Parent/player relationship

Because like much everyone else, they feel the exact same way. They just assume since they played professional ball they will have a bigger effect on the parents.

I stopped reading when he said his 11 year olds were "select."

Even if everything he was saying was the absolute truth, 4 months of coaching an 11U team isn't nearly enough experience, and this is a remarkably stupid way to communicate it.

I don't know anything about the organization, but if he really feels compelled to talk about these issues this way with regards to players/parents he's coaching, he's done either a terrible job of selecting those players and setting expectations for them, or a terrible job of selecting the organization he's working for if they're the ones setting the expectations.

From the original article:

" I have been coaching an 11 U select baseball team for about 4 months now and I am finding some disturbing trends among parents and their relationships with their children.  I have found that (a) parents exponentially over value the talent of their child, (b) cannot separate the emotions they feel during the game with that of their child's, (c) find it necessary to inject their opinions and/or suggestions for the team because they pay money to be part of the organization, (d) severely hinder and stunt their child's progress and passion for the sport they play. "

Thankfully as my son got older (12+) I realised how silly some of the parent stuff really was and I sat back and starting enjoying watching games again. Thats was also about the time that I started watching the games from the right field fence to get away from those that hadn't figured it out (yet).   IMO, the majority of the time, talent, hard work and desire will dictate a players outcome...not the stuff we as parents sometimes think we can control. 

Maybe he's not a very good coach.  I've found that successful coaches of youth teams (players improve and teams are competitive) get far less of this from parents.  When kids aren't developing and there's an obvious leadership void, this kind of parent behavior becomes more pronounced.

Smitty28 you may be right however I would  never presume that he might be a bad (or good) coach based on the information available.  With that said, my son played on some very good teams that were well coached however there was still a faction of the parents that fit the descriptions listed above.

Funny thing is when my son was younger I probably overestimated his level of skill ...as he got to the early high school years those feelings switched and I probably underestimated how good he was.  Guess that proves I didn't have a clue, he's lucky I didn't try to coach him. :-) 

I find this whole topic fascinating.  I have only really come into the world of competitive select baseball in the past 18 months.  My LHP son started to get noticed.  I always thought he was pretty good compared to his peers.  Now that he is 12, playing up a year on 13 U AAA and is now their ace pitcher I find my self conflicted.  His first select coach barely played him, his second played him a lot but didn't want to pitch him much and the third now loves him and we have to be careful of over pitching.  I find my self each day as we put in the time and effort of practices, tournaments, equipment, and on and on - am I nuts?  Our pastor even says "If you think your kids going to be a pro sports player - your nuts - move on - there is more to do in life."  

So I have posted a few times here - who the heck do I listen to?  On the one hand your told - relax, have fun, let it happen.  On the other hand your told- hey your son is really good - protect him - learn about arm health - stay involved - put in place a long toss program - he has to prepare now to be able to play high school baseball, etc. etc.  

My son fell in a mid-week game this week and jarred his wrists pretty good - everyone about panicked because they have no shot on the weekends with out him.  So its kinda hard to not take it seriously as people count on your kid.

Its a weird thing really.  Its fun.  Its been a great bond with my son.  Its built so much character in him that I wouldn't change a thing.  But as a parent you do struggle with things like "Is the coach taking care of my kid righ?t", "Is my son really that good?", "Am I wasting way too much time and energy on this?", etc. etc.  I am sure the team coaches get advice, feedback and so much more from every parent - must be maddening.  I did have one of the coaches say we were "good baseball parents" - I think he meant that we didn't drive him crazy LOL

Ah the fun of baseball - well time to go - have to go get ready for the next weekend tourney and the 6 AM 90 minute drive - love it :>

Here's my take.  You need to watch out for your kid, until you find a coach you can trust.  Fact of the matter at this age group (pre HS), most coaches are probably dads and don't know a lot.  Worse yet, most don't take the time to learn.  Most coaches have biases for/against a kid in certain roles.  Thus, as you have seen, as coaches change, roles change. 

Whether your kid can play at higher levels really isn't your call.  What you can do as a Dad is give him everything available to enhance his skill set so that if he chooses to play higher up, he'll have the best chance at competing.  If he doesn't make it, he'll still have good life lessons and a lot of memories with Dad.  Enjoy.  Good luck.   

I suggest re-reading the responses from your first post - all of your questions here were answered very well there.

Yes, each team and coach will come with a different set of circumstances and, somewhat, different points of view as to how your son fits best into the team equation.  Teach your son to be flexible and open and willing to contribute however he is asked.

I think you know who to listen to.  There has to be a balance and it has to be driven by your son's interest and passion level and nothing else.  Clearly, for you, you need to relax more and let it happen for him.  But, at the same time, continue to assure that there are reasonable safety measures in place for his health and provide help, guidance and good resources as needed (and as you have been) - just like every other aspect of parenting.  And, I suggest you do make sure there are other interests and activities so that baseball does not solely define him.

IMO, thoughts like "is son really that good?" and "everyone panicked because they have no shot without him" will be counter-productive to keeping things in perspective and applying good parenting skills as it applies to baseball.  He's 12.  The team will be fine with or without him, really.  You won't know if he's really that good for a while and by then he may not care or might find a girl he likes better or suffer an injury that takes baseball away from him or...  on and on.

As discussed in another recent post, parents of 10-14 y.o. players tend to be overly caught up in how good their kid is going to be and too focused on what they need to do to assure his future stardom instead of just enjoying today and appreciating it as a game that son happens to be pretty good at.  

Sorry, I know most of this message has already been hammered on you, but based on the fact that you came back with the same doubts after an excellent batch of advice, I thought I'd try a bit more direct approach.  I know it was helpful for me when I was dealing with these things first time around. 

"Our pastor even says "If you think your kids going to be a pro sports player - your nuts - move on - there is more to do in life." 

Pastor or not, when I hear this kind of talk, it just irks me. If every parent and pastor felt this way we wouldn't have professional baseball. HAVE A DREAM ... go for it ... learn and grow along the way, and whatever happens, become a good man.

Hell, I should'a been a pastor!

Yah - I have become convinced enough by working with a former pro pitcher, watching other kids, reading and discussing that I think my little old LHP has a shot - at least at high school and college.  So I view it as having a dream grounded in some sense of reality.  A million things have to go right for him to make it but so far frankly they keep going right - so we will see.  

I am kind of the accidental baseball dad - when someone walked up to me and said my son is pretty good - and starts talking about all kinds of baseball stuff - i realized I was clueless.  I am less clueless now (I think) - and we will see where it goes

Added note - the advice I got on the first set of posts was indeed very good and we are on solid ground now overall with a good plan.  I just thought it might be interesting to share how a lot of the advice does conflict and you hear lots of things - not to sound like a bragger bur he has gotten so much attention lately is been a bit of a whirl wind trying to figure out the reality behind the hype.  I was just struggling to be in informed Dad who didn't know a lot - this forum and talking to a few others has been very helpful - I know a lot more now to help make informed decisions going forward. 

You actually will have no idea until he gets on a full-sized field. And then, keep in mind, there are many levels of high school and many levels of college competition. The injury factor is particularly big. A good example of Dylan Bundy, who was on top of the world. Now there are questions.

My approach: Don't do any of this for a baseball future; do it because it is fun.

Do it for both.