Parents - YIKES

In my experience, it did not go away until my son entered college. On the younger levels there was always about the individual player and a whole lot of excuses. On the college level it has become much more supportive of the team effort.

The insanity decreases at each level because of talent.  The parents of the kids at the highest levels of baseball have become confident in their sons' ability and detached themselves from the process.  There is a direct, positive correlation between less-than-talented youth players who don't move on and whacko parents who will attempt to do anything to have Johnny play.

I had one friend who pulled his son off a AAA high-school (second highest classification in the state) and became a "star" at a B school.  He would regularly give me updates and I think his son hit 12 homeruns that year, an impressive feat.  Out of curiosity, I drove by the field to watch him play one day.  The opposing pitcher was throwing about 60 MPH and the outfield fence was 250 feet.

Meanwhile, Bum Jr. played J.V. at a large AAAA school. The next year he went on to win state player of the year.

Shut up and play.  That's what I taught Bum, Jr.

I personally think a lot of what you see are parents of incoming Freshman and even 8th graders.  Most parents of Juniors and Seniors, and most parents of Sophmores have either figured it out or are starting to. 

In a way youth baseball is the culprit here.  Bear with me here.  From the age of 5-14 parents are encouraged to be a part of the team, to help by being youth coaches early on and later to help fundraising and participating in the teams activities.  There is nothing wrong with this, 95% of the time this is a great thing for both the kids and the parents.  Unfortunately it also places parents into the role of direct interaction in baseball operations.  Sometimes the super active parent in a youth team doesn't either know how to stop being involved or doesn't understand that the process changes in High School.

I think it probably takes a year or so for some parents to figure out that HS baseball is not league or even select ball and that most HS coaches don't have the time to stroke the egos of parents as well as the boys.  If you look most of the posts here concerning coaches are from parents with new kids just starting the process.

I was a little bit like that myself.  Since my son was a Freshman last year, and not all that great at communicating what needed to be done I had a little bit of anxiety, at first.  This year it is more, 'Just tell me when you need to be picked up after practice and I'll come get you.  In three months it will be, 'Drive you happy little butt home, I'm taking a nap'.  I go to games and sit there.  I still embarras him by actually cheering for the team (Perish the thought, how dare I enjoy watching the game) but I stay the helimalima away from dugout. 

I bet if you talk to some of these same parents in two years they will be exactly the same way. 

Totally agree with Bum.  Confidence in your kid eliminates the wackiness and stress.  Performance speaks for itself.  If you have been blessed with a kid who gets to that point in their abilities, then you are very blessed indeed.  Sit back and enjoy the ride.  

Great insight Wklink 

There is a school in my area that has had a few good players and been average to above average over the past few years even though the school is only a few years old.

This year they have one senior prospect, and a few other good players. I've seen them play and they are terrible. Couldn't figure it out until I realized that some of their better players were on the bench.

Someone told me that the head coach got fed up with the parents and decided to play mostly freshman. I guess he's planning on making a run in two to three years.

I always think back to my kids first go around with HS sports.  It was during his freshman football season.  We had the first and only parents meeting with the coach just before the first game.  The very first words out of his mouth were "Its my team".  He went on to explain that the athletic departments policy is to first hold and discussions regarding any issues an athlete may have with that athlete and then if they could not come up with a compromise then bring the parents in to the discussions.  He also went on to explain that at no time would he discuss his playing time, positions or starters decisions with a parent.  He explained that he would be happy to explain to the athlete what they needed to do to improve to move into a certain position or to earn more playing time but he would not get into a discussion about playing time.

At the time I though he was being a little harsh but within about 2 weeks of the meeting I quickly came to understand the reasoning for his statement.  My wife is an administrator in the same school district and started her career out at my kids HS so I know a lot of the coaches on a personal level.  I have had the chance to talk to them about parents and the cr@p that they have to deal with.  Its amazing some of the stories they tell.  Though to all of the coaches credit they are able to pretty much blow the stuff off.

As a parent, you learn how to do with it better as the years pass.  I've had 3 boys play high school baseball, and 1 in college so far.  I've seen all kinds of parents and all kinds of coaches.  The best situation I've seen is a high school coach who runs his program like a college program.  The kids respect that approach and the parents do too.  There is a clear understanding that a lot is expected of the players and their families.

Parents will be parents, and most think their kid is better than he actually is.  There is a saying that "all parents want the best 8 players on the field and their kid".....it is so true.   The best advice I can give you is to set an example by cheering for the team, and for all the players.  If parents want to have a bitch session don't be a part of it....walk away.

Originally Posted by Stafford:

…Someone told me that the head coach got fed up with the parents and decided to play mostly freshman. I guess he's planning on making a run in two to three years.

Where do people get this kind of thing in their heads? Think about it. What sense would it make to not play anyone because of their parents, let alone an entire team?

You're correct, it makes no sense. None whatsoever.

But, the warm up/bullpen catcher is a kid I've seen play many times and is a good, but not great player. He's an o.k. hitter. The kid who played ahead of him in the game I watched allowed over 7 passed balls, never came close to throwing out a runner, and didn't hit. It was obvious during warm-ups that he had no pop time, no arm strength and no accuracy. He did play the whole game and that's just one example at one position. This team has not won a game and has been no-hit twice this season and should be better.

I'm not sure what the real issue is as, I agree, playing freshman as retaliation to griping parents seems unrealistic and far-fetched.

With due respect to the coaches, they make mistakes (sometimes).  It is only natural for fans (including parents) to comment about the line up, who should be playing, etc.  There is a whole talk radio format for that purpose.  As long as it is done respectfully and like an adult, it should not create a problem. 

I know it is his team, but the coach has to be able to justify his decision.  I have had many conversations with parents (as a coach and non-coach) in which I said "maybe the coach was thinking this way" or "I could see why he did that."  If they are reasonable, it usually opens up the parent's eyes.  I have also seen too many situations where better kids sat, while the "favorites" played and that is what frustrates people. 

I agree that parents tend to get better as the player gets better.

The players who get better are the ones who don't make excuses. They don't blame fellow players or the ump, or even the coach.

And guess what? Neither do their parents.

That's my observation.

Stafford,

You’ve pointed out something that might be at least part of the problem. You say the kid who played ahead of him in the game you watched allowed over 7 passed balls. I know it seems like a pretty straightforward thing to score a PB vs. a WP, but believe me it isn’t. Probably its more accurate to say scoring them properly isn’t always the case, but either way it could be part of the reason your perception and the coach’s are at odds about the relative skills of the catchers on the team.

Although OBR says any pitch that touches the ground in front of the catcher and isn’t handled, and allows a runner to advance, has to be a WP. There’s no leeway either. But in HS the rule is different, and its more stringent because it only has to be a WP if it touches the ground in front of home plate.

That standard dates back to days when it was believed a catcher should indeed block or handle nearly everything in the dirt. MLB has gotten over that standard, but NFHS hasn’t deemed to update their rule book, and its caused many a scorer a problem. While that old standard has been eradicated from OBR, its still ingrained as part of baseball dogma, where may people still maintain that those balls should be handled.

Unless the observer is very careful to understand the difference, it can give some a false impression about how a player is performing. It could be a coach who believes that a catcher should block everything, or it could be an observer such as yourself thinks something is a PB when it was really a WP.

Personally, I’ve found passed balls to be one of the rarest things in the game, only having scored 31 for our catchers in over 180 games, and I’m guessing opponent catchers wouldn’t be many more. In fact, I’ve only scored as many as 3 once in those 180+ games for our catcher, so when you say there were 7 in one game, it really gets my attention.

To be honest, a coach doesn't have to justify his lineup to anyone other than maybe the AD and the district.  Most of the time these coaches don't last very long and are replaced.  In the end an unfair coach gets penalized by losses and by kids not trying out for the program.  

As for playing 'better' players you as a coach know there are a lot of factors that go into playing time and not all of them are easily observable.  Sometimes kids become 'favorates' because they flat out work harder and put in the effort while some 'talented' player tends to dog it.  Sometimes kids get sat to send a message.  Sometimes kids just need a day off from playing.  Maybe a kid is on that borderline grades wise and is being sent a message that poor grades lead to less playing time.

The fact is, and this is something I found out, most parents have no idea sometimes why their kid is playing and why they aren't. 

Good replies wklink.

Those are all valid justifications.  And a good coach will comunicate expectations with the players. 

I'll jump in with a small challenge to the notion that parents get "better" as the boys get older. Bum is right: The parents of BETTER players may get better, but not all parents! Freshman got called up to varsity last Friday night, played every inning in last two games and been productive. We just keep our mouths shut and root for every boy on the team. ONE, count 'em ONE parent, on a team with 10 seniors and several juniors, has come over to me and my wife and welcomed us. The boys have accepted our son; all's well in the dugout and on the field. Interestingly, the ONE parent who DID welcome us is the dad of the best varsity player on the team. Go figure.

IMHO the parents of players who get better tend to just BE better parents.

More supportive, less parent goggles, more reality driven.

The best set of parents I've ever been around is in D-I baseball. Everyone seems supportive and just happy to be there.

When you're at a home game and somebody throws a ball away and you hear a homer say, "That kid has thrown three balls away this month, he sucks" and you see the parent (who also knows the situation) not flinch, you realize their skin is thick and it gives you hope your skin can be as thick. 

Spoiler alert, this post is going to sound cold.

The longer your son plays, the less important the parents of other players become. The game, the experience, isn't about the parents. What I mean is, by the time a player gets to be a senior, he has played hundreds of games on multiple teams. The group of parents on each team may not know each other. And this season, my son's last in high school, I want to take it all in. I don't want to make small talk, or worse, talk about the game, with strangers. I will smile and say hello.

The players are a team; the parents are not, nor do they need to be.

When my son was younger I noted with more interest the parents of other players. I would have posted this same post. Now I mostly note who I want to avoid. In fact, I prefer to not talk to other parents during the game. 

When my son starts college next year, I will take the initiative to introduce myself to the other parents, probably slowly. I don't expect others to take the initiative just because their son has been on the team longer. We are all adults. 

Twotex: I think that the parents of younger players want to talk to parents of older players to get a feel for things. Basically to get a lay of the land so to speak. Many times they have certain gripes and are hopeful that the parents of older players have experienced the same issues.

If the parent of the older player agrees with their gripe/issue/concern then it validates their opinions.

Of course, by the time the parent of the older player has been around the program long enough, they realize that it doesn't matter what they think or the new parent thinks.

Actually, you're right! We prefer to watch the game and keep to ourselves. Maybe it's us But I just thought it was interesting.

JP24, Congrats to your son for the move up to varsity. I know it's a large milestone in this journey.

When our son made varsity to start his freshman year, we used to laugh that you could hear the crickets in the stands when he took the mound. The players and coaches were all excepting and supportive because they had practiced with and faced him through the fall and spring practices. The old saying "if the adults would just get out of the way, the boys knew which players belonged and should play" was appropriate. The parents took a while to accept that he belonged on a heavy upperclassman (1 freshman 1 sophmore) squad. They eventaully did.

Enjoy the ride. The seasons get faster and faster.

I have been at this (coaching hs ball) for 18 years now.  In that time I have run across the whole spectrum of parent. Some hard to deal with, but most have been great, and some never talked.  I like getting on here and reading parent perspectives. It helps to understand the how and why behind some parent behavior. 

I have a 6 yo son who is starting his baseball journey and seems to have the knack for this game (his older sister...not so much).  Anyway, as a parent, I sit down the foul line and don't say too much. Just encourage the kids as they come by.  I am sure some of the other parents don't understand why, but from reading this some of you that have been around the game awhile understand.  

My son also plays in the next town over. I guess if he played in our home town, I would have to go mix and mingle to do a little PR.

Preteen parents were brutal. While it gets better with age and experience, I found the only place parents were actually tame was showcase ball. Parents knew every kid was getting to college ball. I remember a lot of backstabbing in high school ball (and we won the conference twice and came in second). I often watched from down the foul line or (OMG!) with parents of opposing high school players I knew from travel ball. This ticked off some parents.

Note: Our high school was fed by two youth baseball programs that did not like each other or respect each other. A lot of people never grew up and got past it. Imagine how popular I was for having my son switch programs and help his team win districts twice.

Part of the problem with parents is travel ball. They become accustomed to their son being a star in his age group. Then the kid gets to high school which is 18U ball regardless of age or grade. I've seen plenty of freshman parents have hissy fits their son was assigned to the freshman or JV team. Then they attend varsity games and back stab varsity players.

I agree Fenway just stay away from the bitch sessions. You can 2nd guess all you want personally,coaches aren't perfect nor should they be. Just don't get involved with that crap.

LOL! Just don't give my son the take sign early in the count.Let him get himself out.

I spent 24 years as a cop in an urban environment.  I dealt with more than my fair share of emotionally disturbed people.  But, the largest group of them I've ever encountered is parents at travel ball games.  

As they say, you need a license to drive a car, but you don't need one to raise a kid.  Some people should have to get a license.  

For the most part, it doesn't matter what your kid does during those years.  I don't care how many homeruns your son hit on a field with 200' fences as a 13 year old with a -10 bat.  It doesn't translate to a 60/90 field with 300'+ fences and a wood or bbcor bat.  Make sure they get proper training, some competitive games and let them continue to learn so they are ready for HS baseball.