Parental Adjustments and Sacrifices

Luke,

Now that Josh is playing pro ball, may I suggest that you invite him to obtain his own hsbaseballweb name. "FungoJr" has a nice ring to it!

Sacrifices made? Way too many to list, but not a one is regretted.

OPP

And would he be designated a "young fogie"?

Thousands of dollars and hours. I have NO regrets, but thousands of memories, hundreds of new friends (including Fungo) and immeasurable enjoyment.

I simply cannot understand anyone NOT wanting this journey with their son. Parents not making this journey are the real losers (IMO).

The biggest sacrifice has been made by my oldest's younger brother. As much as he may like baseball himself, he has seen far too many on his brother's games at the expense of doing something himself.

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Simply put, sacrificed everything...and well worth it I might ad...

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Haven't had a "normal" summer vacation in many years. I'm very lucky my wife loves baseball as much as I do...a few weeks a summer at baseball fields has not been a real "sacrifice." But I do think we owe a few trips to Disneyland, Grand Canyon, etc... to the non-baseball playing kids in our family here soon.

The real SACRIFICE in this family came when baseball ended for our son...

For me "normal summer" vacation is baseball--- it has been a part of life since I can remember

Thought some of you might enjoy this letter I dusted offsorry for the length)

THEN I BECAME A Baseball PARENT... Letter of observations and quirks of a baseball family.

•I used to have a regular life. (Actually, many of my friends say that sentence should say, "I used to have a life", period.) It doesn't really seem that long ago. Then I became a Baseball parent.

•I used to think anything over $40 was an exorbitant price for a baseball bat. Now the contents of my son’s equipment bag are worth more than everything else in the house -- including clothes, jewelry, watches, and my laptop computer.

•I used to be one of the leaders in my field of work. I still am. (You have to keep a good paycheck coming in if you want to support a baseball ball habit!)

•I used to think a double-header was a long day at the ball field. Now after two games we're just getting warmed up.

•I used to look for little restaurants that served seafood fresh off the boat. Now I'm a connoisseur of nachos and hot dogs and my kids rate a city by the quality of a tournaments snack bar!

•Sunflower seeds used to be something I would see at a store and wonder who would eat those things? Now I don't feel comfortable leaving the house with out a bag in my pocket.

•My lawn used to be like a carpet. It was green, mowed, trimmed, fertilized, and watered. Now I have two big bare spots sixty feet apart and dents in my garage door from fastballs that got away!

•My car used to draw admiring looks and comments. It was clean and waxed and shined and Armor-All'd. Now it only draws attention when it wins the "dirtiest car in the parking lot" prize.

•I used to have a garage, now I have an indoor batting area.

•My friends and I used to spend Monday mornings talking about a round of golf or movie we had just seen. Now I bore them to death with detailed play-by-play descriptions of five or six low-scoring ball games.

•Our family used to sit and talk for hours. We still do-- however, now it's to keep the driver awake when we're headed home late Sunday evening after a tournament.

•My summer casual wardrobe used to be made up of color-coordinated polo shirts, cool cottons in bright colors, and the occasional "aloha" shirt. Now I have a closet full of T-shirts that have Tournament Names on the front and competing teams on the back.

•We used to spend our summer vacation relaxing on the beach or visiting family. Now we hit the road to a tournament with 20 of our closest friends in a caravan that could rival some small town parades.

•I used to be concerned that I would fall into the trap of living my life through my kid. Now I know that I'm privileged to live my life WITH my kid!!!

Yes, I'm a Baseball Ball Parent, what could be better!

Fungo,

Interesting question IMO.

In my family, we never really looked at baseball related activities as a sacrifice.

Whether it be my Mom and Dad, my wife and I - or both boys.

I think we look at it as a gift actually. Something that we all have been able to share and enjoy (and sometimes suffer with a bit).

We have never been very vocal about it (except me on the HSBBWEB - LOL) - and alot of friends and family question how much time and money we have spent in the game.

As much as we respect their opinions - they really have never mattered.

The game - and the ability to play the game - at any level - and the ability to watch your family grow up with it and learn from it - is a gift in our eyes.

I am very grateful that I have been able to be part of the game - in so many different ways - for the last 40 years or so.

Fungo, I don't consider them sacrifices either. Many blessings in so many ways! I've made lots of adjustments, including changing jobs to allow me to be there when I needed to be, to allow me to pay for everything, etc. I may have lost a few friends over the years that just couldn't understand why I'd rather go to my son's tournament than a party or an event where "everyone" else was going. The everyone I wanted to be with was my family and friends at the baseball field. Any "adjustment" was very minor in the scheme of things.

BTW, I assume that's you and Josh in the pic - that is precious!!!

wanaplay

Brings it home for me. My wife and I have had blinders on for years as we have lived the role as BB parents.

We know it has been even more difficult for our other children. We know they have sacrificed the most. Now it is more "ho-hum" for them and they have developed their own lives.

But we do not view it as a sacrifice. Early on we saw that our son had talent and was really good at BB. Since then we have tried to give him the very best chances at playing and getting good exposure.

We would do no less for our daughter who is a clarinetist which recently auditioned with the local symphony. There were sacrifices to be made there also along the way.

But do we as parents resent the sacrifices we make for our children? NO!

We count ourselves blessed that we can watch them develop from those little munchkins into something worthy of respect and admiration...and what a journey it has been.

Wouldn't change a thing about it.

I dont see it as a sacrifice(s)--I see it as part of the job of being a good parent to each of your kids.

My oldest son (of four children, all baseball and softball players) is a freshman in college. I have not cried until now, reading this thread. No, we never went to Disney World, or the beach, or normal vacation spots. Our vacations were to tournaments, like so many others on this web. We don't have a lot of "stuff", but we have all of the necessary and even unnecessary baseball equipment.
The tears are from knowing that the end is near, knowing that I will be able to see him play just a few games in college (he's too far away). The tears are from knowing that my hs junior is just behind him, on his way out. And then my daughters.....
Absolutely we did not sacrifice a thing. I wish it could go on forever....
Someday, too soon, my house will be clean......

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Playbaseball....

Can relate to the baseball vacation schedule as well. Here is something written a few months ago...

For 15 years our home has been cluttered with baseballs, basketballs, footballs, bats, mitts, cleats, batting gloves, sports catalogues, sports magazines, gym bags, scorebooks and gaudy plastic trophies.

Our living room walls are adorned with team photos, the boys rooms with posters of professional athletes.

At dinner we speculate on starting lineups, who is going out for the team and whether Adam Johnson has perfected his curveball over the summer.

For 15 years we did not take family vacations. We took baseball trips. While normal people have pictures of their family at beaches, forests, mountains and lakes. We have team portraits, and action shots taken at dusty old baseball parks and fields from Florida to Hawaii.

Before I used to worry about my own sports, my career, my health. For fifteen years I have worried more whether my sons had practiced, whether their arms were strong enough, and how sound that knee was that one tweaked last week.

And now that it’s almost over I treasure every minute more than ever...

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I guess the biggest "adjustment" I've made is that the day of the week really doesn't matter anymore from the standpoint that I work whatever days I need to, weekend or whatever, so I can take off whenever possible to see my son's games; and, it's all been a good thing working to create a flexible schedule.

As far as sacrifices... I guess that implies giving up something more important. Can't think of anything.

O44, nice post

Observer, I'll second Fungo's "nice post." Pretty nice summary!

Our family is fortunate as compared to some of the other families posting their experiences and sacrifices. Unlike those who have bored and disinterested little brothers and sisters in their midst our family has ballplayers. Our oldest son, now a freshman in college and playing ball, must have done a good job selling his younger siblings on the idea of pursuing baseball and softball. His younger brother plays travel ball and his two younger sisters play travel softball. They all love playing and they enjoy the travel and being together. They're all pretty good players too.

I think most all would agree that without the support of the mom in the family this somewhat vagabond lifestyle does not have a chance to survive. The mom in our family is the primary cheerleader and booster for our players and they do appreciate it. They've seen the flipside when a mom isn't willing to make the sacrifices. It often isn't pleasant!

Having grown up in a rural area and not having participated in any organized sport I was not sure how qualified I was for being an active baseball dad. After marrying a big city girl the children started to arrive and I was very concerned about being a father raising children in a large metropolitan area. I wondered how my rural roots would serve me as a big city dad. My worries quickly vanished as my wife suggested that maybe Little League would be a help. Her brother and father had been very involved. I found a sanctuary and much needed guidance
for being that big city dad that I wasn't sure I could be. All of this because of my wife's suggestion about Little League. No wonder she is so into baseball! Baseball has been anything but a sacrifice for me... I owe baseball unending gratitude for providing this rural boy the means to become an involved active father helping to raise a fine family in the big city.

An unexpected benefit from travel ball is the opportunity for our family to at least see rural areas similar to those where I grew up. We most often drive to the tournaments and even stay off the Interstate sometimes (for as long as the kids can tolerate it...but hey I'm the driver!).

My career has even evolved around baseball. My first few jobs had me working for someone and after learning the ropes I struck out on my own. This allowed the necessary flexibility to keep up with our growing ballplayers. This vital flexibility thankfully keeps pace with our needs so that any conflict is minimal. I'm even able to meet with suppliers throughout the country while traveling to and from tournaments. To make matters even better all of these suppliers are supportive and actually like sharing baseball stories.

Baseball has also provided our family the pleasure to meet and enjoy so many other families that share our values and the love of the game.

If there have been sacrifices we really haven't noticed much. The priceless and cherished memories and lessons have dwarfed any sacrifices there may have been. In other words baseball has been very ,very good to us!

Adjustments, hmmm...

I can remember when my older boys were being invited onto travel/club/competitive league teams for their various sports. We always told them they had to limit their involvement to one school team per season and one "extra team" per year!

Living out in the sticks we didn't really understand that real talent + adequate exposure can really get you somewhere. We thought of it (back then) as extra teams + extra $ + five kids = broke parents with no life!

Truly, we loved every single athletic event they played in and, like everyone here, we traveled all over to make that happen. Then, they grew up, ended their sports careers, went to college, got married, etc., etc.

Now, when the baby of the family entered H.S. we told him that one of the benefits of being the last kid at home would be he might get to play on more than one "extra" team per year. I have to laugh now at my naiveté about this "process," if you can call it that.

Youngest is now working hard at getting onto the college team of his choice. We've loved every minute of every tournament, etc., and, yes, we have managed to stay afloat financially. Probably my dog has sacrificed the most, having spent countless nights at a boarding kennel away from the family!

In fact, when my son went to Oklahoma for the Junior Sunbelt earlier in the summer and I stayed home, I ended up over at the high school watching parents' kids'games. I suspect I'll be doing a lot more of that after he does graduate and leave home.

His older brothers respect his talent and tell people that he has the most in the family, but I have to wonder, if we'd believed we could have managed to give them the same opportunities, what might they have done with their own skills?

Now that it's in the final year of H.S. I think back on our earlier conversations with the kids about financial sacrifices and choosing their activities carefully since they would be limited. I now realize it was just the beginning of the ride of a lifetime!

ktcosmos

I could probably say with all sincerity that I sacrificed my marriage for baseball.......I was a college baseball coach for several years, my marriage ended, then my children became heavily involved in baseball and softball (among other sports).

Since my divorce, ten years ago, I have had relationships, but all have taken a back seat to parenting and the responsibilities that go with it, like attending my childrens' athletic events.

I have no regrets, and my children know where they stand in my eyes!!

Wow! there's alot of good writers on this thread. I don't consider anything I did to be a sacrifice either. Since my husband has always worked a long day, I was the one who had to get the kids to practices and games so I have worked everything from 11-7 to 9-2 and everything in between. I could probably count on 2 hands how many games I missed. It would've been nice to have a clean house and supper on the table but I'd rather treasure the talks in the car with him about life and his dreams and goals. We didn't do many vacations and gave up alot of parties too but they just didn't seem as important at the time. My older son gave up on sports after LL but would trail along and probably taught me alot about the game. He was always so proud of his little brother even tho he'd hardly ever tell him. I lucked out while he was in HS by having a boss who went to college on a baseball scholarship and had 3 kids who were really good at their chosen sports. He once told me that he'd never tell me I had to miss anything 'cause they're only young once. It was great to be able to call and say that we won a game in a tournament and I wouldn't be in again tomorrow. Many times, he'd be walking out the door early to see one of his kids play and I'd be right behind him. Now that he's in college, I can't see as many games and my new bosses are not into sports at all so I can't leave early to catch a mid week game and I find I really resent it. Nope, I wouldn't change a thing! I just hate knowing it will probably end in a couple of years. Guess, I'll have no excuse for not cleaning anymore and I'll have to find a hobby of some kind.

Sacrifices?

What are you folks talking about?

We went to Disney World (okay, so it was the same year my son went to Florida for spring baseball)

We went to Yellowstone (okay so it was driving back from the world series in Lewiston Idaho.)

We went to Kansas City's Museum of Art (okay, so it was when there was a rain delay in the 13 year old tournament).

We went to the Zoo in Lincoln NE last year, (okay, so it was for 2 hours before a double header, and 2 hours again after the games were over)

I could go on and on.

Sacrifices, none - just a lot of creative scheduling.

Sacrifice implies that you receive less than you give. It's no sacrifice to give up a nickel and get a dime in return.

I've never ever thought of all the time I spend with my son on baseball and other sports as a sacrifice, because I'm getting the dime every time!

I will echo the sentiments that are almost unanimous on this topic. It only is a sacrifice if you do not love it and I think that we all love baseball or we would not participate on this forum.

We follow the example of Aparent and try to mix in some of the normal things (Disney World, Zoo's, etc.) with our baseball trips. Unfortunately, a lot of tournaments are held in the wastelands (I don't mean to insult anyone) of our country. Thank god they play baseball there.

I'll add my name to the list of "I don't think of it as a sacrifice".
We have been going to games for about six years now, counting AABC and HS. One son didn't go on to play baseball in college, we have another that is a junior and is hoping to be able to play on the next level, and another that is an 8th grader and has been on the JV team. He is also wanting to play football. We have 2 daughters as well, yea, both hate the game of baseball, but enjoy being at the ballpark.

It's something that I really enjoy. Not just watching my son play, but watching the other players on both sides of the ball compete. I think of it as a privilege to be able to be there watching them grow and play.

The biggest sacrifice and adjustment we have had to make is sending our son out of state to attend college and play ball where he felt was the best choice for HIM. It's quite difficult to know that you will only get to watch him play a handful of games, have him home maybe a total of less than a month all year due to travel restrictions and baseball.

My greatest admiration goes out to the parents whose sons decided to give up the game for one reason or another. You didn't let your selfishness, or your love for the game stand in the way of your son's happiness. That's truly a sacrifice.

PAbbMom: What a nice boss! My guess is that he was being so charitable because you most likely are a good employee and deserving of such a valuable perk! Maybe he had an understanding boss in his past too. Bosses are you listening?

The summer of my son's HS sophomore year I was given a life choice -- continue a reasonably successful career complete with a 100+K mile travel schedule (for the 15th year) or else start my own business and make my own rules. With great anticipation and trepidation, I chose the latter path. Thank goodness I did. While I had missed most of my daughter's softball games (to my lasting regret), I was there for almost all of his junior year, then his senior year, and now am prepared to be there for his second year in college (whether he likes it or not... ). My clients all seem to understand -- it's a running joke with them 'did you know that her son plays baseball?....', but I have never regretted it for an instant. Note: You perhaps CAN have a business meeting at a ballfield, ONLY if your son is NOT pitching at the time...

Gotwood4sale - Actually, I was always willing to come in early if need be so I could leave early if needed. It's called flexability or give and take and I was very lucky! We used to kid him that he should write a book on how to get a free ride to college 'cause he went to W. Virginia on a baseball scholly, his daughter got a full ride for field hockey to Lehigh, his son a full ride to a state school for wrestling and I haven't seen what his other son did but he was supposed to be a better wrestler than his brother. His kids travelled all over for their sports and he followed along. It was great. It would be nice to see more companies realize that family is important too but now adays the pendalum seems to be swinging the other way.

PAbbMom: Being self employed I'm not linked in closely with employers and their policies concerning parents and sports. If the pendulam really is swinging the wrong way then you should consider yourself extra fortunate that you have such an understanding and generous boss. If I were you I'd stay put!

Having to watch my son blossom from a 9 yr old kid who couldn't run, catch, and hit to a 12 yr/13yr old mature leader for a travel team sometimes puts a tear in my eye. The sacrifices have already been made from me and the wife. We drive to his tournaments as a family and base our vacations on these trips. Without baseball we wouldn't have seen:

THE GRAND CANYON enroute to STEAMBOAT SPRINGS.

BRYCE PARK, DENVER MILE HIGH STADIUM, gone River Rafting in the Colorado River

Las Vegas etc.

Now we are sacrificing work time and even family time to do this. But so far it has been a blast. I also think this website puts many things in perspective when it comes to baseball, and for that I am grateful.

I think growing up without my dad, who passed when I was 9, has motivated me to be there in every possible way for my son. I think we have a bond now that he considers me a best friend and a dad. Not having to play baseball with my father kind of hurts me in a way that I cant describe. I dont think I can ever say no to my son when he wants to play catch. I think it really hit me hard when I watched Field of Dreams with my son and wept like a baby at the end of the movie when he caught with his dad. Needless to say the sacrificies I made so far for him were all done in favor of his baseball playing and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

P.S.- the only strong memory I have of my dad is playing catch with him in upstate New York.

On the flipside of this is my wife. The wife appreciates baseball now more than ever and really gets into the games. She has also made it easier for me and she is a big fan of her child. I do not think we are living through our kids, we are just happy they have found something they love and it really has brought us together as a family.

baseballbum,
Thanks for sharing.

baseballbum : I agree with Fungo...thanks for sharing.

Your post brought back memories for me. I lost my mother at age seven and through my young adult years I didn't think much about it or dwell on it.

Then I got married and after the kids (four of em') arrived I was able to watch a family grow in the the loving presence of a remarkable woman...my wife.

She's done an exceptional job on her end of the deal and it makes me wonder at times just how well my own mother would have done given the same circumstance. I'll never know,but then it's really not important.

One thing I do know is that my wife is a bigger baseball booster than I am, although I'm right on her tail! All four kids are very involved in either baseball (the two boys) or softball (the two girls). It keeps us on the run, but remarkably together and tight knit. The kids really benefit from the support they get, especially from their mother.

My father,with his hands full, wasn't too involved with me (the youngest). He spent alot of time bailing my older brothers out of various scrapes and pickles. At least I learned to keep my nose clean... I didn't want to rock further an already tipsy boat!

One thing he did pass on to me is the love for the Chicago White Sox. He grew up in NW Indiana and was a lifelong Sox fan.

He passed away in January this year. He lived for over fifty years in Oregon after moving from the Midwest and I'm sure that he is perched on the edge of a big ol' rain cloud and looking down on his beloved Sox as they were banging out two impressive wins over last year's champs from Beantown!

Your father too is looking down on you and your boy (his grandson) and is smiling big... he knows he did a good job!

Thanks for the kind words.

Oh and thanks to everyone who fought and stepped up to the plate to keep this site going!