad someone who hasn't heard your jokes yet...."

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Well, mine tuned me out instructionally at about 13. He went on to make all-state, all conference and play on conference championship teams.

There comes a time to sit back and let him find his way, with your support. Kids that age really respect professional instruction. The former minor leaguer might say the exact same thing you did, but hearing him say it means something different.

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The former minor leaguer might say the exact same thing you did, but hearing him say it means something different.

How about when a current minor leaguer says it? It's a guy perceived by a kid to be on the way up. He got my son (fifteen) to listen and do something I've been telling him since last year. Rather than say, "See I told you," I asked the instructor what he said so I can repeat it his way. I don't care whose idea it's perceived to be by my son, as long as he does the right thing.

...even better.

We actually have a former pro helping out with the varsity (his son is one year ahead of mine), but not sure about the jv coach yet, as we've heard varying reports from last year. I guess I'll wait and see how it goes during the season.

I have coached GED10 since he was 4 years old. I would never give up that time, we have a great relationship because of baseball.

Last year as a freshman, he started every varsity game, including our short 5A playoff run against El Paso Soccoro. But, even though we have a great relationship, he has reached a point where I need to be "dad" and not "coach". It has been more difficult for me to give up the coaching part of our relationship than it has for him.

But, there are times when he will tell me about practice or a game situation... and all he really wants is someone to listen. If he asks, I give input, but I really try to encourage him to work hard, instead of correcting small things with his mechanics, approach etc.

I will say though, if there are health and/or safety issues, I'm going to be right in the middle of it.

As far as HS coaches, most if not all won't ask or accept help even if they are drowning..... LOL, I avoid that with a purpose!!

GED10Dad

GOD loves catchers!!

My son and I are too much alike. I will always volunteer to help out on whatever club ball team he's playing on, but I really don't try and coach him any more. I've very competitive and so is he.

About the only value I add is to make observations that I take back to the pitching and hitting coaches I pay. They sometimes agree with my observations or sometimes will say that X is really caused by Y and we're working on that. Whatever. He listens to them.

At High School camp / tryouts, I'm standing back and letting him sink or swim on his own. I've done my part over the last 10 years, now its his turn.

I will admit that my lips are very swollen and probably could use a stitch or two from the constant bitting...

As the player gets older the serious player needs professional instruction. Usually at a baseball academy or from an ex player who knows what he's doing or a good high school coach. (Which we don't have in son's case). This does not mean, IMO, that a father/son cannot continue to do the things they have always done. Like pitch BP and have a catch/long toss. What we shouldn't do is instruct or try to change what the paid professional teaches.

Getting the reps from BP is a good thing if the swing mechanics are good from the instruction. Fielding his position or doing long toss can only help the player improve. Again as long as we don't tinker and change things learned during lessons. If don't like what's he's learned it's time for a different instructor.

My son and I are at the fields almost daily doing the things I mentioned. Since I know very little about the mechanics of hitting and throwing I just facilitate this additional practice time.

But maybe the best thing is that even though he's a 16 yo junior we are still enjoying the father/son time we've been sharing since he was 6. Still the best part of my day, and I only have about a year left of these good times.