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23 replies

Passive vs. Aggressive

L larrythompson500+ posts
What do you guys think?

My 4 year old son was playing in the CF playground today while I was umpiring my daughter's 9 yr. old softball game. He wasn't more than 300 ft. away. My wife is a nurse and had to work this weekend. I had to umpire cause the umps didn't show, and the coaches asked if I would fill in. Plenty of moms at the playground to watch the kids. A couple said they would look out for him, even though they had daughters playing in the game (clear visual of the field from the playground).

Found myself, as always, looking my son's way each minute for the entire game. In the 6th inning, I looked up just in time to see a 6 year old kid throw a rock at my son that struck him about 1/8" below his left eye. I hauled tail to the playground immediately. While I was running to the playground, my kid was crying, and immediately started whaling on the other kid. I was screaming for my boy to stop, which he did after he got a couple of licks in on the other boy. I get to my son, blood dripping and still crying.

The mom's who were supervising had turned their back for only a moment, and this is what happened. I don't blame them...but was a little shocked at one's comments after things calmed down. They understood my son was angry the other kid threw the rock at him (apparently unprovoked), but they were equally shocked that my son starting pounding on the kid...even though he was crying and hurting pretty badly.

I told the lady that my children are taught not to hit or beat on other kids, but that they shouldn't just lay back and take it if another is harming them. She said I should teach them to tell an adult when they get hurt by someone else. I thanked her for the advice, but told her I felt she was living in a fantasy world.

What do you guys think?
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SP Southpaw Pop100+ posts
lt,
My thought:
Turn-the-other-cheek should apply for your son as he grows older. Given the circumstances you described, he should be allowed to react to the pain/anger at least until he reaches 6 years old himself. He deserves a few more years to learn what turning-the-other-cheek means. I am sure he reacted as any 4 year old might.

I see that you are affiliated with the Astros. Have you met Amarillo's Chance Douglass-RHP with the Corpus Christi Hooks?
FungoFungoHighly Regarded and Beloved Old Timer
This ought to be interesting. We are not allowed to coach daddy ball but we have to teach our kids how to handle life’s conflicts.
Here’s the way I did it. I was very clear with my children on how to handle this ---- kinda. I taught my sons not to fight and then I taught them how to do it. I taught them to love thy neighbor then I told them which neighborhoods to avoid. Big Grin
Fungo
itsinthegameitsinthegame5,000+ posts
Larry,

This one may get alot of comments - LOL.

I taught both my boys to never raise their hands first - and to do everything they could to avoid fighting - regardless of what others might say.

I also taught them to defend themselves when attacked - and to do everything they could to make sure the attacker would be unable to continue attacking.

Simply put - young or old - you are not supposed to attack anyone - and if you do - and take a beating - perhaps you will think twice about attacking anyone again.

Wink
Last edited by itsinthegame
CoachB25CoachB25Honorary "Old TImer"
I don't have a son. I have a daughter. I've taught her how to fight. I mean how to do the whole 9 yards. I grew up in a housing project called, "the defense area." I am skewed by my childhood. I understand that. However, there are two types of people when it comes to violence. Victims and Winners. The problem with all of this is that she is too kind hearted. However, should anyone start something, I can guarantee that she can finish it. JMHO!
Last edited by CoachB25
Bighit15Bighit155,000+ posts
When my daughter was 10 years old, we were at my son's little league all-star game. A ten year old boy comes up to me, crying, and says: "your daughter kicked me in the nutz". Well I could not believe that my angel could do such a thing. I called her over and asked her why she kicked him. Her response was: "he threw a can and hit me in the head". So I turned to the boy and said: " If you don't want to get kicked in the nutz again, don't throw cans at girls who can beat you up". Big Grin
Last edited by Bighit15
L larrythompson500+ posts
Southpaw Pop...I am an associate in MD. Haven't had the pleasure of meeting the young man.

Thanks for the advice folks. I feel vindicated in that what I have taught my children is the appropriate way of raising a child. My wife and I have stressed not to be the initiator, just the finisher. I will continue to preach the same ethics and morals to my kids, and hope they always choose the right path.

Thanks again!
C Coachric1,000+ posts
I grew up in a very tough part of town known as little italy (Federal Hill). You either fought or learned to everyday. I had a cousin who was taught never to retaliate, but to turn the other cheek. He never learned to fight either. At 12 y.o. he would walk to start his paper route everyday at 3 p.m. He would come home bruised all the time and tell his parents that he kept falling down stairs and tripping over things. He would run home when he was done, and I couldn't get him to come out to play ball. He loved playing and was good at it.
One day he quit his paper route and wouldn't go out at all after school.
He was walking to the library one day after school when the bullies that were beating him followed him and put him in the hospital. 21 stitches in 2 places and bruises all over. My uncle was lvid and wanted justice. My aunt insisted that the law would take care of it.
We did. We set up our own sting with a weaker kid walking the street and we, 4 cousins, found the 6 kid gang that was picking on younger kids. These kids were all older than us, but we beat the **** out of them. The cops did show up after the fact and the little gang members said nothing and suddenly couldn't be found many places either. I was told one is a city councilman these days. We then taught my cousin how to box.
He became a bouncer at a club at 21 and now owns his own construction company, and many wouldn't want to tangle with his 6'2" 245 lb. frame.
Moral, you shouldn't start the mess, but you should learn how to end it.
dad10dad10100+ posts
Not to be a jerk here or anything, but the boy is 4 years old. Thank god it was another kid throwing a rock and not some pervert doing whatever or just an active kid wandering off. Really, the teams should have found another umpire, it's a 9 y/o softball game, how hard can it be for some other dad to do it - no game is worth not keeping a very close eye on an active 4 y/o.

That said, good for him for whaling on the kid. As for the moms, are they serious? The boy is 4. It's not like the average 4 y/o grasps that sort of thing - their first reaction is self defense. Moms should know that.
Last edited by dad10
L larrythompson500+ posts
Well...the dad was watching his daughter play and didn't realize his son had arrived from his T-ball game with mom. Mom was still walking up from the parking lot and hadn't reached the playground yet.

I was umpiring cause most of the other dads at the game were in the same boat, having to look after little ones. And remember, he was being watched very well...not only by me, but by some other moms. They simply happened to turn their back. I don't blame them, but I do think the one made a preposterous statement, which I mentioned in my original post.
Frozen Ropes GMFrozen Ropes GM1,000+ posts
I wouldn't be too concerned about your 4-year old as it seems to be a very natural reaction to the rock throwing. I bet the fantasy world lady with the advice has a kid that comes home all the time with bruises.

My oldest was picked on by a kid when he was in kindergarten. I listened to my wife and we complained to the teacher but it kept happening. So I taught him how to defend himself and as others have pointed out I stressed how he was never to start a fight. Sure enough a week goes by and we get a call from school. Same kid knocked him down at recess and he got up and broke the kid's nose.

My wife feels I might have gone too far by teaching him to aim about a foot behind the target..... was four years ago and he hasn't been picked on since.
Last edited by Frozen Ropes GM
dad10dad10100+ posts
Well, whatever. But a mom who turns her back after she agreed to look after a 4 y/o is already suspect in my book. You agree to something like that and you have an immense responsibility, it's not like she's house-sitting your cat. I know, I know, it could have happened even if you had been there . . . . of course it could have . . . . But then she chastises YOU after another kid throws a rock at the little guy - that's not someone I want watching my kids. She's proven twice that her priorities are skewed. Did she go over and harangue the dad of the rock-thrower?
Last edited by dad10
N nd943100+ posts
Nothing is wrong with standing up for yourself. As he gets older he may have to learn how far someone will have to push him to retaliate, as things can quickly get out of hand with older kids. At this point, however, I don't see anything wrong. Imagine if you got hit with a rock, you wouldn't be too happy no would you?
W windmill100+ posts
I am surprised [but happy] that most of the replies pretty much align themsleves with the 'don't start, do finish' mentality. You only turn the other cheeks when the other guy is MUCH bigger Big Grin

Regardless of any of the posts that may insinuate that you were remiss in the supervision of your child b/c you were umpiring - you made the proper provisions, just as you would if you took the missus out for dinner and got a babysitter - you had responsible people looking after your child - no apologies or explanations required.

Uncalled for violence calls for an uncalled for response - you mess with me and mine, and there will be consequences - both boys learned a lesson. I would attempt to explain the limitations of retaliation to your boy, but should be 'proud' that he took care of business.

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