Need some advice

I guess this might be a case where I, as a parent, would talk with the hockey coach and try and get him to see the importance of this. Hard for me to imagine a coach of any kind standing in the way of a serious college opportunity and decision.

And I guess if the hockey coach won't budge and you want to stay with that team then I, as a parent, would call the college coach and explain the situation and ask for alternatives.

If your son makes the decision to skip a game what are you teaching him about his commitment to his hockey team and his coach?

Your son's off season time is his own but if I were the hockey coach and a player missed practices and games (unless it was due to illness or emergencies) there would be consequences. If I were the coach (of ANY sport) would make this clear up front and tell the team that I expect that hockey be their priority.

Life is about making tough decisions so if your son decides to go to DC he has to be aware of how his decision impacts his hockey team and be okay with the consequences/decisions the coach makes which might include putting his position in jeopardy.

The baseball opportunity sounds wonderful and it will be a difficult decision to make but your role is to guide your son in looking at the situation and consequences of his actions. I'm not saying the right choice is to decline I'm saying that the discussion that leads to his decision should not be quickly determined. Good luck!!

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If your son makes the decision to skip a game what are you teaching him about his commitment to his hockey team and his coach?

I believe you'd be teaching him that a college decision is more important than a weekend of hockey. To me, it isn't even a close call.

College is about the rest of the kid's life. A weekend of hockey/basketball/baseball/etc... isn't terribly important in the long run.

I'm sure there are other weekends the kid can visit the college and its baseball program too. But to suggest its all or nothing on either end is ridiculous IMO. I wouldn't agree with either coach taking a stance like that...but certainly some do.

Talk to both parties and see if you can work something out. If not, thats too bad but yes, you'll have to make a choice.

What is his future? Baseball or hockey? Decide that and you have your answer.

Going on a college visit is a little different than missing a game or a weekend to go camping or visit
Aunt Sally in Ft. Lauderdale.

The hockey coach will naturally not be happy about not having one of his players, since most high school level coaches in all sports take their job a little too seriously.

This is about getting ready for the next level and something that is an important step in your son's future. If the coach is too hard-headed to see that, he really does not have your son's best interest in his mind.

You have come to a fork in the road. Evaluate the options and take one. Options are GREAT! To me it's a no brainer and has nothing to do with hockey vs. baseball. This is about your son evaluating the situation and making the best decision based on facts and not emotions. You son should tell the hockey coach there have been some promising developments at the college where he has applied for admission. Your son needs to explain the college baseball development and apologize for the inconvenience he is causing the hockey team and move on.

Why do I say go to the baseball weekend? Because a couple of things really stand out in your post.

1. Your son has already applied for admission.
2. You son has made a baseball video which tells me he WANTS to play college baseball.
3. The hockey coach has already shown his true colors by his self centered actions regarding your son playing baseball during the "hockey off-season".

If the hockey coach pulls the plug on your son I personally think that could be a blessing in disguise.

All multi-sport athletes will have conflicts and have to make some tough calls. My son had a conflict with football vs baseball as a junior in HS. He wanted to play baseball and he talked to both coaches but the football coach wouldn’t let my son miss spring drills. He really intimidated him. After my son talked to the coach multiple timed I decided to get involved and the “problem” was solved in about 1 minute. Not saying this is the case here but some coaches can (and do) intimidate players
Fungo

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I believe you'd be teaching him that a college decision is more important than a weekend of hockey. To me, it isn't even a close call.

This is exactly what I'm talking about. When you say it isn't even a close call I interpret that as meaning you wouldn't spend much time in discussion mode weighing the pros and cons or coming up with alternative solutions. Guiding young people is about helping them to see the consequences of actions. I'm not saying if it was my son I'd decline the college invitation, I agree it is an important phase of his life. But by discussing different perspectives i.e. the coach's perspective, his teammate's perspectives and the son's reasoning process in making the decision you can really use this opportunity to teach a young person to look at situations from various points of view.

By saying it isn't even a close call you are basically indicating that it isn't worth discussing. I think it is.

Fungo,

I liked your post, very true!

quote:

When you say it isn't even a close call I interpret that as meaning you wouldn't spend much time in discussion mode weighing the pros and cons or coming up with alternative solutions.

Go Yankees, I read this as the facts are overwhelming in favor of going to the college and those facts should not be compromised. If you and I were both give the math problem of 2 plus 2 and I selected 4 as my answer I would not waste my time seeking alternative solutions.
Fungo

quote:

Originally posted by Fungo:
You have come to a fork in the road. Evaluate the options and take one. Options are GREAT! To me it's a no brainer and has nothing to do with hockey vs. baseball. This is about your son evaluating the situation and making the best decision based on facts and not emotions. You son should tell the hockey coach there have been some promising developments at the college where he has applied for admission. Your son needs to explain the college baseball development and apologize for the inconvenience he is causing the hockey team and move on.

Why do I say go to the baseball weekend? Because a couple of things really stand out in your post.

1. Your son has already applied for admission.
2. You son has made a baseball video which tells me he WANTS to play college baseball.
3. The hockey coach has already shown his true colors by his self centered actions regarding your son playing baseball during the "hockey off-season".

If the hockey coach pulls the plug on your son I personally think that could be a blessing in disguise.

All multi-sport athletes will have conflicts and have to make some tough calls. My son had a conflict with football vs baseball as a junior in HS. He wanted to play baseball and he talked to both coaches but the football coach wouldn’t let my son miss spring drills. He really intimidated him. After my son talked to the coach multiple timed I decided to get involved and the “problem” was solved in about 1 minute. Not saying this is the case here but some coaches can (and do) intimidate players
Fungo

Great post!

Go Yankees,
Sometimes I'm accused of being too blunt. I remember when I was first married I "informed" my wife I was going fishing next Saturday. She asked why I "TOLD" her I was going fishing. I explained I was not going to "ask" her if I could go because that would mean I was willing to negotiate --- and I wasn’t. After many years she simply says with a smile: “Good luck and have a good time.” In times like this I remember the motto of Davy Crockett --- “Be sure you’re right, then go ahead”
Fungo

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Originally posted by baseballtoday:
What is his future? Baseball or hockey? Decide that and you have your answer.

This is where I would start. Then he should talk to the hockey coach. If the hockey coach won't bend, apologize and go on the college trip anyway.

Our high school's basketball power forward just missed a game for a football recruiting trip. The basketball coach, accustomed to placing players in college ball himself, encouraged him to go and not worry about the team for one game. Other than playoffs this is something high school coaches have to deal with.

Thank you to all who posted. These are all really good points to consider and I will discuss them with my son. I will keep you posted on how things develop.

For me the answer is simple--the player meets with the hockey coach and explains that he is going to play baseball in college not hockey---the player asks his blessing to make the weekend trip---if the hockey coach says no way then it sure tells something about that coach

Just to give another view...

I once coached at the small college (non-scholarship) level.

Realizing that we could not successfully recruit the very highest level, most sought after athletes in most cases… My recruiting was based on the following things, among others…

1. Is the player a good enough student
2. Does the player have enough talent
3. Does the player have baseball intelligence
4. Will this player give the effort necessary to improve
5. Is the player a winner
6. Is the player coachable
7. Is the player a competitor
8. Is the player a team player
9. Is the player committed
10. Do I like this player
There are other things

Once I realized we needed and wanted a certain player, all our effort was put forth towards getting that player to want us. Nearly all the players we went after did have other options. Usually a player without other options would not be the player we were looking for.

There were many times we would go watch a kid we were interested in play football, basketball, or other sports. You can learn a lot about a guy watching him perform in other sports. Especially the things that were the most important to us.

As a coach, I think I would have been a little disappointed if I found out a player we were recruiting was willing to leave his team. Especially when his coach was against it. Have to ask the question… Does this fit the description of the player we want?

In this case it appears that being punished or losing playing time is a concern. So I guess we must assume that Hockey is important for the time being. If the Hockey coach was in favor I’d say no problem, but it sounds like he isn’t OK with it. We can all say that the Hockey coach is wrong and doesn’t have the best interest of the kid on his mind. Then again, not knowing the Hockey coach, he might be thinking he’s teaching the young man a valuable lesson.

For a DIII college coach to make his camp mandatory, would make me wonder if he is the kind of coach I’d want to play for. The coach I would want is the one who would say, “I fully understand your commitment to the Hockey team, we will reschedule a visit at another time.” How would he feel if at some point you skipped a college game to attend a pro workout in your junior year? Maybe your goal then would be to get drafted after your junior year. Would it be right to leave the team for a weekend? I know… different sports… but it’s the same person making those choices.

And believe me on this one… Small College recruiting is tough if the college is interested in being a big winner. You don’t ever give up on a kid that might be able to help your program because he couldn’t visit at a certain time because of a commitment to his team in another sport. In fact, some coaches will see this as a positive.

Not trying to confuse anyone, but just giving another person’s viewpoint. Things like this are never easy. I doubt there are many high school football or basketball coaches who would want their players missing games to go to baseball camps. Don’t know why a good Hockey coach would feel any different.

FUNGO I was very inspired by your post about GOING FISHING....so I went home and informed my wife that I WAS GOING OUT WITH THE BOYS Friday.
Well.....

TD

Perhaps you do not undertsand if you have fished all your life the wife knows you are into it and there are no ladies or bars on the lake

I have never asked permission---just stated that I will see you when I get back

TR I know...was a joke.


I can do what I want when there is time outside of family baseball work...but those things pretty much have me covered.

quote:

undertsand if you have fished all your life the wife knows you are into it and there are no ladies or bars on the lake

bars make for better fishing

walley & often smallmouth hang just off the edge of them bars

as for ladies ... a belly full of eggs is a dead givaway

Bee

I know that but those bars don't get a wife upset

PG - Thats a really good post and point of view and it makes me think about it a little harder. Very good points.

Maybe I'm wrong (sure wouldn't be the first nor last time), but I tend to think that a HS senior's most important life decision to-date will be his/her college or career (i.e. military service, etc...) decision. I've seen many coaches around here excuse players from a game (for up to a week) to visit college campuses not having anything to do with athletics. Seems to me that these HS coaches recognize the magnitude of the decision under consideration relative to their team needing to win a game.

And I've even heard of a college coach allowing a player to miss a weekend of practice to interview for a job in another city.

Sometimes we parents overestimate the importance of certain things...and maybe a college visit and baseball camp are one of them. But I also think HS coaches sometimes overestimate the value of a single weekend game when weighed against a 4-year life-changing decision like college choice for a particular individual.

But I do think the person asking this question should very carefully consider your point of view since it comes from someone with vast experience on the other side of the coin...and it strikes me as perfectly reasonable advice too.

Here, in Florida a player cannot be penalized in any HS sport (sitting for missing games, etc.) for any campus visitation (not just sports related).It also is an excused absence from school.

Not sure if the hockey is a HS related sport.

quote:

Originally posted by Tiger Paw Mom:
Here, in Florida a player cannot be penalized in any HS sport (sitting for missing games, etc.) for any campus visitation (not just sports related).It also is an excused absence from school.

Not sure if the hockey is a HS related sport.

Field Hockey?

Way off topic. I know a Florida player, now at a D1 in SC, who was run very hard for missing a few days...for his dad's funeral. True story. The coach is a "legend".

Believe it or not, we have two ice rinks here, and I do beleive that some schools have hockey teams. Hockey is big here due to the Panthers.


When DK went on an unofficial he had to miss a HS game, which meant sitting out his next start as per coach rules, however then coach told us that he cannot penalize any student for a college visit.

Missing cause of dad's funeral and having to run, heartless coach, JMO.

PGStaff,

My point exactly!!! Great post! This situation isn't a math problem of 2 + 2 = 4.

Thanks again to all who have posted. PGStaff, thank you for sharing your insights and point of view. That was an excellent post.

My son just received his acceptance letter yesterday from this college. He does have other options to play college baseball. However with the acceptance letter, this is one of his top three choices now.

Right or wrong, my son has decided that he is not going to intentionally miss any ice hockey games or practices as he feels a commitment to the team. Plus, my son is afraid to ask the hockey coach for time off for a baseball college visit because he will suffer consequences. My son and another player on his hockey team were already punished this year for not playing Fall hockey. The hockey coach told them that neither of them will be team captains this year because they chose to play Fall baseball instead of hockey.

This college does have several weekends in Jan. and Feb. when they are doing these camps. The only problem is my son has hockey practices and games every Friday and Saturday. There might be a chance where my son could fly down on a Saturday evening and attend camp on Sunday morning, and then fly back to CT on a Sunday night.

My son is going to call the head baseball coach at the college and discuss what other options might be available now that he has been accepted to the college and in light of his varsity high school hockey schedule.

quote:

My son is going to call the head baseball coach at the college and discuss what other options might be available now that he has been accepted to the college and in light of his varsity high school hockey schedule.

Sounds like a very good plan...

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by eaglesdad: My son and another player on his hockey team were already punished this year for not playing Fall hockey.

if you are saying they were punished "inseason" by the hs hockey coach for not playing "his" sport in the offseason I'd be looking for a 3 way meeting with his athletic director and or superintendent for some clarification ...

as that would be strictly against policy of most any school that had written policies

the guy really sounds like a bully