Opinions....

If there is a history, it probably won't help. If you decide to meet with the coach, be prepared to hear things that may be new to you -- there are always two sides to a story. Try to avoid a confrontational attitude. I don't know you so I'm not saying you would comfront. There may be little things that your son can do to change the coach's attitude towards him -- different practice "styles", for instance. Take your son with you and let him speak....if he is willing to do it. Leave previous notions of the coach and his past behind.

All of this is easier said than done. When my oldest was a HS player, I wrote his coach a long email about his playing time, etc. and received a 3 word reply. I still wonder if the note was a good thing or a bad thing. It didn't seem to help much at the time but I felt like I expressed a few pent-up frustrations (in a nice kind of way, of course).

A coach should expect conversations with parents.

Honestly, I would have your son talk to him about this if this is bothering him. Parents are always welcomed, but as PD stated, you may hear things that are new to you. I believe once they are in HS (or at least playing varsity ball) it is time for them to handle business with the coach. Obviously this is my opinion.

Good luck.

From a coaches perspective...

I don't know how or if you should talk to the coach or not, but I will offer you this.

Now is a good time to start communication with your son on learning to deal w/ people like his coach.

In life, we all are forced to perform or work with folks that aren't perfect and most likely have many flaws.

If your coach is creating serious emotional problems, that's another story. But if it's just a screaming coach than teach your boy how to deal with that screaming coach.

Again, I don't know your exact situation, but I thank the man upstairs everyday for the coaches who were "overbearing" on me. I may have played "tight" then, but I "work" loose now.

Thank you. I have talke with my son and told him about dealing with different personalities.Plus he was a freshman on Varsity and told him he was just having to pay his dues. He talked to the coach last year and was ignored.I understand getting on a kid.But continually riding him four innings after a error? Son says he is the only one that he rides constantly.It's getting in his head.Thanks again guys.

I wouldn't talk to the coach and would tell your son not to either. It's more likely to make a tough situation tougher. For a coach like that, someone is always in his dog house. It's nothing personal, that's just the way they coach. You work yourself out of that dog house by listening to the coach, but brushing it off and any mistake/error it relates to. Then go out and make a play/get a hit and it will be a step toward the door out of the dog house. The HS season is almost over. Next season, it's very unlikely he'll be the guy in the dog house...and he can take a leadership role in helping the one in it work themself out of it. It's really a great character building/leadership building opportunity for him.

In all fairness, I did this to a kid one year and learned a good lesson from it. He was my catcher and I was all over him all year. When we got near the end of the season, I started actually looking at stats instead of just putting them in a folder and the kid was hitting over .500 for me (he was the two-hole) and only had 5 PB behind the dish. That was a smack in the face and I learned that sometimes we do not look at the whole picture and sometimes one bad day can lead to another and so on and so on.

Perhaps, as Husker says, it will work itself out.

Best of luck to you.

Txbball- I appreciate your candor. I just wish that our coach would open his eyes, the same kind of thing is going on on our team. He is not looking at the WHOLE picture and missing out on talent that other schools would be happy to have. I keep hearing not to talk to the coach, because that will make it worse. It's to bad that some coaches hold that over your head, even if you just want to know what his thoughts or intentions are for your son.

Isn't it amazing how we hold our children's teachers to different standards than we hold their coaches. Imagine if it were a kid's science teacher who screamed at him every day for missing a question on a test or not being able to participate in a class discussion.

I do agree with Coach Guthrie. We all have to learn to work with difficult people.

Here's a can of worms: Wouldn't it be great if there was tryout for adults/teachers/coaches - a skills test that covered communication, teaching abiltiy, sense of humor, knowledge of subject/sport...Funny how it's easier to "cut" a kid than a grown up.

Great posts here guys... Makes you think about the coaches we old guys had versus the kids. My hiney still hurts from some of the licks I got from coaches.

IMO
If the kid wants to talk to the coach then let him.
Maybe just ask him "how am I doing"? Then be quiet and listen.
I don't think a parent should talk to the coach.

I had a coach that rode me all the time...yelling loud enough for the whole stands to hear when we were taking in & out prior to the game or if he didn't like the pitch I swung at. One day I confronted him in the locker room when no one else was around. He seemed to respect me for going to him man to man. He said, "Everyone needs motivation and some need to be motivated differently than others". After our conversation he realized that his form of motivation made me self-consious, uptight, and took away my focus during at bats. He apologized and said his coaching style was well intended but understood how I felt. He said he would change, and he did. He later became my biggest advocate and fan, helping me to find opportunities after high school. He was my favorite coach.

Wow....I remember going into my College coach and talking about some on going screaming...........

his reply has stayed with me to this day......

"You better worry more when a coach isn't yelling"

I do not approve of yelling or riding a player but many times they see players that are not playing at their potential........Oh by the way I had my best year under that particular coach.

Big JW,

Let me ask you this, if the coach is getting into your sons head so much that it starts spilling into the classroom and affecting his grades would you talk to the coach. If it started causing your son to retreat into a shell would you talk to the coach.
There are those here who say "it's part of the growing up process", it might be for their child, but this is your kid, he is different from other kids. My son is a sophomore in college and he still has trouble approaching coaches, he will do it when he is comfortable doing it.

My personal opinion is the coach is a teacher, the teacher should have an open door policy as long it's not about playing time. If it's something that really bothers you and you are afraid that it really is affecting your son mentally, why wouldn't you politely set up a meeting with the coach and nip this in the bud before it affects your son in other areas.

Bottom line is this is a great place to get info and you are going to get various opinions and feedback. But as a parent, you know your son better than any webster or coach and it's your responsibility to make sure your child is not being harmed either physically or mentally by anyone. It's your call!

quote:

Originally posted by BIG JW:
I have seen some real honest ones here.So here we go.
My son is an average player with good potential.The coach is so overbearing it makes him play way tight.Now I want to avoid being "That dad" but,players and parents see how he rides my boy.Coach has his golden boys and treats them differently.There is a history on this coach doing this in previous years.Should I meet with him and call him on this?

No, do not go talk to the coach under the circumstances you described. As Danny Boydston points out above, if the abuse starts to effect your son in other areas then it would be time to coinsider either going to a private school or moving or not playing baseball for the school. Because short of you having pictures and or audio of this man either physically hitting your son or verbally abusing him in away that no Administrator could over look nothing good would come out of the conversation and in fact you would hurt his long term chances to particapate at a significant level at the school.

Talk to your son, build him up, help him learn the life lesson of dealing with adverse criticism.

Maybe you should look into having him go through one of Coach Taub's clinics it just might make his mental approach to the coach a positive.

I provide this advice as a parent who wanted to do the right thing and I tried but in the end it has cost my son. I now define the "right thing" a little differently than I did then. My experience was in another sport but it's effects have carried over to baseball. Unfortunately in most high school sports programs and especially in "winning" programs, coaches can be very abusive and the AD stands their and back's up the coach. And don't count on the other parents stepping up to help you confront an abusive coach because they are still looking for the prize of having their sons play on the Varsity team. So unless the entire Booster Club agrees that the coahc should go then just grin and bare it.

I have a deep dislike for abusive coaches but in the end parents are almost powerless against the coaches and all we can hope to do is counsel our sons to overcome the adversity.

In the end they are in God's hands anyway and everything works out.

Respectfully disagree Cowboyfan,

Sounds like to me you are having the boy and or parent run away from the perceived problem. I'm not sure what kind of example that is setting.

But as I said, each parent and child is different. He can read all the advice given on this site and take it for what it's worth. Ultimately, it's his call.

Good luck to you and your son JW whichever route you decide to take.

(Nice plug for Coach Taub's Clinics)

I suggest talking to anyone who played for Flower Mound Marcus for the last few years. I think they would be able to "enlighten" you a little bit on your quandery!