New Forum

Thanks but No thanks! We men don’t NEED someone to MAKE a special forum for us. If we see a forum we like I think we have the ability to take it over.

Well, since we have this thing we might as well make good use of it. First off NO females! We also need this to be MEMBERS ONLY. We need to set up some rules and maybe an initiation process to weed out the deadbeats. We also need to re-decorate.... anyone know where we can find one of those magical refrigerators? Jolly Roger emailed me a new “hooters” calendar I can tape to the door.
OK some rules for membership…..

1. Must have been a member of the armed services or at least know someone who was a member of the armed services.

2. Must have a least one scar on your body.

3. Must have played baseball or have a son that plays baseball or know someone who has a son that plays baseball

4. Cannot have ever been seen at a s****r match (or game) or whatever they call those things.

5 Must know the difference between a straight slot and a Phillips

Come on we need more RULES!........

#6 - Must be able to sing Springsteen's "Candy's Room" at the drop of a hat.

#7 - must NOT (now or ever) know who wrote The Scarlet Letter.

#8 - must do monthly testicular exams (on self only, not on others).

#9 Must be able to name all 6 branches of the US Military and all 4 branches of the US government.

Fungo, you are awesome, I am still laughing

I may be coaching in Nashville this summer, I was offered a Head Coach position in the wood bat league. Love to meet you sometime.

Keep up the awesome posts!

Coach Strecker

#11 Absolutely must leave the room or change the channel every time Steel Magnolias is playing.

GW4S,
You ain't right!

Receipt? Real men don't keep receipts nor do they need them to return items. Do you think Chuck Norris needs a receipt! You just need to psyche your self up befor you confront the sales clerk:

.

Wood Man....Could you please move over?...I need to mark my new territory and I don't want to get any on you....

And could you look in that tool box and see if we've got any new smilies for REAL men...(I hope I don't have to explain this to you..)

I did a little redecorating...Put up a calander...What? 1968?...Yea, who cares, take a look at those...

Hey, anyone got any chew?...sure glad to be done with those spitoons on those other boards..

Just for the record I'm punchin' the first guy who mentions Broke**** Mountain..

By the way how do I spit and scratch myself on-line?...

New rule:
Absolutely nothing of a serious nature ... if you have a problem, take it to the Ladies ...

... they tell us how to fix everything anyway (including the sink, garbage disposal, dryer ... and they don't use duct tape ... how's that gonna work ... don't know how you duct tape a relationship anyway)

quote:

spit and scratch

Guess that's better than scratch and sniff

Well, I can see by Fungo's rule #4 that I am not welcome here. Unfortuantely, JT, Jr was a keeper on his MS team years ago, and yes, I attended. I even worked s****r as part of my job.

Now, question for the panel, did it count if I didn't enjoy it???
(My wife says NO, that it doesn't count if you don't enjoy it.)

Unfortuantely, I also know that Hawthorne wrote TSL.

So, back to hang with the ladies...

GW4S,

quote:

I think it depends on what the definition of is is...

A real man can change the rules!
Who was it that made that "IS" statement famous? Hmmm... must have been John Wayne.

quote:

Spit and Scratch

quote:

Scratch and Sniff

Twist and shout.
Duck and cover.
Clean and jerk.
Mutt and Jeff.
Mork and Mindy... Oh heh...that Mindy was okay.

Nanu Nanu.

I, Beezer, do here by apply for membership to the MOF. Please note my credentials as follows:

1. Must have been a member of the armed services or at least know someone who was a member of the armed services. CHECK

2. Must have a least one scar on your body. CHECK

3. Must have played baseball or have a son that plays baseball or know someone who has a son that plays baseball CHECK, CHECK and CHECK

4. Cannot have ever been seen at a s****r match (or game) or whatever they call those things. I plead the 5th

5 Must know the difference between a straight slot and a Phillips. CHECK

#6 - Must be able to sing Springsteen's "Candy's Room" at the drop of a hat. CHECK - probably not on key though

#7 - must NOT (now or ever) know who wrote The Scarlet Letter. CHECK (I don't even know what the Scarlet Letter is)

#8 - must do monthly testicular exams (on self only, not on others). CHECK - Daily

#9 Must be able to name all 6 branches of the US Military and all 4 branches of the US government. CHECK

10.) Preference for urinal cakes must be the ice blue variety...not those frilly hot pink ones. CHECK

#11 Absolutely must leave the room or change the channel every time Steel Magnolias is playing. CHECK (my TV don't play no chick flicks)

Oh wise ones.......I am officially applying to the MEN's ONLY Forum.

I have no credentials but I do have a question for the panel.

If I divorce my wife, will she still be my sister.

and remember....

I am 3 french fries short of a happy meal, my mohter NEVER had any kids that lived, I drink the kickin chicken aka Wild Turkey, but I don't chew or smoke......and as my brother from another mother says..."you just ain't right boy"

Let me know if I am in.

O42

quote:

Originally posted by orioles42:
If I divorce my wife, will she still be my sister.

O42

sounds like you fit the pattern of the gene pool.

Hey Wood & Triple H,

I am ashamed....I did leave one thing out; please understand it is only because I really want to be in the MOF.

So here it is, if you still let me in, I will not let you down.

MY FAMILY TREE DOES NOT FORK.

I will let everyone decide now.

O42

I am just now returning to the locker room. I had to go find a towel since lafmom barged in right after I got out of the shower.

Hey T-Bird,

Maybe next time you ought to give her a thrill......

O42

Just hope it won't be a short thrill

Checking in on my application and literally burst out laughing at the towel comments!!!

Listen, wood-man, speak for yourself!

Besides, I prefer to use the word challenged!

I, Thedore Samuel Williams carreer batting average .344, party of the first part, [hereinafter known as TW344] with this message herein do forthwith make application for and agree to contract with the Men Only Forum, party of the second part, [hereinafter known as MOF], pursuant to and under the terms and agreements previously set forth as follows:

1. Must have been a member of the armed services or at least know someone who was a member of the armend services. CHECK & CHECK [Army Military Intelligence Officer counts, right?]
2. Must have a least one scar on my body. CHECK, CHECK, CHECK, CHECK, CHECK, AD INFINITUM.
3. Must have played baseball or have a son that plays baseball or know someone who has a son that plays baseball. CHECK, CHECK & CHECK.
4. Cannot have ever been seen at a s****r match (or game) or whatever they call those things. [Does watching the clip of Brandy Chastain take her shirt off at that women's champioship thing a few years back on ESPN over and over again count????. If not, CHECK
5. Must know the difference between a straight shot and a fillup. CHECK. a screwdriver is a drink, right?
6. Must be able to sing Springsteen's "Candy's Room" at the drop of a hat. Will you accept having sung "Glory Days" in a Karoke contest and garnered third prize as an acceptable alternative. If so,
CHECK.
7. Must not (now or ever) know who wrote The Scarlet Letter. OK I admit I know who wrote it but I neverread it, never saw a movie about it and stood up and left the room in 12th gradeEnglish when the cutest girl in class gave a report about it. [She now teaches diversity classes at a major university in the South. PM me if you want to know which one so your son can avoid it}.
8. Must do monthly testicular exams (on selfonly, not on others). This is a trick question, right??? OK CHECK.
9. Must be able to name all 6 branches of the US Military and all 4 branches of the US government. Military CHECK. Branches of the US Government, I can only name 3 but I am from West Virginia and I am going to guess that the 4th branch is Senator Robert C. Byrd. If that is right then CHECK.
9. Preference for urinal cakes must be the ice blue variety...not those frilly hot pink ones.ABSOLUTELY CHECK. POSITIVELY CHECK. NO QUESTION CHECK. ALL THESE YEARS OF COMPLAINING ABOUT 'THE PINK HORRORS' AND THE FILING OF NUMEROUS LAWSUITS DEMANDING PAIN AND SUFFERRING DAMAGES FINALLY IS PAYING OFF.
11. Absolutely must leave the room or change the channel every time Steel Magnolias is playing. CHECK. But I must admit that I always watch Sleepless in Seattle with my wife. But NEVER any other movie Meg Ryan was ever in.

a l s o i a m a l a w y e r.

Quick, do I pass? Can i come in? Can I guys, Huh can I???

Hey fellas.....

Nothing that two popsicle sticks and duct tape can't fix.

That's how we do it in these parts.

TW344,

My 3rd cousin......I have a lot of pull in here. I say you are in....

Thanks Orioles 42. I need the support.

O42,

No popcicles in the freezer, so you now see why I couldn't give lafmom a "thrill".

However, I do have duct tape!

I vote that that we accept TW344 application post-haste...By-pass all the entry requirements. I think we're gonna need some legal help before this is over.

Dang....TW344 throws out the "lawyer" thing and gets accepted??? (good point tho Fungo!)

Meanwhile, I'm still checking my e-mail for any acceptance news. I ran down the FedEx guy thinking he might have but he just glared at me.

Applicant Name: Heavy D
Mailing Address: Weatherford, Tx.
Occupation: ATM for my family
Education and/or Training: Graduate - School of Hard Knocks
Other Training or Skills: Batting Cage Assembly (including lights) / can actually fold a soft-toss net back up so that it will fit in the bag
1. Must have been a member of the armed services or at least know someone who was a member of the armed services. Check - Grandfather (USAF) and I love war movies
2. Must have a least one scar on my body. Check - My knees look like a roadmap
3. Must have played baseball or have a son that plays baseball or know someone who has a son that plays baseball. CheckX3
4. Cannot have ever been seen at a s****r match (or game) or whatever they call those things. please forgive me... I have two daughters and there is no fall softball in my town.
5. Must know the difference between a straight slot and a phillips head screwdriver. Check - 18V DeWalt Cordless, bitches...
6. Must be able to sing Springsteen's "Candy's Room" at the drop of a hat. If you will except anything from George Strait or Hank Jr. as an alternate, then CHECK.
7. Must not (now or ever) know who wrote The Scarlet Letter. Check - Is that some sort of scouting report for the Red-Shoe'd Rangers farm system???
8. Must do monthly testicular exams (on selfonly, not on others). Check - but only when my wife gives me the Heisman...
9. Must be able to name all 6 branches of the US Military and all 4 branches of the US government. Check - all branches crooked as a barrel of snakes
10. Preference for urinal cakes must be the ice blue variety...not those frilly hot pink ones. Check - but my absolute preference is to go outside and become one with nature.
11. Absolutely must leave the room or change the channel every time Steel Magnolias is playing. Check - I have the parental lock on my dish set to block Lifetime, Oxygen, HSN, ect...

TW344. Has to get in. No way we can freeze out someone with those credentials.

1. Must have been a member of the armed services or at least know someone who was a member of the armend services. CHECK - MY NEPHEW IS HEADED FOR HIS SECOND TOUR OF IRAQ!
2. Must have a least one scar on my body. CHECK, I'VE HAD 8 SURGERIES (OR MORE) AND HAD A HAY FORK PLACED RIGHT BETWEEN MY EYES!
3. Must have played baseball or have a son that plays baseball or know someone who has a son that plays baseball. I KNOW SOME GUYS THAT PLAY.
4. Cannot have ever been seen at a s****r match (or game) or whatever they call those things. OOPS, MY DAUGHTER ONCE PLAYED DALMATION BALL. (HOPE THIS DOESN'T EXCLUDE ME FROM THE FORUM!)
5. Must know the difference between a straight shot and a fillup. CHECK, A STRAIGHT SHOT IS WHAT I NEVER DO IN GOLF AND A FILLUP IS WHEN I GO GET MORE DIET COKE. (NOW THIS FILLUP THING, GOOD THING I READ THIS CAUSE IT MADE ME THINK OF WHEN I WAS DATING AND GETTING SLAPPED!)
6. Must be able to sing Springsteen's "Candy's Room" at the drop of a hat. CHECK, I HAVE THE ENTIRE CD SET OF "THE BOSS." IF YOU'RE AROUND AND YOU DON'T KNOW THE WORDS, JUST FAKE IT CAUSE I'M SINGING!
7. Must not (now or ever) know who wrote The Scarlet Letter. OOPS AGAIN! I'M A TEACHER! THE LAW STATES WE MUST KNOW THIS. (LIE BUT MAYBE YOU GUYS DON'T KNOW THAT!)
8. Must do monthly testicular exams (on selfonly, not on others). CHECK - I'M OLD ENOUGH TO HAVE TO DO THAT AND COUGH FOR THE MAD MAN DOCTOR!
9. Must be able to name all 6 branches of the US Military and all 4 branches of the US government. Military CHECK - YES AND I CAN TELL YOU THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN AUDIE MURPHY AND EDDIE MURPHY!
9. Preference for urinal cakes must be the ice blue variety...not those frilly hot pink ones.ABSOLUTELY CHECK - BUTTTTTT, WHO NEEDS THEM! GO ON, SMELL THE COFFEE OR A...
11. Absolutely must leave the room or change the channel every time Steel Magnolias is playing. CHECK AND IF THAT REMOTE GETS STOLEN AND I MISS ONE SECOND OF AMERICAN CHOPPER OR BIKER BUILDOFF, I'M SERIOUSLY HACKED!

OTHER NOTED TRAITS! LID DOWN/LID UP - HECK, I DIDN'T EVEN HAVE A LID FOR THE FIRST 10 YEARS OF MY LIFE. OUTHOUSE ALL THE WAY. FOR TP, YOU LEARN REAL QUICK ABOUT LEAVE OF THREE BEWARE OF ME. (PROBABLY TMI!!!) I CAN WHISTLE IN A ZILLION WAYS AND WITH EVERY FINGER AND LOUD TOO. I CAN SPIT BETWEEN MY TEETH (COME ON, WE ALL WANTED TO DO THAT!) LAUNDRY? WHEN I DO IT, THERE ARE NO WHITES OR COLORS! THERE IS ONLY LAUNDRY! FINALLY, THE COUP DE GRACIE!!! I HAVE MY MONTGOMERY CD IN MY CAR RIGHT NOW AND WHEN I LEAVE, I JUST MIGHT GO WINDOWS DOWN AT 18 DEGREES! (MIGHT?)

Sounds good CoachB25, but for your final test...
...Riddle me this:
What can go up a chimney, down, but cannot go down a chimney, up?

YOU'RE KILLING ME,
URKillingMeBlue!

I am very impressed with your insight and wisdom.